Saturday, May 05, 2007

The SGM Super 30: Video Game #19


NCAA Football 2006


Our review of NCAA Football 2006 comes all the way from Tennessee, from Rev. Joshua:

(NCAA Football 2006 was the game we voted on, although I voted for the NCAA Football franchise as a whole because somehow we voted for the previous game; NCAA Football 2007 was released last year. Not only that, but we're just a couple of months away from the release of NCAA Football 2008. But I digress.)

America's true pastime is football. It has been for years now; reference to baseball as our national sport is nostalgia. NCAA Football is EA's representation of the amateur ranks of America's national sport. Covering the entire top division as well as selected teams from the NCAA's second-tier, NCAA Football allows the average joe an opportunity to take the field with young men from all over the country and do glorious battle on the gridiron.

In both modes the gameplay is the same. It's football, pure and simple, with flourishes like Impact Players: three players in skill positions who, when the game is on the line, make the clutch plays (and usually kick ass the rest of the time). The crowd can (and will) make noise to rattle your offense if you're on the road or pump up your defense when you're at home; success in your program will help greatly by attracting fans to your home games for that occasionally crucial home-field advantage. Rivalry Games against hated schools offer the opportunity to rub someone's face in the dirt.

NCAA Football gives you the two career opportunities: you can create a Campus Legend (formerly the Race for the Heisman) or if you're the type that believes there is no 'I' in team, you can go directly to Dynasty mode. In Campus Legend mode, you take a young incoming freshman and build him from the ground up. Monday through Friday you have the option to study hard, work on your football skills, or make the social rounds. On Saturday, you're the starter at your position on the team. Over time you build your player into a football machine, gunning for the crown jewel of collegiate football's individual accomplishments: the Heisman Trophy. Of course, you can also win a National Championship or two (or three or four) along the way. Like all collegiate superstars, you even have the choice of relinquishing your senior season of eligibilty and declaring for the NFL draft (and taking your Legend to the corresponding Madden NFL release). After your Campus Legend finishes his collegiate career you have the choice of starting over or converting to Dynasty mode.

In Dynasty mode you assume the helm of the head coach and attempt to either create a Bear Bryant-style powerhouse or move from school to school building programs up from nothing. During the season you have the opportunity to do limited in-season recruiting, selling your school and inviting prospective signees to late season games in hopes of mauling a rival in front of your recruits' very eyes. After the season you have five weeks to pick up the best players you can, using points assigned based on your season's performance and your school's overall football prestige. You can send your head coach or an assistant to use one of six pitches (coaching prestige, coaching style, school prestige, location, playing time and academics) to lure the next crop of warriors in. If you're low on points you can reduce the interaction to phone calls or if it's a blue chipper that you absolutely have to have to fill a position on next year's team, you can send the house and deluge the kid with attention.

Once recruiting is finished you run through the spring workouts where you see improvements among returning players. Then you have your spring game, taking the opportunity to work on certain players for even more improvement and determine who your Impact Players are. After that, you trim the fat from the roster, redshirt anyone who you won't need in the coming season and set your schedule. As the season progresses you have to monitor your players' off the field activites; infractions that range from skipping class to involvement in a credit-card fraud scam require suspensions. Running a lax program leads to attention from the NCAA that can result in an investigation costing you valuable scholarships and post-season appearances. After a successful regular season (and any applicable conference championship games) you'll find yourself in a bowl game, with every actual bowl game represented. A bowl appearance and victory and hopefully a top-25 finish is a must, because once the season is over, you've gotta have something to sell to prospective recruits. Success breeds more success, contract extensions and job offers from other schools. And hopefully you'll add some hardware in the form of awards at every position, conference championships, bowl trophies and the Big Crystal Football from the BCS National Championship for your own personal Trophy Room.

Read More...

Friday, May 04, 2007

The SGM Super 30: Video Game #20


Tetris


The video game equivalent of heroin or crack-in-a-can. I defy you to start a game of Tetris and not play at least one round all the way through. If this game was around at the height of the Cold War, it would have crippled our morale and we'd all be speaking Russian, comrade, cheering for Nikita Koloff instead of against him.

Simple premise: Guide colored blocks down a column, and when you fill up a row, it disappears. As time increases, so does the speed of the falling blocks. There are assloads of variations, from games with three dimensional blocks, to exploding or disappearing blocks, to whacked-out shaped blocks. Honestly, I still think there should be clinics for Tetris addiction.

Read More...

On Hasselhoff's Drunken Stupor

Our culture is in a dangerous freefall.

David Hasselhoff, most recently known for his role as "Randy Jackson" on NBC's America's Got Talent, likes to sit on the floor and eat cheeseburgers. This in and of itself is not a crime. Nor is the fact that he likes to partake in the goodness of Burger King while shirtless and sloshed out of his gourd.

What should be criminal, however, is the mass distribution of a video his 16-year old daughter made of the Hoff. Hasselhoff is a recovering alcoholic and he asked his daughters to record him acting like a loser....er.....being drunk. This is totally understandable, as he hoped that this would strengthen his resolve in the future to stay on the wagon. When this video is splashed all over the internet at the airwaves on the video tabloids, we have a problem.

How and why was this video released? Clearly the guy is drunk but he isn't doing anything criminal. No doubt some PR man in an office in Burbank decided this would be a good, safe way to get Hasselhoff's name in the air.

The publicity machine in America is out of control. In my early grad school days, I once remarked off-handedly to a professor that MTV was the largest peacetime propaganda organ in our world's history. While I guess you could argue with this assessment and make a case for groups like the United Nations or even the Catholic Church, the industry of celebrity has since migrated and now has a life of its own.

Why would Americans really care if Hasselhoff is a sloppy drunk? Who cares about Alec Baldwin's cell phone calls to his daughter? Why should I care if Anna Nicole's infant daughter is in the Bahamas?

No one can really answer these questions and, until they do, our news programs and websites will continue to up the mountain like the guy in the Cliff Hanger game on the Price is Right. At some point, he is either going to stop and we are all going to win, or he is going to fall over the edge and we all lose.

There is little serious debate anymore about anything. I'm not the first person to bemoan the political culture of soundbites, but when the substantive news coverage is driven by badly-behaving celebrities looking to get their name in the press, it does not speak well for our chances at survival in the long term. Either that or we have wiped out all social evils in our society, and that I truly doubt.

Read More...

Wednesday, May 02, 2007

On the scholarly tip

Now that I have a job for next year....

things are getting back to normal.

I have two courses on the schedule for the fall term. One of them has already filled up, and the other is nearly half full.

If you get a chance, get to your library and check out the latest issue of the Journal of Popular Culture. There are two comics related articles. The one I read deals with a comparison between WWII and post-9/11 comics and the themes they utilized to convey the national mission afterwards. The author refers to them as "children's propaganda," and I have a quibble regarding the target audience for comcis these days, but other than that it is a good article.

The other, on the masculinity of the superheroes body, well let's just say I let that one go on by.

A good book that you probably won't want to read is Michael Hogan's Cross of Iron. It is all about foreign policy and political ideology in the early Cold War. It is superbly researched but reaches near 500 pages of text (hence the part where you shouldn't want to read it).

A good book that you should read is Bernard Lewis's A Crisis of Islam. It is a quick overview of Islamic history that hits the high point related to the War on Terror and Osama bin Laden. Very well-written and brief, coming in at aroun 170 pages. Lewis is legend.

Read More...

Sunday, April 29, 2007

[NBA] CHI 92 - MIA 79; CHI wins series 4-0

I love the NBA playoffs, 'cause I'm a fan of useless trivia. "The Bulls are the fourth team to have 7 fouls in the first 3 minutes of the fourth quarter, with a 3 point deficit."1 What the hell kind of autistic person keeps up with that kind of shit?

1Not a real statistic, but the info is just as off-the-wall.

Yeah, they didn't want to keep talking about Dwayne Wade's shoulder injury, but hey, at least he still has Charles Barkley's fave five to shoot for, 'cause this year's finals are ghost.

Miami, you have been *swept*.

Read More...

The SGM Super 30: Video Game #21


Sonic The Hedgehog 2


This is my favorite of the Sonic franchise, and it has nothing to do with Miles "Tails" Prower. And really, what's the point of bothering with a full name if you're only ever going to refer to the character by his nickname? It's like calling Sonic, Charlie "Sonic" Wilson.

The Spin Attack is what elevates this one, the revving-up attack that made its series debut in this game. Plus, that Casino Night zone was a big inspiration for that Sonic Spinball that I couldn't play well to save my freakin' life. Everytime I play that level, I can easily nab thousands of gold rings on that level alone.

Here's a site with maps of the zones that you play through in Sonic 2. At the end of every level, you advance by jumping on a lever that will release all of these little woodland creatures from a cage. It's never made exactly clear what Dr. Robotnik's evil plan is, that it requires the imprisonment of rabbits, squirrels and chipmunks. But, we are talking about a game involving a blue hedgehog in red sneakers, so never mind me.

Read More...

Saturday, April 28, 2007

The SGM Super 30: Video Game #22


X-Men


Mix a "Final Fight" style of gameplay with the ability to have up to four of the six members of the X-Men playing at once (the game's cabinet was huge), and you've got a helluva game. I'd love to have played this game with three other people, 'cause I think the multiplayer aspect, that would have been the stuff.

Your level bosses are Pyro, the Blob, Wendigo, the White Queen, the Juggernaut (bitch!), Master Mold, Mystique, Magneto, and for some reason, three Egyptian statues. The only boss battle cry that stood out for me was "Nothing can hurt the Blob!" A warning that still serves me well to this day. Paperwork got you down? Yeah, well, nothing can hurt the Blob! Amen brother.

Read More...

Thursday, April 26, 2007

Satire: Oil prices skyrocket

Houston, TX (AP)

Oil prices rose dramatically in early trading after supplies were disrupted at a Valero station in east Piney Flats, TN.

The event took place around 11:30 am EDT when Ida Lou Farber of Chuckey, TN was pumping gas into her 1991 Chevrolet Blazer. A faulty overflow valve on the fuel nozzle caused Farber, who had turned her back to dispose of some trash, to pump nearly one quarter of a gallon onto the concrete.

"I should have been more careful," Farber said, "but the Pal's hot dog wrapper I had tossed in the back seat was starting to smell. By the time I threw it away it was too late and the gas had started to spill."

The reaction was immediate in oil markets throughout the world.

In London, benchmark Brent Crude rose nearly $2 to $69.54. U.S. crude increased slightly less than $1.50 to $67.32. Oil prices have risen nearly $20 from its year low in January.

"Supplies are running very tight," said Leroy Parnell Johnson, an analyst with Goldman Stears. "With Nigerian elections over and tensions appearing to calm in Iran, even the slightest disruption is needed to prevent prices from dropping to normal levels.

"Today, Ms. Farber gave us that disruption."

With gasoline demand steadily on the rise in the face of unusually high gasoline prices, even the slightest waste stands to send the market on a steep climb.

Oil had been trading down 14 cents before the incident in Piney Flats. They had risen slightly earlier in the session on fears that a Ford Explorer driven by John Wayne Robinson of Salina, KS might have a leaky fuel line.

Read More...

Wednesday, April 25, 2007

This makes me physically ill

So they are making a new Batman movie.

I really liked Batman Begins. After Joel Schumacher ruined Tim Burton's Batman franchise (Alicia Silverstone anyone?), I was glad to see the series get a reboot. Christian Bale played a good Batman, although I thought Michael Keaton made the character more human. Katie Holmes was marginal as the love interest, but the supporting cast of Michael Caine, Gary Oldman, and Morgan Freeman was top notch.

They are currently filming the next Batman movie, tentatively titled The Dark Knight, and I am scared that they are falling into the same trap as before. Sure, Bale is back, as are the supporters. Katie is out (apparently Tom Cruise won't let her out of the house until she becomes a 33rd degree Mason or whatever) and Maggie Gyllenhaal is in and that is ok. They even added Aaron Eckhart as Harvey Dent, taking over the role played by Billy Dee Williams (?!?!) in the first one and, later, Tommy Lee Jones as a different version of the character. And then I read who the bad guy was.

On the upside, the bad guy is the Joker.

On the downside, the Joker is Heath Ledger.

I hope the studio releases a trailer very, very early so all the YouTubers get their Brokeback Batman videos out of the way.

What on earth are they doing? I hope he wasn't the best that they could find, because I can think of five more actors who would be a better Joker than that guy. Maybe the director knew that no one can live up to Nicholson's Joker, so they cast Ledger as a throwaway who wouldn't take away from the rest of the cast.

Read More...

Tuesday, April 24, 2007

The SGM Super 30: Video Game #23


FIFA 2006


Again, I hand this one over to Ron Beauregard, simply 'cause he's the soccer expert:

FIFA 2006 is the latest version of EA's proper football, or soccer, franchise. As with all EA sports titles, the programmers have devoted an intense amount of energy on making things as realistic as possible. The game boasts 21 full leagues and, according to the website, about 10,000 players. The new Pro Soccer Evolution titles have slightly better gameplay, especially on the mechanics of free kicks and strikes, and better graphics, but has far fewer teams and players to choose from. FIFA can not be topped on its authenticity.

To give you a better sense of the depth of FIFA, the game mode includes every team in the English league system. This would be equivalent to giving us all pro baseball teams down to Class-A. This is especially handy for the games career mode. Here, you are given 15 full seasons to become the best manager you can be. Each season begins with a set of expectations from your board of directors. Meet them and your managerial rankings go up. Fail a majority of them and you get the sack. You have a good deal of control over your budget, including ticket prices, player wages, and staff upgrades. Teams in League 2, the English basement, can be promoted to League 1 after the season if they come in in the top 2 of the league or win a special playoff. So, in theory, you can take a team from the bottom of the ladder and make them into European champions in five seasons. The transfer market is highly detailed and you can go "international" and steal players from other leagues. The transf er engine is also pretty realistic, except for the time when Arsenal offered my 46 million dollars for West Ham's Dean Ashton. I turned that down for fear that it would make my PS2 explode.

I have always been reluctant to buy these games that come out every year because I don't know if they are worth it. FIFA 06 improved a great deal from 05 in the shooting and free kick control (still not as good as the competition though) and worked out most of the bugs. There are still things to improve though. It sucks that the team ratings (1 to 5 stars) are fixed even as a team improves. I'm currently playing with League 2 Swindon Town on the moderate difficulty setting. I'm crusing to first in the league and have won the League Cup and could win two more trophies. My rating has stuck at 2 stars and has made it impossible to transfer any decent players. The ratings and transfer probabilities should factor in current form so it makes it easier to build a team when the wins are coming. Conversely, if form drops players should be ready to get out of dodge. If they fix that and some of the mechanics, it could be the perfect soccer game.

The game is extremely valuable for football fans whose teams have taken a turn for the worse. My team, West Ham United, have had a season reminiscent of the Exorcist 3. Tons of talent. International players. A team owner loaded with cash. But they are currently sitting in 19th and about to be dropped to the Championship (i.e. AAA). Except on FIFA, where they are 3 time defending European champions. In reality, Dean Ashton had his leg broken in a training session for England when Sean Wright-Phillips slid in and made a bad tackle. In the FIFA 06 world, he has averaged 40 goals a season over the last three years. Marlon Harewood, who has played like an absolute donkey this year and is no longer lining up for the team, has numbers near that. FIFA is a good investment just for how things might have been.


That has singlehandedly put all of my write-ups to shame, to shame I say.

Read More...

News for violent videogame lovers

In the recent Game Informer - the one with "Grand Theft Auto IV" all over the front - there's news of a sequel, for PS2, of a game that I loved the hell outta when it first came out.

"Manhunt 2" will be coming out in the summer. With recent events in the news, I'm expecting it will be welcomed with open arms.

Hip yourself to the jive that was Manhunt 1.

Read More...

Roger Ebert's review of "Elephant"

Among other things ...

"Let me tell you a story. The day after Columbine, I was interviewed for the Tom Brokaw news program. The reporter had been assigned a theory and was seeking sound bites to support it. "Wouldn't you say," she asked, "that killings like this are influenced by violent movies?" No, I said, I wouldn't say that. "But what about 'Basketball Diaries'?" she asked. "Doesn't that have a scene of a boy walking into a school with a machine gun?" The obscure 1995 Leonardo Di Caprio movie did indeed have a brief fantasy scene of that nature, I said, but the movie failed at the box office (it grossed only $2.5 million), and it's unlikely the Columbine killers saw it.

The reporter looked disappointed, so I offered her my theory. "Events like this," I said, "if they are influenced by anything, are influenced by news programs like your own. When an unbalanced kid walks into a school and starts shooting, it becomes a major media event. Cable news drops ordinary programming and goes around the clock with it. The story is assigned a logo and a theme song; these two kids were packaged as the Trench Coat Mafia. The message is clear to other disturbed kids around the country: If I shoot up my school, I can be famous. The TV will talk about nothing else but me. Experts will try to figure out what I was thinking. The kids and teachers at school will see they shouldn't have messed with me. I'll go out in a blaze of glory.

In short, I said, events like Columbine are influenced far less by violent movies than by CNN, the NBC Nightly News and all the other news media, who glorify the killers in the guise of "explaining" them. I commended the policy at the Sun-Times, where our editor said the paper would no longer feature school killings on Page 1. The reporter thanked me and turned off the camera. Of course the interview was never used. They found plenty of talking heads to condemn violent movies, and everybody was happy.
"

Read More...

Sunday, April 22, 2007

April's mixtape is ready; don't sleep.

April 2007: "(Fuck 'em And) Let 'em Eat Fish Headz"


Took long enough ...

Did something new, for the sake of time ... no mad scientist intro, no "Mad Scientific Production" outro. Please voice your opinions on whether these should be left out in the future or if I should bring 'em back. I think I'm going all instrumental next session.

0:00 - 1:00: Man, I used to watch Spider-Man & Hulk on NBC every Saturday; now I'm all misty eyed and shit.
1:00 - 4:26: "My words demand attention, like a terrorist with nuclear weapons."
4:26 - 7:56: "It's not just my pride. It's just 'til these tears have dried."
7:56 - 10:24: "I seen his feet, they both lefty; he's steppin' half-correctly."
10:24 - 13:13: Some anime shit; I think there's ninjas and shit in it.
13:13 - 15:54: "A beggin' phone call starts with 'Please.'"
15:54 - 19:54: "Don't get it twisted; I told you that we top-of-the-line designed, realistic."
19:54 - 20:50: There's this scene in the movie "28 Days Later" where this dude is walking through the deserted London streets ... this is from that. "Hello!"
20:50 - 25:36: "When your hands get dirty, nobody knows you at all."
25:36 - 30:39: "Go 'head and marry, don'cha wait on me; might not want'cha when I go free."

Read More...

Saturday, April 21, 2007

Speaking as a psychologist, fuck Cho Seung-hui

And good job, George Bush the junior.

On the heels of recent news that this Korean fucker got his guns off of Ebay, capable of holding 30 rounds apiece, and following Bravo's airing of "Bowling for Columbine," our president puts all but the blame on the mental health system for not being strong enough.

Heh ... heh heh ... BWA-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!

Right, right. Look, I love my fucking career, if not always my job, but I'll be the first to say that it's not a perfect science. Here's a quote to live by: "Psychology cannot foretell the occurrence of fortuitous encounters, however sophisticated its knowledge of human behavior becomes." - Albert Bandura

This asshole - Cho, not GWB, haw - went to a hospital, and no doubt was asked the usual round of questions, and I'm sure he went under the usual scrutiny. However, he can't be hospitalized forever, and if he eventually looked like he was no longer at risk, then he'd be released from the hospital. I'm very afraid that this will lead to a return to the warehousing of the mentally ill, where we stick anyone that just looks funny in the hospital and leave them under the pretenses of "treatment." If Cho was just arbitrarily stuck in a hospital until he "wised up" and accepted treatment, we'd have a students at VA Tech still alive, and the ACLU & Bush clamoring for the man's release because he'd be considered an illegal detainee. And don't even get me started on the F'NACLU.

Here's what I work with, and how I do: I have people who consider suicide constantly; that's why their in treatment. I could call them right now and ask them, "Hey, thought about suicide today?" They'd say, "Sure do." But, and here's the thing, I could them ask, "Are you still going to work today?" "Are you still doing well in your college classes?" They'd say, "Yeah," and add their individual subjective opinions. Following Cho's shit, and mental health "reform" in the face of needed gun control (you get a gun on Ebay, you got a need for gun control), I would have to stick that store clerk, that student, that relatively healthy & recovering person in a fucking hospital where all that will happed is, that they'll be looked at (literally) until they're stable.

At work, there's been a battle going on about a recent change in forms. In the face of astounding amounts of paperwork, the state DMH increased the initial assessment form from 4 pages to 8 pages. Included are questions of extreme relevance, like, where the client was born and who raised them, questions about their religious slant, and important questions about their sexual interest. We've been fighting against this as a permanent fixture in our diagnostic toolkit. But, because of this fine scope being put against the mental health sector, we its workers have no choice now. In fact, just opening a chart in the mental health clinic may be the hardest thing that I will have to do at work. But that'll be okay, 'cause over half of my clients will be in the hospital, 'cause they just happened to be blowing off steam, saying, "I just wish I was dead," and BAM! Into the hospital they go.

I just can't wait for the abusers of the system to catch on. The disability seeker, the prescription drug addict ... "If I don't get my chart open, I might just be like that little Virginia Tech boy what killed them people." You think that doesn't happen, but when I have a person saying that her paraplegic overweight antisocial brother - who shits on himself when he's mad at his caretaker mother and downs the LD50 pain medicine - might be another "Anna Nicole," you're liable to hear anything.

So, yes, Mr. President, the key to better gun control is improving the mental health system. Yes, Columbia, the key to improve employee morale is a 13 page opening assessment battery (which used to be 9 pages). Yes, my clients current and future, as good a therapist as I may be could possibly be curtailed by forces outside of my own control.

God Bless the USF'NA.

Read More...

[NBA] CHI 96 - MIA 91

Ongoing coverage inside!

2:17, 1st quarter: This is the first time I've noticed that the Heats have two first round draft picks of 1992: Shaq & Alonzo Mourning, who was at that time chosen by the Charlotte Hornets (for that great underrated team that he was part of with Mugsy Bogues and Larry Johnson).

1:16, 1st: Tyrus Thomas, rookie that the announcers are really talking up, in for the Bulls. 28-25, Heat.

At the end of the 1st, Duhon to Wallace for a nice assist to rein in the score to 28-27.

Back for the 2nd, and Antoine Walker is a three point throwing whore (11:15). Tighten up the damn D, I'd say.

10:20, 2nd: Ben Gordon (Bulls) says, "SHAKE & BAKE! THAT JUST HAPPENED!" But, at 9:44, can't hit a three pointer.

8:44, 2nd: Dwayne Wade's "5" may be hot, but how he accomplishes getting his fouls called on opposing players is beyond me.

(Those NBA commercials with the swing-singing cheerleaders make every single one of those bitches less attractive ... does that make me gay?

And those DirectTV commercials with the actors that break from the way the movie is suposed to go, to advertise HDTV ... cree-py!)

8:43, 2nd: Fuck Dwayne Wade.

6:37, 2nd: Dang, Deng is having a serious cold streak. 37-35, Heat.

5:52, 2nd: tied at 37. T/o by Miami. And my cats be fucking; go on, Rocky, get it get it!

(Seriously, how old is Pat Riley?)

4:37, 2nd: As effective as I'm sure it must be, is Shaq's main offensive weapon a two-handed dunk? Is that all the game he has? Ah, but it might be all he needs.

James Posey catches a T. And Chi-town hates that mufukka.

2:58, 2nd: Wallace, says get your shit outta here, and Bulls now lead 45-44; 1st three pointer Bulls have made all game.

Deng has teeth painted on his mouthpiece ... I think. If not, that's one yukmouth dude.

1:05, 2nd: Great D, 47-44 Chicago. Sefolosha seems to be gumming up Wade's game ... and the announcers catch onto my vibe.

.5, 2nd: Thomas to Sefolosha for the final basket; Chicago rookies stepping up.

Buzz, and it's 49-46 Chicago. And there's that "Right Now" commercial ... I can't believe ABC's happy with that, ugh.

Back on ...

11:01, 3rd: Hinrich hit with a T and hits 4 fouls. So Wallace better watch his ass.

10:48, 3rd: Apparently, Miami is gonna pussy their way through this next quarter, drawing fouls for their numbers. I hope that changes...

9:56, 3rd: Nocioni looks good to pick up the gap left by Hinrich (I keep wanting to write in Heidenreich).

8:15, 3rd: Shaq giving good assist now, which must indicate that Wallace is doing his job right.

Sefolosha playing solid D against Wade. He's got his number, Wade is having to hand off to his teammates, and a few turnovers have already been handed out. Interesting part, Wade can't answer with defense as good.

5:33, 3rd: Offensive foul, Dwayne Wade, his third. If Sefolosha ends up like John Starks (running hot & cold on defense), I'll be displeased. 63-55, Chicago.

(Which came first, "Burt Reynolds" by Jake Palumbo or the Dominos Pizza commercials?)

4:04, 3rd; Now it's the Bulls playing pussy ball, drawing tons of offensive fouls. Sefolosha looks a lot like one of my favorite currents, Tayshaun Prince, in his game. Looking real good.

1:16, 3rd: Damn fine defensive playing, Bulls up 70-59. I love, LOVE good defense, I can't express that enough. T/o, Heat.

Going into the 4th, Shaq's in some foul trouble, which is promising for the Bulls, but they've got three of their starters in foul trouble, incl. Hinrich.

10:54, 4th: Thomas (Bulls) kinda fizzling; might be playoff rookie jitters.

9:29, 4th: I swear, has Gary Payton played on every team in the NBA? He's the Michael Caine of the NBA.

T/o Heat, as Shaq now has 5 fouls.

8:09, 4th: Deng pulls up short on a 2pter that's a foot away from 3pt land; these foreigners on the Bulls need to adapt to US ball. Tons of 2pt shots could have easily been 3pt FGs.

Deng at the line: 78-70 Chicago.
"Posey sucks, Posey sucks!"

6:20, 4th: And Miami with a good scoring run there, forces a Chicago timeout, bringing Chicago's lead to 6.

(I'm surprised that the Gatorade commercial makes no mention of the NCAA basketball championship U-Florida won this year. And I don't watch college ball.)

6:02, 4th: Shit, Chicago can't make nothing fall. Damn damn damn.

5:10, 4th: Ooh, the announcers getting bitchy with each other over a foul made by Antoine Walker. 79-76 Chicago.

4:58, 4th: Wallace proves the old adage, "The best defensive players need a big ass." Boxing out on offense, and landing on for defense. T/o @ 4:24, as it's an 8 pt game again for Chicago.

3:19, 4th: O'neal's fouled out; Nocioni scored and gets the foul shot in. 87-79, Chicago.

1:51, 4th: Goddamn, Chicago, white hot with a great scoring run. 92-83, Chicago. They looked like they were going to squander all that game that they played between the middle of the 2nd through to the 3rd, but they're bringing it back.

(I took my group to see Deja Vu, which is coming out on DVD soon; good movie, I didn't know going into it that it was a sci-fi type of film, I was thinking straight detective fiction.)

1:41, 4th: 3 by Williams, Heat back to within 6. 1:22, Heat w/in 4, Sefolosha still doing a fine defensive job on Wade though. Told you, sweet game.

38 seconds, 1pt game. Fuuuck. 18.9, foul on Gordon, 92-91 Chicago. Again, fuuuck. Ben Gordon drops the foul shots, 94-91; t/o by Miami.

Here's my prediction: Chicago fouls, gets the ball, then runs out the time. Wade with 3 ... out of bounds, Chicago ball.

Foul at 9.8. Nocioni drops his 2pts, and Chicago takes it home.

Sonuva, that was some game! This ongoing coverage thing, a nice experiment, but man, this wasn't the game to try it on. Wow. Game 2 is Tues @ 8PM on TNT.

Read More...

NBA Playoffs start today!

Pistons to win it all! Dewey defeats Truman!!

I'm still pleased with the Pistons, since their relatively surprise shock win of the 2004 Finals against the sweet blessed Bryant-Oneal Lakers. I hate that they lost Ben Wallace, and pissed that they didn't take the opportunity to trade technical foul machine Rasheed Wallace (trading one to keep the other would have been where I went).

This early in the playoffs, the high ranked teams will no doubt defeat their lower ranked counterparts (Mavs vs. Warriors? Right ...). But my money on the sweet series is Heat vs. Bulls. In fact, as I write this, there's about 3:45 to go in the first, and it's a good solid game so far. It's always too hard to tell who's gonna do what in the first periods of games usually, but so far this looks good. Wallace the former facing up against Shaq looks like someone, maybe both, will be dumping on the Icy Hot tonight.

Read More...

The SGM Super 30: Video Game #24


Legend of Zelda: A Link to the Past
(a/k/a Zelda 3)


"With the exception of Zelda II, every Zelda has been a chart-busting classic. I was never able to get into any thing released on the N64 and beyond, because they were often long, convoluted and boring, but I played a shitload of I and III and I'd give Zelda III the nod because of the graphics and the opening scenes in the night rain." - Rev. Joshua

I never had the opportunity to play any of the original Zeldas, 'cause we was poor; in fact, the first Zelda game I had the opportunity to play was "Ocarina of Time." The game is available now for the Game Boy Advance, and I might have to venture out and grab a copy of it. Meanwhile, I did some research and found the following interesting information ...

- In a contest, Nintendo Power magazine reader Chris Houlihan was chosen to have his name attached to a secret room in Zelda 3. The room contains 45 blue rupees (the official currency of Hyrule) and a plaque with a greeting from Senor Houlihan himself. According to Wikipedia, the level is removed from later ports of the game.

- Apparently, according to Gamespot, this game took place before the events of the first Legend of Zelda game for the NES. And, according to some of the walkthroughs of Zelda 3 that I read through, combined with my own experiences playing the N64 game, this game falls in a time frame AFTER "Ocarina of Time." Not knowing much about subsequent games in the Zelda series, that would seem to indicate that the Legend of Zelda series is probably the first backwards sequential game franchise.

- From what I've gathered, part of this game's appeal might have been the return to form from the first game. Zelda II was a side-scrolling monstrosity that was poorly received. Zelda III returned to the top-down perspective, a style of gameplay that in no small part certainly influenced games like Baldur's Gate, Diablo, Champions of Norrath, and more too numerous to mention. I remember playing Zelda II ... ugh.

- The Master Sword is apparently the greatest thing since the word "great." It is the only way to kill Ganon. The sword makes its debut here, although some argue that the Master Sword was the sword used in the first game. But I think that's just bullshit.

- The Japanese version of the game had to be somewhat altered to remove any religious references, apparently a big no-no back in the old Nintendo days. Symbols like ankhs, wizards who used to be priests, references to gods ... uh-uhn, pal, that shit don't fly.

- The cartridge was an eight MB monster, which was more than enough memory at the time to hold both the massive Light and Dark Worlds through in which Link has to journey.

Anyway, I'm convinced. Any game that can make a superstar out of a guy named Houlihan, and has that bomb ass image of lil' Link getting resurrected like Jesus by some old dude, that's a game to play.

Read More...

Friday, April 20, 2007

The SGM Super 30: Video Game #25


Maniac Mansion


Creepy. Seriously, wtf? You put the hamster in a jar, put the jar in the microwave, nuke the hamster, give it to the Nazi alien and he kills you. - Rev. Joshua

I always liked those adventure games where you could select from a predetermined list of commands, and your choice would play out on the screen with the characters you chose. Commodore Shitsy-4 didn't have enough of 'em. Being a big fan of text games like "Zork," I used to love being able to play these when I'd hang out over my friend Sam's house on a lounging weekend, 'cause he had the IBM. And the original NES.

According to my memory, each character had different character traits, and the game had a few different endings, all of which we'd try to access through our gameplay. Man, those were the days, back when nothing could bother me and the world was wide open for a little g with more than half a brain to take over the cosmos; now it's all paperwork and friends who all live out of town and this abrasion in my throat that I got from my ERCP that makes me taste blood every time I swallow food. Goddamn "Maniac Mansion."

Read More...

Wednesday, April 18, 2007

Have a job offer

Still waiting on the formal offer letter to come in and I can't release any details. Suffice it to stay that I have an opportunity that is beyond what I could have imagined. I will be staying at my current university and have gotten a really, really good offer. Again, more details like dollars have to be worked out, but it sounds realy good.

Thanks for all your prayers and thoughts.

Read More...

Tuesday, April 17, 2007

The SGM Super 30: Video Game #26

Klax


I don't have even a remote knowledge of this game, so I hand this one over to gamer & pal Ron Beauregard:

Klax was released by Atari games as an arcade stand-up in 1990. Attempting to capitalize on the Tetris craze, Klax flipped the script and turned the soon-to-be-traditional puzzle stacker into a semi-3d product.

You start with a blank playfield that is five bricks wide by five bricks high. Different colored bricks come toward you on a conveyor belt and you must catch them with a sliding platform, and then deposit them in the playfield. When five bricks of the same color are lined up either vertically, horizontally, or diagonally, they disapper. You must complete a certain number of these "Klaxes" to clear the level. You may hold five bricks at a time (giving an added strategy dimension) and you must keep bricks from falling off the belt. Players are allocated a certain number of drops which varies by level. Once those drops are used up, the game ends.

Klax was one of the first puzzle games that I can remember in the arcade. It had a great tagline ("It is the nineties and there is time for Klax") that was second only to Revolution X's "Remember, music is the weapon." The game lured you in with a few easy levels at the beginning but was frantic by level six. It arrived at a time when the cookie-cutter side-scroller (a la Bad Dudes and Double Dragon) was falling out of favor, and fighters (such as Street Fighter and the MK series) had yet to make a huge impact. The game is infintely replayable and downright fun.

Read More...

Monday, April 16, 2007

Thirty-three dead in mass shooting at VA Tech

Call me an asshole if you will, but do you think Don Imus secretly wishes that he could have just, y'know, waited about a week or two?

Here's a running timeline on all the news, as it happens.

Read More...

Sunday, April 15, 2007

The SGM Super 30: Video Game #27

Tekken 3


I was never really one to got into Tekken, so my write-up skills are probably not best used here.

However, I did whip around and find this review on All Game:

"Anyone familiar with the series will immediately be right at home with Tekken 3, as it merely refines many aspects of the second Tekken. Many people watch the less experienced players take on the Tekken series, see the button mashing, and believe that this is all that the game has to offer. That is most definitely not so." [more]

Read More...

Friday, April 13, 2007

When it rains

it pours

My boss told me that the one year contract I have is just that, a one-year contract. After the first week of July, I will no longer be employed. I have a few job apps out here and there, and one very promising opportunity that might be coming up, but other than that it is little.

I ask for your prayers (even those who don't believe) because times seem bleak for me now. Pray that God will guide me and open doors for the future.

Read More...

Thursday, April 12, 2007

About Head-On vs. Truth.com commercials

I went with Head-On commercials on this one, 'cause not only were the originals just horrible bits of aural torture, but the ones that they've released recently, making fun of the original commercials ... seriously, who talks like that? At no point have I ever turned to anyone and used my deepest, gnarliest, more Jewish voice to say, "Head-Ahn! Apply directly ta fowhead! Head-Ahn! I hate yer commercials but yer prahduck's th' best!!!!"

Although ... that nappy headed, Coke bottle glasses wearing jackass who shops for non-lethal bullets and thinks that mattresses should have warning labels is a front runner, for real. I bet he'd snort a lit cigarette for five grand more than truth.com pays him.

Read More...

Kurt Vonnegut, RIP

In honor of his death,

Read one of his more well-known short stories

Read More...

The SGM Super 30 Video Game #28

WCW Vs. NWO: World Tour


Anyway, this is the inaugural wrestling title released using the legendary AKI grappling engine. The engine is perfect in its simplicity; press one button to punch & kick, press the other button to grapple. Tap said button for a weak grapple, opening up four moves, or press the button longer for a stronger grapple, opening up four more powerful moves. There hadn't been this level of easy interface since Pro Wrestling for the NES.

The beauty of the engine was that, for the first time, a moveset could be used to develop a pure wrestling strategy to your gameplay; use a moveset to weaken a wrestler's back to set up Benoit's crossface, or attack the opponents head to set up DDP's diamond cutter.

There may be better games that AKI put out, but this was the one that revolutionized the way wrestling games were developed. It woke up the industry and players alike.

A bit of trivia: This is the only AKI game to feature Ric Flair and Steven Regal as playable characters; they can only be created in the later WWF AKI games. That also makes this the only AKI game which can feature a true, in-game character based match between Flair & Hulk Hogan; the next time they'd be available to face each other as non-created playable characters would be 2002's THQ-developed Smackdown Vs. Raw: Shut Your Mouth. They wouldn't be able to meet again until Smackdown Vs. Raw 2007.

And you gotta love the representatives from the "Dead Or Alive" and "Independent Union" organizations, which were copyright-evading versions of overseas wrestlers, like Hayabusa, Abdullah the Butcher, Atsushi Onita, Jinsei Shinzaki (Hakushi), Terry Gordy, etc. (This was a similar strategy used by the aforementioned Pro Wrestling game for the OG Nintendo, which turned Mil Mascaras into King Slender.)

This game, primitive though it may be in comparison to the later wrestling games, is probably one of the few reasons to still own a Nintendo 64 to this day.

Read More...

Wednesday, April 11, 2007

The SGM Super 30 Video Game #29

Fallout (1997)


I hadn't played this game, so I got this write-up from the good Rev. Joshua:

"Fallout and its' sequel, Fallout 2, was as advanced an RPG as you could find at the time. Set in a post-apocalyptic dystopia, you are in total control of your character's destiny from the moment you leave your home and venture out into the wastelands. Nothing is linear: you have to save your people; what you do to the rest of the world is up to you. Save towns or leave them to die. Get what you need and go or put the bad guys out of business. Both games have multiple conclusions based on what towns you rescued and what towns you leave to rot. There's a great feel to the design of world itself in the mock-1950's style advertising, as well as the video that starts the game.
"

Damn, now I want to play this. My first impression, by the screenshots, was that it's very similar to Diablo, which isn't a bad thing in itself. But the added decision-based changes to gameplay - a very attractive feature in some of the more recent games that are out there - seals the deal. Good luck finding a copy of it, though.

Read More...

Tuesday, April 10, 2007

Lemmings Revolution PC game

[I was with Nate when I bought this PC game based on what he heard. The game is simplistic as far as graphics are concerned but it is really fun. If you like puzzle games check this out. It cost around 5 dollars and I think we were at Best Buy. ]

[Is there a prequel or sequel to this game? I noticed it has a little story prior to beginning of the game and I did not know if it was just a continuation of a story from a previous game. Are there any PC games any of you recommend at the moment? ]

Read More...

Monday, April 09, 2007

If the world were fair ...

... shitty commercials would result in not only zero, but negative revenue.

Take "Skittles," for example. They got this new commercial where a foppish re-re gets off a bus and asks these two Skittles Berries & Cream-eating uber leet fellows if they are, in fact, ingesting the aforementioned confection. When they affirm this, the gayboy starts dancing, while singing, "Berries and cream, berries and cream, I'm a little lad who loves berriiiieeeees ... and cream" (complete with jazz hands).

I now refuse to eat Skittles of any form until they take these incredibly shitty commercials off my air. I had a run where I refused to eat at Burger King because of their retarded (aw, that's a bad word to use ... developmentally disabled ... much better) office commercials. They stopped showing those, and I started eating there again.

In a fair world, stupid shit would result in a deserved loss of money. Movies that show the whole film in the trailer wouldn't be seen; Kevin Federline wouldn't have sold the paltry total of albums he did; Nip/Tuck wouldn't have made it to that last season (whatever number it was).

But of course, this would mean that no one would buy vehicles anymore, b/c I have seen more than one car commercial extolling virtues of the vehicle while, in small print, it reads, "Not a vehicle - a computerized facsimile." Or what about the commercial where these two guys go rafting without waking up the only girl in the bunch, so she drives to meet up with them and, in some peyote popping hypnoworld, picks up a mountain wolf with her thumb and forefinger and puts it in the boat with the guys, and this is supposed to sell ... kayaks? Life insurance? Nope, it's supposed to sell a Mountaineer or Explorer or Expedition or some other shitty vehicle.

I'm feeling bitchy today, man. It happens when your gall bladder's been invaded by balloons.

Read More...

The SGM Super 30 Video Game #30

Space Invaders (1978)


Ah, you never forget your first. This game probably lands high on everyone's list of "first video games I ever played." Hard to believe it's been that long. "Space Invaders" was the cherry-buster, not only for the whole shooter genre, but for video games as a whole.

The setup of the game is easy to describe: Pixellated aliens are descending from the sky, shooting at the tank below, the lone defender and, presumably, the sole survivor of a fighting squadron designed to defend the planet. The alien enemy descends slowly, menacingly, with nerve-wracking music that increases in tempo as the menace gets closer. Throw in a passing UFO that provides a bonus score, as well as expendable bunkers behind which you can hide your tank, and you've got one of the better video games ever developed.

Currently, the game is available on the Playstation 2 & X-Box collection, "Taito Legends." Of course, if you want a different spin on the game, you can search online for any of a number of versions & imitators, or you can even develop one to meet your style at the Clevermedia Arcade.

Read More...

Whoa

Nice new banner.

Read More...

Sunday, April 08, 2007

[NBA] CLE @ DET

Nice game, although a lot closer than it should be.

Just the usual observations here:

1)Tayshaun Prince owned every one-on-one with LeBron James. I keep pretending I'm hearing Tayshaun saying, "LeBron, overrated called, said what's up."

2) The Rasheed Wallace Tech count is now at 19, so one more and he gets suspended from his third game of the season under the new tech fouls. And why's his patchwork head still on the Pistons bench; he's out by 2008, mark my words. When your own coach says that he "likes to give [Wallace] less time on the floor in these moments," start weighing options.

3) "Deeee-troit ... BAS-KET-BALL" is starting to sound like Carlos Mencia's "dee-de-dee."

Read More...

The Science Gone Mad Super 30: Video Games

(or, The Graveyard For Broken Controllers)

Videogames are too detailed nowadays. I have a controller to the PS2 that has 11 buttons. And that's pretty standard. The N64 controller wasn't only loaded with buttons, but the system came with a diagram for how to best hold the controller. All this research & effort put into little diversion that simulates a life much more interesting than our own.

Advertisers know this, and that's why you see mini-Flash games attached to ads to "WIN A XBOX 360!!" and all you have to do is punch a digital visage of Osama Bin Laden in the face three times (while a gun hangs on the wall nearby). And yet, knowing that these are solely designed to get us to see whatever's being sold just over the wall, I'd put money that most anyone reading this has played those games on more than one occasion.

It's because we're a society of gamers. The risk, the thrill, the reward; it's a crave. We're not all born into positions in life when we can say, "Oh yeah, I kept someone from dying in a burning building today," or "Yeah, I did CPR on the girl for 20 minutes and she came to right before we got to the ER." Me, I'm a therapist, so by nature my job only means that I talk real good. Therefore, I need to be behind the wheel of that car going 92 mph, I need to be behind that gun firing at some god-awful tentacled monstrosity, I need to be a warrior in feudal Japan saving the peasantry by the laws of bushido.

Us four - Ron, the good reverend Joshua, Will and myself, we submitted our picks for the best videogames of all time. After getting a total list together - 50 games in all - we then chose our thirty. Some of the choices will come as a surprise, not only to the casual reader, but to the SGM staff as well. Number 30 goes up later this evening. And it all goes downhill from there.

Read More...

The most patronizing rejection letter of all time

Office Depot is looking like a great place for a career.

I received this message via e-mail today. I want to make this abundantly clear that this is NOT the school in east Tennessee that I interviewed with a couple of weeks ago. That rejection was over the telephone (I called them) and it was extremely cordial and professional. This rejection comes from a school in west Tennessee that I had interviewed with in January. Their text will be in normal text with quotes, and my comments in italics:

"Ron,
I wanted to update you on the search at (small crappy urban school)."
I interviewed with you in January. It is now April. Thanks for being so timely! What can I help you with?

"We have done some phone interviews and we have invited three candidates to visit (small crappy urban school)."

Well, since this is the first I heard about it, I guess I can assume that I'm not one of them. Thanks for the update and have a nice life.

"We were unable to include you on either list."

Aw now. I bet you were really "able" to, you just didn't want to. Which is it?

"However, the Search Committee still sees you as a strong candidate."

Uh, wait a second. You did phone interviews AND chose people to come to campus, but I'm still a strong candidate? But I thought you were unable to include me on the list? Was my name too long to fit within the margins and, therefore, you really were unable to include me? Will wonders never cease to be wonders?

"We don't want you to be left hanging around,"

Gee thanks. That's why I haven't heard from you since January. At a conference in which you wrote my interview time down on the wrong date and I had to chase you into the hallway to catch you and make you interview me.

"but if you would like for us to keep your name on our list, we will."

I thought my name was unable to be on the list? Now, it is up to me if you keep me on it? What the hell kind of school are you running? If I didn't make the cut, staying on "the list" will mean one of two things: 1) Sylar will come kill me and suck my brain out because he thinks I have special powers, or 2) you will not hire me. I think I'll opt to stay off "the list."

"The weakness of your candidacy is only your lack of teaching experience."

Only my lack of teaching experience. Well gee thanks. I know that (small crappy urban school) is the bastion of higher education excellence in the South. I'm sure hiring me would be a disservice to the fine upstanding kids of Memphis.

"Since (small crappy urban school) is such a small university, we need excellent teaching and we need our professors to be able to take off as soon as they walk into the class room."

For those of you who don't know me, I teach adjunct at a top-15 public research university. I don't teach at Asheville-Buncombe Technical College, nor do I teach at Wampler's School of Beauty. I have received excellent teaching evaluations (which this guy has copies of) from five different history professors and have outstanding student evaluations that are consistent over a three year period. This guy is absolutely bat-shit insane.

"I had the advantage of seeing your good presentation at the AHA, but my colleagues on the Committee have read applications of those with several years of teaching and with strong recommendations."

This guy is the dean of his college. He obviously has the authority of Jack Tunney or Bud Selig if he can't convince his colleagues that I gave a good presentation at the AHA. I also resent the fact that he is implying that my recs aren't strong. I have seen letters from 2/3 of my writers and they rate me very highly. I'm not trying to sound arrogant, but this guy couldn't manage a phone booth.

"We also know that our salary and benefits package isn't the best out there and we would like to keep all of our top applicants in the running, but without trying to mislead them about their chances."

I've read that sentence a few times and I really don't understand how the three clauses fit together. For the first clause, saying they pay crap is like saying that Jeffrey Dahmer is a bit unsettled. This guy told me in my interview that he doesn't believe in paying new people more than established employees, so he is only offering a salary that comes in about 12K below market value. I figured tha he would soon learn that no one is willing to work for that, but I guess that fact hasn't hit him yet. As for clause three, I think the first part of the letter lets me know the chances that I will go there, which are just slightly less likely than Elvis coming back from the dead and appearing on Celebrity Cooking Showdown.

"Therefore, if you want to remain on our list, we will let you know by April 23, if not sooner, if we can arrange an interview with you."

Gosh, I'm so honored that I have such an amazing opportunity! Thank you for giving me a choice in the matter! Pshaw!

"We do appreciate your interest in small crappy urban school, but we certainly will understand if you want to move on."

I understand that you are very patronizing, and I feel sorry for the educational experience that your students receive.

Read More...

Friday, April 06, 2007

Video game idea

Don't know what influenced my thinking about this -- the "Grindhouse" film or playing the retro "Metal Slug Anthology" games.

Okay, say I'm Rockstar Games, or Midway, or somesich. A game programmer with some disposable income.

Snap up licenses to a bunch of different films - horror, kung-fu, action, etc. Then just develop some 2D games - racers, shooters, fighters, etc. Call the whole game collection "Cineplex" or something.

"Death Race 2000" - A racing game akin to Roadblasters, where the goal is to specifically run over as many pedestrians as possible, while also coming in first in the race and/or destroying your competition.

"Danger: Diabolik" - A Metal Slug themed side-scrolling game where Diabolik has to defeat the evil Vollin while stealing stuff.

"Fearless Fighters" - A Street Fighter II/ Samurai Shodown style fighter.

"Black Belt Jones" - A Double Dragon style game.

Any observations on some games that might make the cut?

Read More...

Grindhouse--what did I think??

I went to see the movie or I guess I should say movies today--opening day.

I cannot really say I was disappointed. The movies did keep my interest and the fake trailers, commercials, etc. were a really neat idea to experience the full double bill grindhouse cinema 70s feel. I will say that I enjoyed "Planet Terror" more than "Death Proof". Not that the latter was bad but I am more into nonstop action. "Planet Terror" really presented a good story with tons and tons of gore and some humor. I enjoyed the actors that were in both movies that are staples in Tarentino movies. Michael Parks character especially. The women were hot and did a great job. I like Rose McGowan and she did a great job with her character as well.


"Death Proof" was good but I did not like the talkie talkie talkie aspect of it. The chicks spend so much time around a diner table discussing issues. Now, I know "Reservior Dogs" had the same aspect but this was no "Reservior Dogs" I could tell Kurt Russell was enjoying himself. It was good to see him in that element again. There just was not enough action in it.

Would I buy these movies??-- Bones yeah, I will!!!!! I hope they come out together but they will probably come out as seperate movies in order to drain as much money as possible out of me. I guess I need to break down and buy both "Kill Bills" since their does not seem to be one set of those coming out anytime soon.

Bottom line-- Planet Terror- 3 count
Death Proof - 2-3/4 count
but again it is my opinion. Go see it and let me know what you thing.


Read More...

I didn't get the job

Tusculum jobbed me out. Went with the person who was already there as a visiting professor (I think).

Ugh, gag and vomit.

Read More...

Wednesday, April 04, 2007

Rotten Tomatoes: Grindhouse A to Z

With "Grindhouse" hitting theaters this Friday, I stumbled across what seemed like a pretty cool tutorial on grindhouse cinema. Some of these films I have in my movie collection, and I can attest to their cheesy over-the-top style of cinema verite (looking at you, "Death Race 2000").

Rotten Tomatoes: Grindhouse A to Z

Read More...

Job Market Woes

There are times that I just can't calm down.

The academic job market is the most ruthless enterprise I've ever experienced. The search process is so vague and convoluted that it is a wonder that anyone gets hired for any job any where. I had an interview last Monday at a school and was told that I would hear from them by early this week. The week is halfway over, and I have yet to hear from them. Either a) they are slow on meeting and have yet to make a decision or b) I am not top choice and they are seeing if/negotiating with top choice for their job. I'm going to call the school in a minute and see if I can get some answers out of the secretary. I'll keep us updated.

Read More...

Tuesday, April 03, 2007

Alanis's best performance since her Unplugged show

This defies description...

Seriously, watch this now

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W91sqAs-_-g

Read More...

Monday, April 02, 2007

[Movie] Night of the Comet on DVD

You can snatch this up at Wal-Mart for under $10.

Check it out, but don't believe what the box says about this film being a cross between George Romero zombie films and "Valley Girl." In fact, "Night of the Comet," if you go in expecting a comedy at all, will disappoint you. It's a good horror/ zombie film that happens to have the occasional elements of humor. It shares a lot in common with "28 Days Later," in that there's a worldwide event that results in a lot of humanity being lost, and it's a story told in a general four-act structure.

The two heroines are as unlikely a pair of heroines as you're likely to find in most any horror film. But, as much as "Alien" and "Scream" and "Halloween" are lauded for featuring women in strong, survivor roles, this film deserves to be mentioned in the same breath. Good scary make-up in this one, and some genuine suspense. And, odd as it may sound, there's a genuinely good reason why this movie usher chick would know how to shoot an AK with pretty solid accuracy.

I want to go on record, too, that Geoffery Lewis is every bit as good a horror movie superstar player as Lance Henriksen and John Saxon are.

A 2 3/4 count.

Read More...

All my cryptozoologists, holla!

Unlike normal jellyfish, which drift in the ocean current, box jellyfish are active swimmers that can rapidly make 180-degree turns and deftly dart between objects. [more]

Read More...

Wrestlemania 23 review

I was sick, thanks to my liver enzymes being 6x higher than anyone else's who may be reading this, unless you have cirrhosis or hepatitis (neither of which I have, har-de-har), so I didn't get to watch this with my boys.

Ken Kennedy wins the Money In The Bank - A 2 1/2 count. Can't say I didn't call the outcome, even though on here, I had 3 guys picked to win it. But my money was on Kennedy the whole time. His post-match interview made my wife a huge fan, between "blah blah blah blah BLAH~!" and "Misteeeeeer Money in the Bank .... bank." Oh yeah, and "Nice guys always finish last ... thank GOD, I'm not a nice guy," which should be a Quote to Live By. I kept thinking how much more interesting a ladder match would be if they used one of those 8-ladders-in-one things that's always getting pitched on QVC.

Khali d. Kane - Whew, a sub-1 count.
My wife: "This is the 'gotta check the laundry' match."

My wife, re: the Great Khali: "His chin gets in the ring about a foot before he does."

My wife, re: the Great Khali: "I'd rather watch Khali fight Big Show."

My wife, re: the Great Khali: "Look at his teeth. I bet he has trouble with corn on the cob."

My wife, re: the Great Khali: "Why does he go by the name of a dog?" Me: "A dog's name?" My wife: "Yeah, like Lassie; wasn't Lassie a collie?"

(I think this was her first time seeing the Great Khali.)

Chris Benoit d. MVP - I'm saying this is a 2 3/4 match; if the crowd was more into it, and there was a better storyline going into it, it would have been a 3 count, hands down. MVP looked AMAZING, definitely bringing his Mania game to the dance. Good psychology, good use of 10-15 minutes of match time, good counter- and chain-wrestling, this one may have had it all.

Undertaker d. Batista to become the World Heavyweight champion - 2 3/4. Strong brawling match, but again, the outcome was mighty expected. The powerslam through ECW's announce table was nice. During the Taker/Batista punch exchange, the crowd worked in a nice "boo" / "yay" / "boo" / "yay" chant. And yes, they were saying "yay." Who says "yay" anymore?

ECW old school d. ECW new breed - 2 count. This was just there. I started thinking that, if I actually thought Sabu was going to be asked to stick around for a while longer, I'd love to see him and Khali as a tag team. Sandman clotheslined Elijah Bjork over the top rope and Bjork's braids EXPLODED! No POOOUUUNNNCE-AH! at the big dance, though.

Lashley d. Umaga, so Trump d. McMahon - 2 count. Actually, not a bad bit of brawling between Lashley & Umaga, so by itself it would have probably been a fine match. Umaga made me super happy by spiking Austin, and it played out psychology-wise as what Austin deserved for fishhooking Umaga's eye ... Umaga thought he was swinging at Lashley. This unfortunately led to some overbooked shit, but in the end, Mcmahon went bald & looked like a drive-by bukkake victim with all the shaving cream on his head and face, and Austin stunned Trump. Austin's shirt should read, "Arrive. Pretend it's 1998. Leave."

Melina d. Ashley - 1 count. I kept begging during the all-girl brawl, "C'mon titty, c'mon TITTY!" Alas, nothing.

Cena d. Michaels - 3 count. This match delivered and then some, but honestly, it could have learned a thing or two from Benoit/MVP, namely selling (Cena's leg has mutant healing powers) and a bit of pacing, as Cena & Michaels padded out their near-30 minutes on the grand stage with a whole lot of stalling. They must have known Cena would get the ass-end of the fan response and said, "Uh uh, fuck that," and Michaels built up Cena as a hero, which I kind of expected. The piledriver(!) on the steps(!!) came out of nowhere. Cena goes to make up with his boyfriend Shawn at the end, but Michaels is all "Hell, naw, my job was to make you look good and that's over so I'm going to go read the bible," and Cena's all, "Well, I salute you, even though I've never seen a minute of military service," and now there's gonna be drama on Monday night.

In the off chance this is the last Wrestlemania I ever see, I can't say I was disappointed.

Read More...

Saturday, March 31, 2007

Wrestlemania discussion, one day before the big show

Here's the card. Who do you think's gonna win between ...


World Heavyweight Championship
Batista vs. The Undertaker

WWE Championship
John Cena vs. Shawn Michaels

Hair vs. Hair
Bobby Lashley
(representing Donald Trump)
vs.
Umaga
(representing Vince McMahon)
*Manager of the loser gets his head shaved

Money In The Bank Ladder Match
Edge vs. Punk vs. Booker vs. Finlay vs. Jeff & Matt Hardy vs. Ken Kennedy vs. Randy Orton

Tommy Dreamer, Sabu, Rob Van Dam, and the Sandman
vs.
Elijah Burke, Monty Brown, Kevin Thorn, and Matt Striker

Lumberjack Match for the Bitch's Championship
Melina vs. Ashley
* At ringside will be: All them other womens

Kane vs. the Great Khali

US Title
Chris Benoit vs. MVP

* For a point of reference, Wrestlemania III, which WWF is indirectly cramming down our throats with this pay-per-view, had twelve matches, every top wrestler was represented and the tag belts were on the line. Definite downgrade.

Throw up some comments.

Read More...

Wednesday, March 28, 2007

On the road yet again

I feel like it is 2001 all over again.

Back when I was full time with Office Ghetto, I was asked to travel a lot. In 2001 I believe I actually spent more weeks on the road than at home, but if I didn't it was sure close. Needless to say, a few years in Gainesville have gotten me out of the road-warrior lifestyle, but now I'm back with a vengance.

Friday, I drove from G'ville to the 423 in advance for an interview at a school in the area. Out the door at 5 am, in the 423 by 2. Pretty good time actually. It was a good thing that I have family there, as this school had no concept of the Nascar race at Bristol or the fact that a crowd of 170,000 does not fit well with a region that has tops 15,000 hotel rooms. I guess I would have been staying in the dorm if the family wasn't there.

Weekend was spent working on my interview materials. Monday I interviewed. It went well. Will here from them next week.

Tuesday, it was back to G'ville from the 423. Traffic was slightly worse due to a horrible crash on the opposite side of I-75. Tractor trailer ended up aiming south in the northbound lane and barely resembled a semi by the time I got past it. People have such difficulty driving these days.

Today, and the point of all of this text, I am flying to Minnesota for a conference. It is no secret that I hate to fly. I have even been seeing a "fear and anxiety specialist" to cope with it (my last flight I couldn't get on the plane...ugh). So my beautiful girlfriend takes me to the airport and we leave three hours before the flight heading to JAcksonville, which is one hour from G'ville. All is well through the redneck speed trap towns (which are so bad that AAA has put up billboards saying "Waldo, Speed Trap, 2 miles ahead) and then we hit I-10.

Bumper

To

Bumper

Another horrible wreck that took 3 hours to make up. I missed my flight. I am now sitting in the Jax airport (which thankfully has four pinball machines and free wi-fi) catching up on the blogging and the reading. Fear of flight is still present, but I'm sure I can make it through this time, Lord willing.

Peace out, word to your mother.

Read More...

Tuesday, March 27, 2007

Quick hits...

Coming soon to a retailer near you: Strawberry...

Meth!

Reports of candy-flavored methamphetamine are emerging around the nation, stirring concern among police and abuse prevention experts that drug dealers are marketing the drug to younger people.
...
Among the new flavors are strawberry, known as "Strawberry Quick," chocolate, cola and other sodas, Robertson said. One agent reported a red methamphetamine that had been marketed as a powdered form of an energy drink, he said.
...
"Strawberry Quick," the bulletin said, "is popular among new users who snort it because the flavoring can cut down on the taste. Teenagers who have been taught meth is bad may see this flavored version as less harmful. 'Strawberry Quick' is designed for the younger crowd."

That's awesome. And seriously, any kid that thinks Strawberry Meth is less harmful should be given all the Strawberry Meth they can snort, smoke, shoot or eat. That fuckup needs to be out of the gene pool as quickly as possible.

Jenna Fisher, naked:

jennafisherwired2

Close, but not enough. Damnation. Apparently, Jenna did the shoot fully nude. A just and loving God gives me outtakes. Uncensored outtakes.

I try to avoid talking about That Other Site, because it feels like sour grapes and needless griping, but I've been keeping an eye on lulls in the posting since the October Exodus. January saw a quiet period of 14 days (01/05 - 01/19). February saw 20 days (02/03 - 02/23). March went 14 days again (03/05 - 03/19). Interspersed have been a number of shorter breaks. I'm predicting that before the end of July, That Other Site will finally reach one full month of silence.

Read More...

Monday, March 26, 2007

More Wrestlemania discussion: Trump vs. McMahon

Or, rather, Bobby Lashley vs. Umaga. Oh yeah, with "Stone Cold" Steve Austin in there to shill his new movie be the guest referee.

With Austin there, I can't believe that it'll end with anything other than EVERYONE getting stunned ... hell, even Trump. Why not? Although, no shit, I'd be the biggest fan of Umaga for-fuckin-EVER if he no-sold the Stunner and just for fake/real handed Austin his ass.

The ramifications of this match are:
- Well, let's get it out of the way, I can't see Trump going bald on this one.
- However, McMahon going bald on this one seems odd too.
- It's April Fools Day when Mania is held, but the chances of them pulling one over on the fans like that ... brrrr.
- For Trump to win, Umaga would have to lose, which would have meant more if Cena hadn't beaten him twice already.
- For McMahon to win, Lashley would have to eat a loss, which would have meant more if Booker T hadn't beaten him already.
- Lashley is the ECW* champion, Umaga the IC champion, so neither of these belts are up for grabs to any other brand-specific competitor. Something about that kinda sucks, but oh well ... none of the tag titles are on the line, and in the past three years have only been defended once (and that was Big Show & Kane vs. Masters & Carlito).

My prediction: McMahon goes bald at the end. They wouldn't dare risk an April Fools Day joke on a match of this magnitude. Austin calls McMahon a "bald-head sumbitch," stuns everyone incl. Lashley who just won the thing, then pours beer on his shirt for old times sake. Everyone goes home happy, 'cause life is just how it should be, in 1997. I mean, 2007.

Read More...

Sunday, March 25, 2007

CD- you are listening to

What CDs are you currently listening to???

I am just trying to get some ideas on CDs to buy. I really like music in the style of Jurassic 5. Will Chali 2na come out with a legit album--not mix tape???

Give me some suggestions.

Read More...

Saturday, March 24, 2007

March's podcast is available now.

March 2007: "Of Snakes, Arrogance, and Blindfolds"


breakdown. the for below Click

0:00 - 1:45: Crazy George Zucco gives a passionate discourse on the benefits of a werewolf frontline; listen to it again in the present context, and I defy you to tell me that he doesn’t make a good argument.
1:45 - 5:32: Big Daddy Kane drops so many gems in this one, he’s like an overloaded jewel thief, among which is arguably the best one, "My rhymes are like spandex, they make any ass seem good." Goddamn ...
5:32 - 7:14: Freddy’s Pizzeria, open all night, and Satan suggests a diet plan ... This message is Ric Flair approved!
7:14 - 10:20: James Brown finally got buried; even in death, he paid the cost to be the boss.
10:20 - 14:30: Son Seals - "I Believe to My Soul"
14:30 - 15:53: The beat to EPMD’s "So What’cha Sayin’"
15:53 - 17:00: Unicron creates Galvatron, over some sinister, yet familiar, music
17:00 - 20:15: Bertha Butt Boogie, Geto Boys’ "Declaration of War," and Public Enemy’s "Resurrection," blended up and served raw. I made this.
20:15 – 23:40: Special Ed – "I Got It Made"
23:40- 27:11: I wrote my way through half a screenplay involving a western theme, demons from hell, and a few luchadores; this was the music playing over the opening credits, in the movie in my head.
27:11 - 27:21 See you in 30!

Read More...

Friday, March 23, 2007

"Can the Geico cavemen make it in prime time?"

No, no, no.

Just when you thought movie remakes had pushed cinematic entertainment to all-time lows, here's this news. As if there's not enough shit entertainment out there, Geico apparently believes we need a 30-min commercial for their services.

Do you know how expensive Geico is in South Carolina? Extremely; I had Geico for the whole time I lived in Virginia because it was relatively cheap. Moved to South Carolina, the payments jumped by almost 200%. For the first few months of my time living here, I saw Geico commercials made especially for the South Carolina market; they didn't last long, mind you, but I saw them, and they were practically begging for South Carolinians to try Geico. I'd love to see some numbers on how high or low their percentage of covered South Carolina drivers is.

This means, of course, that for the show to work, you'd have to believe that enough people trust in the Geico product. And, if things have remained the same since I tried to switch to Geico from one state to another, that could exclude the whole state of South Carolina.

Plus, I just can't believe that this Geico cavemen show would be that funny, or that good. As a litmus test, I mentally plugged the Geico cavemen into a variety of sitcom milestones, in place of the original protagonists:

- The "Fresh Prince" episode where Will & Carlton are arrested for DWB;
- the "Family Ties" episode where Alex is on drugs;
- the "Taxi" episode where Reiger brings his old dog to the dispatch;
- the Seinfeld "Contest" episode;
- the "Friends" episode where that one chick gets married, and the other chick is pregnant; and,
- any one of the thousands of episodes of "Night Court" where they had to finish so many cases by midnight, or something terrible would happen.

In each reimagining, I moderately chuckled at the idea of cavemen being stuck in these situations, but the fun stopped there. And those are cleverly written episodes ... how funny are the writers going to be that do get hired for the caveman show?

I can't imagine anything good coming of this.

Read More...

Monday, March 19, 2007

More Wrestlemania discussion: Money In The Bank

Edge vs. Finlay vs. Jeff Hardy vs. Matt Hardy vs. Ken Kennedy vs. King Booker vs. CM (Chick Magnet ... betcha didn't know that, did'ya?) Punk vs. Randy Orton

A ladder match, winner gets a one year open contract where they can meet any brand's champion, at any point in time.

Let's look at it.

The stats are as follows:
- Edge has never lost at 'Mania;
- The winner of Money In The Bank has gone on to win the title they challenged for (Edge & Rob Van Dam);
- The changing of the title to the MITB winner has resulted in a spike in ratings (although, for RVD's win it was short-lived, due to his love of marihuana).

There's only three options they have here, in my book. Edge wins to keep his own streak alive; CM Punk wins and switches brands; or, Kennedy wins.

I know I'm all "Kennedy, Kennedy, Kennedy," but I see in that fucker a lot of what I really liked about Curt Hennig, and anyone that knows me, knows that I love me some Curt Hennig as a wrestler. Watch his match against Batista at the Rumble ... if he'd kicked out of the Batista Bomb, the building would have gone Hiroshima. Imagine if Kennedy (or whoever, really) wins, and goes on to tackle, and defeat, the winner of the Smackdown or Raw title match, at Mania. A nice little Mania moment. Plus, as he's becoming more popular, it would be a ratings boost.

CM Punk wins, there's no way on God's green earth why, storyline wise, to Joe Casual, that he'd want to stick around ECW. So I'm counting on, if he wins, he makes a jump to Smackdown. Punk is a good wrestler, but he falls in that RVD area, where he gets more entertaining the more he gets to stall, jaw with fans, etc. RVD in ECW = CM Punk in ROH. Plus, Punk is charismatic & skilled in the ring, so he'd make good ratings too.

Edge, we've discussed a bit already. If he wins the match, I see a jump to Smackdown also. It would be nice to see some fresh stuff with Edge, like vs. Finlay, vs. Matt Hardy, vs. Benoit, vs. the Boogeyman. Okay, maybe not fresh, or even halfway interesting, but it would probably mean another personality would go to Raw, and we'd get some interesting shake-ups in the rosters. Plus, heel with a title is always more fun to watch than a face, 'cause the title should always be the source of pursuit. I don't want to see Cena & Michaels defeat every tag team on the roster in one night, I wanted to see Umaga unmercifully beat the shit out of Cena until he couldn't move and had to take about four weeks off to sell the injury. Meanwhile, Umaga beats the shit out of everyone, and then the fans have to wait until Cena "heals," makes it to Mania and wins. Yay, wrestling!! Then have Edge come down and beat Cena, again. Edge vs. Cena ... like that's ever happened.

Using the ratings & liklihood scale: Neither of the Hardys will win. Orton shouldn't win, 'cause thanks to the Undertaker, Triple H, and Hogan, no one gives a fuck about the guy who can't back up his shit in the big matches. Finlay wouldn't win, but that would be really interesting ... until you realize, oh shit, it's Finlay, what the fuck are we gonna do? Booker T might win, but I'd be very surprised.

Now, another talking point is -similar in scope to the Undertaker question - how many wins should the MITB winner (whoever it will ever be) have against champions, until the first MITB winner loses on his one shot? In other words, 'cause that question reads unnecessarily convoluted, Edge had to win the title, or the MITB honor would have been a joke from the outset. RVD won, in controversial fashion, for the sake of Extreme. Presumably, the MITB winner this year will win a title. So how many times do you see the MITB winner becoming champion, until he, y'know, doesn't?

Now, I need sleep.

Read More...

Saturday, March 17, 2007

A little Wrestlemania discussion, anyone?

I just wanted to open the floor to some responses to a question I had while watching Smackdown! tonight:

Should the Undertaker ever be defeated at 'Mania? He's 14-0 at this writing, going into Wrestlemania 23 facing Batista for the World Title.

This leads to another question: Should it be Batista that beats the Undertaker at Wrestlemania? Or do you think 'Taker will go 15-0?

Let me know what you think. I'll post my opinions after a day or two.

Read More...

Wednesday, March 14, 2007

Wrestling Society X

Who has watched this??

OK, it comes on MTV and it is on for 30 minutes. IT is okay but nothing to really get excited about. It has 2-Pac from WWE, who used to be X-PAC.


You should check your listings and see if you like it.

Read More...

Sunday, March 11, 2007

Spring Training with the Braves

Spring training games are fun and yield the opportunity to see unbelievable things.

Yesterday, I drove to Orlando to watch the Braves play the Blue Jays. With it being a training game, it is usually hard to tell what you will see on the field, as well as off. The Braves didn't disappoint and played their regular line-up with the scrubs coming in in the 7th inning. Mark Redman (who was recently signed from the Royals) was the starting pitcher. I heard tale that the Braves paid $750,000 for him and I can assure you that they got ripped off. He hit two batsmen and looked erratic. For those who care, the Braves won 4-1 with back to back homers from Andruw Jones (who for once didn't show up to camp overweight and with more chins than a Chinese phone book) and Brian McCann.

Off the field, there was fun to be had by all. I was sitting immediately behind a family of four. Dad, mom, older daughter, younger son. Kids were probably 4 and 3. The father of this family must have a really, really hard job and enjoy his free time because he was the most detached father I have ever seen. Innings 1-2, while mother was in line buying grub, he let the kids tear open a big bag (i.e. not a single-serving bag like you get at Subway, but a full-size bag) of Doritos and go to town. By the time that Andruw Jones grounded out in the bottom of the second the son was covered in Dorito dust. All 10 of his fingers were covered, and his mouth had a halo of cheese powder. Not once did the dad say anything, reach into the baby bag at his feet and get a wipe, or attempt to take the chips away. In between the second and the third, the mom comes back with a big tray of food and is appalled that her son is wearing processed dairy products but, rather than wipe the kid off, she tells the kid "Let me get your daddy his food." She hands him a burger and then wipes the kid off. Dad doesn't flinch. The hilarity continued into the 7th when the mother pulled out a digital camera and tried to get a pic of dad and his two offspring. The father (wearing a shirt that read "Life begins when the season starts" and a Corona sun visor) turns and says "Wait until the game is over." Mom doesn't say a word. My girlfriend informed me that if I ever did that she would drop her drink on me.

Read More...

Saturday, March 10, 2007

TNA buy one get one free DVD sale

I saw where at Suncoast, FYE, and Saturday Matinee stores you can buy one TNA Dvd and get one free. It ends on March 14, so if you are interested you need to hurry.

The info was on TNA's website.

Read More...

Little snippet of therapy today

Had a client today talk about how people around her are getting on her nerves, and as we talked more about it, I urged her to be like a UFC competitor. I described nerve locks & holds, then discussed how UFC athletes have to do particular exercises to toughen the muscles around those nerves so that shit don't hurt as bad. This led to a discussion of a variety of therapy exercises that would work for this person's particular complaints.

It's sessions like that which make me love my job.

(Speaking of therapy ... hey Will, hit me up and let me know if you have any cartoons in your DVD collection that have some character holding up a heavy amount of objects, struggling to keep their ass from falling into a pitchfork or a shovel of hot coals while a character is getting ready to drop a feather on the pile. I'm thinking a Tom & Jerry, a Bugs Bunny cartoon [I seem to recall a psuedo Red Riding Hood cartoon like this], something like that. I wanna use it for my group program.)

Read More...

Thursday, March 08, 2007

The Comic Pull Power Rankings

Reading this week's comic stash, so you don't have to. Assume spoilers.

Superman/Batman #32 - Wow, I still get this? It's been so long since a new issue came out. And a bad sign of an issue is if you have to go back to the issue before it to remember where the story was going. Me, I had to go back two or three issues deep; maybe I'm just not in the mode to be feeling this story arc - where aliens of the DC Universe are being controlled by a collective mindset - but it gets a big "eh" from me. Nice little bit at the end where several aliens cameo, but too few. If we're talking "all" the aliens, that's enough to fill the Hall of Justice. The art looks like smears of feces on toilet paper; someone get that man an anatomy book, stat. 2 count.

Iron Man: Director of SHIELD #15 - Civil War's in the books, and Tony Stark has taken the reins of SHIELD. Kinda nice direction they're going with this new role for Stark in the book. Iron Man's always been about insane mech dynamics, and so far they've been doing well with this. The spy elements and the sci-fi stuff blends really well. Two gripes, though: An awkward "Office Space" reference is thrown in for no good reason, and ... c'mon. The ending? "He is ... an enigma?" I can solve that: It's China, it's a major villain, it's the fucking Mandarin; I'd wager that against me biting my own dick off if it isn't, if it weren't for the off chance that, one, I don't know enough Iron Man history to have anyone else in mind that it could be, and two, I happen to like my dick ("That's what she said" ... ZING!). 2 1/2 count.

Civil War: Frontline #11 - What would you do if you were reading a mystery, toodling along, loo-loo-loo, but near the end, the printer switched the penultimate chapter with the final. You'd scratch your head pretty hard through those last 20 pages. That's what Frontline has felt like. Proving that there are no new ideas in comics, Frontline has basically served as "52"-lite, in the comparison between "Civil War" and "Infinite Crisis." This final issue wraps up some loose ends, giving an explanation for why the Civil War occurred, but if serious journalists made the speculations that Ben Urich and his unmemorable sidekick make in the denouement of this tail, they'd be bumped down to Weekly World News status. Yep ... not even the Enquirer. 2 1/2 count.

Mighty Avengers #1 - Everyone's an Avenger. Whoopedy. Even me, with my super-strong tongue muscle? Yep, even me. I remember back when being an Avenger was something to be proud of. Now, if a new hero joins the Avengers, it just means that it's, like, Tuesday or something. I'm going 1 count on this one, 'cause Bendis has had three chances to remix the Avengers, and he ain't got it right yet. But Marvel keeps letting him try, 'cause if it ain't broke, well, keep on fucking with it then and see what happens. (That sounds like a conversation I had at home yesterday.) No wait, I'll give it a 2 count, 'cause Frank Cho's art is pretty.

Brave & Bold #1 - Mother fucker. If Superman/Batman is approximately World's Finest redux, then this book comes out, add another round of Defenders and you've basically got my comics buying habit from the '80s covered. Well, there'd also have to be a Sgt. Rock and House of Mystery on the horizon but, hell, we've got a "War" and a "Crisis" so it's all retro again. Anywhich, this first issue teams Batman w/ Green Lantern, and I swear, this is complete and total nostalgia for me. The story, the pacing, the subplots ... everything that the old B&B had in spades; only thing missing is a Nemesis back-up feature. Can't wait to see what kooky team-ups this thing can pull off, and under the competent direction of Mark Waid, it has only up to go from here. 2 3/4 count, handicapped for nostalgia.

New Universal #4 - Really, what's with the use of actors as direct facial references in comics this week? You got James Gandolfini in "Punisher," and Yaphet Kotto in "Iron Man." And here's New Universal, by the remarkable Warren Ellis, starring Kevin fucking Smith. What, there aren't any other fat bearded fuckheads that would have made better references? Ah, but that's a minor gripe ... this is shaping up to be a nice tidy little story by the current reigning king of nice tidy stories. 2 1/2 count.

Civil War: The Initiative #1 - 1 count. Basically a catalog of comics that are coming out, getting revamped, masquerading as a meaningful chapter of the Civil War series. Omega Flight looks decent, but it'll peak at its 25 issue, then start the bullet train toward cancellation.

Marvel Zombies vs. Army of Darkness #1 - Best part of this? "Issue 1 ... of 5." Ho yeah. Continuing the Marvel Zombie storyline, this is actually a prequel ... yep, Ash & some Necronomicon fun play a part in the formation of the Marvel Zombieverse. It's just the first issue ... there's four more to go. Wicked. 3 count.

Justice League of America #6 - Will and I had a conversation about this title last weekend. It's just too ... there, like watching your favorite heroes on their day off, only to find out that they just go to the grocery store, wash the dog, and occasionally scratch their asses & smell their fingers quizzically. Nothing is really too attention grabbing. The shit with Solomon Grundy, the ersatz philosophical meanderings taking up too much of what coulda been a decent storyline. Why's Grundy beating the shit out of Red Tornado? I just read the thing and I couldn't tell you. The finishing move - Tornado summons a wind that severs Grundy's body in half - is played up too heavily for a villain who dies and comes back over and over, ad nauseum. 2 count.

Punisher #45 - I had almost written this book off, but this latest story arc, where widows of mob bosses gang up to take on the Punisher for murdering their husbands, ratchets its way back to solid Ennis territory. I am getting more impressed with the "War Journal" title, 'cause I totally buy Frank Castle as an eliminator of costumed villains, but the MAX series is finally (only 45 issues in) coming into its own. 2 1/2 count.

Read More...

Tuesday, March 06, 2007

Bad News Brown, dead @ 63

Here's hoping he's hitting some angel with a Ghetto Blaster enziguiri.

I'm gonna pop his double countout ass-whooping of a half-black, half-white Roddy Piper in the DVD player to sleep by tonight.

Read More...

FYI

Got the interview I mentioned before via e-mail. Back home during race weekend.

[Type rest of the post here]

Read More...

Monday, March 05, 2007

Ron Artest still not in prison ... however ...

Sacramento Kings forward Ron Artest was arrested Monday after a woman called 911 from his home saying she had been assaulted. [more]

Bwa-ha-ha. And heh, heh, aherm. Well, good to see some things can always be counted on. How's that punchline to the joke go? "Because I'm a snake?"

Read More...

[Wrestling] Four Horsemen 2-DVD set due April 10, 2007

"You know what the good thing about being a Horseman is? When somebody yells, 'Hey, champ!' we all turn around."

It's a little light on the matches side of things, but here's what's listed on Highspots, the online retail wrestling store:

- Arn Anderson & Tully Blanchard & Ric Flair vs. Pez Whatley & Italian Stallion & Rocky King 6/22/85

-Ric Flair vs. Ricky Morton cage match from Charlotte on 7/5/86

-Dusty Rhodes vs. Tully Blanchard First Blood match Starrcade 86

-Four Horseman vs. Dusty Rhodes & Steve Williams & Lex Luger & Nikita Koloff & Paul Ellering 7/16/88 in a War Games match

-Arn Anderson & Tully Blanchard vs. Sting & Nikita Koloff 7/16/88

-Arn Anderson & Tully Blanchard vs. Barry Windham & Lex Luger 3/27/88 Clash of Champions

-Arn Anderson vs. Ric Flair 9/17/95 Fall Brawl

There's certainly better stuff that could have been on there, but not too shabby. Coulda been better, coulda been worse, and there's a healthy smidgen of Horsemen stuff already covered in the Flair and Pillman sets, as well as pieces sprinkled on other sets ("Bloodbath" features the Andersons vs. the Rock and Roll Express, the Road Warriors set features a tag title match against Anderson & Blanchard, etc.).

I'm sure the rest of the story will be made up for by interviews with the available Horsemen gang (including Windham & Blanchard). Shame there's still no go on the original War Games, and the Nikita face turn looks to be wholly absent (will probably be covered in the interview section).

Wal-Mart has a tendency to crank out extra disc editions of some WWF home releases, so I'm keeping my eyes open for news of that. And this just might not be the whole match listing, either.

Read More...

Pointless update

I've been quiet for most of the week (well, everyone has, but that's okay) because I have a new baby that needs lots of attention.

Amp

Amp 001

You didn't think I meant a kid, did you?

To answer Nate, I did know about the nekkid pics of Alexis Laree, but I assumed they were common knowledge, so I didn't mention them. I didn't find them particularly interesting. Trish Stratus, though...I'd kill each and every one of you to see her naked. Well, not kill, but maim.

Finally: Crackdown - X360. Fucking awesome. It's like the Tick, if he used guns.

Read More...

Saturday, March 03, 2007

For fans of Monday Night Raw

Were you aware that there are legit nekkid pics of Mickie James (nee Alexis Laree) out there?

The more you know ...

Read More...

Thursday, March 01, 2007

Went on the main site

I don't know if I've noticed that before, but I have to say that black & white banner with the electricity spike under the "Science Gone Mad" part ... I want that for the next banner for March.

What, it's March 1st? Damn, need to crank out a new bg motif ... I know what part of my weekend will consist of ...

Read More...