Scarlett Johansson's new CD sucks?

Did you know she had put out a new CD?

Did you know that critics are stopping just shy of blaming her version of Tom Waits' "Falling Down" for Ted Kennedy's brain tumor? I'm not even kidding; when I play a sample of it, the cat bounds around the corner on his tiptoes, back arched and tail bushed out like those Halloween decorations that your teacher stapled to the wall in 6th grade.

Poor thing shouldn't quit her day job ...

... sucking my dick.