Saturday, December 29, 2007

Here, on the eve of my birthday ....

Who the hell else was born tomorrow? (Besides someone else's spouse on this fine forum ...)

1865 - Rudyard Kipling: Wrote the "Jungle Book," although he did not write "The Bare Necessities." Thusly, he is less important for this fact.

1928 - Bo Diddley: Blues great. Can't complain.

1935 - Sandy Koufax: Jewish baseball player who wouldn't play on Yom Kippur, which is a cop-out, considering all those Christian ball players who played games on Sundays.

1942 - Mike Nesmith: The tall Monkee.

1945 - Davey Jones: The short Monkee, and it sucks that 50% of the Monkees were born on my birthday. There's gotta be some way to balance that out ...

1957 - Matt Lauer: Matt motherfunkin' Lauer, ruler & overlord of "Dateline NBC!"

Edit: Nope, that's Stone Phillips, born December 2, 1954. Infinitely cooler than Lauer. Why couldn't Stone's momma hold him in for 28 more days? Lazy bitch.

1959 - Tracy Ullman: Heh, and her big legacy is that her shitty sketch comedy is only known for being the launching pad of the "Simpsons." Go home!

1961 - Ben Johnson: Steroids, what?

1965 - Heidi Fleiss: Hookers, what?

1967 - Carl Oulett: Hardly the only professional wrestler to be born on this day ... of course, that only includes Bill Kazmeier and, to a very limited extent, A.J. Pierzynski.

1973 - Nacho Vidal: Spanish born porn actor. That starts making up for the Monkees, actually.

1975 - Tiger Woods: Was traded to China a few years back in the Racial Draft. Konichiwa, bitches.

1977 - Laila Ali: Muhammad's daughter, who, like pops, boxes. I'm highly disappointed that not one of her fights has included hair-pull snapmares.

1977 - Kenyon Martin: Played for the Nets during that one time that they were the closest they'll probably ever get to the NBA title.

1980 - Eliza Dushku: A very accomplished actress, classically trained, and has been featured in some high quality cinematic fare, the likes of "Soul Survivors," "Bring It On," "Jay & Silent Bob Strike Back," "Wrong Turn," and some show with a character named Buffy. The only thing I find remotely interesting is how quickly all of the titles of films she's starred in can be converted into porn film titles.

1981 - Haley Paige: Ah, speaking of porn, here's an actress in the esteemed field. A dead one, at that, as of September 2007. Dead comedians, dead wrestlers, and dead pornstars ... the world keeps turning.

1984 - Lebron James: Man, if only he played as well as the hype machine would have you believe, he'd have a title for every damn year he's been playing.

Oh, yeah, and Saddam Hussein died on my birthday in 2006; it took long enough for something of contemporary importances occurred on my birtday during my lifetime. This must be how kids born on September 11, 2001 will feel when they're older.


Jake Palumbo said...


Rev. Joshua said...

Happy birthday. A point in favor of Koufax: Yom Kippur is a very important holiday for the Jewish and he won Game 7 of that Series, so it was all good.

Nate said...

Yeah, I was going for "sarcastic hipster dickhead" on that write-up, and ultimately wasn't satisfied with it.

On a different note, my order of Hailey Paige films should arrive next week.

Nate said...

And thanks for the birthday wishes, by the way. It's much appreciated.

Ron said...

Happy Birthday Sir.

Will said...

Happy Birthday Nate and Carrie thanks you for the e-card. We had been out of town and away from computer access.

TNA in Feb.!!!!!

Nate said...

Yeah, boyeee!!

I asked tha L if she'd be part of an LAX support t-shirt extravaganza (I'd be the Homicide, you'd be Hernandez, and she'd be the rotating third member (Konnan, Apolo, Machete, the new one). I was gonna make up three t-shirts, with one letter on each (white tees with a green L, a black A, and a red X); she didn't really jump at the idea ... but I'm still working on her!