Can't believe I let this slip my mind ...
Wednesday, I was driving through nearby Greenwood, SC, pop. 22000+ (Saaa-lute!), on my way to an appointment when I look down into the parking lot of one of the many abandoned shopping centers in town that currently hosts a Dollar General, a few credit scam places, and a bar or two. And I saw what appeared to be a Girls Gone Wild megabus.
Now, I had just read earlier that day about GGW poppa Joe Francis being incarcerated for tax evasion, and I swear incarceration is too good a consequence for a guy whose smirking face just screams "kick me in my ballbag." With that in mind, I thought it very peculiar that here, in little town South Carolina, was a Girls Gone Wild bus.
I pulled into the parking lot to investigate further. I wasn't the only one, as there were several people in the parking lot ahead of me, only they were going the extra mile and taking pictures on their cell phones. No doubt the presence of the dreaded titty-flopping herald of the apocalypse in little town South Carolina was making news in the underground word-of-mouth system. And as this may not surprise you, most of these amateur photogs were men.
I parked and got out of the car to marvel at this site - lines of guys shielding their eyes and their phones from the setting sun, trying to get a picture of the GGW bus to send to their buddies, despite the fact that they could just save time & effort and just round up a posse of pals to head to the bar where the 'Wild crew was going to be. But there they were, 5-7 guys standing in a parking lot, taking pictures of a bus; laughing, joking, fellowshipping over the presence of a bawdy organization that promotes debauchery.
Curious, I walked around the other side of the bus. I've seen the commercials, so I was curious to see if the cache of women that tag along on the Girls Gone Wild projects were anywhere to be seen.
Standing in the parking lot, shielding their cell phones and eyes from the setting sun's reflection off the bus' windows, were 5-7 middle aged women, taking phone pics of the bus. These women were decidedly less chipper than the men I had just witnessed. No, these gals - church elders all, I'm sure - were solemn, grimacing, shaking their heads disapprovingly & certainly planning to call their pastor the very second they walked into the house.
Inside the bus, I imagined a ratio of 3:1, females to males, and nudity being rampant, booze being swilled, and coke being snorted off of dirty bits, and things being thrust into openings in the body that said things do not belong. Oh, and the guys wearing paper plate masks of Joe Francis' mug, in honor of their fallen comrade who couldn't be there that night, so that when the girls looked behind themselves, they would see Joe Francis, in all his sweaty corpulent glory, thrusting himself around their holiest of holies.
That's when I left. No moral, no lesson learned. Just a big pink bus advertising bare titties on the menu for that night's entertainment, while little town South America looked on.
Friday, February 06, 2009
Girls Gone Wild in Greenwood, SC!
1 comment:
Now that you've been within 50 feet of the GGW bus, you'll probably need to go to the health clinic to get some blood tests done because the air around that bus has to be thick with the STDs.
It amazes me that the GGW franchise is still going strong. Not because Joe Francis is in jail, but because GGW has been around with the same stale format since at least 1999. The Internet is full of free porn, so why would you pay for GGW? I enjoy titties and watching drunken dumbasses drunkenly showing their titties for no recompense, but it's like the difference between going to an art museum and looking at pictures someone took while they were at an art museum.
And it's not even a good art museum. I've only seen one GGW video, which was given to Buck by a female co-worker who had received a copy in the mail addressed to the previous tenant. It included one semi-hardcore "filmed for GGW" lesbian porn segment. I love lesbian porn, but this was the nastiest, dirtiest, most disgusting porn I have ever seen that didn't involve poop or vomit. Two girls were making banana splits with their vaginas and the coup de grace was when one girl shoved an entire banana up the other girl's snizz and it popped right back out like a piece of bread out of a toaster. The rest of the video was just Mardi Gras shit, show your tits for beads and I hope you don't plan to run for elected office 'cause we're getting it on tape, except for one scene where a couple was fucking in a stairwell.
Porn for lazy, stupid people, I suppose.
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