Tuesday, May 11, 2010



SGM's Pick Your Caption:
1) A scientific truth, if ever there was one.
2) It's not a slogan, it's a way of life.
3) Why's that turtle rapin' that rabbit?*

Back when I first ever heard of Bravo Network, before it became "television for homosexuals," there was this awesome show called "Louis Theroux’s Weird Weekends," where this British dude would visit these off-the-radar subcultures of people, discussing their life choices and even getting involved in their lifestyles to an extent. I saw Theroux enter a demolition derby, train for wrestling, and follow Al Sharpton around the site of the Diallo shooting, among tons of other types of things.

This past weekend, I had the feeling of being a Louis Theroux at the Allendale County Cooterfest.

There’s a parade ... and a race ... a concert ... and fireworks. And – even though their official webpage and newspaper ads chastise the ignorant (and "Yankees") for doing so – there are just TONS of folks who love saying the word "cooter" and giggling at this double entendre. Damn it, I got caught up in "cooter fever" (some would term it ... "cooter ... madness"), and by hook or crook, I will catch a cooter and I WILL raise him to race at next year's festival!

But no, seriously, "cooter" is really a descriptor for a breed of turtle ... the box turtle, in fact (goddamn pussy references) ... According to the official website, the world’s smallest cooter was 4 grams, while the world’s largest cooter was 25 pounds. They gave out prizes, including "Best Dressed Cooter."

Y’know, I’m done.

Oh, PS: Don’t google "smallest cooter" at work or in mixed company.

External Links:

The official online home of Cooter Fest: http://www.cooterfest.com
The EMYS classification page: http://emys.geo.orst.edu/collection/genus/Pseudemys/Pseudemys.html

*Actual question asked of me at Wal-Mart today. I guess a little cooter does hurt, after all.**

**I hate myself.


Rev. Joshua said...

I'll take option 3: "why's that turtle rapin' that rabbit?"

Seriously, why is that turtle raping the rabbit?

And fuckin' magnets? How do they work?

Nate said...

>And fuckin' magnets? How do they work?

HA! I like the SNL version: "Blankets? How do they work?"