*koff, koff*
Ooh, am I sick as a mutt. Without going into unnecessary detail, my MD has blocked me out from work for the rest of the week in case my symptoms worsen (paraphrasing him, now). So I'm out of work today, definitely tomorrow, and I'll go stir crazy if I have to isolate myself through Friday.
As it stands now, I'm lining up a day's worth of movies to watch for tomorrow, so I can veg out on the couch and melt my brain.
In no particular order of viewing:
1) Dead Space: Downfall (2008)
"Meet Your Maker
For the crew of the USG Ishimura, this is how the horror begins: On a deep space mining mission to a remote planet, an ancient religious relic - thought to be proof of the existence of God - is unearthed and brought aboard. It is worshipped by some, scorned by others. But when the unholy artifact unleashes a long-dormant alien race, its glimpse of Heaven transforms the ship into a living hell. The chaos is immediate. The carnage is uncontrollable. And an onslaught unlike anything ever witnessed by mankind has now been set free to rip this world apart. Prepare yourself for the disturbing opening chapters of the new EA game that takes adult animation to graphic new levels of bloodshed and terror. This is Dead Space: Downfall."
I approach this one cautiously, because it's based on a video game for PC (Dead Space, of course). It's a prequel, at that, so I don't know if it will end up in a drastic cliffhanger into the game, which would suck, or if it might stand successfully on its own, a la "Resident Evil: Degeneration." I have read some good reviews of it, and I snagged it for $6.99 last weekend, so I won't be too hurt if it sucks.
2) The Executioner (1994)
"A royal executioner famed for beheading 998 convicts with a solid gold axe is stalked by the lone survivor of the notorious 'Eight Devilish Mortals,' claiming the life of his wife and beginning a perilous game of cat-and-mouse packed with sword-swinging, high-flying action that will dazzle the most hardened martial arts fan!"
There's all kinds of crazy ass stuff to be enjoyed here, not just kung-fu fighting; there's early-90s' video effects that put gigantic spiders against our heroes, and there's some evil, "Big Trouble in Little China" style foreign menace special effects.
3) Gladiator (1992)
"One fought to win. The other fought to survive. Two friends are pitted against each other by a corrupt boxing promoter in a brutal battle that threatens to destroy their friendship and lives.
Cuba Gooding, Jr. and James Marshall star as the talent amateurs who are exploited by the ruthless promoter Horn (Brian Dennehy) and his scout (Robert Loggia) in the fight of their lives."
Thanks to Patton Oswalt, I'm always going to hear "Character actors, huh? Who gives a fuck if we're fat!" when Brian Dennehy comes up. But yeah, Gladiator ... whew. I saw this movie in the theater when it came out, and it predates this rash of new pseudo-UFC films, and actually does them better. Plus, it's got a swank title track by 3rd Bass.
And don't get too jazzed up; that's James MARSHALL, not James MARSDEN, despite the fact that he resembles the would-be Cyclops.
4) Phantom of the Paradise (1974)
"The Most Highly Acclaimed Horror Phantasy Of Our Time.
Paul Williams wrote the acclaimed rock and roll score for this musical horror classic, and stars as an evil record tycoon haunted and taunted by a disfigured composer once wronged. Cheered by Los Angeles Times as a 'delightful outrageous... visual triumph,' this hilarious send-up of the glam rock era is pure entertainment from beginning to end!"
A total rip on the "Phantom of the Opera" tale ... obviously. The protagonist dons a costume from a super-villain straight out of the pages of those good 70s' comic books. The feel of this movie, what bits I've watched of it over the course of my days, is that Brian DePalma might have wanted this film to come across as a serious rock opera. And, wow, does it fail at that; but, as a campy horror film - the Phantom's metal teeth; the Faustian set-up; the songs that narrate the actions in such subtle methods - the film succeeds.
5) Spider-man 3 (2007)
"Every Hero Has A Choice.
Peter Parker (Tobey Maguire) finally has the girl of his dreams, Mary Jane Watson (Kirsten Dunst), and New York City is in the throes of Spider-mania! But when a strange alien symbiote turns Spider-Man's suit black, his darkest demons come to light - changing Spider-Man inside as well as out. Spider-Man is in for the fight of his life against a lethal mix of villains - the deadly Sandman (Thomas Haden Church), Venom (Topher Grace), and the New Goblin (James Franco) - as well as the enemy within himself."
By far the weakest film in the series, Spider-Man 3 still has some charm; I know I gave it some shit in an earlier post, but it's really not a bad film. There's bad dancing, bad acting, bad singing, bad logic, bad dialogue, bad CG, homely actresses ... but these come together in a way that is not too offensive; Grace is pretty good as an anti-Peter Parker, the Sandman stuff is pretty solid, and ... um ... well, that's kinda it. But damn it, it's still pretty fun to watch.
So, here's hoping my meds kick in at some point today, tonight, tomorrow ... dunno when. Better to have meds working their way through my symptoms, instead of being, I don't know, dead. There's that.
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
My swine flu movie festival
Sunday, April 26, 2009
My personal summer reading list
This doesn't supersede anything put out by the group, but I wanted to share.
I'm brushing up on my political theory, as you can tell, along with some stuff for the next book project.
Sumer 2009 Reading List (in no particular order)
Marcuse, Herbert – One Dimensional Man
Mill, J. S. – Utilitarianism
Mill, J.S. – The Subjection of Women
Perlstein, Rick – Nixonland
Wood, Gordon – The Purpose of the Past
Oren, Michael – Power, Faith, and Fantasy
Honey, Michael – Walking Down Jericho Road
Descartes, Rene – Discourse on Method and Related Writings
Locke, John – Second Treatise of Government
Whyte, William – The Organization Man
Wilson, Sloan – Man in the Grey Flannel Suit
Mead, Shepherd – How to Succeed in Business without Really Trying
Paine, Thomas – Common Sense
De Spinoza, Benedict - Ethics
Friday, April 24, 2009
Free Comic Book Day, May 2 2009!
It's almost that time again.
The good thing about FCBD is that a lot of publishers put out books that are jumping off points for major storylines, or alternately, you can find previews of series that you might not have heard much about, or you can sample some of the work coming out from independent publishers (one of my favorite parts about the promotion).
Of course, comic shops usually run sales on other items, like trades or clothing or other merchandise they might deal in (I'm personally hoping for a percent-off sale on mini-busts).
This year's haul sees, among other things:
- The Avengers: Thor and the Dark Avengers (never heard of 'em) trade punches to the head with Norse giant Ymir;
- Blackest Night #0: The set-up to this year's DC "big shit" mega-event;
- Savage Dragon #148: All kinds of good stuff here, including a team-up between Finhead and the Golden Age Daredevil (currently ripping shit up in "Project Superpowers;"
- Anthologies for Transformers/ GI Joe & Alien/ Predator titles
... among other offerings from Archie Comics, Digital Webbing, Shonen Jump, Boom Studios, et al. (No NBM Publishing offering however, which is unfortunate but I'm sure we'll all live to see another sunrise.)
Anyway, hit up your comic shop on the first Saturday this May, and speak on any particular events that happen, if you feel so moved.
Thursday, April 23, 2009
I love some motherfuckin’ Sam’s Club
I can’t help myself.
For those unaware, you go in, get a membership, and you can seriously buy items in bulk at wholesale. Sam’s caters to small business owners, as well as the individual consumer.
Now, here’s the best part: Yes, you can go in, get 60 rolls of toilet paper for $20, or three 2 qt family size bottle of ketchup for $9.99, or this week’s latest DVD release for about $3-5 off what even Wal-Mart (Sam’s parent company) is selling it for ... Then, you can go a little further into the store and buy a utility shed. Or a canoe. Or, and I stumbled upon this just recently, a Global Arcade. 
From the item description:
Games Available on Base Unit:
720, Arkanoid, Arkanoid 2, Tournament Arkanoid, Arkanoid Returns, Arlington Horse Racing, Asteroids, Asteroids Deluxe, Blaster, Bubbles, Bubble Memories, Bubble Bobble, Bubble Bobble 2, Black Widow, Battlezone, Centipede, Crystal Castles, Camel Try, Chak 'n Pop, Champion Wrestler, Cleopatra's Fortune, Defender, Defender II, Don Doko Don, Dragon's Lair, Dragon's Lair II, Elevator Action, The Fairyland Story, Gauntlet, Gravitar, Golden Tee Golf, Golden Tee Golf II, Hot Shots Tennis, Joust, Joust 2, Jungle Hunt, Kram, Landmaker, Liquid Kids, The Legend of Kage, Liberator, Lunar Lander, Major Havoc, Marble Madness, Millipede, Missile Command, Mortal Kombat, The New Zealand Story, Paperboy, Puzzle Bobble, Puzzle Bobble 2X, Puzzle Bobble 3, Puzzle Bobble 4, Plotting, Plump Pop, Puchicarat, Rainbow Islands, Rastan, Rampart, Roadblasters, Robotron 2084, Root Beer Tapper, Rampage, Satan's Hollow, Splat!, Sinistar, Super Sprint, Spy Hunter, Space Ace, Space Duel, Space Invaders, Space Invaders Deluxe, Space Invaders DX, Super Space Invaders '91, Super Breakout, Super Strike Bowling, Tempest, Toobin', Vindicators, Warlords, Zookeeper.
All for a mere $2892.00, shipping included. So if you love you some games with "Bobble" in the title, don't sleep.
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
Documentaries & subjective reality in film
Documentaries: You’ve heard about them. You might have even seen some. Let’s talk about them.
This from the recent Entertainment Weekly for Apr 24/May 1 (the Summer Movie issue), re: "Tyson," the documentary of Mike Tyson, likened by some to be a "marketing genius, period:"
“’Tyson’ draws no conclusions about the former heavyweight champion who’s as famous for his 1992 rape conviction and subsequent prison term as for his prowess in the ring, except that he’s a potent puncher, a damaged man, and a handsome object for the camera’s gaze.”
Correct me if I’m wrong, but isn’t the whole point of a documentary (rather, a documentary done right) to let the viewer draw their own conclusions? That is, of course, unless the filmmaker has his/her own agenda that they want to shove down your neckhole.
“Tyson” is being characterized, interestingly, as a “nonfiction” film, a nomenclature that has confounded me when I’ve run across it in numerous previews that I’ve seen for the film. What is a “documentary,” then, if not inherently “nonfiction?”
With that question in mind, I point you in the direction of the recent film, “JCVD,” starring Jean-Claude Van Damme. This film is being touted as some kind of metatextual documentary, which sounds more like what I’d think of when thinking of a “nonfiction” film. However, it’s really more biographical fiction than anything. Here’s the synopsis:
The "Muscles from Brussels" is back and facing the biggest fight of his life. Returning to his home town for some much needed rest after losing his daughter in a lengthy custody battle, Jean-Claude Van Damme finds himself smack in the middle of a bank heist. Even worse, the cops think the penniless aging action star is the culprit. Now in the midst of a dangerous hostage situation where everyone wants their piece of Van Damme, JCVD will have to use his Hollywood training to plan an escape. But can Van Damme really be the underdog hero in real life?
Van Damme plays himself, pretty much. There’s supposed to be some point in the film where he delivers an impassioned monologue that adds some depth to his skills as an actor. It can’t possibly be as good as Bela Lugosi’s “home” speech from “Bride of the Monster,” but I hear that it is pretty good.
Now, we have JCVD getting all dramatic in “JCVD,” Mike Tyson being portrayed with some real pathos, and we just had Mickey Rourke turn his history of haggard living into a film about wrestling and the athletes that sweat, bleed, and die for it. We’re seeing more reality from actors, acting in films that are fictional accounts, but might as well be biographical or documentary style endeavors.
But, as with all things, you only see what you’re supposed to, what the camera captures. Look at Rourke’s wonderful portrayal of Randy the Ram, then look at how his fucked-up mug has changed since he starred in “Angel Heart.” Watch Van Damme emote in “JCVD,” then try to sit through any film of his made in the aftermath of, say, “Sudden Death,” his last film to even sniff multiplexes. Be amaze at how soft-spoken and articulate “Tyson” makes its subject seem, while you ignore the fact that Robin Givens is nowhere that the camera can find.
Therein is your truth. Make a documentary about that.
Here’s a list of some choice documentaries, just because we’re on the subject:
American Movie (1999)
American Pimp (1999)
Beef (2003)
Beyond the Mat (1999)
Bowling for Columbine (2002)
Crumb (1994)
Dancing Outlaw (1991)
Devil’s Playground (2002)
Gimme Shelter (1970)
Hitman Hart: Wrestling With Shadows (1998)
Hoop Dreams (1994)
Lost in La Mancha (2002)
Nanook of the North (1922)
Paradise Lost: The Child Murders at Robin Hood Hills (1996)
Scratch (2001)
Spellbound (2002)
Startup.com (2001)
Super Size Me (2004)
When the Levees Broke: A Requiem in Four Acts (2006)
When We Were Kings (1996)
Happy Earth Day!
"According to the NAS report, ‘Collateral effects of a longer-term outage would likely include, for example, disruption of the transportation, communication, banking, and finance systems, and government services; the breakdown of the distribution of potable water owing to pump failure; and the loss of perishable foods and medications because of lack of refrigeration.’" [more]
And dig this awesome sensationalist photo mashup:
Jesus, is the sun a problem that only Gamera, Mothra, and Ultraman can solve?
Ach, and here be the NASA report what started all this flibbledy-jibbets!
Sunday, April 19, 2009
Spider-Man 4 on the horizon; I bring the fantasy booking
Hell, anything would be better than Peter "Jazz Hands" Parker aping John Travolta in #3, ya heard?
Spider-Man 4 should totally include the Sinister Six. No question. And it should be one of those "one movie split into two parts" deals, like "Kill Bill." Kill Gwen Stacy. Or "Horseteeth" Kirsten Dunst's Mary Jane, and bring in Felicia Hardy. But going with the Six, don’t go with the original Sinister Six – Doctor Octopus, Vulture, Mysterio, Sandman, Kraven, and Electro – because, 1) Doctor Octopus is dead in the film canon; 2) Sandman ended up getting a ghetto pass from Spidey in 3, so they’d have to establish his villainy somehow (which actually wouldn’t be hard); and, 3) it would involve too much distracting exposition to try to establish at least four new characters.
My humble solution to this conundrum is to employ the following Sinister Six line-up:
Hobgoblin: A new character, but easy to establish; just subplot a theft of the Osborne research & development equipment from a military official or gang-affiliated character. You could even pull off a Michael Clarke Duncan cameo, reprising his Kingpin role from "Daredevil." Or at least John Rhys-Davies, reprising his Kingpin role from "The Trial of the Incredible Hulk."
Lizard: Dylan Baker has been ushering in the role of Dr. Curt Connors since the first film, so I’m just waiting for them to turn him into the Lizard. Dude ain’t getting any younger, so hurry it the fuck on up.
Mysterio: A must! Gotta be an over-the-top villain, and maybe even the character that steals the show from the other actors. Plus, the illusions & magic gimmick would be great to pull off with CGI, some clever writing, etc.
Sandman: Make him a right bastard, or write in a blackmail plot that gets him on the team. Thomas Haden Church was pretty good in this role, even if Marko was unfortunately written as an emo kid.
Venom: Established in 3, and not given nearly enough to do; make him the leader/ recruiter, which would give Topher Grace the opportunity to really go over the top with his smarmy Eddie Brock character, which, in my opinion, was one of few saving graces of 3.
Electro/ Vulture: Rumor has it that these two have been on Raimi’s short list of villains for some time. So, either one of them or both of them would make the list. Ben Kingsley or Malcolm McDowall as the Vulture would be alright. Of course, if the idea is to introduce the most amount of characters in the least amount of time, drop Mysterio and throw in these guys as a two-fer, as Mysterio is infinitely more interesting of a character and would usher in a film all on his own, with the right actor and the right script.
So, there you go. Six villains – two already established in other films, two that build off of characters or concepts already established in the previous films, and two all new villains that could be ushered in at a discount price.
Saturday, April 18, 2009
Thoughts that I have in the shower, for most glorious day of Saturn
You know what burns my ass?
Shit-asses that review items on Amazon, or anywhere that offers a set numbered rating scale – say, 1 to 5 stars – and proceed to write, "If I could rate this a (insert number that is not scaled here), I would." I find it most annoying with negative reviews, usually along the lines of, "If I could rate this movie zero stars, I would."
Well, you can’t. So shut the fuck up.
Thursday, April 16, 2009
So have you seen Beyonce's "Rhythm Heaven" commercial?
I think it's pretty telling that, during the course of playing the game -- a rhythm-based game, mind you -- she fucks up twice.
Twice.
In a 30 second time slot.
No-talent bitch. Be glad Jay-Z's tearing that shit up, 'cause that'll be your claim to fame in the future, when they discuss R & B legends and no one can remember your fucking name.
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
Gone With the W...hat?
Being a son of the South, I've always been aware of a book titled "Gone With the Wind" and the big screen adaptation of it, but I've never bothered with either. It always seemed like some long-winded, tedious tale of love conquering all or some such shit and possibly a thinly-veiled attack on General William Tecumseh Sherman's righteous burning of the state of Georgia.
One thing I had noticed about "Gone With the Wind" is that women seem to love it. Probably not all women, but certainly my mother and my oldest sister enjoy it, with my sister being particularly enamored by it. I'm pretty sure the list of women who love it is longer than that and I can add Buck's girlfriend Luba to the list. She was flipping channels and ran across an airing of "Gone With the Wind" on Turner Movie Classics, declared it her favorite movie, and started watching it. I found this odd, that she's a big fan of a movie about women in the Southeastern United States circa 1865, given than Luba is a modern woman of Ukranian descent. I suppose her lineage is irrelevant and a love story transcends culture.
I wander in and out of the living room a few times before settling in to watch the last hour and a half or so, out of boredom of course, and I have to say that unless I missed something unbelievable during the first two hours then I have no fucking clue why anyone likes this for anything other than the wrong reasons. At first Rhett Butler seems the charming rogue, well-mannered but scheming, until I witnessed Butler's mental cruelty as he belittled, bullied and threatened to beat Scarlett with a buggywhip; Butler engaging in marital rape, which Scarlett seemed to enjoy; Butler leaving the country with his and Scarlett's daughter with no regard for Scarlett's objection; what may have been a forced miscarriage; and finally after Scarlett comes to terms with her love for Rhett, Butler packs his bag and hits the road with the immortal line "Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn." Sure, I put a rape baby in you and then goaded you into taking a swing at me afterward, causing you to fall down the stairs and presumably lose said baby, but fuck you, I got mine. Also, Scarlett's close friend gets pregnant after being given medical advice not to do so and dies (presumably) as a result, plus Rhett and Scarlett's daughter dies in a horse-riding accident.
Margaret Mitchell apparently had deep-seated emotional problems and I'm pretty sure this movie just reinforces the terrible idea that all women really want is a slap in the mouth and a good deep dicking, plus they'll gladly risk their life to pop out some more kids. In the event that I did miss something in the beginning of the movie, or left-out parts of the book, that unlock the Wu-Tang Secret of "Gone With the Wind", feel free to let me know, but holy shit is my mind numb.
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
Monday, April 13, 2009
Porn star Marilyn Chambers dead
"Marilyn Chambers, the pretty Ivory Snow soap girl who helped bring hard-core adult films into the mainstream consciousness when she starred in the explicit 1972 movie 'Behind the Green Door,' has died at 56." [more]
Yep, another dead porn star. Kinda like announcing another dead wrestler. Only real reason that I posted this up is because her breakthrough movie was also the title of a pretty good song by the Cramps, whose frontman, Lux Interior, also died this year, February to be exact.
And I was listening to that in the car today. Pretty weird dude.
Thursday, April 09, 2009
The new face of the Tennessee GOP
Are you sitting down?
I agree with Josh on a political issue. This guy, who is the new TN House member from Kingsport, is the closest thing to Josh's typical description of the GOP. This guy probably won't win re-election, because he is an idiot. He is the worst kind of idiot....one who is an idiot but thinks he is actually smart and important. His story can be found here.
Sunday, April 05, 2009
Your early morning/ late night Quote to Live By
(Provided by a drunken sorority girl, of all people.)
"On a scale of one to ten, I've really got to use the bathroom." - "Chelsea"
Friday, April 03, 2009
This is not a book recommendation
But if we were ever to do an online "book club" where we all read a book and commented on it, this would be the book:
From Amazon:
Pride and Prejudice and Zombies: The Classic Regency Romance - Now with Ultraviolent Zombie Mayhem!
Pride and Prejudice and Zombies features the original text of Jane Austen's beloved novel with all-new scenes of bone-crunching zombie action. As our story opens a mysterious plague has fallen upon the quiet English village of Meryton and the dead are returning to life! Feisty heroine Elizabeth Bennet is determined to wipe out the zombie menace but she's soon distracted by the arrival of the haughty and arrogant Mr. Darcy. What ensues is a delightful comedy of manners with plenty of civilized sparring between the two young lovers and even more violent sparring on the blood-soaked battlefield as Elizabeth wages war against hordes of flesh-eating undead. Complete with 20 illustrations in the style of C. E. Brock (the original illustrator of Pride and Prejudice) this insanely funny expanded edition will introduce Jane Austen's classic novel to new legions of fans.
Thursday, April 02, 2009
Thank god that's over.
I hate April Fool's Day. It's long outlived its usefulness in the canon of great holidays, and now it's legacy is for radio stations to play 24 hr Elvisthons, or for businesses to woefully prove that corporate humor isn't funny. (Ex. the NASCAR bailout; Expedia's trip to Mars; and Reba or Die.) Ho, ho ... my sides ...
So good riddance to you for another year, April Fools Day, the last bastion of calendar mandated pranking for virgins and retarded children alike.
