Thursday, August 05, 2010

ECW is back, baby! Again. A third time …

Actually, TNA is currently working on the fifth revival of ECW. Here’s the rundown of the Six Sides of ECW revivals1:
1. The jump-off, 1992-2001. (ECW)
2. The Invasion, 2001. (WWF)
3. WWF: ECW – One Night Stand, 2005. (WWF)2
4. Hardcore Homecoming, 2005. (Independent)
5. WWE/ECW, 2006-2010. (WWF)
6. The current TNA version, 2010-current. (TNA)
If you haven’t been following TNA recently, here’s what you’ve been missing:
Tommy Dreamer, a few months ago, started showing up at pay-per-views, Impacts, et cetera, with no apparent agenda other than distracting the hell out of the Dudley Boys. He was quickly joined by Raven & Stevie Richards, then Rhino. During the routine build-up to TNA’s upcoming Hard Justice, Dreamer et. al storm the ring to attack a host of TNA’s roster; it was a crazy moment, filled with insane shit that I couldn’t even do justice by recapping here, suffice to say that it also brought out ECW stalwarts Al Snow and Simon Diamond (yeah, really).

In the show that followed this riotous incursion (that also managed to squeeze in Mick Foley), Tommy Dreamer runs down the history of ECW, highlighting how exciting it was to be a part of it, and how he couldn’t stand to see what WWF had made of ECW when they brought it back, and how he hated cashing fat checks while his friends had to get fired one by one, and how he only stayed on with WWF because of his kids (revisionist history lives on!), and how he left so that he could go to TNA (so fuck you, you little freeloading children). And, if you know where to look for it, you will find his completely, totally humiliating, desperate plea to TNA president Dixie Carter (not the Golden Girl) to let ECW have “one last night” (to make up for that “one last night” they were given by the WWF in 2005).

And the whole thing, besides just being embarrassing to watch for anyone who was even tangentially a fan of ECW in its glory, reeked of necrophilia, because at this point, we are truly fucking the dead if resurrecting a company ten years past its expiration date is mantled to be the big moneymaker for the company … and it obviously is, because TNA scrapped their build to Hard Justice for the sake of HardCORE Justice.

Now, what makes me post this up, after this whole angle has been going for weeks, is a recent post by Shane Douglas on his website that I’ll get to in a moment.
In what I am calling the worst display of prostration this side of Kevin Smith’s plaintive pleas for his fanbase to see “Jay & Silent Bob Strike Back” a second time so that he could win the weekend that the movie opened on way back when (look that up … it’s pathetic), original Pitbull Gary Wolfe has opened up a Facebook group page thing, on which this message was posted:

”Reports say TNA Is planning a ECW Faction Help me get signed by Tweeting Dixie Carter telling her to sign Pitbull Gary Wolf!

”Help Extreme Championship Wrestling Original "Pitbull #1" Gary Wolf get signed by TNA Wrestling. He is in great Physical shape and is ready to return to the big leagues. To Get Gary signed by TNA Wrestling Simply TWEET @Tnadixie with ‘Hire Gary Wolf.’”

I was so disgusted by this that I am starting a “Hire Anthony Durante” campaign … who was Pitbull #2 … who also happens to have died in 2003 from a fentanyl overdose. So, if you’re reading this, twat @tnadixie with “Hire the other Pitbull.”

So then, here comes Shane Douglas with a post on his website, where he outlines his “demands” for his involvement in TNA HardCORE Justice:

"After seeing, the ECW promo piece put out by tna, and being deluged by texts & emails from friends AND fans, I felt, very strongly, that I should put out a clarification about that less-than-honest video from tna.

Firstly, MOST organizations would NOT wish to mislead any potential customer(s)! CLEARLY, this video intended to mislead wrestling fans, most certainly ECW fans! That said, I have to question tna's motive(s) in placing ANY shot of me in their promotional pieces?! tna is overly aware that we have NOT come to terms for any participation by ECW's centerpiece "Franchise" in "Hardcore Justice"! So, either they are trying to deceive potential ppv buyers (namely ECW fans), or they must be willing to meet my only demand for the event- Dic Flair on a silver platter! This was the biggest angle, teased to our loyal fanbase, that never came "to a head" in ECW. Unless I'm missing the mark, I feel VERY STRONGLY that this IS a match our fanbase, and tna's, would tune in to see. Too bad, thus far, tna seems to be following their now-tired trend of ignoring their fans' desires!!!

I stand prepared to take part in the "final bow" of this great organization. I only demand that our fans get what they deserve- Dic Flair and The Franchise, face to face, for their enjoyment!

To be fair and certain, it would seem Dic would want the same thing, judging from his recent comments about me. SURELY, "the, ahem, man" isn't afraid of a guy who "works retail", right DIC?

Balls in your, and tna's (Dixie?) court! What do you fans think? Or, more importantly, what do you fans want? Surely, the Carter's want to aim to please... RIGHT?!

Not hiding behind someone's blouse, are you, Dic?!?!
I'm waiting..."

The Franchise

Haw, I saw what you did there, with the Ric Flair/ Dic Flair; that’s big talk for a dude who isn’t even a manager at the Target where he works.

But the funny part of Shane’s request to meet Flair is that, 1) he already met Ric Flair in WCW, and their match was shit; 2) When was Ric Flair in ECW? Wouldn’t Douglas/Flair undermine the whole intent and purpose behind the upcoming pay-per-view? I'm all for TNA doing the Flair/Douglas match, but Douglas should be promised a longer run with the company, since the ECW thing still has legs. Douglas brings the farmer's tan, Flair brings the bitch tits. Flair goes over; Fortune comes down and delivers a beating; Flair gives a shooty-shoot promo running down everything Douglas has ever done. Then, TNA doesn't return Douglas' phone calls. That would actually be more in the spirit of ECW than anything Douglas brings to the table, at this point.

Personally, I would be more interested if TNA also happened to run a concurrent reunion of the now defunct WWF version of ECW. They already have Elijah Burke, Angle, Elijah Burke, and Shannon Moore, as well as means to easily get access to the Hurricane (pals with Hardy & Moore) and Shelton Benjamin (pals with Angle); get Colin Delaney (simply for Dreamer to get his just revenge), Mike Knox, Gene Snitsky, Big Daddy V, and Monty BY GAWD Brown; hey, why not get ol' Braden Walker too!; put Tod Gordon in the Heyman position from One Night Stand 2005; and, finally, giving us what we really want: Zombie vs. Sandman II, goddamnit!

I’m hoping that we can maybe get all this ECW shit out of our systems with this. Then, we can move on to the next logical step: WCW – One Night Stand.

1You could argue that XPW was an ECW revival of sorts. It wasn’t, but you could argue that.

2Yes, there were more than one “One Night Stand” PPVs (rendering the name utterly meaningless). But the show in 2005 was the purest ECW reunion that WWF was able to pull off, out of the four. 2.5

2.5They should have named them “_____ Night Stand” and replaced the “One” with the number of the show it is, like the last one would have been called “Four Night Stand.”

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