What the World Needs Now

NP: Silence, glorious and blissful silence.

The following post is very ranty, so if you are in a happy, joyful post-Thanksgiving home for the holidays mood, save it for later.

You know, the internet can be funny sometimes. I firmly believe that the internet was invented so that shy people could meet other shy people online and believe that they were participating in some sort of significant social activity. The whole "you can be anyone" thing is now a cliche of cyberspace, but I think that, like all good cliches, it has a grain of truth to it.

In this day and age, however, shy people are subject to a number of checks and balances in the form of digital cameras, webcams, and other such videoconferencing-type materials. No longer can the fat, dorky Andy Kaid type pass themselves off as a 6'4, 225 pounds running back with abs of steel and a face to die for. No no no. The 250-pound Big Bertha female can no longer claim to be a petit 100-pound ADPi member.

You see, the internet has given us the novel concept of the anonymous exhibitionist. Take the site hot or not dot com. I have often used hotornot to fight boredom but now I truly beleive it is a microcosm of all that is wrong with the internet.

First of all, hotornot, like the internet, is open to everyone. Take the following two pictures as evidence. First, we have the gothic rebel punk grrrl found at: http://www.hotornot.com/r/?eid=OLHQHSK-XFL . She clearly has the stereotypical indie/punk "FTW" attitude, but still wants to know if the world finds her physically attractive. She even shows us that her tongue is not pierced, instantly dropping her 2 points in the rating scale. Then, we get the amazing physical specimen found at: http://www.hotornot.com/r/?eid=E8SYBQA-CKH . Not only does this girl look like my upstairs neighbor who once thought was a porn star, she is even dressed the part! Only on the world wide web can we find such a stark contrast linked together through the presence of modern technology.

Hot or not can tell us a lot of things. Women are still having babies, as evidenced by this photo: http://www.hotornot.com/r/?eid=BUGSEUG-YHR . According to her profile, she is single and looking for a relationship. I would imagine so.

Hot or not also shows us that eye make-up can't make up for what the eye can see: http://www.hotornot.com/r/?eid=KMGSALA-XGE , pinballs and jukeboxes can not make horrible green skirts attractive: http://www.hotornot.com/r/?eid=KSSQRYN-DUX , and that Pat Benetar still has cultural resonance with today's youth: http://www.hotornot.com/r/?eid=EEK8HUB-RJL .

Of course, the mail-order brides have also made it to the site: http://www.hotornot.com/r/?eid=O8EME8A-FFP . That girl sure looks better than the Filipiono chick in Dodgeball.

Speaking of movies, I present to you the first on the list of rejected applicants for the new James Bond: http://www.hotornot.com/r/?eid=ERSSBER-MCJ

Queen of the Frogs: http://www.hotornot.com/r/?eid=OYAMGEO-JTG

Princess of the Frogs: http://www.hotornot.com/r/?eid=GUEZBLB-WVN

The new leader of the transgendered Village People: http://www.hotornot.com/r/?eid=E8OSHRA-TAT

Proof that hair-dye should come with instructions: http://www.hotornot.com/r/?eid=EEGLNQR-GNG

And, if you've stayed with me this long, the payoff shot: ttp://www.hotornot.com/r/?eid=BSEUBMB-AAS Someone who shoud have stayed shy behind the keyboard.