Wednesday, December 19, 2007

That IS Good News!

Jamie Lynn Spears is pregnant. Britney Spears is the best (or worst, depending on your viewpoint) celebrity trainwreck ever and now her 16-year old sister is pregnant by a dude she met in church. It's possible that this may be a hoax perpetrated by religious organizations to improve church attendance numbers. I would have went to church if I thought there was an outside chance I could put a baby in Jamie Lynn Spears.

In related news, Lynne Spears, accomplished mother of Britney and Jamie Lynn, has indefinitely delayed her upcoming parenting book.

Publishers Marketplace describes the book as "Lynne Spears's personal story of raising high-profile children while coming from a low-profile Louisiana community."

I'd expect the book's release date will be moved back to the predictable and always-appropriate "23rd of Never," but if they decide to go ahead and waste resources on this, I've got a title for them (free of charge, natch):

When White Meets Trash and Finds a Roadmap to Hollywood

Alternately, they could revolutionize the self-help industry with the first ever How-Not-To book. Just add "don't" to the beginning of every sentence.

They say money doesn't buy happiness. I guess money can't buy dignity, restraint, common sense, or birth control, either.


Nate said...

I love the news coming out now that mom & sister Christian told the press before telling Britney. I found some video where some photographers are asking Britney her opinion of her sister's pregnancy, and Britney's adamantly denying that it's true. Family unity is soooo adorable, giggidy-giggidy.

Jake Palumbo said...

When do I get to knock up Jamie-Lynn Spears? Huh, God? Wanna answer that one? When is it gonna be MY time? What about ME? What about Palumbo?

(Although actually in some states, that would have netted me time in prison...and a biological stake in what's left of the crumbling Spears empire.)

The Spears family downward spiral just keeps getting better, even when you think it has reached a stopping point. Makes you wonder how exactly it WILL end. And how is it that Christina Aguilera (who CAN actually sing her ass off), long considered the dirty butt-slut of teen pop divas, is carrying herself mad respectable compared to her comp, and working with the likes of DJ Premier? Who'd have thunk it.

Rev. Joshua said...

I made the same point about Christina Aguilera some months ago here at SGM during a similar discussion about the failures of the Spears family. Back in the day, Britney was the good girl and Christina was the dirty girl. Now Christina is respectable and Britney is redefining "white trash" and setting the bar so high that true white-trash-hood may become unapproachable.

And I'd imagine that they told Britney some time ago, but her coked-up, cracked-out meth-head self probably lost that information in a haze.

But the best part of this story broke later when the National Enquirer, who broke this story IN JULY, sent an email out detailing the denials of the Spears family:

"Ms. Spears is a devout Christian with a spotless reputation, who lives in accordance with the highest moral and ethical standards in accordance with her faith. There is no “rumor concerning Ms. Spears' (non-existent) pregnancy, except perhaps for the baseless rumor just now being created by the National Enquirer. Ms. Spears is not pregnant. It is pathetic for the National Enquirer to attempt to create a wholly baseless rumor that Ms. Spears is pregnant, so it can run a malicious story and false story which would be emotionally devastating to a morally upright 16 year old girl."