Monday, April 09, 2007

If the world were fair ...

... shitty commercials would result in not only zero, but negative revenue.

Take "Skittles," for example. They got this new commercial where a foppish re-re gets off a bus and asks these two Skittles Berries & Cream-eating uber leet fellows if they are, in fact, ingesting the aforementioned confection. When they affirm this, the gayboy starts dancing, while singing, "Berries and cream, berries and cream, I'm a little lad who loves berriiiieeeees ... and cream" (complete with jazz hands).

I now refuse to eat Skittles of any form until they take these incredibly shitty commercials off my air. I had a run where I refused to eat at Burger King because of their retarded (aw, that's a bad word to use ... developmentally disabled ... much better) office commercials. They stopped showing those, and I started eating there again.

In a fair world, stupid shit would result in a deserved loss of money. Movies that show the whole film in the trailer wouldn't be seen; Kevin Federline wouldn't have sold the paltry total of albums he did; Nip/Tuck wouldn't have made it to that last season (whatever number it was).

But of course, this would mean that no one would buy vehicles anymore, b/c I have seen more than one car commercial extolling virtues of the vehicle while, in small print, it reads, "Not a vehicle - a computerized facsimile." Or what about the commercial where these two guys go rafting without waking up the only girl in the bunch, so she drives to meet up with them and, in some peyote popping hypnoworld, picks up a mountain wolf with her thumb and forefinger and puts it in the boat with the guys, and this is supposed to sell ... kayaks? Life insurance? Nope, it's supposed to sell a Mountaineer or Explorer or Expedition or some other shitty vehicle.

I'm feeling bitchy today, man. It happens when your gall bladder's been invaded by balloons.

1 comment:

Rev. Joshua said...

I did the same thing with Hardees back in the early part of the decade. I vaguely remember the commercials being so infuriatingly stupid.

Also, retarded isn't a bad word.