Ron Killings
2002 is about as good as it’s going to get for Ron “The Truth” Killings, which is a shame. I really dug his “stand up for the brotherman” promos, and I can appreciate his in-ring work. I did hate that he was one of only about ten other black wrestlers saddled with a scissor kick as a finisher.
But sorry, man, as one-third of 3 Live Kru, your work has gotta suffer. I seem to recall that he, along with Krumembers Road Dogg and Konnan, was involved in some kind of multiple deathmatch angle against Jeff Jarrett that was totally ripped from WCW - back when Jarrett had to defend his belt in three matches in one night. Road Dogg met Jarrett in a “trailer park” match, Konnan met him later in a “barrio” match, and then Killings brought the noise in a “ghetto” match, or something else equally as asinine. Let’s face it, Mr. Truth, that three month run you had with the NWA title? I get the feeling that, unless someone leaves it lying around near the men’s room, that’s the closest you’ll get to it for a long, long time.
Tuesday, May 31, 2005
The SGM Super 30 Black Professional Wrestler #8
Sunday, May 29, 2005
The SGM Super 30 Black Professional Wrestler #9
New Jack
“Jerome Young created New Jack, you know what I‘m saying? I get paid for what I‘m doing. It‘s like any entertainer. You come up with a character or a gimmick that‘s marketable. You know what I mean? So I created New Jack. And that‘s what I get paid to do.”
On November 23, 1996, seventeen year old Erich Kulas, wrestling under the name “Mass Transit,” stepped in the ring to face ECW superstar New Jack. Kulas, replacing an absent Axl Rotten, was informed that the match would be performed under “extreme” rules, which involved mostly brawling and the use of makeshift weaponry ... and blood. Kulas reportedly was hesitant about blading himself, so he asked the four year veteran New Jack to do the honors. At the midway point in the match, New Jack cut into Kulas’ forehead using a boxcutter. Immediately, blood began to gush and spurt from Kulas’ forehead, and it was immediately known to all - fans, other wrestlers, referees and casual onlookers - that Jack had cut too deep. As Kulas struggled to remain conscious, New Jack was allegedly heard screaming, “I hope the pig dies.” Kulas and his father later attempted to press charges against New Jack and ECW, but due to the misrepresentation of his age, the case was dismissed.
“I‘m a very violent person, and I‘ll hurt you and it‘s no secret.”
Wrestling Vic Grimes in a scaffold match for XPW on Feb 23, 2002, New Jack had nefarious intent on his mind. The two had wrestled before in ECW, and on one of their pay-per-view matches, the two were setting up a table dive spot from a scaffold. Grimes, reluctant, attempted to back out of the move. New Jack, however, dragged Grimes’ ass off of the scaffold. Grimes attempted to take the bump solid, but Jack landed awkwardly and was seriously injured, losing vision in one eye and suffering some mild brain damage. So, on Feb 23, Jack had a plan.
The two were wrestling on the scaffold, and a mountain of tables were set up for the fall that Grimes would eventually take. However, Jack overshot his disposal of Grimes, throwing Grimes farther than was planned. Grimes fell forty feet, straddled the rope, rebounded into the ring, and suffered serious injuries. Said Jack in an interview about the incident, “I was going to try to throw him to his death.”
“See my knuckles? You don’t, ‘cause there ain’t none.”
On October 9, 2004, wrestling for the Georgia-based Thunder Wrestling Federation, New Jack entered the ring against William Jason Lane in what was supposed to be a non-hardcore match. The plan originally called for some blood to be spilled. However, witnesses state that New Jack struck Lane with a small blade fourteen times. Police detained Jack due to the appearance that the match progressed far beyond a wrestling match. The promoter denied any foreknowledge that the two wrestlers expected to let the match go hardcore. Said one fan, “It looked like [New Jack] was intentionally trying to hurt [Lane].” New Jack, arrested for the event and placed on a $40,003 bond, was eventually released.
“It was either me or them, so I‘m still here.”
New Jack is insane. There can be no other explanation. He’s deadly because his fucked up personal value system puts him at risk for going into business for himself at any point., and thus he creates liability for any promoter who hires him.
Why, then, is he clearly so much damn fun to watch? His promo skills are unparalleled. He wheels that shopping cart full of weapons and cookware to the ring, accompanied by the strains of “Natural Born Killaz,” and the crowd pops right out the seats. Plus, when the chips have been down and he’s been called on to help business, he can be counted on. Look at the Gangstas feud with the Rock and Roll Express in SMW. ECW put the Gangstas in the ring with the Dudleys and the Eliminators and raked in money. Then, they split the Eliminators and the Gangstas and paired Jack with John Kronus and rejuvenated their tag team division. With that kind of track record, it’s easier to understand how his thug antics have been tolerated over the years. Unfortunately, when ECW folded, the fans learned that if it hadn’t been for ECW, New Jack would probably have been in prison, in the streets, or in hell.
“I ain’t no forty hour motherfucker, man. Never have, never will be.”
Saturday, May 28, 2005
The SGM Super 30 Black Professional Wrestler #10
Note: I apologize for the lapse in Super 30 updates. I've been sick with upper respiratory junk, plus work's piled up. I think I'm back on track now, though.
Kamala
Kamala always struck me as the pro wrestling equivalent of a carnival geek, the guy that they’d pay in beer to bite the heads off of chickens, only replace the words "bite" with "pin," "the heads" with "his opponents," and "off of chickens" with "on their stomachs." I always used to think how odd it was to see a cannibal with no front teeth, too.
Tuesday, May 24, 2005
Blockbuster Video
Blockbuster video has select video games for $9.99. I picked up Maximo 2 and Viewtiful Joe for 9.99--these are brand new games by the way. I do not know how long they will have these so see if the Blockbuster in your area has any of these reduced games. Oh yeah they were not just PS@ games either, I believe their were gamecube and Xbox as well.
Thursday, May 19, 2005
The SGM Super 30 Black Professional Wrestler #11
Bad News Brown
Of all the people on this list, Bad News Brown used to scare me the most. I think it was the bald head, which meant his beard didn’t connect to anything. He was incredible in the ring, although his “Ghetto Blaster” finisher was a little too Fighter Hayabusa‘s “Back Brain Kick” from the old Nintendo game, “Pro Wrestling.” Enzugiri what? I sometimes wonder, though, if Bret Hart ever got his Wrestlemania IV win back ... then I wonder, how does one get his win back from a battle royal exactly?
The SGM Super 30 Black Professional Wrestler #12
Devon Dudley
I feel bad for Devon. Seems he’s always been overshadowed by his “half-brother” Bubba Ray. And that shit can’t be an easy thing to do, play second fiddle to a stuttering gimmick. Actually, he also ranked just below “tables” in the Dudley canon too, I bet you. And the Dudley’s haven’t ever been shit without tables.
But anyone who said his preacherman gimmick didn’t have a glimmer of goodness, well they can kiss my ass. Plus, for a brief time he teamed with Ron Simmons, and in the two or three matches that they had on Velocity, they looked like a solid tandem, marking the first time in a while for both of them that they weren’t working a match with another white partner.
Monday, May 16, 2005
The SGM Super 30 Black Professional Wrestler #13
Elix Skipper
I don’t care how many tightrope huracanranas you can do from the top of a steel cage, when the timbre of your voice makes Jeff Jarrett sound like Barry White, you need a fucking manager to cut your promos, stat.
As one-half of the Triple X team, he, along with Christopher Daniels, was part of arguably one of the best tag teams by recent wrestling standards. Of course, when you’re stuck wrestling America’s Most Wanted over and over again, your team will look good in every match. There was actually a period where TNA tried a decent storyline in splitting the two teams and pairing them up with a member from the opposite team. So we had Chris Harris & Skipper vs. Daniels & James Storm. Problem was, the teams met each other too quick ... a decent angle could have spawned from that, which would still have built perfectly into the split of XXX and the recent Daniels/Skipper X Title match. But oh well.
Sunday, May 15, 2005
The SGM Super 30 Black Professional Wrestler #14
D-Lo Brown
D-Lo gets a bum rap. I’ve been a D-Lo fan ever since he put in ring time for the Nation of Domination. I remember being pretty impressed with his European title reign, and why he and Mark Henry didn't earn at least one reign as tag champs, I'll never know. I don’t really know what his appeal is, because his ground finisher was shitty ... however, his frog splash is perhaps the best looking one I’ve ever seen.
Which reminds me: You can way what you want about TNA, at least they had the insight enough to market a novelty item that represents a wrestler in the best manner I have seen to present ... A D-Lo Brown bobblehead. Maybe it’s that throwaway head-bobble legdrop that makes people shit on him.
Friday, May 13, 2005
Ah, the brightening of a shitty day.
Or series of days. I think by this week we can count by months. But that's not the point. I was checking my email and saw a report from sitemeter, which tracks the hits my other blog, the currently-on-hiatus Lunatic Fringe, so I checked it and found that on April 25th I got the awesomest referral that I'll probably ever get:
http://search.yahoo.com/search?fr=slv1-&p=fuck DeLay
That's right, someone searching for the phrase "fuck DeLay" (as in Republican Texas Representative Tom "the Hammer" DeLay) on yahoo found the Lunatic Fringe and read around for 15 minutes and 30 seconds. Oddly enough, the phrase "fuck DeLay" is nowhere to be found on the Lunatic Fringe, although I come up at number 8 on the Yahoo! search for that phrase. DeLay is mentioned and fuck is used liberally (pun!), so there you go.
Now I'm gonna get homicidal on some spywares.
Thursday, May 12, 2005
Chappelle in a Mental Facility
Apparently Dave Chappelle checked himself into a mental facility in South Africa. The exact details as of why has not been disclosed and they say that the 3rd season of his show is postponed. He has only recorded about 5 shows. Oh well, I guess we will have to wait longer for the 3rd season. Man, and he had just signed on for two more years at 50 million dollars.
Tuesday, May 10, 2005
The SGM Super 30 Black Professional Wrestler #15
Pez Whatley
I remember being a kid and fantasy booking that perfect WWF vs. Crockett Promotions interfederation supercard. While some of the choices were obvious, like Flair vs. Hogan, the true skill of the armchair booker is in how to structure the midcard. I don’t remember much about my booking strategies back in the day, but I do seem to recall that I opened the show with the Jive Tones vs. Rhythm & Blues.
Pez Whatley will always be remembered as the sellout who turned on Jimmy Valiant and joined the Paul Jones Army, metamorphosing into Shaska Whatley. Why he adopted the name of an off-brand soda, I’ll never know.
The SGM Super 30 Black Professional Wrestler #16
Godfather
For all the time he’s put in the ring as the pimp daddy Godfather, Charles Wright still holds a place in my heart as Papa Shango, for he truly heralded the death of kayfabe for me.
I think it was the match when he set his opponent’s feet on fire. Or it might have been a match when he made his opponent disappear ... or he disappeared, can’t remember which. But the Ultimate Warrior debacle has to go down in history as the best “worst” angle ever. The Warrior bleeding black blood from his forehead, the vomiting, the fake choking ... that shit was shit. And it really hit me the hardest that wrestling was all bullshit, as far as the morality plays that they were putting on; however, I began to greatly appreciate the game of human goddamn chess that was being displayed before me. So, maybe I should send Godfather a thank-you note.
I remember during the heyday of the run of the Godfather, that rumors used to fly about Wright returning to the Shango gimmick. Good lord, that would make me happy, if it were to happen, like, an hour and a half ago ... I don’t see the harm in it at this point, since almost everything on WWF programming makes me want to bleed black and vomit blood, too. And voodoo ain’t got nothing to do with it.
Sunday, May 08, 2005
The SGM Super 30 Black Professional Wrestler #17
Stevie Ray
Stevie Ray as 1/2 of Harlem Heat was great. Stevie Ray as 1/8 of NWO B-Team ... not so much, although you give the guy a mic and he was as good as Scott Steiner, any day of the week. And this was late 1990’s era WCW, when everyone was comic gold in their promos. When Stevie Ray took announcing duties ... after Juventud Guerrera, mind you ... honestly, I can’t realize why WCW went into the crapper. It was because of term like “fruit booties” that my faith in the wrestling was reaffirmed every Thursday. However, great turns of a phrase don’t help one overlook the godawful “slapjack” phase, when every Stevie Ray match ended with him smacking his opponent in the forehead with something that looked like an Odor Eater insole. Or the horrendous Harlem Heat 2000 angle he participated in with a rotund partner named Big T, a/k/a Ahmed Johnson, who wore a pink sweatsuit that made him look like a ballerina smuggling midgets across the border in his front pocket; thank God he still knew how to injure his opponents.
But still, I credit him for introducing the term “yaks” into my lexicon, as a method by which to refer to most of my ex-girlfriends. Of course, I also blame him for not having dated much after college, as then most girl became “yaks.” Oh well, you dabble in the field of psychology, you’re bound to link up with some fucked-up broads.
Saturday, May 07, 2005
The SGM Super 30 Black Professional Wrestler #18
Koko B. Ware
I never understood the superstardom of Koko. I guess his parrot Frankie really did more to get him over than anything. As if the gimmicky name wasn’t enough; who does he think he is, World B. Free?! Of course, this was back in the time when the WWF thought all their superstars needed either a cartoon gimmick or an animal. But at least the animal sidekicks made sense: A snake for Jake Roberts, a bulldog for the British Bulldogs ... the only thing that was missing was a cock carried by Terry Taylor and a weasel on a leash for Bobby Heenan. But I digress.
B. Ware’s brief appearance in the documentary “Beyond the Mat” is a pretty sad one. It’s a reminder that, no matter how far up the ladder you may have gotten, wrestling is an unforgiving bitch that will take everything you have to give her, and when she’s done, if your life isn’t ruined by the pursuit of the drugs or the money that she needs from you to make it one more day, she’ll spit you back out into the hell of the independent wrestling circuit. You could have been performing for thousands of screaming fans in the Skydome, but that won’t keep you from performing in a high school gym or National Guard armory years from now. Naming your finishing move the “Ghostbuster” probably doesn’t help, either.
Friday, May 06, 2005
The SGM Super 30 Black Professional Wrestler #19
Ernie Ladd
In the research for this cat (HAW!! I make funny ...), I ran across a bit of info that was just incredible: He and Bruiser Brody were Central States Tag champs in the earliest of the 1980’s. Of course, this being the pre-dawn of the Modern age of pro wrestling, his finisher was simple but effective: A big fucking boot to the face. It weren’t no heart punch, but it wasn’t a headbutt either (you hear that, Bobo Brazil??!)
His major contribution was that of ushering in the “football player as pro wrestler” dynamic. Jim Ross would be proud.
Notice on some current and upcoming events
Tomorrow, May 7, is Free Comic Book Day. Great opportunity to sample some really good stuff ... I usually target most of the indy books. I've gotten the Slave Labor releases for the past two or three years. I want to get a copy of NBM's "Silk Tapestry" based on their sampler from last year.
Also, I don't know how long this sale is due to go, but I was in Toys R Us and they are having a "Buy 2 games regularly priced for $19.95 or less for $30." I saw this same sale available in online form through TRU affiliate Amazon.com/toys, so definitely be on the lookout. Snagged LOTR: The Two Towers and Kengo. Looking tomorrow in Anderson for Onimusha: Blade Warriors and Castlevania: Lament of Innocence.
Thursday, May 05, 2005
The SGM Super 30 Black Professional Wrestler #20
Ahmed Johnson
I used to love watching Ahmed Johnson work in the ring. He was pretty agile for a guy his size. He was a powerhouse. Plus, every time he turned around, if he didn’t injure someone else, he injured himself.
Ahmed may best be remembered for his confusing as hell feud with the Nation of Domination, which was constantly having to be re-written due to his frequent injuries. But my personal favorite was his feud with Goldust. Truly, pure wrestling involves a homosexual male in face paint pursuing a husky black man in the name of romance, while the Intercontinental title he holds is merely an incidental. It’s a classic equation:
Tuesday, May 03, 2005
Kung-Fu Hustle
Saw King-Fu Hustle last night at Kingsport's own Marquee Cinemas. A few obersvations:
1) Kung-Fu Hustle is a well-done movie. Parts of it parody kung-fu movies, while other parts parody the film industry. It's a very well-done flick. The special effects are so over the top that they are cheesy on purpose (especially the "Toad Style" of kung-fu) but the actors sell their parts very well.
2) One of the best Flying Burrito quotes of all time. When we walked into the theater to see the movie, the entryway smelled pretty bad. He said "I think they've been holding a livestock auction in here." Maybe ya had to be there....but it was funny funny funny.
3) The Fort Henry Mall is the home to the dregs of Middle-Class America. We get out of Burrito's truck and head in and a red Chevrolet pulls up in the parking plaec next to us and out step three goth teenagers. I swear, Robert Smith is going to rot in the 15th circle of Lucifer's armpit for unleashing the goth craze on the world. In most places it is dead...but not in Kingsport By-Golly Tennessee. One of the goth guys had on a black mesh shirt (a la Jeff Hardy) and black pleather pants. I was waiting on him to do a Twist of Fate on one of the goth girls that were with him...but it was not to be.
3a) The Fort Henry Mall needs a gym. Based on the people I saw at the Mall...it would either be the busiest gym in the history of Upper East Tennessee, or it would go out of business in one month for lack of membership. There is no in-between in Kingsport. People are either really, really fat, or they are skinny. There aren't any really slightly fat people walking around....at least not at the mall last night.
4) Dance Dance Revolution is the end of the American video game industry as we know it. Where did the three goth kids go when they got in the mall? Why to play Dance Dance Revolution of course. I didn't know DDR had any NIN songs on the playlist, but these kids were bouncing away not more than five minutes later. MAybe DDR is the one thing that can unite Generation Y into a cohesive unit and point them in the direction of world peace and productivity. Somehow I doubt it though.
So long for now....time to go read "The Democratic Experience"
Peace out, word to your mother.
Monday, May 02, 2005
And just like the Prodigal Son.....
I've returned.
Nothing playing now because Im in the Kingsport Public Library right now posting from a public access terminal. The big UF wrapped its semester up on Thursday and Im doing a stop-over at Mom and Dad's before I head off to the thriving metropolis of Abilene, Kansas for five weeks of smash-mouth research.
I watched wrestling again last night for the first time in at least 6 months. The Man they Call Shoe had us over for the Backlash PPV and, I must say, wrestling is really reached a period of sucktitude right now. You know it is bad when they bring Mabel out of retirement to do the job to Kane. I was really hoping that Mabel would win because I wanted to see what would happen if they had another interracial coupling thing like they did between Mark Henry and Mae Young. Its funny though, becuase the only time they can do that is when one of the pair is obviously abnormal in some way so that that draws the attention away from the interracial aspect. People were horrified about Young and Henry becuase she was in her 80s. People would be horrified about Mabel and Trish because he is like 500 pounds. Maven and Torrie Wilson could never hook up in a program because that would be uncovering a taboo that they won't touch. When Shawn Stasiak was Meat and Jackie was one of his "handlers," it was bad because it was 3 women and 1 guy. Its just weird that the WWE will push the envelope on everything but that. Its about 35+ years since Captain Kirk kissed Uhura on Star Trek and we still can't get an interracial couple in wrestling.
Also, what is going on with all of the Diva people getting plastic surgery? Trish has clearly had an eyelift and maybe even a nose job. Stacey had weird puffy cheekbones (which explains the big hat covering her face last night). Titan's plastic surgeon must be loving the additional female talent on the roster....its just money in the bank for him.
Hulk Hogan. Why?
Chris Masters and his Master Lock. Ted DiBiase called. He wants his gimmick back. I was waiting on Virgil to come out and knock a basketball out of some kids hand.
The Heart Throbs. I could do a above joke but insert Rico/Adrian Street/Adrian Adonis/Too Cool, but I'll spare you.
Ok, now the two Arab guys were innovative. Well, not really. We've been fighting our foreign policy battles in the wrestling ring for over 50 years now and it sitll doesn't get old. Im waiting on La Resistance and the Arab-Americans to team up and form the Axis of Evil. Maybe they can get a Korean wrestler to come over and manage them a la Team America.
Vince, even though you are not reading this....please give us Tajiri/Super Crazy at the ECW One Night Stand show. Please.
That's all for now. Time to go up and revise an article for my second publication. Maybe I'll get a professorship yet.
Peace Out, word to your mother.
Sunday, May 01, 2005
The SGM Super 30 Black Professional Wrestler #21
Rocky Johnson
All Rocky Johnson ever did was wrestle, night in and night out, winning championships and banging Samoan women who would go on to kick out the second coming of wrestling Jesus.
He never came to the ring talking jive. He never came to the ring to a breakbeat. He never breakdanced in the ring. He never soft-shoed before his matches. And he was never Saba Simba.
And that’s why Tony Atlas’ sellout ass ain’t on this list, motherfucker.
