After some reflection, I have to say that Deal or No Deal represents everything I think is wrong with America.
First and foremost, the whole Deal or No Deal is a game with no skill. All the contestant does is pick a number and then pick a series of numbers to eliminate possible prize amounts. There are no clues, no hints, no idea what is in any of the "cases," so there is no way for a person to make an educated guess about anything. In short, it is totally equalizing. An 80-year old Korean War vet has as much chance of winning a million bucks as an 18-year old high school drop out. Games like Survivor or Millionaire (love the former, hate the latter) take some sort of talent and skill that a good player is rewarded for. You can't be a dipshit and win on Jeopardy.
Second, the game is specifically designed for impatient people. Everyone wants everything now. The only drama points in the show are when Howie Mandel (who plays a straight host very well) looks at the camera and makes the audience wait on the commercial break. That's sort of become his gimmick since the show is pretty much about a bunch of Halliburton's with numbers in it. It reflects America's inability to be patient or to delay gratification even for three minutes while we have commercials.
Third, in a very strange juxtaposition, the capitalist system is on trial even while contestants try to make money. The "bad guy" in the show is the faceless, anonymous banker who "tries to buy the cases" from the contestants. The banker calls in and talks to Howie Mandel to offer the contestant a certain sum of money. It is all based on mathematics and odds, so it's not really like some jackass is sitting in a darkened booth trying to screw someone. But, however, we have to have a bad guy because America needs someone to hate, so we take the financial institutions to task and make them the heels. They may as well name the banker Kenneth Lay and they would have the same impact.
Fourth, women are kept subservient in the Deal or No Deal universe. The cases can't open themselves and we can't have a video board that reveals things....we have to have a bunch of attractive females opening the physical briefcases. So the women have to be enabled by Howie Mandel before they will do their jobs. Also, every female contestant I have seen on there (and admittedly, I've only watched like two episodes) has been dumber than a box of rocks. Tonight, a woman was up there holding a scarf that Elvis Presley draped around her neck in 1970-something. The best part of that was she kept knocking off the big numbers so I actually started rooting for the banker and against that dopey woman with the blue scarf. I guess the old instinct to root for the heels has carried over from the NWO days.
Fifth, it enables people to gamble. They have a contest where you can text a message to a number (for a mere 95 cents) to guess which "lucky case" has 10,000. If you pick the right number (from 1-6), you are entered in a drawing to win 10K. Gracious people are dumb. So this show is popular, they have ostensibly millions of viewers, and these people pay this company a dollar to guess a number between one and six? They are sitting on a goldmine here...because they no doubt make in well more than 10K a night from dummies dropping a buck on a contest they have no chance of winning. It makes the lottery look like a sure thing. Well, actually it doesn't, but the same principle applies.
So, while Deal or No Deal is a big popular show on TV, it is the Wal-Mart of American broadcasting at the moment. It appeals to the lowest of the lowest common denominators....and as we all know, that means it is making someone rich....and it isn't the contestants.
Monday, May 29, 2006
Deal or No Deal
[PS2] Jaws Unleashed
You would think that the premise of playing a shark in a video game would be a given sell.
You'd be partly right. If said game was perfect in its execution, the camera and collision detection were spot-on, and the controls a little tighter, you'd have a nigh-perfect game. "Jaws Unleashed" is not that game.
The camera is very spotty, being in perfect alignment with Jaws and his target one second, then annoyingly darting for an above water shot when it's least helpful the next.
However, at least the game is pretty thoughtful, as the big complaints I had about the gameplay conveniently occurred one right after the other. At level two, I just randomly attacked a scooner for the hell of it, only to bounce away after a successful hit and get halfway stuck in the hull of a sunken boat; after mashing every button in an unsuccessful attempt to dislodge myself from the solid hull (yes, collision detection is very poor), I was forced to restart. Take two saw me engaging in some side mission love, in a segment called "Night Attack" or some such. I can only assume it's a four part side mission, since I didn't make it any further than the fourth part. I was advised to break through the shark proof netting (did that); next, I had to attack some swimmers (which, after attacking only one swimmer, I was told my mission was complete ... that's criminally easy); then, I had to attack the tourist boats (while they shot at me, mind you, which tells you a story out the tourism trade at Amity); and then, (finally?) I was told to attack the refinery and destroy it. This was the most irritating part: after working my ass off to finish this task, with absolutely no advice on how such a thing is to be done (seriously, it's quite hit and miss), I completed my mission, enjoyed the following cutscene ... then the fucking game froze. Thank you, Appaloosa (the game's publishing house), that's about 30+ minutes of my life I'll never see again.
Now, is the whole game like this? Honestly, no. The first stage was actually quite fun, and even the tutorial stage wasn't as obnoxious as most of those beasts can be at times. But as for the rest of the game that lies ahead ... well, I can't vouch for it. I would assume, however, from the distance that I made to this point, that as the game becomes more advanced, the mechanics of the gameplay may possible be more frustrating. This dynamic is actually the opposite of how it should work, in my opinion; as a game goes on, the frustration is supposed to come in the form of the advanced level of skill you need in the gameworld in which you're playing, not from the camera or collision or graphics against which you have to struggle. It just seems that this game was rushed into release, rough edges intact, which, given that it's been around in some form or another since 2002 (as the Jaws-license free "Sole Predator"), is inexcusable.
All in all, a 2 count ... hmm, maybe a 2 1/2, based solely on the fact that it is a budget-friendly price ($30 ain't really that bad). Well, that and the visceral thrill of thrashing a human victim to pieces. Honestly, that latter part goes a lot farther than you'd think.
Saturday, May 27, 2006
SGM Summer Reading List
Book reports are due by August 30th!
This year's selection is a healthy dose of older pulp fiction, biographical sketches of unique personalities, and cultural investigative nonfiction that explores our interest in the heroes and villians of our youth.
The Stars, My Destination
Au: Alfred Bester
Dr. No
Au: Ian Fleming
Waking Up Screaming
Au: H.P. Lovecraft
Cheating Death, Stealing Life
Au: Eddie Guerrero
Myths For the Modern Age
Au: Win Scott Eckert
Roger Corman: Blood-Sucking Vampires, Flesh-Eating Cockroaches, and Driller Killers
Au: Beverly Gray
Freezer Burn
Au: Joe Lansdale
Book Of The Dead: The Complete History Of Zombie Cinema
Au: Jamie Russell
Zodiac Unmasked
Au: Robert Graysmith
Men Of Tomorrow
Au: Gerard Jones
The Insidious Dr. Fu Manchu
Au: Sax Rohmer
Sunday, May 21, 2006
[DVD] The Frighteners - Director's Cut
It's not so much this film I'm interested in discussing, but rather one character in particular:
FBI Special Agent Milton Dammers, as played by Jeffrey Combs.
This dude has to be the singlemost twisted character I've seen in a film in a long time. Combs has a particular style of acting, contorting, and emoting that channels Jim Carrey; in fact, Combs is the most Carrey-looking non-Jim Carrey individual ever.
His main hook is that he's an agent that's infiltrated cults and sects to bring them to justice. To say that his job's left it's mark on his psyche would be a gross miscarriage of observation.
It's probably at best a 2 1/2 count film; however, Dammers makes it well worth it with each second he's on the screen. A weird, creeped-out little fucker if ever there was.
Job Part 3
The administration came through with benefits and more money than I expected. I accepted and all should be a done deal in 2 weeks. Have to do some budget shuffling and the like to get me in.
Saturday, May 20, 2006
This Week in Jumping the Shark
First thing that jumped the shark: sobriety. When you're clean and sober, the days get fuckin' tedious. You experience every fuckin' minute of it, in live and living color. The only thing was ever between me and alcoholism was a stomach made out of toilet paper. White Russians - my anti-drug.
Second thing that jumped the shark: this country. Two hundred and thirty years of not having an "official language" apparently also became too tedious. Put up a fuckin' fence and stick some guards around it without guns, so it don't look like we're militarizin'. Keep out the brown folk from down south a'way. They don't wanna speak the language, fuck 'em. I guess we'll find some white people wanna put down their fuckin' PS2 controllers and TV remotes long enough to pick some fuckin' tomatoes or pluck some goddamned chickens. Gut cattle and bus tables. The cost of food'll skyrocket, but hey, them wetbacks won't be bringin' down property values.
This, fuckin' frankly, has been the saddest goddamned debate this country has ever involved itself in. Sadder than whether or not gays should be allowed to marry or whether or not black people are property or who fuckin' shot J.R. Here are your goddamned answers, you fuckin' ignorant, Survivor-watchin', Hummer-buyin', American Idol-votin' cunts: either rich white people stop hiring illegal immigrants or you accept the fact that your everyday-low-cost of living is supplimented by Mexican labor on the cheap.
We're a goddamned nation of immigrants. Our ancestors came here on a boat; either of their own free will, under contract or in chains. Our forefathers fucked the natives sideways and six ways from Sunday and whipped the niggers for looking like they were thinking about stepping outta line. Somebody is always under somebody else's boot, and life is a cycle. Maybe it's our turn to look down the business end of something vicious and maybe we deserve it. Because to someone holding a whip and smallpox-infested blankets, we're the fuckin' Other, too.
Wednesday, May 17, 2006
Been in training this week
I'm facilitating a Dialectical Behavioral Therapy training all this week, and damn that is wiping me out every night~!
Today we covered priorities in behavioral change, focusing on reducing self-harm behaviors, therapy-interfering behaviors, and quality of life interfering behaviors. We got on the topic of liability, and I got to tell my class that we deal with folks that make us liable by the very fact that we work with them (the chronic self-mutilators), so there's not much that we can do as professionals to make us any more liable.
I'm about to lose my voice though, 'cause I'm not used to talking almost constantly, 6 hours long, for days straight.
Tuesday, May 16, 2006
Job Redeux
Had my second meeting about the job today. The sticking point is benefits....they aren't sure if they can make the post full-time....so they are trying to work it out. Might be a derailment, but I'm praying its not.
Saturday, May 13, 2006
Just change the name
Can we change the name of "Dateline NBC" to "Sexual Predators = Ratings?"
I swear, all they do on that show anymore is catch guys trolling for teens on the Internet. Not that that's a bad thing to get these guys off the street, but can't they show something else?
Friday, May 12, 2006
Impact afterthoughts
So, have all the Jarrett PPV tag matches been ... just really weird, since the inception of TNA monthly ppv?
- Jarrett, Nash & Hall vs. Hardy, Styles, and Savage (Turning Point 2004)
- Sean Waltman, BG James & DDP vs. Jarrett, Monty Brown & Kip James (Lockdown 2005)
- Rhino & Jarrett vs. Raven & Sabu (Sacrifice 2005)
- AMW & Jarrett vs. Team 3D & Rhino (Genesis 2005)
- Jarrett & Monty Brown vs. Sting & Christian (Final Resolution 2006)
- Jarrett, Abyss & AMW vs. Killings, Rhino & Team 3D (Destination X 2006)
- Sting, Styles, Killings & Rhino vs. Jarrett, AMW & Scott Steiner (Lockdown 2006)
- ... and now, Sting & Samoa Joe vs. Jarrett & Steiner (Sacrifice 2006)
As for which of these ranks highest in the "oddball pairing" category, I'd have to put 'em this way:
1) Joe & Sting vs. Jarrett & Steiner (which has potential to be just plain bee-zarre)
2) Jarrett & Rhino vs. Raven & Sabu
3) Jarrett-Nash-Hall vs. Savage-Styles-Hardy
And anyone who hasn't seen it, Jarrett-AMW vs. Rhino-Team 3D is a tight little match, with some awesome brawling.
Thursday, May 11, 2006
That didn't take long ...
We got our emails notifying us, the DMH employees, that our presences are requested, collectively, at a Cultural Competency training seminar in the next couple of weeks.
When I first read my email, I thought, "Wow, took 'em longer than I thought it would," but then yesterday was a holiday (Confederate Memorial Day), so it took them more time to get it dictated, written, rewritten to email, organize an emailing list, then send them out.
Meth: It's even worse than we thought.
Wednesday, May 10, 2006
A legitimate question
I just saw a listing for "The Gin Blossoms Greatest Hits: The 20th Century Masters Collection."
My question, then, is in what category are the Gin Blossoms considered "20th Century Masters?" I mean, they were ok. Allison Road and Hey, Jealousy are pretty catchy tunes, but 20th Century Masters? If they are letting the Gin Blossoms in, do they let School of Fish and King Missle in? Should the collection be called "Decent Alternative Bands of the 90s Collection?"
The music industry will do whatever they can to sell you the same old stuff twice. They must be taking after George Lucas.
Job
Don't want to jinx it, but I tentatively accepted a job today. I would tell you where it was, but then someone somewhere would google the school's name, find this blog, and then figure out who I was.....and then see Nate's comment below and I'd get fired. So, I'll tell y'all on AIM. I finalize the deal, pending some things, on Tuesday.
Thinking aloud
"We're so sure that you'll like our product that we're offering a money-back guarantee if you're not completely satisfied."
Does that statement in fact imply that the company is not certain that you'll like the product? If I was positive you'd like my product, I wouldn't offer you shit, 'cause I'd know you'd like it, no questions asked. And if you didn't like it, you must be a homosexual.
Tuesday, May 09, 2006
[DVD] Suicide Club
"But before that, lots of food and fornication!"
Japan. They have some magnificently strange cinema there. This would be one of those. It starts out, simply enough, with 54 schoolgirls lined up on a subway platform. When the subway train approaches, they leap out onto the tracks; the resulting tidal wave of blood and body parts drenches the waiting passengers. And from there it only gets weirder.
This is one gloomy film, like "Seven" or "Fight Club." The director, Shion Sono, develops his story around mysterious online shenanigans, a J-pop all-girl group, and blood that seems to spray from the body like a geyser. Sono definitely seems to be saying something about popular culture and its Pied Piperesque influence on youth, but the message just doesn't seem to crep its way out from underneath the medium. In one of my particularly favorite scenes, a group of school children are sharing gossip over the deaths, and it turns from giggling rumor and sick joking to the development of the titular organization. It's not a perfect film, by a long shot, but it's effective, in a half-film noir, 1/4 social commentary, and 1/4 gorehound's delight. It's a 2 1/2 count overall; a little more of a cohesive direction, and it would have been a 3 count, easy.
David Lynch would bust a nut over this, to be sure.
Monday, May 08, 2006
Rachael Ray
Ain't never been nothing else on the Food Network that made me wanna hump a bitch.
Well, except Iron Chef, 'cuz I loves me some Asian girls.
Traffic Court
Today at 9am, I had the distinct honor to go to Alachua County Traffic Court to testify against the kid that crashed his car into the car behind mine, which then crashed into me and made me crash into the car in front of me. Florida has weird laws where traffic violations are not criminal matters, but are civil cases. (The cop who wrote the kid a ticket explained this to me after court) Cops who write tickets for wrecks are not able to testify in the case outside of the tickets they wrote because they did not witness the accident first hand. They subpeona all those involved in the case but, since it is a civil matter, there is no legal compulsion for a witness to attend and many choose not to. Since most people know this, a cottage industry of traffic attorneys have risen up where they represent the people who have been cited. The people who are cited don't show up (because their lawyer is there) and, if no witness shows up and the cop is not allowed to testify, the lawyer calls for a dismissal and the citation goes away. Because I have a high level of civil responsibility, I showed up and the kid that hit me had to pay his citation AND pay the lawyer fees.
I gotta say, it was a good day.
Saturday, May 06, 2006
Oh oh ... a TNA Impact! note
I watched Impact! Thursday.
Main event: Alex Shelley vs. Christian Cage. I've long considered this to be a dream match of sorts, even before Christian came to TNA. It doesn't disappoint; catch the replay tonight on SPIKE! at 11pm, if you can.
Amusing myself on a Saturday
I had to sit for about 7 hours (well, 7 relative hours, as it was significantly less than that) during my sis-in-law's college graduation from ETSU today.
As compensation, my wife and I swung by Best Buy. While she was shopping for some-such, I took all their copies (10+) of "The Passion of the Christ" and put them in science fiction. Wonder when they'll find that out ...
Friday, May 05, 2006
Two blogs of interest
Classic Cartoons
Mighty Illusions
These happened to pop up on the main Blogger page, so I clicked on 'em and figured I'd link them.
Meth is bad, mmkay?
And apparently, it's so bad that it almost caused a race war in the Greenwood Mental Health Clinic today.
We were having our annual All Staff today, where ... well, all the staff in the seven county cachement area ... comes to the central clinic for a state of the clinic address, and the odd training here and there.
Our end of the day lecture: "Meth and Its Effects On The Community"
We got to the part about user demographics, which followed the "physical effects of meth" information - the rotten teeth, the picked-to-the-bone lesions on the skin (from the bugs under the skin sensation), the hair falling out, the tweaking that sometimes involves pulling hair out, all that.
The demographics info started thusly:
"The majority of meth users are white. The black population hasn't gotten involved in the use and distribution of meth. Not a lot of information is out there that explains this -"
A black female blurts out, "That's 'cause we don't want to look all messed up when we're getting high." (Yes, this is a mental health professional.)
An older white guy responds, "Yeah, that's why you people have crack." (Yes, this is a mental health professional.)
And the rest of this discussion went this way:
"'You people?!'"
"Well, yeah, you black people. Don't you use crack?"
Another black individual, a male: "I'm black, and I don't use crack."
Another black female: "Me either ... does that mean I'm one of 'you people.'"
Different white guy, friend of the first: "You mean, white people? I don't think that's possible."
First black female responds with some kind of response about how white people think that they're better than black people. Which in turn causes dissension amongst the white people. The clinic director had to call a 10 minute break that quickly turned into a 20 minute break.
I expect a mass email on Monday that we're going to have a required Cultural Competency training before the month's out.
Thursday, May 04, 2006
The Academic Textbook Industry = $$$
NP: Steady as She Goes -- The Raconteurs
As a fledgling instructor in the liberal arts, there is a wide variety of textbooks available for adoption in my various classes. Generally, an established professor or group of professors will write a general textbook, sell it to a publisher and cash in on mad royalties that often eclipse their monographs. This, and writing a general history of a college that will sell to the alumni of a give institution, are two popular ways to earn money late in your careers to retire on and not be dependent on the state pension program. As a result, the textbook market is crowded with a lot of good, highly readable textbooks for history surveys.
The publishers, well aware that they are in a crowded, extremely competitive field, will often trip over each other to get professors to adopt their books. Previously, I posted about textbook reps, most of whom are under 25, under a size 10, and over-endowed, coming to campus and bringing us a catered meal from Panera or Chipotle as an excuse to get us to read through the various books she shills. While this still happens routinely, an increasing number of companies are moving away from the eye-candy approach and are just sending us free copies of their books. Apparently, it is more cost-effective to send a box of 5 or 6 books to every prospective professor on a school's website than to pay the travel and meal costs of one of these sales people. This semseter, it was not uncommon on any given day to have a package waiting on me in the graduate office with anywhere between 1 and 8 free textbooks.
As you, the fair readers of SGM know, I am a very dedicated professional. However, I only have so many hours in the semester to read textbooks. This semester, that amount of time totalled 0 hours. So, blessed with a stack of freebooks in a vibrant college town, I went to two of the off-campus bookstores in the greater Gainesville area, and sold half (exactly half) of the free books for a net profit of $132 dollars. I have morals and, if I had asked for any of these books, I would have kept them. However, since the textbook companies apparently feel led to send me a seemingly inexhaustable supply of books I neither want nor need, I have no problems turning those resources into usable capital. After all, I would much rather have money to buy groceries than a third copy of "America: A Concise History."
So, when you wonder why textbook companies charge 50 bucks for a US Since 1877 book, just remember that for every book you buy, 5 professors are receiving the same book at no charge.
Nothing really to post yesterday.
I spent all day in a day program (co-facilitating, not attending, natch). So, I hit the bed like a mack truck.
If you ever get the chance to watch the movie, "Deep Rising," don't pass it up. A film that is exciting, suspenseful, and fun. Starring no one in particular, except the awesome Treat Williams, who I haven't seen in any roles of import sense his turn as Critical Bill, the guy who ate rat dookie on a bet in "Things to Do In Denver When You're Dead." Another decent film.
Anyway, let's see what happens today, shall we?
Wednesday, May 03, 2006
Final Exam Pool Time
My final exam is scheduled for Friday morning. This sucks for a number of reasons, most especially because I have to have grades in by noon on Monday. With that aside, the other fundamental problem is that the annual Gator Stompin takes place Thursday night. Gator Stompin is a pub crawl. It is designed for seniors, but open to all students with fake IDs. Its name is Latin for "Give us a lot of money and we will give you a T-shirt, a slice of cold pizza, and a bunch of watered down drinks."
Based on the above information, the questions I pose to you are as follows:
1) How many students will miss my final exam?
2) How many students will admit that they got too drunk the night before to get up and come to class?
3) How many students will have legit excuses?
The class has 30-35 students in it and all are expected to attend the final. Answer in the comments section below.
Tuesday, May 02, 2006
Please define "magic" for me
David Blaine is living underwater for a week. Whoopedy sh*t. Tell me again how that has anything to do with "magic." Jeez, how does this guy even get paid? From living in a block of ice, to standing on a pole, and now this ... geez, the sky's the limit.
"So, what's the trick you're doing this month, Mr. Blaine?"
"I'm going to eat my weight in Funyuns."
"Here's the check, we'll book Rockefeller Center."
Academic Job Update
Lots to report. The dissertation is in to the committee, so I will have one more (probably grueling) round of edits after I get it back and then on to the defense. The interview in DC went well. I had another one today where they want me to teach 4 different classes each semester, which means all my time will be spent developing courses and grading papers. I interviewed well over the phone...but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have to let this one go on by if they offer it to me.
The first year after your degree is almost as important as your entire grad school experience. Here, you have to prove that you can be a productive scholar (i.e. publish articles and make headway on a book), and balance that with teaching. If all I was doing was preparing courses and grading, I would have way less time to do my own stuff and, since this job is a one-year gig, I would also have to spend a good deal of the fall applying for jobs....so I don't think this job is for me.
On the upside, they have given me one class here for the fall, with the possibility of another, and I also have an interview for a student affairs job next Wednesday. So, unless the DC interview comes through, it is looking like I am here for one more year.
Monday, May 01, 2006
I just logged out and found this listed on the Blogger main page
http://www.todolistblog.com/
There's a post made on March 27 about turning these "to-do lists" into a book. Is the American literati so hurting for stimulation that they need to see a "to-do list" book printed right away?
Alex Shelley was gold, motherfucker, and I mean GOLD on Impact!
Ah, it's good to be back into the daily blog grind. It truly is.
I woke up today, and I thought to myself:
"How many golfballs would it take to fill an American standard toilet?"
I'm sure that there's probabaly some kind of mathematical equation that I could use to figure this out without actually filling up my toilet with golfballs. See, this is the kind of junk that fills up my brain when I go to sleep watching "Mythbusters."
