Wrestling Society X(?)

Um, anyone heard about this? It snuck up on me, and I wouldn't even know about it if it wasn't for 411 Wrestling. There's a repeat of the show on it's "official debut" on Tuesday @ 10:30 (making me dispute the definitions of both "official" and "debut." Click below for spoilers.

First off, the "musical guest" is Zakk Wylde and something-something. Can't understand a damn word of whatever song he's singing.

Already, the announcing sucks worse than anything I've ever heard.

Jack Evans vs. Matt Sydal - Both of these guys bring the pain, and the fans are pretty clearly behind wiggariffic Jack Evans, who CM Punk used to call "Flippy McFlippenstein". This thing had more spots than two dalmatians fucking, and less psychology than the clinic I left for the one I work in now. (BYRNE!!) Evans wins with a 630 flipping senton, and I'd wager that there's not a single true wrestling fan in that whole building.

Some of the tag teams headed to WSX: Yep, there's one called the Trailer Park Boys. One of the tag team's got Aguilera (who was Jesus in Smackdown ... he stabbed John Cena!!)

I do believe that this will be the last show of WSX I see. Not only for the wrestling/show quality, but all the shitty extra television I have to sit through, courtesy of MT-to-the-V.

Um, a quick check reveals that this is a 30 min. show. I think it's going to feel like 90. Sometimes I worry that I'm a bullshit mark elitist on certain things, because I'm very critical of stuff that I like sometimes. But I can't even suspend my critical side for this. This is an affront to all that wrestling means.

The main event is a battle royal (there's only been 3 or 4 battle royals on wrestling TV this week, but the ring announcer says it's something "completely different" ... hey, so did Monty Python an hour ago). Apparently once everyone gets in the ring, Rumble-style, then they can pull in ladders, and the first two wrestlers to pull down contracts hanging over the ring will fight for the WSX world title at the next WSX show ... if there is a next show. Knowing MTV, there'll probably be many more. Hell, there's a show chronicling the road to Bam Margerine's marriage, so apparently there's no discerning voice of reason at MTV. Oh, and around the ring are tables and "electrified wire."

It starts off with Justin Credible (ugh) and Teddy Hart (double ugh). Hart breaks out a non-productive backflip that hits nothing. I think Hart's a crack addict. #3 is Kaos ... oh shit, his pedigree is he's the longest running XPW champion, which is like being the prettiest prostitute on the corner. #4 is Vampiro ... goddamn.

Hey, a commercial for "Norbit" ... Eddie Murphy apparently responded to his Oscar-rumored role in "Dreamgirls" by running right back to acting in shit for paycheck roles. I'd like to see his fat woman character fight Tyler Perry's Medea.

Puma and Al Katrazz (yep ... I give up) made it to the ring during the break. Fuck, Six Pac (yep, Shawn Waltman) is here. I swear to god, he's smoking while he's wrestling, take THAT, faggot Sandman. Chris Hamrick ... oh shit, it's fucking New Jack!!! Someone's gon' die! Chris Hamrick looks older than damn dirt. New Jack is fucking crazy ... bring out Indian Joe or whatever that guy's name was that G fucked up. Youth Suicide in now ... who? Jim Neidhart? (I wish.) Wrestling rule #2080: if you pour out thumbtacks, you're gonna be the one eatin' 'em. Sunbitch, Vampiro has a serious fucking gut.

Zpac gets the first contract. Apparently he took the time to put out his smoke before he climbed the ladder. And, oh holy shit, Vampiro got the other one. So, next show it'll be Xpark vs. Vampiro & the midget hidden in his shirt for the WSX title, which will probably be worth less than the European title, the Hardcore title (WWF & WCW), the FTW title, and the Women's title (any of 'em, really) combined. Maybe it'll fetch someone some drug money on eBay in a couple of weeks.

This fucking garbage doesn't even warrant a count. I hate everything. Now I face the chore of whether to label this under "The Wrestling" or not.