Behind the Board I - Lost Southernfried Projects (1-6)

1. SouthernFried Short Attention Span Theater
Southernfried historians aren’t exactly sure how far back the origin of the SouthernFried Short Attention Span Theater compilation tape dates, but some say that it predates the entry into the new millennium by at least two years. Outlined to combine snippets of videotaped footage that would include wrestling highspots, pratfalls, unintentional wrestling comedy, and, at one time rumored to include a Wendy’s employee training video, this two to eight hour video (reports vary) has taken approximately six years to complete, and to the best of researchers’ knowledge it has yet to be completed.

2. Southernfried Annual
A print zine has been discussed for many years, almost since Southernfried’s inception. However, in 2002, it came the closest to reality. Titled the “Southernfried Foreign Object,” this project was proposed as a print zine that would encapsulate work by the Usual Gang of Southernfried Idiots. Following in the footsteps of great zines like “Clawhold!” and “The Confederate Mack,” the zine would have hosted stories, commentaries, reviews, fiction and illustrations that would represent the best work of the creative staff of Southernfried. In fact, some rather well-known talents were approached for contributions, such as Kagan McLeod, writer/artist of the independent comic phenomenon “Infinite Kung-Fu.“ However, as goes many a groupthink project, not enough interest sustained this project in the end.

3. Super Southernfried
The web equivalent to the Annual, this project was actually in development approximately two or three years. It was not only slated to host fiction, commentaries, reviews, but also pics and links of the week, downloadable music, Flash games, a Southernfried hall of fame, and a weekly trivia recap called “Pop Culture Crap” (actually a cash-in on the immensely popular “Wrestlecrap” website). One odd concept piece was to be “Lucha Cafe,” an online recipe database(!), featuring a host wearing a luchadore mask(!!). Again, in what would be an omen of things to come, little interest buoyed this project beyond its concept stage, and the free website space was abandoned only to linger on as a storage for occasional poll results and Southernfried homemade banner ads.

4. Southernfried Summits
Tradition: to some, it’s just a word. To others, it’s a way of life. The Southernfried Wrestling Newsboard has always been less a news source, and more of an online hangout that has attracted and connected friends and foes as they have spread across a total of five states. A plan was formed, then, to promote regular conventions of camaraderie and fellowship over meals and entertainments. Beginning in the late 1990’s at the Red Pig, a band of seven SFers met to share laughter and drinks over barbeque. Over the course of two years afterward, the Summits grew to attract large numbers, and they involved Chinese buffets and lazer tag games, and fellowship was shared by many. However, later plans drawn up by the Southernfried Summit committee were complicated, at times involving relatively innocuous additions like door prizes, but then adding insane stipulations like the wearing of Mexican wrestling masks to public eateries. The damage done by overbooking the festivals led to waning interest, and the last official Summit was held in Kingsport’s Golden Corral. Unofficial summits have been held since, but they are considered unofficial for a reason.

5. The Second Annual Curt Hennig Memorial Tournament
When Curt Hennig died on February 10, 2003, so endeared was he in the hearts of the Southernfried faithful that a memorial tournament was developed to honor his memory. However, the concept of the tournament was an odd one; based on the Lethal Lottery rules of teams made of random pairings, the poll-based tournament consisted of 32 deceased wrestlers teaming with 32 deceased comedians. Spanning several weeks, the tournament proved to be fairly popular, and was ultimately won by the team of Redd Foxx & the Sheik. So popular was the project that a second installment was planned for the following year; however, in a morbid reflection, there weren’t enough new deaths in either the wrestler or the comedian camps to sustain enough interest in a second annual tournament. Plans were made to implement the tournament in 2005, but it remains to be seen if the time frame has expired on this interesting concept.

6. Southernfried Survivor III
The first Southernfried Survivor was a fictional affair, written as true farce and initiated by Brent Burke. The “winner” in the storyline was the ghost of Conway Twitty, who faced off in the finals against Ricky Morton & David Lee Roth. The second Southernfried Survivor, however, took a new direction and was a real-time contest between members of the Southernfried regulars. Lawson initiated this one, and the cast of “survivors” were chosen from board readers. Like the television show that bears its name, players were divided into “tribes” and required to cooperate on several assignments and assorted games to advance. In the end, it was Chris Steger who reigned supreme. The participation in this project was high, and expectations were set pretty high for a third installment of this board-participation exercise. However, as time went on, board participation became splintered, even to the point that the winner of Survivor II wasn’t even around to participate in Survivor III. A half-hearted attempt was made to garner interest in the third installment, but after one or two challenges, the project was abandoned.