Saturday, June 27, 2009

Not to be Confused With, Day 1

... wherein torture porn meets regular ol' run-of-the-mill porn, poisonous snakes abound as teens run in fear of "Mr. Jangles," two grandmasters of classic horror phone it in, and Tobe Hooper offers a line of dialogue that Buck should appreciate.

Girl Next Door (2004/2007)

Girl Next Door (2004)
Dir: Luke Greenfield
Synopsis: “Eighteen year old Matthew Kidman (Emile Hirsch) is a straight-laced overachiever who has never really lived life-until he falls for his hot new neighbor (Elisha Cuthbert). When Matthew discovers his perfect ‘girl next door’ is a former porn star, his sheltered existence spins out of control. ‘It's Risky Business meets American Pie’ (Premiere Radio Networks) in this ‘witty, wickedly sexy’ (Access Hollywood) comedy about growing up fast and going all the way...with The Girl Next Door.”

Girl Next Door (2007)
Dir: Gregory Wilson
Synopsis: “In a quiet suburban town in the summer of 1958, two recently orphaned sisters are placed in the care of their mentally unstable Aunt Ruth (Emmy winner Blanche Baker of Holocaust). But Ruth's depraved sense of discipline will soon lead to unspeakable acts of abuse and torture that involve her young sons, the neighborhood children, and one 12-year-old boy whose life will be changed forever. William Atherton (Die Hard), Catherine Mary Stewart (Night Of The Comet) and Grant Show (Melrose Place) co-star in this devastating drama adapted from the controversial best seller by Jack Ketchum that Rue Morgue Magazine called ‘one of the most disturbing reads in the history of horror literature.’”

Advantage: Girl Next Door (2004)

While I’m sorely disappointed at the relative dearth of titties and jayjay on display in 2004’s film – a film about porn, no less – hey, porn & titties still ain’t nothing to sneeze at. 2007’s film, while a good film, is one of those that’s just depressing to watch.

Venom (1982/2005)

Venom (1982)
Dir: Piers Haggard
Synopsis: “It was supposed to be the perfect crime: the sexy maid (Susan George of Straw Dogs), a psychotic chauffer (Oliver Reed of Revolver) and an international terrorist (the legendary Klaus Kinski) kidnap a wealthy ten-year-old boy from his elegant London townhouse. But they didn't count on a murdered cop, a desperate hostage siege and one very unexpected houseguest: a furious Black Mamba, the most lethal and aggressive snake known to nature. It can attack from ten feet away. Its bite brings excruciating death, and it is on the loose. Now, terror knows no antidote... and the ultimate in slithering mayhem is Venom.

Sterling Hayden (The Killing), Nicol Williamson (Excalibur) and Sarah Miles (Blowup) co-star in this gripping suspense thriller directed by Piers Haggard (Blood On Satan's Claw) and featuring some very real - and extremely deadly - Black Mambas!”

Venom (2005)
Dir: Jim Gillespie
Synopsis: “Venom is a fright-filled voodoo thriller loaded with a sizzling cast of the screen's hottest young stars! Set deep in the eerie swamps of southern Louisiana - Agnes Bruckner (Murder By Numbers), Jonathan Jackson (Tuck Everlasting) and Meagan Good (Roll Bounce) are among a group of teenagers trying to uncover the truth behind a friend's mysterious death. What they find is an evil force more deadly than anyone could have imagined! Now they are the ones running for their lives! Also starring Bijou Phillips (Almost Famous) and Method Man (Garden State) - critics everywhere hailed this chilling and thrilling horror tale!”

Advantage: Venom (1982)

The villain in the 2005 film is unofficially named Mr. Jangles; it’s not mentioned in the film, but all of the promo material used the name to identify the main villain. It’s because he carries a set of vehicle keys; seems he’s a truck driver or some such. No matter; the film sucks horribly. Venom of 1982 doesn’t excel too much farther, but it has Sterling Hayden, Oliver Reed, and Klaus muthafuckin’ Kinski, so it wins out.

Shock (1946/1977)

Shock (1946)
Dir: Alfred Werker
Synopsis: “This post-World War II suspense thriller sets off an emotional roller coaster after the psychologically fragile wife of a POW (Anabel Shaw) witnesses a brutal murder from a hotel window while waiting to be reunited with her husband (Frank Latimer). By the time he arrives, she's nearly comatose with shock. The hotel's psychiatrist (Vincent Price) is called in to help. But just as she begins to recognize him as the murderer she saw, he realizes she was a witness to his crime. So he arranges to take her to his private sanitarium where he and his nurse-mistress (Lynn Bari) can insure that no one takes the young woman's ravings seriously and they can secretly administer enough "treatment" to silence her forever. Meanwhile, her husband and the police begin to suspect that everything is not as it seems and as they get closer to the truth, this complex mystery takes some unexpected twists!”

Shock (1977)
Dir: Mario Bava
Synopsis: “When a family moves into a home with a shocking secret, their lives become a nightmare of homicidal hallucinations as their young son begins to communicate with the spirits of the dead. Remodeled in madness and painted in blood, they soon discover that domestic bliss can be murder...when home is where the horror is.”

Advantage: Shock (1977)

I like the 1946 film well enough, but it’s as dry as three day old toast. Mario Bava injects this Exorcist rip-off with zest and life to spare, so it beats out its 1946 counterpart, even with Vincent Price in a starring role.

Eaten Alive (1977/1980)

Eaten Alive (1977)
Dir: Tobe Hooper
Synopsis: "The Starlight, a decrepit hotel run by Judd (Neville Brand), receives few patrons. Perhaps it's the owner's violent mood swings. Or perhaps it's the man-eating crocodile in the backyard. But one dark steamy night finds the Starlight visited by a runaway prostitute (Roberta Collins, Death Race 2000), a young couple (Marilyn Burns and William Finley) and their child (Kyle Richards, Halloween), a dying father and his daughter (Mel Ferrer and Crystin Sinclaire), and sex-obsessed Buck (Robert Englund, A Nightmare on Elm Street), all of whom will experience an unforgettable night of terror at the hands of Judd and his pet croc."

Eaten Alive (1980)
Dir: Umberto Lenzi
Synopsis: "A girl risks her life and plunges into a jungle hell in search of her missing sister. Throughout her perilous journey, she must fend off hungry cannibal tribes and avoid being served up as a sacrificial lamb for a good old-fashioned suicide cult! From Umberto Lenzi, director of Cannibal Ferox, Man from Deep River and Black Demons. Features an all star, international cast of genre favorites, such as Robert Kerman (Cannibal, Holocaust, and Sam Raimi's Spider-Man), Janet Agren (Rat Man and Hands of Steel), Ivan Rassimov (Jungle Holocaust, Mario Bava's Shock), and Me Me Lai (Jungle Holocaust, Man from Deep River)."

Advantage: Eaten Alive (1977)

Ooh, a vintage Italian cannibal film vs. a post-TCM offering from the great Tobe Hooper. But there’s no beating a film that introduced us to Robert Englund, especially with the line, “My name’s Buck, and I’m rarin’ to fuck.” Oh yes, Eaten Alive 1977, a winner is you.

No comments: