NP: You guessed it, Frank Stallone
Let's talk about that other site, shall we?
Nate brings up an interesting point. That Foghorn Leghorn background damn near made That Other Site (here after referred to as TOS) collapse to its knees. That was probably the strangest turn of events I have ever heard tale of.
To recap the story from those tuning in via the random blog button, TOS is ran by an informal group of friends who use TOS for a number of different things from pissing people off to fulfilling a creative desire. There for a while, the Mayor of TOS got on this kick where, if someone with an Admin code posted a general message, he responded with some snarky remark about how TOS was never updated.
Well, I got tired of hearing that and I changed the background to a great picture of Foghorn Leghorn putting a stick of dynamite under a sleeping Dog. Foghorn Leghorn is the all-time greatest Looney Toon and that one cartoon in which he beats the Dog with a 2x4 while Dog sleeps is absolutely hysterical. So, to share all that was cool about Foghorn, I made that the background picture.
Did I mention I was driving 9 hours home the next day and would not have Internet access for three days following that?
So I get home to Kingsport and eventually I make it to the library to check my e-mail. I click on TOS and it's like World War 3-7 have broken out. People are saying that the site was hacked. People were saying other people were lazy. People were getting upset because a picture of Foghorn Leghorn, the mackdaddy of all cartoons, was on the board.
I thought people wanted people to updated TOS??? Why the big deal?
That started the Great Admin War of 2003 on TOS. I'll let others fill in the details from here.
Thursday, June 30, 2005
That Other Site
Wednesday, June 29, 2005
It's Tricky
NP: The King of Fans
Wasn't the King of Fans a movie with Wesley Snipes and RObert DeNiro?
So today, as I am going through boxes of manuscripts on a dead white guy who was also a two-time presidential loser, I come across the following statement from a white guy in Texas: "Sure a good way to get the bums rush from the State Chairman starting out that way."
White guys in 1947 talking about the Bums Rush. Reports are unclear whether a nine could stop it back then or not.
All this talk of bum rushes has got me thinking....I miss the old "Zen of Public Enemy" feature over at that other site. That was my second favorite feature that has ever been posted on the other site (with the random quote generator being the first). Of course, I got in there and made it say things like "Brown says: have some more pie" and "Wonder has a small pee-pee." But still...the Zen of PE rocked.
Speaking of Wonder, whatever happened to Wonder? The pic of the week with Solomon Grundy saying that he liked Cheetos is also in the Other Site Hall of Fame for best uses of photographic media on a message board. Thank God it was up instead of that stupid picture where the two rednecks are trying to stand a beer can on a passed out redneck's head. I hated seeing that pic simply because a) it was up so much and b) it was terrible. Ah well. It's probably about time for someone to post it up again.
And whatever happened to posts from Bjork?
Current temperature: 29,998 degrees. Pointing the fan out of the window has dropped it two degrees.
Speaking of hotness, last night I had to evac the building due to a fire alarm (right as I was talking with Nate and Josh on the big AIM). I have never seen 9 fire trucks in one place before. Thankfully, it was just a kitchen fire and all was well that ended well.
Remember...Fred Parsons is the weapon!
Tuesday, June 28, 2005
Comic book video games
I was wondering---what is the best superhero or comic book video game you have played?? I want to play Batman Begins and I ordered Fantastic Four.
Hot Hot Heat
NP: The King of Fans
I'm back in the good ol' gradute housing after a full day of research and its still 30,000 degrees in this place. I don't want to hear a damn word ever again about the north being superior to the South. We have air conditioning you damn yankees! You might try to lay claim to having more culture than the South, but by golly we're more comfortable. I'd rather be cool and watch Nascar than miserably hot while listening to opera anyday.
Research is going pretty ok. First day at a new place is always slow because you have to fill out forms and get registered and all that. 8.2 boxes today....going for 10 tomorrow. Found some usable stuff today, but I came up short in my quest to find the story of the elusive Wesley Garrison (more details on Garrison some other time...he is funny, funny funny). I should be able to get through most of the campaign stuff tomorrow and then move on to the always wonderful correspondence files. People say the funniest things in those letters to their politicians.
Did I mention my room is 30,000 degrees?
Life without a TV isn't very cool either. I decided that one on purpose and I'm regretting it now as well.
The room does, however, have a microwave (assuming that the dial hasn't melted off) so its a big plate of Healthy Choice Sweet and Sour Chicken and some crackers before my nightly trek to Starbucks.
Guiliani/Carlin in '08 baby!
Monday, June 27, 2005
I miss the South already
NP: Read the post below....
I'm in Rochester for the first day of what will be a three-week research tour of the Thomas E. Dewey collection at the local university here. I left the 423 at 4:26 am and made it up here about an hour before I was supposed to check in to my apartment. Let's talk about that, shall we?
I am in a graduate housing apartment. Now, with it being summer, there are only two kinds of students who live in graduate housing in the summer: asian students and asian students. These are, of course, students from overseas who have restricted visas. They also work about 3 times harder than American students, graduate or otherwise. Gainesville has its own neighborhood for foreign students (not on purpose...it just happened that way), plus they are probably 90% of the population of graduate housing. Bottomline: my neighbors will be quiet since they will likely be working harder than I will be.
Now, let's talk about my living quarters. Its very spartan, which is fine. I didn't even bring a TV so that I can bear down and get a lot of work done. However, the place is sorely lacking one thing that I can not live without: air conditioning. I thought it was a cruel joke when I came up here and could not find the thermostat and then noticed that there were no air ducts anywhere in the place. Normally, that wouldn't be a big deal I guess, but it turns out that the ROC is currently in the midst of an upstate NY heat wave. The Buffalo Top 40 station was saying that it was supposed to tie the record high of 94 today. Needless to say, I'm roasting like Kenny Rogers right about now.
To combat this, I went to Home Ghetto and bought "The King of Fans." Now, this isn't an NWO Bob clone designed to be placed in the front row to fire the house up at a CW show, but rather it is a 20 inch metallic fan that is as loud as Matthew Lesko's other suit. That's why nothing is playing above...because I can't hear myself think. It is also cooling off about 25% of the room....which is the 25% of the room that I will be occupying tonight.
Other than that, the place seems pretty nice. They have a Subway and a Starbucks right next to each other half a block away, so I have some place to go at night and cool off. I also found a big Regal 18 about 3 miles away, so I have something to do on the weekends. I'll let y'all know about the library after I go there tomorrow....like you care.
Now, more random thoughts:
Wal-Mart in the north is as bad as Wal-Mart in the South. I almost got clocked twice in the parking lot by cars and once in the store by a mad-buggy-driving woman.
Old elevators really smell.
System of a Down really sucks.
The new Blackeyed Peas song is terrible...and unfortunately terribly catchy.
George Carlin is a closet Republican. Eat me Josh.
Man, it is really hot in here.
Saturday, June 25, 2005
Film Review - George Romero's "Land Of The Dead"
Before I go into the review, I have a simple question: Why does no one go to the movies to watch the movie anymore? Everyone around us talked, joked, laughed, talked on their goddamn cell phones for the better part of two hours. During dramatic parts, the three black girls sitting in front of us would either laugh, or say, “I bet a zombie’s gonna jump out!!” I have better things to do with $8 than to go somewhere and do something that I can do for free at the house, and not interfere with other people’s enjoyment while I’m doing it. That’s like people who would go to the ETSU library to socialize.
Ah, the return of the Romero zombie; I was beginning to believe that all zombies were ever going to do from now on was run down their prey like jaguars chasing gazelles. And that shit just doesn’t seem right to me, what with all the rigor and such. The zombie, in my opinion, always had the advantage in the scare department in their sheer numbers and their use of stealth to bring down their victims. I liked the fast moving, can’t-be-killed zombies of “Return Of The Living Dead,” but since then everyone’s apparently thought that was the way to go. That’s why zombies, as envisioned by Romero, rank highly on my “most terrifying monster” list; Dracula, you can stake, and the Wolfman, you can shoot. But the zombie keeps coming and coming, and you can shoot ‘em in the head all you want, but what’re you going to do when you run out of bullets? Pray? Good luck, there.
A few casting observations: John Leguizamo apparently learned in acting school that, in order to act sinister, the consummate actor must speak out of the side of his mouth, all the time; that’s how you know he’s a hardened wiseass. Asia Argento, on the other hand, cannot act and is a scag who probably only landed her role because of her pops Dario’s connection to Romero ... and why in the hell would anyone pierce their neck??! Both of these lame-o’s had less personality than Dead Reckoning, the truck that proves the centerpiece of the film ... yes, a truck. And part of me wondered if Hopper calling Leguizamo’s character a “spic” was a SHOOT, brother!!
I always appreciate the character development that Romero infuses in his zombie films. The previous movies, from “Night Of The Living Dead,” to “Dawn Of The Dead,” and up to most recently “Day Of The Dead,” always told the story of man holding his own against that which he didn’t understand. We’re a crazy animal; we want to comprehend something before we try to deal with it. Think about the leaky faucet; we first examine the problem for a long time, trying to get a grasp on where the problem started. Then we tackle it, call the plumber or fixing it ourselves. Same thing with the zombies; in “Night,” we wanted to know where they came from. In “Dawn,” we were fascinated by their ability to still relate to things they clung to while they were alive. In “Day,” we wanted to study them like lab animals. Now in “Land,” we want to know why they can communicate, how they can adapt. Instead of, you know, just shooting them in the fucking head and moving on. But the character development by Romero remains pretty spot on ... disparate people, thrown together by circumstances that God creates and brings to our doorsteps and says, “Here, chew on this, you buncha bitches.” The ant farm shaken vigorously by a bored kid, perhaps.
A good film, a 2 & 3/4 count; some different actors and a bit more complex storyline might have pulled it up to a total 3 count, as it felt like I was watching two different movies at times, but it definitely continues the “Dead” tradition nicely. At least, better than any of the remakes could or will; I wonder at what point, with Hollywood going remake crazy, we lap ourselves on the track and they do a remake of the remake of the “Dead” films? Ah, just bitching.
One parting rhetorical question, though: In a film loaded with grievous head wounds, blood spurts, and disembowelments, why did a scene where Dennis Hopper is picking his nose get the most horrified vocal reaction?
New Video Games on the Horizon (acc. to PSM)
I love PSM's annual reports from E3. Being a born-again videogame junkie, I love the allure of a new game, with new challenges and new problems to solve. That being said, here's few titles that may be worth checking out ... granted, my tastes may or may not run the same as everyone elses (I bypassed "Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas" only to break my right arm to get a copy of "Rocky: Legends"), so do keep this in mind.
+ Bully (Made by Rockstar Games, this mission-based game has you play as a kid who treats the weaker kids in his school like shit, flushing their heads down the toilet, pantsing them, using slingshots and dodgeballs to create mayhem ... oh, feel the goodness.)
+ King Kong (Graphically, this game looks like it kicks ass ... it also looks like a first-person shooter, which seems somewhat odd to me.)
+ Capcom Classics Collection (Can't wait to get a chance to play "Final Fight" and "1942" without plunking down a blue-billion quarters to do so.)
+ Evil Dead: Regeneration (Don't know if this will be a budget $20 title like its predecessor, but the first one was a nice little game, so maybe this'll be the same.)
+ Incredible Hulk: Ultimate Destruction (Subtitles seem to be the vogue this year. Anyway, Incredible Hulk + Grand Theft Auto mechanics = the way a Hulk game should be from the get-go ... definitely a promising title.)
+ Jaws: Unleashed (You play as the shark ... HAHAHAHAHAHA!! No seriously, you do.)
+ Onimusha: Dawn of Dreams (Big fan of the Onimusha series here ... I'm playing "Blood Will Tell," which could almost be from the same family of games. Anyway, this is #4 in the trilogy [okay, who dug up Douglas Adams?], and hopefully it will be a faithful continuation of the series.)
Not a whole lot coming out this year, unless you're a fan of WWII games, urban fighting games, or cel-shaded RPGs. Cream of the crap this year appears to be the following: 50 Cent: Bulletproof; Mark Ecko's Getting Up; True Crime: New York City (which probably stars Snoop Dogg); Devil Kings & Genji: Dawn of the Samurai (which look like exactly the same game); Frogger: Ancient Shadow; and ... yes ladies and gentlemen ... The Bible Game.
Friday, June 24, 2005
Tom Cruise - Psychiatry Debunker
A little something for Nate.
From the Today Show, an interview with Matt Lauer:
LAUER: TOM CRUISE CREATED A FIRESTORM WHEN HE CRITICIZED BROOKE SHIELDS FOR REVEALING THAT SHE WENT INTO THERAPY AND TOOK ANTIDEPRESSANTS TO DEAL WITH HER POST PARTUM DEPRESSION. AS A SCIENTOLGIST, HE DOESN'T BELIEVE IN PSYCHIATRIC MEDICINE. I ASKED HIM ABOUT HIS COMMENTS.
CRUISE: i've never agreed with psychiatry, ever. Before I was a Scientologist I never agreed with psychiatry. and when i started studying the history of psychiatry, i understood more and more why i didn't believe in psychology.
...
TOM CRUISE: Matt, you have to understand this. Here we are today where I talk out against drugs and psychiatric abuses of electric shocking people (PH), okay, against their will, of drugging children with them not knowing the effects of these drugs. Do you know what Aderol (PH) is? Do you know Ritalin? Do you know now that Ritalin is a street drug? Do you understand that?
...
TOM CRUISE: all it does is mask the problem, Matt. And if you understand the history of it, it masks the problem. That's what it does. That's all it does. You're not getting to the reason why. There is no such thing as a chemical imbalance.
Read the full transcript at the Drudge Report.
Now, me, I'm pretty sure that Tom Cruise doesn't understand the history of shit, much less anything about psychiatry. In fact, I'm pretty sure that Tom Cruise sucks, and his "religion," Scientology, sucks. In fact, I'm pretty sure that when you're a member of a cult founded by a failed Sci-Fi writer, the last thing you need to be doing is talking about anything more complex than doughnuts.
The current issue of Blender has a short interview with Lisa Marie Presley, also a batshit crazy Scientologist, in which she attacks psychiatry. To her, I say this: ho, you be lucky yo' father was Elvis. Otherwise, you'd be a stripper with a coke-habit.
Three Days, Not Much Longer....
NP: The sounds of keyboards at the library computer
Well, Im in town for three more days until I begin the second leg of the "Ron Beauregard Summer Research Tour." This time it's a nine hour trek to Rochester, New York. This will be the furtherest I've ever been in the north, so I'm imagining a great deal of culture shock. I'll also be living in graduate student housing with no television (?!?!?), so I will probably get a lot of work done. I'm at the ROC for three weeks, then back here for Fun Fest (oh joy! Talk about bad timing.) and then likely back to the 32608. I have exactly 11 months to finish my dissertation before my advisor takes his new job in the United Kingdom....so I'm 9 chapters and 11 months away from all y'all calling me Dr. Ron.
Now, with apologies to Mike Cooper, some random thoughts:
Kingsport sure has a lot of fat people...i.e. the girl sitting in the kiosk next to me. No wonder Beau James is the King of Kingsport.
Libraries are like Wal-Mart. All classes of people occupy the same space for the same thing, and every town in America has one (except for Abilene, Kansas). Thankfully, people don't beat their kids as much in a library.
After being gone for what amounts to most of 3 years, Kingsport is a pretty depressing place. If I was single and stuck in Kingsport I wouldn't know what to do. Maybe I could join the Great Body Company and try to pick up someone there, simply because they wouldn't be so fat. Maybe I would try to pick up someone at the mall. The lack of dating possibilities in this town are astounding. If that didn't work, there is always the monthly CW show.
Speaking of astounding, did the WWE actually do the ECW PPV right or what?
The gay guy who works at the library just walked by. He doesn't seem to age. Must be all that make-up.
In a serious matter, the Supreme Court really screwed up yesterday. In case you didn't see it, they decided that a municipality or state can seize a person's property under eminent domain to add a private development. Apparently, a new strip mall or retail development can now be seen as benefitting the public good if it increases tax revenue and adds jobs to the area. Before, eminent domain could only be for things like bridges, hospitals, and schools...things that had a tangible public good. This ruling is just downright scary (and I think Josh will agree on this one)...as now business developers and owners can find a better use for your land and take it from you (with compensation) if they find a cooperative city government. I will bet a dollar that Wal Mart uses this to the fullest and will now steamroll all over communities like Asheville and Gainesville who have resisted the construction of Supercenters due to traffic problems and the like. It doesn't say much for the SC when they have as little respect for property rights as they seem to have.
Gas is 2.05 a gallon and analysts say it will likely be at 3.00 a gallon by this time next year. If this stays up, the GOP could run Moses and George Carlin on the ticket and still lose to Hillary in 2008. George Carlin is a Republican, right?
Hit Me Baby 1 More Time has got to be the posterchild for taking a good concept and screwing it up. The Scotsman they have hosting it should have his eyes beaten shut for being so airbrushed and fake. He makes Bob Eubanks look like Maya Angelou. At least Arrested Development won their round.
The upcoming Dukes of Hazard movie....why?
The board is dead.
Didn't the season finale of the Shield rock? That is the one show on TV that can consistently deliver every time no matter what. Anthony Anderson and Glenn Close both deserve Emmys for their roles this season....too bad Close got fired at the end. I hope they bring her back some way. Looks like next season's top heel will be the IAD guy. The question is...will Vic shoot him like he did Reed Diamond in the pilot show?
West Ham signed Roy Carrol to be their goalie next season. In case you don't follow soccer, he was the Man U. goalie who dropped the easiest ball ever kicked and let it bounce into the net in a crucial game. The refs didn't see it, but it cost him his job with his club. Now the Hammers have him....oh wonderful.
Miscellany
1) Damn the Spurs. Damn them to hell. Actually, the game was probably one of the best I've seen in a long time, an extremely close one right up to the final six minutes.
2) I got the Road Warriors retrospective DVD set in the mail yesterday, and, having forgotten how short the LOD's matches were, I ended up watching about seven matches before I even realized it. Among the best of the bunch that I watched so far: The scaffold match vs. the Midnight Express; the AWA title match vs. the Freebirds (featuring the 'birds in rebel flag facepaint and Terry Gordy in all of his methed-out glory); and, their Crockett Cup win over Magnum TA & Ronnie Garvin (sans Garvin Stomp, unfortunately).
3) Teams and matches for the Hennig Memorial will be decided within the week; already announced, defending champs from last year, the Sheik & Redd Foxx. The past two years have brought a cornucopia of death from both the wrestling and the comedian camps, so this should be another good year for lovers of poll-based online tournaments.
4) Welcome to my sleepless night:
+ Now playing: "Project Infinity" - Man or Astro-man? (CD). Much love for "Special Agent Conrad Uno."
+ Seeking on CD on my next trip to Greenville, SC: "Will Rap For Food" - Cunninlyguists; "Stay Sick" - Cramps; "Milk Me" - Beatnuts; "Creative Differences" - Living Legends.
+ Reading: "McSweeney's Mammoth Treasury of Thrilling Tales," edited by Michael Chabon, featuring short stories written by Stephen King, Elmore Leonard, Harlan Ellison & Nick Hornby
+ Cant' wait to read: "Infinite Crisis," the upcoming DC maxi-series that is being pimped as the greatest thing to hit comics since pulp paper.
+ Watching: "Land of the Dead," this weekend. Yes, expect a review.
+ Wanting to watch: "Danger:Diabolik" on DVD, which I ordered from Deep Discount DVD. Was shipped on Jun 9, and has yet to arrive. Italian espionage thrillers are go!!
5) Nate brings the TNA love: PPV line-up for "No Surrender" in July:
+ Raven vs. Abyss (dog collar match; World title)
+ The Naturals vs. Team Canada (tag title)
+ Christopher Daniels vs. Petey Williams (!!!; X title)
+ Samoa Joe vs. Chris Sabin
+ AJ Styles vs. Sean Waltman (special guest ref: Jerry Lynn)
+ Monty Brown & Billy Gunn vs. 3LK (Killings/Konnan)
(I'm sure there's more to be announced/added.)
TNA has been putting out pretty solid PPVs since Lockdown; Slammiversary looked pretty solid, and this one looks good too ... maybe even worth a first-time order. In fact, the only shows that have been completely god-awful have been (according to my review of the recaps) Final Resolution & Destination X. I'm looking forward to getting "Against All Odds" from Highspots; a decent-looking little show, the Jeff Hammond pin on Frankie Kazarian notwithstanding, the show includes Elix Skipper vs. Petey Williams, AMW vs. Kid Kash & Lance Hoyt; a nice little garbage match betwixt Abyss & Jeff Hardy; and Christopher Daniels vs. AJ Styles in a 30-min Ironman match. (The sheer volume of wrestling on DVD I will be getting in the next few weeks makes me wish I had more friends that would come over to the house, split the cost of a pizza, and we could just watch wrestling matches all damn the day long. Those were the days, Will ... *sigh* Call me up, whegro.)
6) I'm keeping my fingers crossed that at some point in the next week or so, I hear from the counseling department at Lander University, where I put in a resume for a job opening. I'm very optimistic, not only because the paperwork and demands will likely decrease, but because that will also put me in line for an adjunct professor's position in the psych department. And if I can swing that, I can apply for my Ph.D. and actually be able to work on it.
Thursday, June 23, 2005
A Dream Come True
NP: Big Pimpin (Unplugged) -- Jay-Z and the Roots
Just a quick howdy to all y'all and to share word of a blessed event. Last night, about two hours before the Atlanta-Braves-America's-Team were to take on the Florida Marlins, I was standing in the first row of the left field bleachers heckling players and trying to catch a home run ball during batting practice, when John Thomson of the Atlanta-Braves-America's-Team through a ball up to me in the stands. I have been trying to catch a ball at a sporting event since I was like 4 or 5 and have been unable to score anything. No foul balls or home run balls at Braves games or batting practice, no foul or home run balls at any Appalachian League games in JC or KPT, and none of the foam footballs and basketballs that the D-B cheerleaders would throw out in high school. Finally, John Thomson, my new favorite baseball player, allowed me to come away from a game with a ball that I did not have to pay 4 bucks for in the gift shop in aisle 127. Heck yeah.
Tuesday, June 21, 2005
The SGM Super 30 Black Professional Wrestler Rundown
30) SD Jones
29) Bobo Brazil
28) Mark Henry
27) Ernest Miller
26) Iceman "King" Parsons
25) Norman Smiley
24) JT Smith
23) Rodney Mack
22) Monty Brown
21) Rocky Johnson
20) Ahmed Johnson
19) Ernie Ladd
18) Koko B. Ware
17) Stevie Ray
16) Godfather
15) Pez Whatley
14) D-Lo Brown
13) Elix Skipper
12) Devon Dudley
11) Bad News Brown
10) Kamala
9) New Jack
8) Ron Killings
7) Butch Reed
6) Shelton Benjamin
5) Junkyard Dog
4) 2 Cold Scorpio
3) Booker T
2) Ron Simmons
1) Abdullah the Butcher
The SGM Super 30 Black Professional Wrestler #1
Abdullah The Butcher
Live to fork, fork to live, homes.
Butcher is the godfather of all things hardcore, bloody and violent in the sport of professional wrestling. Back in the days before the television outlets tried to save the children from images of violence, it wasn’t uncommon to see Abdullah the Butcher gouging Dusty Rhodes in the forehead with his foreign object, opening a geyser of sweet crimson. Rumor has it that Abdullah used the exact same foreign object throughout his career. So that’s where Road Warrior Hawk’s hepatitis came from.
Anyone with a review of the rib joint that Abby is said to run in Atlanta can feel free to post up here or on the SouthernFried message board. It might be worth a weekend trip one day, just to see what the place is like. I hear that if Abby’s there & you ask him nice, he’ll pick a quarter up off the table with his gig scars.
The SGM Super 30 Black Professional Wrestler #2
Ron Simmons
-The first modern age black heavyweight champion - one of the few, at least - and 1/2 of Doom; the leader of the Nation of Domination & 1/2 of the APA. Despite being saddled with some rank-ass gimmicks, in terrible angles, and even at one point being managed by Sunny, Ron Simmons will probably go down as one of the great big men the sport’s ever seen.
If Simmons could have had a better run of challengers back in the day, he would have had a better legacy. He got saddled with big men who couldn’t work, or they wouldn’t work to help make him look good. That cup of coffee with the NWA/WCW world title and his pretty successful tag team career notwithstanding, Ron Simmons basically falls into the small category of football players who made a good transition to the squared circle. Plus, on a few occasions, the man was golden on the mic.
Wednesday, June 15, 2005
The SGM Super 30 Black Professional Wrestler #3
Booker T
Booker T, in many ways, has had a career that has mirrored the success of Bret Hart. Here we have an incredible athlete who had broken out of the tag team division and made his first tenuous steps toward success in the singles division with a TV title win over Disco Inferno1. Then, he made his way up the singles ranks, holding their secondary title and eventually making his way to the big gold belt ... five times, I do believe the number is.
The comparison with Canada’s greatest son begins to diverge a little bit. When Booker T joined the WWF roster, like Bret Hart in WCW, they didn’t know what to do with him. He was alternately an asshole heel and an ersatz “people’s champion.” He had incredible runs with the Rock, and he had some brief tag success with the likes of Test(?) and Goldust(??). In fact, Booker T has nearly accomplished the same distinction that only Bret Hart and Chris Benoit have ever done: held Triple Crown distinctions (tag team, midcard title, and World title) in the two major US promotions ever - WCW and WWF. All Booker T has to do is get his hands on the WWF World title. And that’s where Booker T’s career will fall short.
Booker T has been saddled with the distinction of being the “WCW guy” who made good. Unfortunately, while he was running around claiming the distinction of being the “five time, five time, five time, etc.” WCW champion, no one bothered to mention to him that he was indelibly liking himself with a dead brand. Granted, he was doing this during the Invasion, but there wasn’t much need for him to continue doing it when he’s chasing the tag team gold with Goldust. Of course, having a gimmicky crowd popping move like the Spinarooni did help his chances of being taken seriously as a world title contender. His two greatest chances at world title contendership were probably against Triple H at Wrestlemania 19, and against Eddie Guerrero the night after he was drafted to Smackdown.
Arguably, Booker T is probably one of the best athletes to ever step in the ring, up there with your Ric Flairs and your Harts and your Hogans. A retrospective of his career should note that he held his own admirably against that very individual against whom his career is being compared, the Hitman himself. But Spinaroonis don’t go over in the ghetto, and they don’t go over in Canada either. But Booker T, if you’re out there, you deserve every one of the accolades that you’ve accomplished to date; you’ve earned them. And just think, you didn’t have to suffer a Montreal screwjob, or lose your brother (Stevie Ray) to a freak accident, or suffer a career ending concussion to get the recognition you justly deserve.
1The concept of a transitional champion for a lower mid-card championship ... an absurd concept, sirs, I assure you.
Monday, June 13, 2005
The SGM Super 30 Black Professional Wrestler #4
2 Cold Scorpio
This is a guy who does deserve to be in the top five, his brief stint as Flash Funk notwithstanding. Although, truth be told, the tag team he briefly formed with Terry Funk ... that was a classic moment.
2 Cold does some amazing things in the ring. He’s had some amazing matches with Rob Van Dam, Sabu, and Chris Benoit, among others. His aerial skills were quite often unparalleled, and he was criminally overlooked in his prime. Well, except for his numerous title reigns in ECW, but they had a tendency to not criminally overlook anyone.
However, as good as 2 Cold Scorpio was, and as much as I used to enjoy watching his matches, there are three little things about his career and in-ring work that stand out to me. Unfortunately, it’s not his great in-ring work, nor his incredible 450 splash, nor his incredible use of psychology. On the contrary, these three little things came while he was parading around as pimp extreme Flash Funk, and getting his ass handed to him on a regular basis:
1) When Mick Foley’s book came out, he noted that Scorpio had the largest penis that Foley’s ever seen. Thanks, you sock-puppet-wearing, book-writing fucker; that’s an unfortunate image that will forever be burned into my brain.
2) During the appearance of Big Van Vader at the 1997 Royal Rumble, Flash Funk attempted a high cross body on the Mastodon. Vader, standing mid-ring, caught Scorpio and performed a standing overhead slam, which propelled Funk over the top rope to the outside.
3) Flash Funk had changed his name back to Scorpio to participate in Al Snow’s WWF version of the JOB Squad. They were immediately thrown into a feud with Gangrel’s Brood. During a sidebar in a tag team brawl, the camera captures Gangrel, who worked a vampire gimmick, trying to bite the neck of 2 Cold. And get this ... 2 Cold is pushing away from the move, as if a bite from Gangrel would be the end of him. And why wasn't a bite on the neck Gangrel's finisher, anyway? I mean, why have a vampire gimmick if you aren't going all the way?
For your devotion to your craft, 2 Cold Scorpio, this Bud’s for you. Shame I didn’t get to see you on the ECW One Night Stand ... you’d have been great.
Friday, June 10, 2005
A Nine Won't Stop the Bum Rush
NP: Rowboat -- Johnny Cash
All right, it's time for an update.
Im writing you from the thriving metropolis of Abilene, Kansas. Population 5,932 SALUTE! I'm actually driving back to Tennessee tomorrow, but the place I am staying at got wireless internet for the first time EVER tonight. So, I get to enjoy one night of posting on the blog before I lose reliable internet acess again for a while.
Abilene, Kansas just might be the only place I have ever been to that is worse than Somerset and London Kensucky. Apparently I have bad luck at picking places to go to in states that start with K. I would tell you what all this town has, but I will start by listing a few things this town does not have:
1) Wal-Mart
2) Blockbuster
3) Wendy's
4) Taco Bell
5) KFC
6) Any record or book store (aside from a cheap-o-local used book store that stocks a lot of western novels
7) A pinball machine
While admittedly I can live for five weeks without any of the above, just think about that for a second. THis town is so small they don't have a Wal Mart! London Kensucky has a Wal Mart...SOmerset had a Super Wal Mart. I have reached the all time low of travel destinations.
This place does have the following things:
1) A Chinese restaurant called A Taste of China. It should be called "A Taste of Too Much Oil" or "A Taste of the Easiest to Make Chinese Dishes."
2) A Mexican place called La Fiesta. THis place is actually pretty good. Although they are selling sombreros for 50 bucks! What a steal! Every good Abilenian needs a 50-dollar sombrero.
3) A sports bar called the M+R Grill. Actually...it doesn't have a bar. It just has a shelf of liquor up behind the cash register and they can make what ever you want (I imagine)....they do have a big screen TV with very bad color quality that stays on ESPN all the time
4) ALCO. ALCO has its headquarters in Abilene. Remember when we used to have Rose's Department store? THe one that was kinda like K-Mart but local? That's what they have. This is ALCO only...becuase their corporate HQ is here and its the only store they have...although I've heard tale that they have some 5 and Dimes throughout Kansas. Alco sucks. Big Lots has a better selection of merchandise
5) Casey's General Store. This is a gas station that also makes donuts. They have a good carrot cake donut that I ate one night for dinner instead of going to 1-3
6) Subway. Thankfully, they have a Subway. However comma they have an annoying manager that works there who is about 5'0 and 5'0 wide. I went there two nights in a row...both nights I got the combo and a cookie....both nights she told me that she was on a diet and didn't want to open the case because she could smell peanut butter. I'd hate to see the Profit and Loss statement of that store
7) The Dwight D. Eisenhower LIbrary -- honestly, one of the 2 best research places I have ever been to. I'm gonna be able to write a nice dissertation after this trip
8) A lot of fat people
9) Pizza Hut buffet on Wednesday night. If you wanted to sell cheap cleaning product in Abilene, you would set up a truck store in the Pizza Hut parking lot Wednesday night and reach 85% of Abilene. Its a good Pizza Hut actually...so that made one night of the week bearable.
10) A Sprint PCS phone signal that is basically reaches a three block radius of the Subway. I spent countless minutes in that parking lot talking to people. How sad.
Thursday, June 09, 2005
The SGM Super 30 Black Professional Wrestler #5
Junkyard Dog
Only three people can bring chains to the ring and look the part of the badass doing it: Russians, Hercules Hernandez and Junkyard Dog. JYD was the first King Of The Ring, baby. He beat Randy Savage to do it, too [see “The Greatest Wrestling Stars Of The 80‘s,” available this month on DVD]. I didn’t really dig Junkyard Dog early in my love for the wrestling, for which I blame WWF. Even though they did put him in the weirdest tag team pairing this side of Kane and Van Dam: JYD and George “the Animal” Steele.
JYD also, in one of his last hurrahs, showed up at an ECW Legends gathering; this might have been on pay-per-view. Rumor also has it that he was punched in the face by New Jack over some money off a drug deal. Face it, daddy; JYD is for the children.
Tuesday, June 07, 2005
The SGM Super 30 Black Professional Wrestler #6
Shelton Benjamin
<Jim Ross> Hands down one of the most gifted athletes to ever wrestle in the squared circle.</Jim Ross> I dig Shelton’s vibe, and I wonder how much longer it will be before we see at least a single DVD release of his best matches - the clean defeat of Triple H, some World’s Greatest Tag Team/ Team Angle stuff, and that impressive three-way against Jericho and Christian the night after WM21. I guess, since he hails from Orangeburg, SC, my adopted state, that makes him my adopted homeboy.
He also shares props with AJ Styles as a guy who can do some amazing things in the ring, but can’t cut a promo for shit. I’d love to see a match between the two. A debate between the two? Not so much.
Sunday, June 05, 2005
The SGM Subversive Reading List
(Thanks to Human Events Online...well, kinda "thanks," kinda "fuck you hillbillies.")
Since Nate posted a reading list over at Southernfried, which I have been informed is now a crappy board, I figured I'd post this here since the board recently started sucking.
You can click on the link above to read the full article, which includes summaries of the books, although most of these books are pretty well known. It's pretty sad that something outranked the book written by Hitler on a list of "dangerous books" and I'm not sure what constitutes a "dangerous book" unless you're considering mass and sharp edges which could facilitate injury. I've got some pretty heave literature anthologies from my days in academia that I could use to bludgeon someone, but I don't see Norton's Anthology of British Literature on here. Also, some of the crap in that book could bore you into a coma or drive you to madness trying to figure out what the fuck they were saying. What I'm trying to say is this: fuck this anti-intellectual bullshit from the right-wing in the ass. I realize they're fine tuning their political rhetoric to appeal to the Dawn of Hope demographic, but the drawback that educated people might say WTF?!?!? is just something you have to deal with.
1. The Communist Manifesto - Marx and Engels
2. Mein Kampf - Hitler
3. Quotations from Chairman Mao - Mao Tse Tung
4. The Kinsey Report - Kinsey
5. Democracy and Education - Dewey
(From the summary: "In Democracy and Education, in pompous and opaque prose, he disparaged schooling that focused on traditional character development and endowing children with hard knowledge, and encouraged the teaching of thinking “skills” instead. His views had great influence on the direction of American education--particularly in public schools--and helped nurture the Clinton generation." I just wanted to point out that these people are a) claiming that a book is dangerous because it promotes thinking skills and that b) they're still hung up on Clinton. He got a blow job, you know. In the Oval Office. A blow job. A BLOW JOB! A BLOW JOB! Never forget that. Or 9/11.)
6. Das Kapital - Marx
7. The Feminine Mystique - Friedan
8. The Course of Positive Philosophy - Comte
9. Beyond Good and Evil - Nietzche
10. General Theory of Employment, Interest and Money - Keynes
Honorable mentions
The Population Bomb - Ehrlich
What Is To Be Done - V.I. Lenin
Authoritarian Personality - Adorno
On Liberty - Mill
Beyond Freedom and Dignity - Skinner
Reflections on Violence - Sorel
The Promise of American Life - Croly
Origin of the Species - Darwin
Madness and Civilization - Foucault
Soviet Communism: A New Civilization - Webb
Coming of Age in Samoa - Mead
Unsafe at Any Speed - Nader
Second Sex - Beauvoir
Prison Notebooks - Gramsci
Silent Spring - Carson
Wretched of the Earth - Fanon
Introduction to Psychoanalysis - Freud
The Greening of America - Reich
The Limits to Growth - Club of Rome
Descent of Man - Darwin
I ran across this list a few days ago and thought about mentioning it and then forgot about it because I was busy playing "Animal Crossing" because that doesn't make me want to cry or scream or die, but this afternoon I was watching C-Span and Ralph Nader was on Washington Today and a caller mentioned this list and Nader laughed about how ironic it was that his book was being considered dangerous when it led to driving/safety laws that have saved millions of lives in the last half century. Then another caller said she was upset that people like Nader call Bush and Cheney things like "draft-dodgers" and question the war and that she believed Bush had our best interests at heart and I wanted to cry and scream and die, but unfortunately I had only rented "Animal Crossing" and took it back to Blockbuster yesterday so the first thing I'm doing when I get paid Friday is buying that game, unless my first trip to the psychiatrist Thursday ends with my getting a lobotomy and I'm not sure if there's a difference or that I care.
Also, I'd like to point out that the majority of those books either attack or otherwise threaten business or religion, if that makes things clearer for you.
Saturday, June 04, 2005
The SGM Super 30 Black Professional Wrestler #7
Butch Reed
Only as 1/2 of Doom did I ever really care about Butch Reed. But, calling a black guy with bleached-blonde hair “the Natural,” someone’s got a funky-ass sense of humor right there. I wonder why they never followed through with the obvious program of Reed vs. Dustin Rhodes, for the right to carry the “Natural” nickname? I mean, if Booker T and Edge can fight over the rights to appear in a Japanese shampoo commercial, then I’m convinced that wrestling feuds can be built from anything.
