[Lucha] The Eight Great things about Triplemania XVI

AAA showed "part one" of Triplemania XVI this weekend; "part two" (which only leaves two matches; expect clipped replays aplenty) will be on next weekend.

1. Moderatto opens the show with "Hijo del Tigre" – Yes, a cover of “Eye of the Tiger,” which is AAA booker Konnan’s entrance theme. Although, “hijo” is “son.” “’Son’ of the Tiger?” Why not? It ain’t Motorhead fucking up the words to a song they wrote themselves, a la Wrestlemania 17.

2. Dark Ozz, Dark Cuervo, Dark Escoria d. Aerostar, Super Fly, el Angel – El Secta de Mesias vs. the Real Fuerza Aero. I’m glad to see Espiritu back at ringside with el Secta, because his blood-themed face paints rock the house, especially the slash design across his throat. However, I’d prefer him in the ring rather than Escoria. Dark Ozz is quickly becoming another reason to watch AAA. Given recent news of Ring of Honor’s working relationship with AAA, I want … nay, DEMAND Aerostar to make his presence known in Survival of the Fittest 2008; the bird’s eye view camera shot of Aerostar’s cannonball splash was breathtaking. El Secta destroys the Fuerza Aero, mainly by taking el Angel to the precipice of death. The Darkies win by way of La Magistral. While this could have done much more, it did the job of opening the show big. Now, el Secta de Mesias vs. el Guapos VIP, please?

3. Super Porky as Elvis - Although pretending to play a non-Elvis tune – “Rock Around the Clock” – La Porka rocks the sequined jumpsuit, sideburns, and sparkler shooting guitar! Fuck you, Jeff Jarrett! The dogpile bronco buster pops the crowd, even moreso (dare I say it?) than Alan Stone’s stripper gimmick? If that shit doesn’t get wrapped around someone’s head, I’m one unhappy chappy (and it didn’t). Super Porky, Alan Stone & Octagon d. el Vipers Revolution (with their ersatz Abismo Negro, named “Black Abyss,” which used to be Monty Brown’s gimmick – big bucks to anyone who remembers that chestnut – and Psicosis the lesser, and NO Mr. Niebla … I thought this was supposed to be Vipers Revolution, wasn’t it?), via Octagon’s stretch submission. There’s nothing that Octagon brought to this match that, say, Elegido or Super Calo couldn’t have. Octagon shows his allegiance to the Pena family and raises the urn with Antonio Pena’s ashes … somewhere, Undertaker starts feeling restless for some unknown reason, but he ignores it to continue banging his butterfaced wife.

4. Chicks in the crowd hotter than the ring girls - If I ever need to hook up with a nice piece of Latina trim, I’m going to get a Triple A cameraman to hook me up; they seem to have pretty good eyes.

5. I must be hallucinating - They showed a AAA themed animated sequence, which, if I understood Spanish, I’d understand what the hell it meant. An upcoming series? A serial segment that will be shown on AAA telecasts? Granted, if I understood Spanish, there’d be a lot more about AAA that I’d understand.

6. Crazy Boy, Ricky Marvin, Ultimo Gladiador vs. Hart Foundation 2/ Bryan Danielson vs. Familia de Tijuana – I would not mind seeing Extreme Tiger and Jack Evans (“The Human Bend ‘em Figure”) hook it up in a Pro Wrestling Guerrilla ring one day. Goddamn, do I hate hearing every syllable of English language that abortions its way out of Teddy Hart’s mouth. What the hell did Juventud do to miss the big dance? Juventud facing Danielson would have been pretty choice. Teddy Hart pins Halloween, elimination-style, in their private war of uselessness. Ultimately, Crazy Boy pins Jack evans following some career-threatening uprotected piledriver, the Mexican Powers walk out of this clusterfuck the victors; I’m just glad that Joe Lider stayed far away from this one, despite a small meaningless run-in at the end. Final verdict: Not enough Danielson; he had a nice sequence with Ricky Marvin that culminated in a bleeding left eye for Danielson, and much respect from me for Marvin. I was very disappointed that Jack Evans didn't bust out some asinine high-risk flippity for Mexico's Granddaddy of Them All. At the end, Nicho del Millionaire, Joe Lider, and Mosco de la Merced (whose mask looks like a mosquito) stand tall; those three are a faction? Seriously? And the Guapos VIP are nowhere to be found? I call bullshit.

7. Fabi Apache finally gains a measure of revenge against her sister Mary, hair vs. hair style - Oh, Apache family, why can't you all just come together in love and unity? The past few weeks has seen Mary Apache (the one who's thick in the dumper) working the Randy Orton concussion kicks against sis Fabi (the one I want doing butt naked split-legged moonsaults on my dick). A mid-match KICK TO THA MOTHAFUCKIN' HEAD festival yields advantage: Fabi, even though she gets busted open two minutes later. I have to admit, where Mary was certainly bringing the cutelessness in the Apache familia drama (and that includes poppa Gran), she has really grown into some attractiveness lately. Unfortunately for Mary, she walks out shaved; no word on if no drapes = no carpet. (Word to Roxxi Leveaux.)

My sparse commentary belies that this was a very good match, with INCREDIBLE heat & emotion. Check it out:

Fabi Apache vs. Mary Apache (hair vs. hair) - Part One
Fabi Apache vs. Mary Apache (hair vs. hair) - Part Two
Fabi Apache vs. Mary Apache (hair vs. hair) - Part Three

8. Zorro carries Cibernetico to his BEST MATCH EVER - Cibernetico makes his way out, wearing some bodysuit of armor that only takes about AN ETERNITY to remove. Don't fuck with a man that can wrestle in a "puffy shirt." Despite a very strong showing by the Rey de Reyes (incl. his swank, and logic that would suggest otherwise, Cibernetico walks out with the big gold belt. I don't know which internet expression of dissatisfaction fits best: "eh," "feh," or "meh."

Next week's show will feature clipped replays, Vampiro vs. Mesias hardcore style, and Bobby Lashley, Electroshock, & Kenzo Suzuki (Team Random) vs. Chessman, La Parka, & Silver King.