The SGM Month of Halloween Movie Epilogue

Nate dorks out with the films of the marathon.

Wanna buy the films of the Halloween 2007 festival? Look no further!

Ranking the 30 films by merits of enjoyability (w/ explanations of rank):
1) The Monster Squad: Tons of nostalgia; a mid-80s monster mash-up; Tom Noonan; "Wolfman's got nards!"; Dracula calling the 5 year old girl a "little bitch"
2) From Beyond: Very foreboding atmosphere; Ken Forry; the heroine bites off Jeffery Combs' pineal gland to flee; the "brain sucking through the eyeball" scene
3) Behind the Mask: The Rise of Leslie Vernon: The deconstruction of the supernatural slasher genre; the twist in the story; again, the sense of foreboding that accompanies even the moments of levity
4) Munster, Go Home: A classic; Dragula; Terry-Thomas
5) Demons 2: Balls to the wall horror, with relentless beasts that terrorize the populace of the tenement

6) Tales From the Crypt: Strong anthology, with each segment just as powerful as the first; Peter Cushing always rocks
7) Witchfinder General: Vincent Price in perhaps his most serious role; the menace in the storyline
8) El Vampiro: Very influential film; atmosphere aplenty; great vapire film for the era, and the actor portraying the vampire doesn't try to lamp Lugosi
9) Phantasm: "Boy!"; great "jump" scares; the silver ball antagonist, that can be almost as terrifying as most film monsters
10) The Burning: Unnerving setting, with a remarkable amount of claustrophobia; Jason fucking Alexander, establishing his George Costanza character in a most bizarre setting

11) Feast: The anonymity of the heroic characters; I'm a sucker for the "unexplained horror" conceit; no nudity, plus a plot somewhat derivative of the "Demons" films, and "From Dusk Till Dawn" hurts this one a bit
12) Santo y Blue Demon Contra Dracula y el Hombre Lobo: Surprisingly bland storyline, despite the fact that the film includes hot lucha action; fun film nonetheless
13) Ebola Syndrome: Gritty film, that manages to be considerably mean-spirited and fun simultaneously; now, the scene where the lead villain is running around the urban environment spitting blood on bystanders, shouting "Ebola!" is pretty surreal and funny
14) Call of Cthulhu: Novel concept; pretty damn short; stop motion effects are sketchy; it's silent, so it's definitely a "gotta be in the mood" film
15) The Gravedancers: The premise puts the characters in some pretty incredulous positions to act the opposite of how you'd think they should; the ghosts are very well designed, even though the actual scares are few and far between; the acting, for a bunch of relative unknowns, is actually not too shabby

16) The Return of the Vampire: It's fucking Lugosi, dude; the werewolf Andreas, who's bland as a hero, but inspires cheers as a villain; a little dry (it was released in 1944, though)
17) Just Before Dawn: Having watched "Hills Have Eyes," "The Burning," and "Friday the 13th," I might not have been in the mood for yet another "victims in the woods fleeing a killer" film; it does stand alone very well on its own merits however
18) The Devil Commands: Karloff brings the pain; more sci-fi than horror
19) Halloween II: A very solid sequel to the outstanding original "Halloween;" Curtis seems bored, even if being "out of it" fits her character's circumstances; that goddamn horrible synthesizer rendition of the classic "Halloween" theme
20) Tales From the Darkside: The Movie: "Lot 249" is really the reason to watch this film; "Cat From Hell" is lame, and "Lover's Vow" is predictable

21) The Dead Next Door: The lowness of the budget shows through; the "super zombie cop" at the end does presage later attempts to update the zombie film genre; if a staple of zombie films is to gauge how they fit into the Romero Zombieverse, then this goes between "Day of the Dead" and "Land of the Dead"
22) The Manitou: Creepy atmosphere, but damn if the film doesn't have the most WTF ending you're likely to come across
23) Dracula vs. Frankenstein: It's disappointing to know that this is Lon Chaney Jr.'s last hurrah; hollow sound, and atrocious acting pervades throughout
24) Frankenstein Conquers the World: Not a bad entry into the Frankenstein canon; I did expect Godzilla to come in halfway through
25) Scooby Doo Meets the Harlem Globtrotters: The Loch Ness Mess: Scatman Crothers carries the story; I hated moments when Meadowlark Lemon wasn't onscreen

26) Zombie Honeymoon: Low budget; a little more "chick-flicky" than you'd probably want your zombie films to be
27) National Lampoon's Class Reunion: Mostly played for laughs; Michael Lerner brings a lot of enjoyment to this film
28) Scarecrows: Not a bad film overall, but the dialogue is eardrum-piercing; too many stock shots of the same scarecrows in the same poses to pad the running time
29) Satan's Little Helper: Horrible production values; what should be scary or unnerving becomes unintentionally hilarious and irritating
30) Dukes of Hazzard: The Ghost of the General Lee: Very limited horror factor; pretty contrived storyline, even for the Dukes of Hazzard

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During the holiday, I took advantage of the multiple Halloween film sales in a variety of online & brick-and-mortar locations. Tons of fodder for next year's marathon, so if you're the kind that looks forward to that kinda thing, then you're in for quite a bit of fun.

In following up the horror comics discussion, the past few weeks saw the release of "Freddy vs. Jason vs. Ash," which was alleged to be a film sequel to the "Freddy vs. Jason" movie ... until Bruce Campbell respectfully declined. First issue isn't too terrible ... the series will fall nicely on the shelf among the "Army of Darkness vs. Marvel Zombies" and "Jason vs. Jason X" minis. Also, "Marvel Zombies 2" came out, and it's starting off with a civil war brewing, but not akin to the "Civil War" that has taken over the normal Marvel Universe.

On the horror videogame tip, "Manhunt 2" came out, and I'll be setting aside some time this weekend to play that. Review to follow.

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Even though the last "monster vs. monster" poll should be up, regardless of the outcome, one trend stands clear - the new generation of monsters beat out the old.

Frankenstein d. Pinhead. Michael Myers d. the Wolf Man. Leatherface d. Dracula. And, at this writing, Freddy Kruger d. the Mummy.

I have to admit that I am surprised by the outcomes of Wolf Man/ Myers and Dracula/ Leatherface. I'd figure that Wolf Man would defeat Michael Myers handily, as Myers probably lacks the insight to seek out a silver-laden weapon. However, as full moon's only last so long, as the Wolf Man would leave Myers in defeat. This would give the Shape time to rehabilitate, and, upon the first night without a full moon, the defenseless Larry Talbot would be easy prey.

Now, Dracula facing Leatherface is another story. The supernatural powers of the vampire puts him at a distinct advantage over Leatherface. The only factor that would possibly give 'Face an edge is the daytime. Now, whether Leatherface is too much of a 'tard to know to take advantage of this weakness or not remains, in my book, up for debate.

If I was doing this poll series all over again, I'd do write-ups, detailing scenarios which would put these characters in situations where they'd be most likely to meet. Oh well, live & learn; Creature of the Black Lagoon vs. Jason Voorhees will be up for 6 days.

Overall, it was a good year. Appreciate all who rang the bell and didn't egg the house. Now, let's look ahead to the next big thing.