Quotes to Live By

This one comes in the form of a joke, actually.

A tourist in Mexico goes into a restaurant and has a seat. After scanning the menu, he asks the waiter, "Excuse me, waiter, what are ... coh-jones?"

"Ah, senor," says the waiter, "the cajones ... 'cah-ho-ness' ... those are the, how you say, the bull balls?"

"'Bull balls?'" The tourist replies.

"Si. Here in Mexico, we have the bullfights. And when the bullfighter defeats the bull, it is tradition to not let the parts of the bull go to waste. We use the skin, the horns, the meat ... everything becomes something. And we take the cajones, we cook them with a little seasoning, we make the most delicious meal in Mexican cuisine."

"Well, hell," says the tourist, "I want to try that out."

So the waiter brings out a plate of two or the most massive, bulbous globes of meat, served with garnish and smelling incredible. The tourist digs in, and he's blown away by how awesome the dish tastes. It's so good, in fact, that he has to restrain himself from licking the plate.

That night, the tourist is obsessed; that meal was incredible. He stays awake all night, waiting for the time when the restaurant will open and he can try another helping.

The next morning, the tourist bounds into the restaurant, where he sees his waiter from the day before. "Waiter," he says, "I'd like to order another plate of cojones."

The waiter obliges, "Si, si, senor, it was delicious, was it not? Another plate coming up!"

The waiter brings out the plate, only this time the dish is a paltry meal, with two pebble shaped pieces of gristle sitting on a bed of lettuce."

"Waiter," the tourist asks, "Why were the cojones yesterday so big, and today they are really small?"

"Well, senor," the waiter responds, "Sometimes the bull, he win."