Pat Benatar was right

NP: Fuel -- Metallica

When a relationship ends, the two participants look back over their past and pick up the pieces like two unsuccessful generals taking casulality reports after a obscenely brutal battle. Things that were once used as gifts of love have an uncanny ability of turning into weapons or not-so-gentle reminders of what you once had, and once hoped, you had. Things become symbols of what was lost that will likely never again be found. The wallpaper on your desktop. The "I love you" note scribbled on a post-it note and passed across the table at Coffee Culture. The baseball you caught at Braves batting practice during your first game to Turner Field. Like soldiers leaving combat, they are sorted and re-allocated....given a new position in your new existence. Positive things you keep. Others, like prisoners of war, you return. Still more you bury as casulaties. Unlike soldiers, you try to forget them as fast as possible. Songs, movies, shows, places, and books that were once enjoyable or just normal take on a new dimension that is not easily shed.

In our 24-hour news cycle/500 channel culture, thousands of people have earned their paychecks by analyzing the actions of others. Whether it is an election, a football game, or a celebrity relationship, someone is going to be on television or the internet in less than 2 minutes talking about it. When a reltionship ends, similar reflection occurs but with major differences. There is no instant-replay machine for a relationship. Things that were easily overlooked now loom large as hurtful artifacts of the past. Comments that made the skin bristle but were ignored suddenly gain an ominous meaning. "Why didn't I see that before?" "Why didn't I get in the car and drive home when she said such and such?" "What was she thinking?" These are just some of the refrains that echo across the battle-scarred terrain when a relationship ends.

In short, we re-invent the relationship we just left. When it was good it was good, there is no doubt, but was it really that good? Surely it was, or you wouldn't have stayed! Or would you? Suddenly the things that were not so bad at the time become tanks rolling across your memory destroying everything in their path. Thus is life as a human. An imperfect machine that can not record things for 10 angles or consult the talking points on command. We remember what has hurt us, what has injured our vulnerable souls and ultimately what has taken a person who was once special away from us and straight to the dustbin of ex-girlfriends. A collection that grows like a cancer in your mind and in your memory.