http://www.alligator.org/pt2/051129letter1.php
If you want to read the guy I was responding to, read http://www.alligator.org/pt2/051128letter2.php
I didn't really get to argue my points as well as I would have likes, but I think I made him look sufficiently stupid.
Tuesday, November 29, 2005
Hey look, I wrote a letter
Friday, November 25, 2005
What the World Needs Now
NP: Silence, glorious and blissful silence.
The following post is very ranty, so if you are in a happy, joyful post-Thanksgiving home for the holidays mood, save it for later.
You know, the internet can be funny sometimes. I firmly believe that the internet was invented so that shy people could meet other shy people online and believe that they were participating in some sort of significant social activity. The whole "you can be anyone" thing is now a cliche of cyberspace, but I think that, like all good cliches, it has a grain of truth to it.
In this day and age, however, shy people are subject to a number of checks and balances in the form of digital cameras, webcams, and other such videoconferencing-type materials. No longer can the fat, dorky Andy Kaid type pass themselves off as a 6'4, 225 pounds running back with abs of steel and a face to die for. No no no. The 250-pound Big Bertha female can no longer claim to be a petit 100-pound ADPi member.
You see, the internet has given us the novel concept of the anonymous exhibitionist. Take the site hot or not dot com. I have often used hotornot to fight boredom but now I truly beleive it is a microcosm of all that is wrong with the internet.
First of all, hotornot, like the internet, is open to everyone. Take the following two pictures as evidence. First, we have the gothic rebel punk grrrl found at: http://www.hotornot.com/r/?eid=OLHQHSK-XFL . She clearly has the stereotypical indie/punk "FTW" attitude, but still wants to know if the world finds her physically attractive. She even shows us that her tongue is not pierced, instantly dropping her 2 points in the rating scale. Then, we get the amazing physical specimen found at: http://www.hotornot.com/r/?eid=E8SYBQA-CKH . Not only does this girl look like my upstairs neighbor who once thought was a porn star, she is even dressed the part! Only on the world wide web can we find such a stark contrast linked together through the presence of modern technology.
Hot or not can tell us a lot of things. Women are still having babies, as evidenced by this photo: http://www.hotornot.com/r/?eid=BUGSEUG-YHR . According to her profile, she is single and looking for a relationship. I would imagine so.
Hot or not also shows us that eye make-up can't make up for what the eye can see: http://www.hotornot.com/r/?eid=KMGSALA-XGE , pinballs and jukeboxes can not make horrible green skirts attractive: http://www.hotornot.com/r/?eid=KSSQRYN-DUX , and that Pat Benetar still has cultural resonance with today's youth: http://www.hotornot.com/r/?eid=EEK8HUB-RJL .
Of course, the mail-order brides have also made it to the site: http://www.hotornot.com/r/?eid=O8EME8A-FFP . That girl sure looks better than the Filipiono chick in Dodgeball.
Speaking of movies, I present to you the first on the list of rejected applicants for the new James Bond: http://www.hotornot.com/r/?eid=ERSSBER-MCJ
Queen of the Frogs: http://www.hotornot.com/r/?eid=OYAMGEO-JTG
Princess of the Frogs: http://www.hotornot.com/r/?eid=GUEZBLB-WVN
The new leader of the transgendered Village People: http://www.hotornot.com/r/?eid=E8OSHRA-TAT
Proof that hair-dye should come with instructions: http://www.hotornot.com/r/?eid=EEGLNQR-GNG
And, if you've stayed with me this long, the payoff shot: ttp://www.hotornot.com/r/?eid=BSEUBMB-AAS Someone who shoud have stayed shy behind the keyboard.
Wednesday, November 23, 2005
Reflections of the way life used to be
NP: Bouncing Round the Room -- Phish
Back about 2 years ago, I absolutely could not wait to get home for the Thanksgiving and Christmas breaks. This town was home, you see. The overwhelming majority of my family and friends lived within a 50-mile radius of my home, so trips to the 423 were usually chock full of visits to people who I haven't seen or talked to since the last holiday season. I always had places to go and people to see.
The situation is similar today, but I really don't think I like this place as much as I used to. Yes, the family and friends still rock. It is great to go hang out with the very attractive ex-cheerleader who I graduated high school with. Seeing movies with my back-home friends beats watching movies in Gainesville. Mom and Dad still love me. What has changed is, I think, I have become cognizant of everyone else.
In this forum at almost this same time, I wrote in that there were a lot of fat people in Kingsport. It is uncanny how many large, gaping overweight people there are. While, admittedly, I was a fat person for a majority of my life, these people are above and beyond the call. It's like someone needs to seriously open up a Gold's Gym franchise here pronto.
Also, a lot of the people here could best be described as rednecks. I didn't realize that before. I guess it is where I went to the high school I went to and had classes with a lot of Eastman kids whose parents were from outside the area, but I never realized the depths of the redneckiness of this area. It's still not as bad as Somerset or London, Kentucky, but it is worse than I remember it.
Finally, all the local politics that are going on really makes me wonder about this place. A City Manager is probably going to be run out of town becuase he fired a cop who threatened another guy. The cop was off the clock, and the guy had made a threat to his wife. The cop said he was going to put the guy in an f***ing body bag if the guy did anything to his wife. The City Manager fired him. The County Sheriff hired him. There are about 10 letters to the editor a day on this subject and it is ridiculous. It is the only news story on the planet more annoying than the T.O. saga. If onyl SPortscenter will talk about the Burk Murray case, then it will be the most useless hour on television.
Wow. I still love Kingsport, but it ain't what it used to be. I can't tell if it has changed, or if I have changed. I would imagine more experiences lead to a change of vision, but it is still weird to think that the place where I come from can be so radically different three years later.
Monday, November 21, 2005
Sunday, November 06, 2005
Oregon Loves Ricky Morton
NP: The glorious sounds of a library.
This week, historians at the 30th Annual Meeting of the Social Science History Association took time out of their busy conference drinking and bad sportscoat-wearing schedule to discuss the hard luck story of one Richard J. Morton, professional wrestler and Southern icon. Although many of the individuals attending hailed from the West coast or the Northeast, the story of Morton's draconian incarceration had spread throughout academia.
"I don't understand the outdated justice system of Tennessee," said Prof. Lilly B. White of Boise Valley State A+M. "Ricky Morton is an important figure in the postwar history of the South. To keep him in jail is an outrage and a tragedy."
White, whose first book Left-Handed Lesbian Popcorn Vendors in Northern Idaho at the Turn of the Century recently won the prestigious Bruce Banner prize for a first book in Consumerist-Gender History, believes that Morton is a victim of a corrupt system that punishes white celebrities for simply being white.
"It's unfathomable," White said. "Morton means more to the South than Bear Bryant and Richard Petty combined. Now, he is forced to live out is days in the pen."
Not all historians agree. Colby P. Chandler IV, professor of Ethnography and Nematology at University of California at Muscle Beach, contends that Morton has got what is coming to him.
"The man deserves to be locked up for life," Chandler said. "The man has a 4 foot mullet. That hairstyle went out with Lisa Lisa and Cult Jam and the Sega 32X. He should remain in prison forever."
Chandler, while in the minority, found sympathizers on his trip to Portland. Gordon Clapp, professor of Social Justice and Carwashing at South Western Valley State, believes that Morton is representative of recent trends in the justice system.
"Historically, most of those incarcerated have been minorities," Clapp said. "Jailing such a prominent white Southern goes a long way to correcting the past 50 years of criminal history."
Owners of the website www.helprickymorton.org failed to make the trip to Portland, as their online benefit auction was moving at a rapid pace. The $20 picture of Morton and his lazy-eyed tag-team partner Robert Gibson had nearly cleared reserve, and the office was abuzz with rumors that Estes Johnson, also known as the 7-foot tall Waffle House chef, was going to autograph a restaurant menu and donate his work-worn uniform from last night's graveyard shift.
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