NWA!

This was from before Magnum TA had that motorcycle crash or whatever.
Well my original plan was to give you guys frequent play by plays of old WCW Monday Nitros. But as great as WWE 24/7 is, they aren’t always the most timely with their updates. And I’m tired of waiting. So tonight we’re gonna take a look at something different. We’re going back to a much simpler time. March 8, 1986. Our great sport was different back then. Let’s take a look at some NWA!

The show opens up with some state of the art graphics and creepy synthesizer music. We cut to a mustachioed Tony Schiavone and David Crockett who let us know that there has been a major title change in the NWA. They’ll be showing us the footage a little bit later on. But first, we’re gonna have an interview with Ron Garvin, a man who’s “taken Ric Flair to the limit time and time again.”

Garvin opens up by letting us know that he’s not only a wrestler, but a carpenter, a truck driver and a part time electrician. He’s says that he’s been injured a couple of times in the past because he doesn’t really understand how electrical wiring works. But the injuries he’s sustained are nothing comapred to what he’s planning on doing to Ric Flair! Garvin says Flair is a dictator. And dictators get exposed, deposed, and disposed. Wow.
We cut to the ring where Ron Garvin is taking on Tony Zane. “Hands of Stone” can fight or wrestle. He can really dish it out! Hip toss, hip toss, punch, kick, european uppercut! Ron Garvin goes over via a devastating right cross 123.

Cut to Schiavone with Paul Jones and Baron Von Raschke. Paul Jones says Jimmy Valiant is gutless. Von Raschke says he is going to take out the Boogie Woogie man and it’s commercial time.
Next we’re in the ring with The Barbarian taking on Bill Tabb. This match is officiated by Mark Curtis with an afro. Barbarian squashes Bill Tabb. Schiavone lets us know that Barbarian has muscles and he can use ‘em. Diving headbutt ends the match and the crowd boos.

Cut to Schiavone who is interviewing Jimmy Valiant. Valiant screams incoherently. His promo makes no sense. In the ring, Leo Burke is battling George South. Leo Burke executes a swinging neckbreaker and the announcer says that’s “some move!” The Canadian Leo Burke wins with a knee drop to the forehead.

After the break we’re with Schiavone who is ready to talk about a major title change in the NWA. JJ Dillon is there with Tully Blanchard who has apparently captured the National Heavyweight Championship. Blanchard tells us how he beat Dusty Rhodes. He gives him props for kicking out of the slingshot but says that he still came up short. Blanchard says he’s a fighting champion and he’ll take on anybody including Magnum TA.

Back to the ring now as we have Pez Whatley and Art Pritts. This match goes on for entirely too long. Pez Whatley is like a less charismatic Junk Yard Dog. Whatley goes over with a flying head butt. Post-match we’re treated to an extensive Pez Whatley interview! Here it is verbatim: “Yeah! Let me tell ya, everything is rockin’ and rollin’ with the NWA! Includin’ the rock n’ roll! Ya know what I’m sayin? The Pistol Man is right in the middle of it! Dusty Rhodes let me tell ya, I’m behind ya one hundred percent and if that Tully Blanchard and JJ Dillon get ya’ ornery, you know you can call on me! Amen! Let me tell ya another thing! One other thing baby! I just want all of ‘em to know! Tully Blanchard, and the Russians, and the three horsemen with Arn Anderson….we got some horses for you too! And when we finish showin up with all our horses, we gonna look like thoroughbreds goin’ against dead birds amen!”

Next we have Schiavone interviewing the manager of the tag team champs, Jim Cornette. Cornette basically lets everybody know that everybody in the crowd is an underachiever financially, educationally and in life. He tells us that the Midnight Express is God’s gift to wrestling and that the Rock N’ Roll Express are dirty hillbillys basically.
Cut to a match with the Midnight Express taking on Brodie Chase and Mike Simani. Beautiful Bobby and Lover Boy Dennis control this thing from the get go. Jim Cornette gets involved as well. Mike Simani gets the elbow from the top from Bobby Eaton but Eaton isn’t ready to pin him yet. One of the all time great tag teams shows why as Midnight Express sells nothing and wins easily. This match goes on entirely too long as Dennis hits the facebuster for the win. Then Midnight Express punks out the referee to the OUTRAGE of the announcers. Rock n’ Roll Express hits the ring!!! They take out everybody! DOUBLE DROPKICK ON JIM CORNETTE! The crowd is eating this up.
Now we cut to the match between Dusty Rhodes and Tully Blanchard. We already know the outcome because of Blanchard’s promo before. The match is pretty solid. The amazing thing here is how loud the crowd pops for Dusty. Every punch he throws gets the reaction of a Stone Cold Stunner on Vince McMahon. Long story short, Blanchard gets a little outside help from Ric Flair who tosses him some brass knucks and Blanchard gets the win. Baby Doll is furious and attacks Blanchard. The Horsemen hold her down and Flair goes up top to drop an elbow on a woman! Magnum TA makes the save and the crowd goes nuts!
We cut to a Dusty promo and he says he was screwed royally. Bla Bla Blah.

Next it’s a Magnum TA promo! He’s the US Heavyweight Champion don’t ya know. He basically says Russians are pussies.

Back in the ring we have the Road Warriors taking on Carl Styles and Bill Mulkey. I’ll let you guess the outcome.

Schiavone is interviewing Ivan Koloff and Nikita Koloff. They scream at America in general. Nikita tells Magnum TA that he’s afraid to face him.

In the ring Rock & Roll Express face Bob Owens and Larry Clarke. The Superstation WTBS would like to thank our sponsor for this match: powder cocaine. Lots of tags, lots of side headlocks. The announcing is priceless. “Ricky Morton is a very special person. He can handle anything!” Double dropkick ends the affair.

Schiavone is standing by with Ric Flair. Flair rubs it in that Dusty lost the strap to Tully Blanchard. Flair gives the rundown of all the heels with title belts. He says that in this sport if you don’t have a belt, you’re like a man without a country. Flair says he’s gonna beat Ron Garvin down. He says he’s gonna break Dusty’s leg in Cincinnati Ohio and if Baby Doll butts in, he’s gonna break her leg too.

In the ring, Jimmy Garvin is wrestling Rocky King. Jimmy sells nothing and wins! Then him and Precious cut a promo about how gorgeous he is and what a wrestler he is. He says he wants to fight the biggest bravest Indian in the whold wide world. He wants Wahoo McDaniel.

Back in the ring Black Bart vs. Doctor X. This is just getting ridiculous. Black Bart wins via scissor kick.

Road Warriors promo time! It’s great! They tell the Russians that they are gonna ‘slap their heads right off.’ Hawk says that his pussy eating skills trump Ric Flair’s suits and limos. Weird.

Magnum TA cuts another promo on the Russians. I guess the first one didn’t take.

In the ring Baron Von Raschke against Mike Jackson. The Baron gets it done with his patented Claw.

Another interview with Blanchard and JJ Dillon. Dillon says that Blanchard’s win over Dusty Rhodes was the single greatest match of all time! He says Tully will be a fighting champion but Dusty will never get a title shot. Blanchard tells us to get used to seeing him with the title. He says that Tully Blanchard Enterprises is taking over pro wrestling. And with that we’re out of time.

What a blast from the past that was. Seems to me like pretty much every mach was a superstar vs. a jobber. Blanchard and Rhodes was just about the only watchable match on the whole card. Nothing phenomenal here but no Hornswoggle to be found on the whole card, so that’s something I guess.