Monty Brown d. some guy. No contest; "Alpha Male" owns, even though Don West doesn't know the difference between a "T-bone suplex" and a fallaway slam.
Post-match, Brown calls out Christian, who obliges. Then, perhaps the greatest interaction this side of 3rd grade:
CC: "What's the capital of Thailand?"
MB: "Why don't you indulge me with your geographic knowledge?"
CC: "Bangkok."
Then Christian smacks Monty Brown in the balls! Christian > any of us.
AMW cuts a promo about the upcoming AMW/Jarrett/Abyss vs. 3D/Rhino/Killings match at Destination X. Then, Alyx Shelley busts in with his awesomeness ... the quicker I see him in a match or tag team with Christian, the happier I'll still be.
AJ Styles vs. Roderick Strong - No chance Strong wins here ... not against Samoa Joe's enemy #1T (tied with Christopher Daniels, of course). Those three will be having an Ultimate X match at D-X; how the hell will Joe get his flabby ass across those cables? "What's a nigga gonna do when he's Samoan?"
Strong really is the messiah of the backbreaker ... that half-nelson drop over the knee is incredible, and even moreso when he did it to Samoa Joe several weeks ago. I hear Strong and Aries are being disciplined for some slight against TNA at the last PPV; if that means that I'll have some time to get "Austin Aries - Gayboy" out of my memory. And look at that ... Styles Clash, it's all done wit'.
"What's going on in the back?" Buncha whores, that what. Gail Kim needs to be doing butt-naked split-leg moonsaults on my dick, as of yesterday. Kim wants Jackie Gayda to wear something that apparently makes Gayda disgusted ... like it could be any sluttier than what she's wearing already?!
James Gang (nee New Age Outlaws) vs. Team Canada, represented by Bobby Roode & A-1's bacne. Billy Gunn seriously needs to stop with the ponytail business, seeing as how he's almost 50. I don't know what's gayer: the ponytails, or the shirt tied in a knot in the front. TNA, book LAX vs. Team Canada now. But get a better rep than Ma-sheh-tay.
Speaking of, post-match we have a run-in by the LAX. And Konnan fears, FEARS I say, Bullet Bob Armstrong. Double-you tee eff?
Let's see, TNA makes a "global impact" but they still don't run consistent house shows? Why not a one shot deal at the old Asylum in TN?
That fat-faced "Mithter, would you play with uth?" little girl in the "Hills Have Eyes remake" commercial is really creeping me out. Not that she's scary, but it's scary how much I want her to go down on me. AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!
I love this promo for the Joe/Daniels/Styles Ult-X match ... everyone says stuff like "Joe can't compete in the Ultimate X match like a normal X-division competitor" ... oh just say, he's fat & that fat fucker might snap the cables, 'cause he's fat.
Oh, shit, he heard me, and now he's out to choke me like a bitch. Joe vs. Shark Boy ... you gotta be fucking kidding me. "Joe's gonna eat you!" The crowd is crazy. Will Joe sell the bite to the ass? Will he?? All signs point to ... oh jesus, Joe with a pele kick to Shit Boy on the top rope!! Like I said, you gotta be fucking kidding me.
Gail Kim has some big titties. Gayda still complaining about wearing something over her slut uniform.
The Snickers toupee commercial is solid gold. Dude would've gotten away with that look if he was using Reese's Cups ... then the chick would be so hot for him, she'd eat his asshole.
Ron Killings in an "in-depth" promo, talking about his upbringing. Shelton Benjamin & Ron Killings ... book it!! Rhino & Ron Killings vs. AMW for the Tag Titles - Killings is from Flair Country~! Shame that the "Black Nature Boy" nickname is taken by Scoot Andrews. Killings & Storm lock up to start, and in a series of moves, Killings is wearing Storm's cowboy hat while kicking his ass. Now Rhino & Chris Harris trade some offense. Killings seems to have Storm's number so far; Rhino neutralizes Harris pretty effectively, too. Abyss interferes with some heelish dickery ... BLACK HOLE SLAM THROUGH A WALL!! KILLINGS HAS NO PARTNER!! NOW I KNOW HOW THIS IS GOING TO END!!!111onehundredeleven Death Sentence ends this abortion of a title match.
Abyss cuts a promo. "Bwargh! Bwargh! Bwargh? Bwargh!!"
We end this shindig on a video viewing party with Jarrett, Canadians and ... Gayda in a pirate barmaid's outfit. It seems that they videotaped Sting at home? Shelley complains about Sting being unlisted in the phone book ... I wonder if he looked it up under "Sting?" Shelley's ongoing commentary is the best thing going today. This would be rock solid if Shelley caught Sting having an affair. And Eric Young ... he plays paranoid almost as good as the clients that I see trying to malinger for disability ('cause they're too lazy to work ... it's easier to be called mentally ill than to get a fucking job).
This week's verdict: March 12, I am seriously considering getting Destination X, for realla.
(And on a side note, yes, "Marvel Zombies" is every bit as weird as you think it would be.)
Saturday, February 25, 2006
TNA: Impact 2/25/06
3 comments:
Here's how they should book the finish to the Ultimate X match: either Daniels or Styles climbs out to get the belt and when he drops, Samoa Joe is there to catch him and do something to make them drop the belt before they touch the ground. Then Joe picks it up to win the match. Unless, of course, they've already established that the person who unhooks the belt is the winner and it isn't required to touch the ground with the belt.
Well, of the handful of Ultimate X matches I've seen, three have had wonky verdicts:
Petey Williams vs. Matt Bentley vs. Chris Sabin - While Sabin & Bentley are making their way to the big red X, it dangle precariously on the wires, finally falling on its own, into the hands of Petey Williams, who is then named the victor, to cries of "Bullshit" from the crowd.
Daniels vs. Styles vs. Killings vs. Skipper - Styles falls to the ground holding the belt, but the referee is distracted/dazed; so is Styles, allowing Daniels to crawl over and snatch the belt, hanging onto it until the ref sees it & declares Daniels the new champion.
Kazarian vs. Bentley vs. Styles - Kazarian and Bentley are both holding onto the belt when they fall to the ground, and they are declared co-holders of the X-division belt.
Now, some of the matches have been a little more clear cut, like the prime time special rematch of the Williams/Bentley/Sabin fiasco, and the match that TNA did on Best Damn Sports Show was also pretty choice. The problem with the match is the rigging, which allows the goal (a big red X or the title belt) to fall unexpectedly sometimes.
Of course, the rules are kinda debatable too. Sabin won that BDSSP match simply by unhooking the X, but instead of hitting the mat, he hung upside down in triumph, but was still declared the winner.
One of the best matches of this style, I contend, is the Petey Williams vs. Chris Sabin vs. AJ Styles match from Final Resolution. It was just balls out, and it's the one where AJ was "turned inside out" by a dropkick from Sabin (while Styles was hanging on the wires). It also had one of the best finishes I've ever seen. Definitely one to check out.
I must say, the "butt-naked split-legged moonsaults" line never gets old.
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