So much drama

I'm one day away from a possible suspension from work, although I have almost all the requested paperwork finished. I can pretty much then say that I'm off the hook for probably another week. I got written up last week for paperwork problems, and I thought "shit, I guess it could be worse."

But then, I was told today that if I don't make my productivity for the month of March, I'm getting written up again.

I despise my job. I didn't get a Master's degree in Administration, I got it in Clinical Psychology. I do therapy, and I do it pretty good. What I don't do good is writing the same information over and over, on two & three different forms, stretched out over the duration of the person's time with the clinic. Which can sometimes be years.

I'm going public with this info for the first time ever: I interviewed Tuesday for a Counselor's job at Lander University's Counseling Department. I didn't tell anyone for a long time, because I didn't want to get turned down for the job and then have to hear all the "that's too bad," "better luck next time," "just wait, you'll get a better job," et cetera, 'cause that shit doesn't make the clinic a better place to work. That just makes me feel more like shit where I work.

The position is an incredible one .... working with college students who have hope to improve and want to succeed, not disability leeches or drug-seeking benzofeens. The staff get involved in projects that encourage the clients they serve, instead of cater to their illnesses and promote stagnation (my DBT program is supposed to be like that, but shit, you try talking discharge planning with my supervisors, they ask me how I can promote my group members to stay in the program, despite their improvement). The paperwork is more relaxed. The hours are kinda wonky, but that's okay because the hours add up and every other Friday you get half a day off.

I think the interview went well. I spoke with the director & she actually worked in the general area that I worked in (state health ... her in A&D, me in mental health). She related to my discussion about the paperwork. She described her work & I almost crapped, 'cause it was pretty much what I do with my DBT group, on a weekly basis. "You might have a caseload of 16 students ... that might sound like a lot" ... I have a clinic caseload of 107 people. There's no 90 day treatment summaries to do for Medicaid, no 72 hour time limit on notes being filed, a lot of projects that you can get involved in to promote student volunteership; and, best of all, as long as it doesn't interfere with the work schedule, I could still be an adjunct professor. No paperwork would follow me home, so I could get my Ph.D if I so desired. I'd be on-call for the college (not the community, and not 24/7 like I am now).

Then I had the main event interview with 6 other people - a student, judicial affairs, student affairs, health affairs, housing, a staff member (who also is actually the mayor of Greenwood). The questions were easy ones, generally asking what kinda game I bring to the table. One interesting question asked of me was, "if you enjoy what you do, why are you interested in coming to Lander?" I talked about the paperwork, which the director was backing me up on, and then I talked about how optimistic I am for that population of clients. All in all, it felt like a good interview.

And that's the job I won't get. You know why? 'Cause I'm too hopeful, and I'm too focused on getting out of my current job, that I just sense disappointment. I could be wrong, and I know this, but the part that makes me ill is that I could be right. I'm holding my breath for this position. It's a solid gold opportunity. And suspense is a killer.

I'll let you guys know how it turns out.