Film Review - George Romero's "Land Of The Dead"

Before I go into the review, I have a simple question: Why does no one go to the movies to watch the movie anymore? Everyone around us talked, joked, laughed, talked on their goddamn cell phones for the better part of two hours. During dramatic parts, the three black girls sitting in front of us would either laugh, or say, “I bet a zombie’s gonna jump out!!” I have better things to do with $8 than to go somewhere and do something that I can do for free at the house, and not interfere with other people’s enjoyment while I’m doing it. That’s like people who would go to the ETSU library to socialize.

Ah, the return of the Romero zombie; I was beginning to believe that all zombies were ever going to do from now on was run down their prey like jaguars chasing gazelles. And that shit just doesn’t seem right to me, what with all the rigor and such. The zombie, in my opinion, always had the advantage in the scare department in their sheer numbers and their use of stealth to bring down their victims. I liked the fast moving, can’t-be-killed zombies of “Return Of The Living Dead,” but since then everyone’s apparently thought that was the way to go. That’s why zombies, as envisioned by Romero, rank highly on my “most terrifying monster” list; Dracula, you can stake, and the Wolfman, you can shoot. But the zombie keeps coming and coming, and you can shoot ‘em in the head all you want, but what’re you going to do when you run out of bullets? Pray? Good luck, there.

A few casting observations: John Leguizamo apparently learned in acting school that, in order to act sinister, the consummate actor must speak out of the side of his mouth, all the time; that’s how you know he’s a hardened wiseass. Asia Argento, on the other hand, cannot act and is a scag who probably only landed her role because of her pops Dario’s connection to Romero ... and why in the hell would anyone pierce their neck??! Both of these lame-o’s had less personality than Dead Reckoning, the truck that proves the centerpiece of the film ... yes, a truck. And part of me wondered if Hopper calling Leguizamo’s character a “spic” was a SHOOT, brother!!

I always appreciate the character development that Romero infuses in his zombie films. The previous movies, from “Night Of The Living Dead,” to “Dawn Of The Dead,” and up to most recently “Day Of The Dead,” always told the story of man holding his own against that which he didn’t understand. We’re a crazy animal; we want to comprehend something before we try to deal with it. Think about the leaky faucet; we first examine the problem for a long time, trying to get a grasp on where the problem started. Then we tackle it, call the plumber or fixing it ourselves. Same thing with the zombies; in “Night,” we wanted to know where they came from. In “Dawn,” we were fascinated by their ability to still relate to things they clung to while they were alive. In “Day,” we wanted to study them like lab animals. Now in “Land,” we want to know why they can communicate, how they can adapt. Instead of, you know, just shooting them in the fucking head and moving on. But the character development by Romero remains pretty spot on ... disparate people, thrown together by circumstances that God creates and brings to our doorsteps and says, “Here, chew on this, you buncha bitches.” The ant farm shaken vigorously by a bored kid, perhaps.

A good film, a 2 & 3/4 count; some different actors and a bit more complex storyline might have pulled it up to a total 3 count, as it felt like I was watching two different movies at times, but it definitely continues the “Dead” tradition nicely. At least, better than any of the remakes could or will; I wonder at what point, with Hollywood going remake crazy, we lap ourselves on the track and they do a remake of the remake of the “Dead” films? Ah, just bitching.

One parting rhetorical question, though: In a film loaded with grievous head wounds, blood spurts, and disembowelments, why did a scene where Dennis Hopper is picking his nose get the most horrified vocal reaction?