SGM Month of Halloween Horror Movie for Oct. 6

"Captain Kronos, Vampire Hunter" (1974)

Themes: Vampires; avengers against the paranormal
Synopsis (from the back of the box): In a small village in the remote English countryside, several young maidens have been found dead – their beautiful faces horribly aged almost beyond recognition. Suspecting a supernatural evil at work, the local doctor calls on Army friend and famed vampire hunter Captain Kronos, an expert swordsman formerly of the King’s Imperial Guard. Aided by his expert assistant Professor Grost, the two quickly confirm the gruesome murders are the work of a unique type of vampire, one who drains its victims not of their blood, but of their youth! After forging a lethal new sword from an old graveyard cross, the vampire hunters set out to put an end to Evil’s reign of terror in this Hammer Films horror classic.

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“Van Helsing” sucked. There, I said it; it sucked. The only thing that was good about “Van Helsing” was that its release heralded the return to print of the Universal Monsters classics on DVD, which at this point had been out of print for approximately a year. I’m still smarting over spending a small fortune chasing copies of those films down.

Yes, “Van Helsing” sucked. I say this emphatically because, had I not seen “Captain Kronos, Vampire Hunter,” I would have thought that “Van Helsing” was going to be the standard bearer for all swashbuckling horror-action films. Van Helsing 2K4, hide your head in shame, for Captain Kronos, Vampire Hunter is 100x, 1000x your better.

There are several action sequences that not only entertain, but drive the plot and characterization. Make no mistakes, there’s quite a bit going on in “Captain Kronos,” but the film never seems too overloaded with exposition or plot conveniences. In fact, everything done on the screen is driven by purpose toward the overall story. One key scene – my favorite, admittedly – has Kronos and his companion Grost attempting to figure out methods in which to kill a certain breed of vampire. Earlier in the film, it is made abundantly clear that there are all manners of vampires, each with their unique vulnerabilities and strengths. Whereupon Kronos and Grost happen upon a specimen on which to experiment – who also happens to be an old Army friend of Kronos’ – they proceed to run the gamut of killing techniques until they happen upon the correct method. To watch the growing frustration of each member of the scene – Kronos, Grost, and the vampiric Army buddy – is not only amusing, but has an overall purpose to communicate to the audience. Again, this film has no time to waste.

The acting is a little uneven; the performances border on subdued and bombastic. Everything has either a desperate urgency or a calm and leisurely approach. One individual that has no problems with her acting, however, is Caroline Munro. I think she acts pretty well; of course, anyone spending that much time naked and trying to get it on with the hero probably acts pretty well. I really didn’t watch her acting … but Wikipedia says she’s a fine actress, so we’ll go with that.

When “Captain Kronos, Vampire Hunter” fades out, it’s a quite bit unfortunate. There was enough shared about Kronos and Grost that seemed to be whetting the viewers’ appetites for more journeys alongside these intrepid explorers. Yes, Hammer had many more vampires in their horizons, as well as a multitude of other monsters yet to come; Kronos could have birthed a whole franchise of his own. Alas, ‘twas not to be, but for what’s left of the Kronos legacy, we can at least revel in what true action-adventure horror can be.

Rating: 2 3/4 count