Should I try daily posts again, starting May 1th?
Let me know ...
Saturday, April 22, 2006
TNA: The Best Of Abyss 2005 - SGM Haiku style
Abyss vs. Jeff Hardy - Full Metal Mayhem
Jeff soars through the air,
An ungraceful display; he
can't withstand masked fury.
Destination X 2005
Abyss vs. Jeff Hardy - Falls Count Anywhere
This must be the first
Match that Abyss has not felt
the thumbtacks' kisses.
Lockdown 2005
Abyss vs. AJ Styles - Six Sides Of Steel Cage Match
Their odd clash of styles
- no pun intended, of course -
Makes this match quite good.
Hard Justice 2005
20-man Gauntlet For The Gold
Abyss stands tall;
Over nineteen other men
he stands triumphant.
No Surrender 2005
Raven vs. Abyss - Dog Collar Match for the NWA Heavyweight Title
A bloody ten spot
Stapled to a masked forehead
Covers cab fare home.
Bound For Glory 2005
10 Man Gauntlet for #1 Contendership
One damned day at dawn,
Abyss met Samoa Joe;
Their blows moved the earth.
Genesis 2005
Abyss vs. Sabu - No Disqualification
Sabu tried the barbed wire,
and failed; the monster prevailed!
(More pain yet to come ...)
Sunday, April 16, 2006
South Park Controversy
NP: Signal and Sign - Maximo Park
For those of you who missed the latest episode of South Park, you missed the most poignant defense of free speech in the last few years. In the episode (which was part 2 of a 2 part story arc), Family Guy is supposed to show a portrayal of Mohammed on an upcoming episode. Cartman claims to be offended and he and Kyle take off on their big wheels to Hollywood to have Fox pull the episode. Turns out, Cartman just wants Family Guy off the air and thinks that if you pull one episode, others will protest and you will have to pull them all.
Anyway, the point of the controversy about the episode is that Comedy Central refused to show Mohammed (Parker and Stone blacked out the screen with a message saying "Comedy Central refused to show a picture of Mohammed on their network"), but had no problems showing images of Jesus crapping on President Bush (as part of an "Al-Qaeda retaliation" for Family Guy showing Mohammed).
As a result of the images of Jesus, the Catholic League has came out and said that Stone and Parker should not have shown Jesus like that and are getting all blustery. These criticisms completely miss the point. In their own satirical way, the South Park guys have shown that free speech standards are dictated in the West by terrorism and double-standards. Comedy Central had no qualms showing Jesus (or Mohammed a couple of years ago), but now that we have a Danish cartoon controversy where riots break out, we can no longer show images of Mohammed in the western media. The official line is that the west can't offend people or their cultural sensibilities. The Catholic League should be pointing out the double-standard here and highlighting the fact that, while Christians may take offense to such unflattering portrayals of Christ, the Church is not out in the street rioting. Christians, Mormons, and Scientologists for that matter, who get offended address their grievances within the bounds of civil discourse.
Like Kyle said in the episode, paraphrasing of course, if you respect the values of one religion, you should respect them all. Likewise, if you choose to poke fun at them, you should be able to poke fun at all of them. The West is going to have to stand up for its values of free speech and not have them dictated by those who resort to violence and terror.
Get Excited
NP: Fallen -- Sarah McLachlan
I have my first professorial job interview this week. Unfortunately, it is in Washington DC at a big conference that I was not planning on attending. Since I have to teach MWF, and the interview is Thursday at noon, I'm getting a sub for Wednesday, driving to DC on Wednesday morning, interviewing Thursday and driving back that afternoon/night to teach on Friday. 24 hours of driving for a 30 minute interview.
I will tell you more about the school after the interview has ended. Suffice it to say that it is closer to Kingsport than Gainesville is, but it is still a good ways away. It is also squarely in enemy territory when it comes to my NFL team. It is a small school in a small town, but a decent sized town is 16 miles away so I'm not upset.
In all, I'm really looking forward to it and I hope I can convince the people to hire me. More updates later.
Thursday, April 06, 2006
WM thoughts, last hour
I don't think it was neccessary to add Randy Orton to the Smackdown World Title match, because I'm sure Kurt Angle and Rey Misterio could have put on an awesome match on their own. The triple threat style basically creates a spotfest, which this quickly became. The double German Suplex, Angle suplexing Orton suplexing Rey, was great, and Angle making each opponent tap out while the other distracts the ref was a nice segment, but this match got less than twenty minutes, maybe closer to fifteen, and was ultimately unsatisfying. 2 count.
Giving the fans a break between the two main events is a good idea in theory, but I can't think of a way to actually fill the segment that isn't a waste of time that would be better used lengthening either the Smackdown World Title triple threat match or the Money in the Bank ladder match. The Playboy Pillow Fight between Candice Michelle and Torrie Wilson is no exception. Don't get me wrong, they're bangin' chicks, but if I'm that interested in seeing them near naked, I'll go all the way and find their Playboy pics. DQ.
When I saw HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH's entrance, dressed like Conan the Barbarian sitting on a throne, I thought to myself "that's ridiculous." Then they played a little vignette about 1930s era gangsters, how they were fighting the establishment and extolled three virtues: Hustle, Loyalty, and Respect. I thought that was pretty cool. After that, the ramp raised up and an old 30s era Gangster car drove up, some dudes in pinstripe suits get out wielding Tommy Guns. I thought, "no, that's ridiculous." Then John Cena came out with a Tommy Gun and fired off some "rounds." How about you two just walk your goofy asses to the fucking ring and have a match?
The crowd at Wrestlemania may very well have been retarded. That they were cheering the heels first came up during the Women's Title match, as they were clearly in favor of Mickie James. I think it happened again during the Casket Match, but I wasn't paying attention. The announcers made note of the fans' retardation (but not in so many words) before the Raw World Title match, pointing out that it was like a "road game" for Cena. The crowd was 60/40 in favor of Triple H, but there was crazy mad loud booing when Trip got to the ropes to break the first STFU, so I don't know what the fuck they wanted. I didn't much care for the idea that the master of moves involving the knee, Triple H, is representative of old-school, technical wrestling. I also didn't care much for Cena punching a lot. This is the first time in a long, long while, if ever, that I've seen a Cena match, so that's probably why people say he's a shitty wrestler. Anyway, this match was fucking boring. They spend the first five minutes stalling to sell the idea that Triple H is the superior technical wrestler, then the rest of the match is punches and knees and power moves until the end, when the inferior technical wrestler, John Cena, makes Triple H tap out. So it was stupid, too. 1 count, simply because I enjoyed seeing Triple H tap out in the main event of Wrestlemania.
I quit watching wrestling regularly over two years ago and it appears I didn't miss much. I suppose if I had an emotional stake in anything going on in the WWE right now, aside from wanting to see Triple H die, I might have enjoyed this show more. As it is, it was three hours I could have spent doing something else.
Wednesday, April 05, 2006
NP: Placebo -- Broken Promise
I rarely give in to peer pressure. I think its one of my most endearing qualities actually. This time, however, I caved. I did it. I joined the Facebook.
Facebook is the college-only version of Friendster or Myspace. I am now classified as UF Grad Student 06, so that students will know that I am old when they see my profile (They can't see me...my identity picture is a great shot of the Coke bottle at Turner Field shooting fireworks after Andruw Jones his a home run against the Marlins last summer).
I don't know if either of the other two readers of this fine blog have access to a .edu address, but if you do, I suggest joining. You should see what we are doing with all this technology.
WM thoughts, second hour and a half
As with the first match of the first portion, I'm skipping the first match of the second portion. Watching the Boogeyman with worms in his mouth grosses me out like none other. I'd rather watch Hogan v. Warrior II than this guy and that's NOT hyperbole. Seeing DiBiase do the basketball dribbling for money skit with Eugene was pretty cool, even though it was part of a goofy "Booker is a freak magnet" segment. I don't think an arrogant millionaire who belittles kids and retards is a freak. That's pretty much normal, actually.
The Women's Title match was as good as you could expect in wrestling terms and they're both decent workers, but with Trish Stratus being a hot, hot, goddamn hot woman and Mickie James fighting to keep her salads in her shirt this match gets seven or eight stars. I think Trish's injury is worked, seeing as Mickie worked that leg for the rest of the match as the main "story." Also, Mickie grabbed Trish by the crotch and licked the hand she used to grab the crotch and holy Jeebus that was awesome. Various other lesbian themed spots also ruled. Botched finish brings the match down to an infinity-minus-one count. Ahh, hot lesbians: God's gift to mankind.
I always find it odd that the WWE never seems to play up any particular ties between the Undertaker and Survivor Series, seeing as how he debuted at that show in 1990, won the World Title there in 1991, his retribution against Yokozuna in the second casket match in 1994, his first major victory over Mankind in 1996, but they do make a big deal about his undefeated streak at Wrestlemania. That's not unreasonable, given Mania's status as the Granddaddy of 'em All, but he has a few victories over less-than-notable opponents, such as Giant Gonzalez, King Kong Bundy (way past his prime), Big Boss Man, A-Train, and now Mark Henry. Ok, that leaves nine opponents worthy of mention, but I'm not typing those out. Anyway, this paragraph is more exciting and less predictable than the Casket Match that put the Undertaker at 14-0. 1 count, because I will always have a soft spot for the the Undertaker.
I don't care much for the feud between Shawn Michaels and Vince McMahon, mainly because it's largely unoriginal, going nowhere and unneccessary. Neither one of them can give the other any heat, given their respective positions in the industry, yet either one of them, or even both of them, could do a lot to build up some younger guys into to main event stars. But we've seen this story a million times before in the wrestling business; two guys stroking their own egos for personal satisfaction under the delusion that they're putting asses in the seats. At this point, on sheer momentum, Wrestlemania is gonna sell out in five minutes and get a million buys or whatever unless they put on a card comprising solely of midget and women's matches. Michaels v. McMahon is not a particular selling point. Not one ticket or one buy was predicated on that match. That said, Shawn snapped and got fuckin' vicious, which was actually interesting. In the bigger picture, though, they completely wasted that with the match they've setup for Backlash, where Shane and Vince will team up against Shawn and "God." Now, I'm all for mocking religion, but there's really nowhere they can go with that idea that will make it worth not having the Mania match be the big blowoff, unless Kevin Nash returns dressed as Oz to play "God," which would be pretty fuckin' hilarious. 1 and a half count, solely based on Shawn getting evil for the finish. The match itself was nothing special.
Tomorrow: the big finish.
Tuesday, April 04, 2006
WM thoughts, first hour and a half
Skipped the Raw Tag Title match, don't care.
The Money in the Bank ladder match was solid, with Flair taking a huge bump off a ladder, being escorted out due to injury, then returning for one last spot which was hilarious. A six-man ladder match neccessitates the match being a somewhat coherent spot-fest. Nothing you've never seen before, with maybe the exception of Benjamin's running swanton off a ladder propped up on the ropes. And Bobby Lashley's fear of heights making it hard for him to climb the ladder was a new one. The match felt a bit short, 2 1/4 count. RVD is pretty damned over, so look for him to job to either Cena or HHHHHHHHHHHHHHH at the ECW PPV Sneaking Out the Morning After.
The US Title match was uneventful, with the exception of the Wrestling Republican taunting Chris Benoit by mocking Eddie Guerrero's mannerisms. It made sense in the context that John "Texas Reagan" Layfield hates immigrants (and probably Negroes, too, but that isn't really relevant) and other assorted foreigners, such as the "Canadian Liberal" Chris Benoit. (Actually, the Wrestling Libertarian claimed that a win over Benoit, combined with his victory over Guerrero to win the WWE World Title last year, would make him "the greatest technical wrestler ever," probably a euphemism for something relating to Nixon's "Southern Strategy", which the GOP never actually used to win elections but RNC Chair Ken Mehlman kinda-sorta apologized for last year.) A neat sequence involving JWL reversing the Liberal Crossface into a pinning predicament and using the ropes for leverage finishes the match, with Goldwater stealing the US Title much like Kennedy stole the 1960 election, which everybody acknowledges now but don't dare suggest shenanigans in either Bush victory because that would make you a comm'nist and terrist. 2 count for the match, 3 count for all the digs it allowed me to get in at Ron.
I gotta give Edge major props and a kudo for taking some serious shit in the Hardcore match with Foley. Usually when Mick broke out the thumb tacks or barbed wire in his WWF days it was for the purpose of making the other guy look great when they used it on Mick (see HitC vs. Undertaker and HitC vs. HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH). Edge actually took a bump in the tacks and shots from the barbed wire bat, doing a decent amount of bleeding. Lita even got some Hardcore Socko cuts on her lips. Sure, Foley took the brunt of the fiery table, but Edge even exposed himself to some of that as well. 2 and a half count for even distribution of pain and suffering.
More later as I get the chance to watch it.
Saturday, April 01, 2006
Yay, it's April Fool's Day ...
I used to love April Fool's. All through elementary & high schools, I used to be the king of the prank. Teachers, students, my folks, friends, girlfriends ... no one was spared.
I guess it was in college that the fun just got sucked out of me. Kinda like the transition of Halloween to Jesus Freakfest, April Fool's Day just started to mean the wrong thing to the wrong people, and suddenly the fun of it got turned around. April Fool's Day now is just like a 24 hour "Punk'd" marathon.
Specifically, I blame radio station personalities for screwing up April Fool's Day, what with their stupid on-air prank calls & stupid programming decisions. When I lived in VA, one radio station played Elvis all day long, 24 hours straight through. Yep ... wow, that's pretty funny ... Elvis ... heh ... uh, yeah.
Ah, well, it's all in good fun today. On that note, I put a banner on "that other site" that used a Where's Waldo picture that I got from this game:
http://www.ebaumsworld.com/flash/waldo.html
Give it a click, but be warned, it's pretty hard. It took me a few minutes to solve it.
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