I watched this in the AM; after no sleep, AAA should just be happy that I'm dedicated.
This was a weird show, as three of the four matches ended in DQ.
I can't believe I'm saying this, but I've missed X-Pac these past few shows. But next week, a must watch: Charly Manson vs. X-Pac ... yeah, boy.
Here's what I know:
- The Alfa/Apache angle is still awesome;
- Super Calo is 2007's Comeback Kid, as he's been outstanding in every show I've seen him on;
- El (Judas) Mesias will make TNA 10x better, if he can stay healthy long enough; and,
- One reason why Lucha Libre is better than American wrestling: El Guapito is nobody's bastard son.
Sunday, September 30, 2007
[Lucha] The short form
Friday, September 28, 2007
Anchor Bay will release "Wrestlemaniac" on DVD March 2008!
"El Mascarado was an enormously popular luchador that legend says was the subject of a Frankenstein-ish experiment by the Mexican government to create the perfect wrestler back in the 1960's in order to win the gold medal for wrestling at the Olympics." Oh yeah, and it gets better!
Click here for the news!
Click here for the review!
Over at the Newspaper of Record for East Tennessee
They are having a discussion about the merits of the Santa Train.
The comments are outstanding. That Richard Brown fella sure seems to make a lot of sense, doesn't he?
Word Salad
I recently learned the term "word salad," which refers to the gibberish of crazy people. I find it funny. A friend of mine and Jake's who reads this blog regularly implied that I don't post enough, which is mainly because I'm lazy, so I guess this is a good place to start.
As of August I've lived in Johnson City/Erwin for nine years. Jake and I were driving by ETSU while he was down for Christmas and I had an epiphany. Alcoholics apparently call it a moment of clarity, but Jake didn't say anything at the time so who knows.
The campus strip is an area that I used to see every day, but I probably find myself out there maybe once every two months. There's a new strip mall across from the Krogerplex, beside the strip mall housing Dad's CDs, a mom-and-pop video store with an adult section, and a liquor store (without that last comma it becomes a video store with an adult section AND a liquor store, which is even better). The land it sits on had been undeveloped for as long as I can remember. As I looked at it, I decided I was done with JC. I didn't know exactly what I could really do about it, because I'm lazy and don't have any savings and my credit is shot to hell. As this summer approached and my roommates got married, I considered my options: move to NYC on a shoestring budget and die in the street like a mangy dog or head back home to Morristown and live cheap with relatives to build up a war chest.
I really started to loathe my job, too. I'm pretty firmly established among co-workers as being the person to ask for just about anything and my manager recognizes my abilities in terms of moving up the career ladder, but there are only so many times you can be yelled at because a for-profit business expects payment in return for services before you wonder if maybe you should have stayed in school. Or at least stayed home. At first it was shocking, yet funny; I actually had a woman say "you mean if I don't pay my bill when you want me to, you'll shut off my phone? If I had known that I wouldn't have bought it." Now I just want to strangle people.
I decided in June that I would move back home with the expectation that it would happen by the end of the summer. Now it's fall. Seriously, I'm fucking lazy.
My sister recently moved to Knoxville, so I put in my notice at AT&T (formerly Cingular Wireless) and I'm moving back down that way in the next week or so. I'll either stay with my parents if I find a job close to Morristown or my sister if I find a job in Knoxville. I have a bad habit of not thinking things through, so I really hope this doesn't bite me in the ass.
So, in honor of my impending departure, I'm going to recount various tales of debauchery and stupidity from my nine years in the illustrious Little Chicago. These will be in no particular order with no regard for decorum and to be honest I may be completely misremembering this shit to the point of fabricating entirely new stories.
***
Jake and I rented a house on Mary Street for my sophomore year of school. I hated living on campus my freshman year and Jake didn't want to be in Morristown anymore, so this was the perfect idea. Perfect usually isn't a relative term, but it is here. I'll get more in depth on Mary Street later, but the epic New Year 2K party seems like a fitting start.
New Year 2K
First of all, everyone attending this party is underage. No one is over the age of twenty and there were at least three seventeen-year olds. A friend of mine from the computer lab on campus offers to buy the liquor for us, at no charge from him, but he's only going to be in town for a couple of hours on New Year's Eve, so of course that begins to worry me as the day goes on. He finally comes through and I give him the money and the order: $160 for two fifths of Jose Quervo gold, two fifths of Smirnoff 80 proof, a fifth of Bacardi, a fifth of Seagram's seven, two quarts of Everclear (this becomes important), and really, who knows the fuck what else. (There's a picture of all of the alcohol we had that night and it's fucking ridiculous. Jake has it somewhere and hopefully he can scan it.) I think there are maybe 20-25 people in and out all night and we have two things: enough alcohol to burn down Johnson City and the lack of common sense that makes you think this is a good idea.
There was an empty lot across the street that we used for parking. The day of the festivities Jake and I walk out on the porch around noon and in that lot, we see that someone has thoughtfully dumped their Christmas tree on the side of the road. I turn to Jake and note "that tree will be involved in the party this evening." I didn't mean that in the sense that it was part of the plan; I meant that in the sense that drunk kids are stupid. A friend of ours, who we'll call Boomer, arrives early in the evening to help set up for the party, which involves putting alcohol in either the fridge or the freezer. Boomer was a special kind of crazy, the kind of crazy that sees a discarded Christmas tree on the side of the road and thinks "I need to involve that tree in this party." The seeds are sewn.
The party starts out like most Mary Street parties did; the opening parry where everyone took shots in rounds (we had a limited amount of shot glasses), followed by the second wave, where people start challenging each other to shots (this almost killed me during my 19th birthday party). After that everyone starts mixing drinks or grabbing beers and goes wherever the night takes them.
Midnight approaches and Boomer disappears. Meanwhile, a number of us are in the living room flipping channels to see if any spectacular Y2K-related societal breakdowns are occuring. Someone thinks they see either New York or Greece on fire, but it's a false alarm.
The countdown begins and there is a commotion on the roof and the front porch. At the shouts of "Happy New Year" that Christmas tree falls from the front of the roof, Boomer's unique way of ringing in the New Year. Around the same time, a Mary Street party newcomer vomits on our front porch, his unique way of ringing in the New Year.
The party rages on. A couple of kids fuck in Jake's bed, much to Jake's dismay. I walk out of my bedroom, into the kitchen, and turn to my left. Standing in the corner beside the refridgerator is that Christmas tree. I laugh; such is the Mary Street way. We pull a friend of ours out of the street in order to avoid him being run over by a dirty punk neighbor, saving two lives. If Theissen had been hit by that dirty punk, that dirty punk would have died in the aftermath. (Boomer would later get revenge by making our with that dirty punk's girlfriend, but that happens a couple of months later.) More alcohol is consumed, but the supply is barely effected.
The party wanes. People stake out their section of the living room floor as our gracious hosts prepare to retire to our respective boudoirs for the evening. Yet the night is just beginning. Our guest Jason is very, very fucking drunk. Beyond the bounds of good taste, really. I suggest he lay down. He doesn't respond. I help him to the living room, where he finally takes a position in the floor. He sits up and mumbles. He lays down again. He sits up again and opens his mouth slightly. Vomit begins to ooze forth. I take my leave of the room, as I cannot stand the sight of vomit. Boomer gives us play-by-play as the ooze becomes a steady flow. "Oh god, there are chunks of carrot. IT'S IN HIS HAIR!" Jake and Boomer try to help Arnold to the bathroom, but it is too late for that.
A picture of Jason (Warning: Nasty.)
Jason becomes unresponsive and Jake notices that his lips are turning blue. Attempts to get Jason to drink water end with water dribbling down his chin. He vomits in the bathtub. We're pretty sure he's about to die and are completely unprepared for this. Aside from the legal ramifications, how are we going to explain this to his parents?
Fortunately, another friend of ours, Annaka, has dealt with alcohol poisoning before. She explains what needs to be done: strip the bastard to his underwear and get him in a cold shower. Then force feed him water until he stops vomiting and let him sleep it off. So Jake and Theissen do just that. In the ensuing ruckus of derobing a dead-drunk 170-pound seventeen-year old the shower curtain is predictably ripped from the curtain rod and Jason's dead weight slams Jake into the wall, shattering a towel rack in the process. Theissen later recounted a vivid hallucination he had in the middle of this where he pulled out a 9MM handgun and put Jason out of his misery to end the nightmare.
After an hour or two (or ten, really, who knows), Jason is finally out of the woods. The friends that he came to the party with (two of which fucked in Jake's bed) decided to drive home rather than stay there. Jake had already put Jason's clothes in the wash, so Jason was clothed in a shirt and shorts of Jake's, wrapped in a blanket, and placed in the back of his station wagon. Already after dawn, several of us decided to forgo sleep and have our traditional post-party Waffle House feast now, instead of after we woke up at noon. Returning to Mary Street after breakfast, party goer and all-around wise man Clay put it as succinctly as possible: "that was goddamn ridiculous."
We would later find out that Jason had been tricked into consuming an absurd amount of Everclear over the course of an hour or so by a couple of fat jackasses. Normally, one would combine a half of shot of Everclear with a half of shot of kool-aid, but they were taking advantage of Jason's already intoxicated state by feeding him full shots of Everclear while they were shooting kool-aid.
Jason took the entire experience well. He came back up a day or two later to collect his clothes and explained that he didn't really remember much aside from waking up in the back of his car, wearing someone else's clothes and parked in front of a house he didn't recognize (his friends had driven back to their place and left him in the car while they went inside and slept).
Such was the Mary Street way.
Thursday, September 27, 2007
Tuesday, September 25, 2007
A soccer name of interest
As the US women prepare to play Brazil in the semi-final of the women's World Cup, it is worth noting that....
America's goalkeeper is named Hope Solo. That name is seriously bad-ass in the Star Wars kind of way.
Would you take this course?
Working on an application for a fellowship and they want you to have a course description.
Would you take a course that dealt with Sci-Fi authors and their accounts of fear and uncertainty in post-World War Ii America?
Monday, September 24, 2007
Palumbo's Top 10 Jobbers From WCW Saturday Night - #9
I turned 27 years old today. It's also been one of the wackest days I've had in some time. Regardless...
What became of tag team wrestling?
I know Vince McMahon considers tag team action to be old-school and past it's sell-by date, but professional wrestling is feeling the loss of a crucial cog in the wheel. Literally, we have Cade & Murdoch and Team Angle (or whatever Charlie Haas and Shelton Benjamin go by these days) and that's it, aside from any teams TNA might have, I don't see their programming that often.
During the "Golden Era" that I speak so much of, WCW had a wide tag team roster; regardless of the fact Harlem Heat always seemed to have, or be regaining the belts (10 times I believe), there were enough strong tag teams to keep the ranks competetive and the title picture interesting. By 1996 WCW could list Harlem Heat, the Steiner Brothers, Public Enemy, the Nasty Boys, Bunkhouse Buck & "Dirty" Dick Slater (don't laugh, they had a title run), American Males (sadly, so did they), the Faces of Fear, the Blue Bloods (Regal, Eaton and Taylor) and briefly The Road Warriors all as contenders for the tag straps. Even Sting and Lex Luger jumped back into tag team action during that time, winning the belts in January of '96.
What goes up must come down, and for so many teams to be able to draw and keep consistent heat, there had to be some Jobber teams on the payroll to pump up their win/loss records. Which brings us to this week's entry on Palumbo's Top 10 Jobbers From WCW Saturday Night...
#9 - HIGH VOLTAGE
Yes, the team of Kenny Kaos and Robbie Rage were graduates of The WCW Power Plant, much like last week's inductee "Hard Work" Bobby Walker. Coming out to the ring to music that wasn't actually music, rather the sound of "voltage", Kaos and Rage were essentially some big roided-up monsters who relied on power moves and a gimmick that wasn't all that amusing. The Road Warriors relied on power moves, except they had something called "amazing charisma" and a gimmick that = dopeness. So yeah, I guess you can't compare the two at all.
So here are The Hard Facts you need to know about High Voltage:
* Their finishing move was called the Power Surge; granted they didn't get to use it very often, but it was basically bitten from the Doomsday Device.
* High Voltage went to Japan for a brief run in order to try and learn "the stuff they don't teach ya at the Power Plant." They fueded with nWo Japan while working for New Japan.
* While looking through statistics and match results from Saturday Night, I discovered that on December 14th, 2006 High Voltage suffered a degrading loss to the team of The Renegade and Joe Gomez. Yet Renegade is the one who committed suicide...
* High Voltage broke up on September 5th, 1998 after defeating the team of Alex Wright and The Disco Inferno in Jacksonville.
* Matt Hardy's original wrestling name was High Voltage. He teamed with Venom, who later became renowed grapler Joey Abs of the Mean Street Posse.
And that's all till next week, kids. Palumbo out.
Sunday, September 23, 2007
Ballpark Franks
On that hypothesis that commercials are now geared toward getting people to NOT buy product ...
Am I the only one that thinks these commercials make it look like people are being fed hot dogs by their dongs?
And I for one am boycotting any product that even mildly suggests that my dong will crave said product so much that it (vis a vis, my dong) will force-feed it (vis a vis, said product) to me.
Saturday, September 22, 2007
The whole purpose of Tasergate was this video
Watch this as soon as possible
Oh yeah. It is that good.
An update on our boy Will
His presence has been sorely missed. So I emailed him.
Turns out he doesn't have internet access at the homebase at present, but he's assured me that when he gets that taken care of, he'll be back to grace us.
I just wanted to let everyone know that our boy's doing alright.
Answer to another question
Nate asked what the premise to the Science Gone Mad video game would be and I didn't see the comment until the original post had been pushed down. I also didn't have an answer at the time. Now I do.
The premise would be tedious tweaking of the blog to satisfy my insane need for things to be perfect. (Hint: spot the changes!)
Friday, September 21, 2007
Random Shit
Making a link out of a URL is pretty simple, people (named Jake Palumbo and Ron Beauregard). Take a section of text, like "click here" for example and highlight it. Then click the button in the section above with the green spot and the link-looking thing over it, as seen here:
A dialog box pops up, paste the url into that. I'd been meaning to throw this tutorial up here for a while now, but Jake's post was a good segue into that.
For some reason, Jake's post also reminded me that there are a lot of posts that hadn't been tagged yet, so I did a lot of tagging tonight. I also made a couple of new labels. I may not keep Wikipedia; even though it had a short run as a hot topic at SGM, it hasn't been mentioned in some time. Will's Celebrity Theorems has 25 posts, though, so that's a good category unto itself. Nate's longer pieces that cover multiple topics went into a category called Nate's Verbosity. Nate also had a brief run of weird shower thoughts which were placed into Nate's Shorts (and I also made an executive decision, placing his post about moving all of the copies of "The Passion of the Christ" DVDs into the Science Fiction section in SGM Classic). It turns out there were a lot of posts that predated the tag system that fit into My Shitty Job. Aside from all that, any suggestions would be appreciated. I'm not looking to monopolize the administrative duties of categorizing posts. Anyone else that wants to tag posts should really, really feel free to do so. It's easy to do from the Manage Posts screen: just mark the check box of the posts you want to tag and then select the tag you want to apply from the drop down box at the top of the screen.
Digging through the archives, I noticed Nate once posed the question: CSI or Homicide. The answer: Homicide. By two or three miles. CSI is written down to viewers. Cops will explain procedures to each other that they should already know for the benefit of not losing the audience. Homicide said "fuck you. Keep up or watch something else." It was like the '95-'97 era ECW, gritty and beautiful.
Thursday, September 20, 2007
Question, Nate
I just ran across an old post of yours, where you EXTENSIVELY researched the song "Get Out Of My Life, Woman", written by Alan Touissant and recorded by about 1000 different artists over the years.
Nate's origial study of this song can be found here:
http://sciencegonemad.blogspot.com/2006/02/quest-for-get-out-of-my-life-woman.html
As an anecdote to your story, the opening drum break of Lee Dorsey's version of the song is one of the most sampled drum breaks in hip-hop history, noticeably in jams like Cypress Hill's "Hits From The Bong" and Fat Joe's "Flow Joe." Lee Dorsey has recently got wise to that distinctive kick and snare being used without clearance (it's easier to get away with drum samples being that it's hard to TRULY determine where they came from) and is getting his lawsuit on, suing DJ Muggs and Diamond D, respective producers of the songs listed above, and others who've sampled him without paying.
A version of "Get Out Of My Life, Woman" was also recorded by Bill Cosby. Coincidentally I was wax shopping a few weeks ago, and picked up the first Iron Butterfly album Heavy, which has...you guessed it.
There's a reason I'm bringing all this up, though. According to your piece, this "Woman" research came from trying to locate the sample from the Pete Nice joint "Outta My Way, Baby." Does this mean that you own the long-out-of-print Pete Nice and Daddy Rich album Dust To Dust? More specifically the song "Rich Bring 'Em Back" which featured the on-wax debut of Cage? (From 1991, no less)
If your answer is by some chance yes, an MP3 of that joint would make a honky's week.
What could be more hideous?
Mmm-hmm, I want me some o' that!
Did you know that a Pop Rocks candy bar was in production?
Toys R Us Buy 2, Get 1 Free video game sale 2007
It's on!
All platforms eligible. Online, only select games are applicable, but in-store, any game is eligible, with the lowest price selection the free one (of course).
The only games I can think of that I want are Splinter Cell: Double Agent, Destroy All Humans 2, and two games that aren't out yet (Fire Pro Wrestling Returns & Manhunt 2).
Wednesday, September 19, 2007
We're a little more than a week away.
In case it's skipped anyone's notice ...
Science Gone Mad's The Month of Halloween is coming!
We'll have the usual run of candy and stuff to give away, and we'll have the decorations up in no time. We'll be hitting the horror movie section, debating the value of monsters old and new, examining horror in sequential art form ... it'll be great.
And let's face it; if you can't do Halloween right, your website ain't shit.
Fire Pro Wrestling Returns
No, really ... Fire Pro Wrestling returns!
Available on PS2, the newest Fire Pro game will street sometime in November. I've heard a lot about the game from its past incarnations, and I'm looking forward to seeing if it's worth the hype, as well at the $14 price tag.
Not a whole lotta news out about it, but give it time, I'm sure.
WWF releases ECW wrestler
And I'm so happy, I'm like Cartman in that episode where the kids were waiting on the "Terrance & Phillip: The Movie" commercial.
Marcus Corvan, a/k/a MONTY FUCKING BROWN, was released! He apparently had taken some time off because of the death of a family member.
Get his ass back in the game, TNA! Have him POOOOOUUUUUUNCE ... AH! the fuck out of Pacman Jones. I'm not even fucking joking.
Quote to Live By, 9/19/07
I kept forgetting to put this up, so while I'm procrastinating about going on into work:
"At the end of the day, I roll up my drop cords (which is my retarded way of saying extension cords) into loops about forearm length, and when I get to the end, I run both ends in tight loops around the big loops on one end and plug them together, to keep everything in a nice roll to hang on a hook or leave laying on the ground or whatever. It just occurred to me today that doing this is extension cord incest, and now I'm afraid my extension cords are gonna wear out early so as to electrocute me to get back at me for making them fuck themselves every day." - Raven Mack
Monday, September 17, 2007
Palumbo's Top 10 Jobbers From WCW Saturday Night
Vince McMahon having an illegitimate son, who doubles as a Leprechaun, gives me a headache. I don't feel like bitching about it, and the contributors of SGM are smart enough to figure out why it sucks without me telling them, so instead I'd like to just think back to simpler times...
1994-1997 were pretty darn good years to be a wrestling fan. Aside from the advancement of Monday Night wrestling, PPV, etc, it was a good time to be a wrestling fan if only for the sheer quantity of programming you were alotted on a weekly basis; in what today would probably end up being overkill. For those years listed above, my brother and I stuck to a rigorous, no-days-off schedule of:
Monday:
RAW 9:00 pm
Nitro 9:00 pm
Friday:
ECW Wrestling 3:00 am
(we were blessed for 2 short years when SportSouth picked it up)
Saturday:
WCW Pro 9:00 am (The BOTTOM of the barrell of the WCW Talent pool)
WWF Mania 10:00 am (Basically a replay of RAWand you were stuck w/ Todd Pettengill)
WWF Superstars 11:00 (Usually decent Pre-taped matches)
WCW Worldwide 12:00 pm(Semi-watchable pre-taped "Disney" matches)
WCW Saturday Night 6:05-8:05 (The Grandaddy!!)
Sunday:
WCW Main Event: 6:05 (Only an hour, but we'd take what we could get)
When we got a brief run in 96' of AWF Wrestling, Thursday nights at 2:00, things had just gotten ridiculous. (If you don't recall or didn't read Apter magazines in that era, American Wrestling Federation was a small promotion out of Chicago that had ALOT of semi-washed-up WWF talent, even Nailz, and had a bizzare "round" system for their matches was just kinda wack all-around).
Anyway, the topic here is WCW Saturday Night. Saturday Night was more often than not, wrestling you could set your watch to, with Tony Schiavone and Dusty Rhodes at the helm. And even when it was boring, it was still watchable. Also, if you were like me and your hatred for Hulk Hogan in that era was so strong that his involvement in the n.W.o. "kinda killed it for ya"...you really didn't have to worry about them butting into your Saturday Night, cause Hall, Nash and Hogan only worked Mondays.
One of the reasons I always liked Saturday Night was you got to see the REST of the WCW roster, who often didn't get face time once Nitro got rolling. If your remember, the WCW talent pool was deep at the time, and Saturday Night was kinda the last place left that many of those workers could flourish in the changing times. You had an eclectic mix of veterans with good matches left in them, recent Power Plant graduates testing the waters, and some truly ridiculous gimmicks that will be expanding on later. Then there were the jobbers that held their head high, and were consistent, reliant jobbers you could count on. Who always showed up for work and gave it their best shot...but just couldn't seem to go over.
So let's take the next few weeks to remember some wrestlers who aren't on the tips of Hollywood's tonges at the moment...
Sadly, I searched the far corners of the internet for a picture of tonight's inagural member of Palumbo's Top 10 Jobbers From WCW Saturday Night, and came up dry and empty. If anybody can find one, please post it so we can appropriatley pay homage to...
#10 - "HARD WORK" BOBBY WALKER
Don't remember "Hard Work" Bobby Walker? Don't feel bad. You're probably not alone.
Bobby Walker, a graduate of the prestigious (cough) WCW Power Plant, set out on course to make it to the top of WCW's ranks through the power of a positive attitude. "Hard Work" would come out to the ring with a spring in his step; when he would pass the cameraman he would give a motivational line along the lines of "All this hard work's gonna pay off!!!" and clap his hands on the way to the squared circle. Which he would inevitably leave having done the job. Better luck next time, Bobby.
Here's The Hard Facts you need to know about "Hard Work" Bobby Walker:
* His tights said "Hard Work" down the legs.
* He was about 180 lbs. soaking wet
* Bobby Walker might have had a shot at moving up in the ranks if the Cruiserweight division was in place at the time, sadly he got lost in the shuffle by the time the Cruiserweight Division was really poppin'.
* For a brief time, they attempted to push him up into the D-level ranks by making him tag team partners with Sgt. Craig Pittman, and giving him Teddy Long (who had finally gotten his grill fixed at that point) as a manager.
* He later sued WCW for racial discrimination.
* Hard work apparantley did not yield the dividends he'd hoped for.
That's all for now folks, tune in next week when we crown the #9 Palumbo's Top 10 Jobbers From WCW Saturday Night.
Oh, and as far as the extra coke and whores on the Science Gone Mad AMEX, I've been under alot of pressure to perform latley.
Look at this video now
Do not read the article, though the headline will give it away, until you watch the video.
Click here.
Being that I work here, I'm not going to comment on it other than....oh my.
New College Program
Just announced: Bloomsburg University in Pennsylvania has announced a new program in "Irony Studies."
From CNN:
BLOOMSBURG, Pennsylvania (AP) -- Bloomsburg University's student government president was charged with drunken driving just weeks after saying the media has unfairly portrayed students as irresponsible.
Christopher Bevan, 21, was pulled over last weekend after a campus police officer said he saw the student driving more than 50 mph in a 15-mph zone.
A breath test showed Bevan's blood-alcohol level was .147 percent, authorities said. The legal limit for drivers in Pennsylvania is .08 percent.
Bevan recently wrote a letter to the Press Enterprise of Bloomsburg about media coverage of the central Pennsylvania college's annual Block Party, an event critics have described as rowdy and alcohol-fueled.
The stories have "painted BU students with a broad and negative brush and are both inaccurate and extremely unfair to the thousands of responsible, mature Bloomsburg students who are an asset to the school and this community," Bevan wrote.
Reached Friday, Bevan declined to say if he would step down from his position. He also would not comment on the arrest.
College spokeswoman Liza Benedict called the arrest out of character for Bevan.
"Up to this point, Chris has set a great example for the students and worked well with the university," she said.
Bevan was charged with driving under the influence, driving at an unsafe speed and careless driving.
(I applied to teach there for this year. They rejected me because a letter of rec was a day late. Didn't want to teach there anyway.)
Saturday, September 15, 2007
An observation from Anderson, SC
If you're a chick in your mid- to late-30s and working in a Claire's Boutique, you need to re-evaluate your life's goals.
Friday, September 14, 2007
Theoretical musings (Injokes Inside!)
I got sick right before Labor Day and was too tired to respond to some posts and I think I just straight missed other posts, so I'm gonna jam a bunch of junk in here to feel like I've accomplished something.
Relating to Nate's Cocke County post and Ron's response, I have two stories. First, I own a copy of the Citizen Tribute (Morristown's daily bird-cage liner) that has the words "Pubic Health" in the headline. It was a typo of "Public Health" and it only made it into about 1000 copies before the error was corrected. I worked for the paper in the mail room, so that's how I got a copy. That's only tangentially related, but there you go.
Second, at Morristown West the innuendo leading to the Cocke County game was "Beat the Cocks" (har!). That lead to a really sad incident whereupon the day of the game a goth/alternative girl was forced to wash "excessive" eyeshadow off of her face because it was inappropriate while the entire fucking football team and cheerleading squad were walking around the school wearing shirts that read "Beat the Cocks." The slogan was also prominently displayed in the gymnasium during the pep rally. Jake Palumbo will now remember the fury he felt whenever he heard Principal Reed pronounce the word "gymnasium" and hit himself.
I looked at That Other Site after the announcement of 10,000 hits in one month and wondered if it was actual hits or page views. Hits being unique visits to the site and page views being number of views total. Page views will be a skewed number on a message board and entirely irrelevant, although Nate put the announcement in severe perspective and shat upon it from a very, very great height.
Speaking of ToS, is Ron's random labeling of posts ToS a rib on Steger or something? Keep us updated. Also, congrats on getting that essay published. See if they've got a position for me as copy editor.
That public access video was like a really good SNL skit. People would get two or three sentences into a very valid argument for or against gun control and then just blurt out obscenities. The next clip, the obscene preacher, is sampled on Sean Price's "Jesus Price Superstar", which is a very good album. And yes, SGM TV is the next step in the Multimedia Empire.
Thursday, September 13, 2007
RE: I watched part of RAW last night.
So did I, fellas. So did I.
The Jake Palumbo RAW Review sadly disappeared two/three weeks after its inception, due to my (I'm happy to say) busy schedule as of late. Well, two weeks ago was thinking about how I enjoyed doing the reviews, and decided to watch RAW and do a little blogging. I fell asleep during RAW that night, only 30 minutes into the program. While I'd been underwhelmed by the show up to that point, sleep deprivation was more to blame for not seeing the show. I was however disappointed to see that the illegitimate son angle that began around the time I stopped watching was still in effect. Leave it to me to praise Vincent K. McMahon for a return to focusing on "real rasslin'" only weeks before.
I got home Monday night, after having dinner with a pretty girl from Texas, with 30 minutes left of RAW, so I tuned in. Sadly, Santino Marella was not one of the wrestlers suspended for steroid usage. Why, God. Why? And I proceeded to see, along with the rest of the world, that Vince has an illegitimate son. That's also a leprechaun.
At that point, I realized, "you people just aren't giving me anything to work with here."
So until they put something on television that is worth discussing, and won't result in me pissing and moaning for 8-12 entire stanzas, I just can't bring myself to review this shit. Vince McMahon doesn't deserve the extra press.
In place of the RAW Review however, I am pleased to announce the launch this Monday the 17th of a 10-part MiniSeries for Science Gone Mad - Jake Palumbo's Top 10 Jobbers From WCW Saturday Night. Because I'm no-selling the illegitimate son angle.
Tuesday, September 11, 2007
I watched part of Raw last night.
Vince McMahon has a leprechaun for an illegitimate son.
I will not be watching anymore.
Monday, September 10, 2007
Ha Ha Britney Bombs
Irony makes public spectacles all the more fun.
As regular readers of this space know, I am not a fan of either celebrity culture or of MTV. Alas, I must confess that I did tune in to the VMAs last night to take a quick peek at the hilarity. The VMAs of the late 1980s and early 1990s were generally well-put together spectacles that had more than their shares of great performances. The Red Hot Chili Peppers followed immediately by Pearl Jam stands out, as does the Green Day/Beatie Boys twin bill. REM doing their semi-acoustic performance of Everybody Hurts and then moving into Drive was classic. Krist Novaselic bashing his head in with his bass.....Garth from Wayne's World double drumming with Larry Mullen Jr. while U2 performed on the ZOO TV stage. You get the idea.
But over the last decade or so, the VMAs have turned into the shilliest of shill pieces. The awards generally go to the artist who has allowed MTV the most access into their tours/lives/scandals and the videos which have been paid...er...played the most on the network. Evidence of this fiasco came about two days before Johnny Cash died. Cash was nominated for Best Video, Best Male Video, Best Direction, and a couple more for the amazing video for Hurt. He won the one for best editing (I think....it was some minor category) and they gave the Video of the Year to Missy Elliott and the Best Male Video to Justin Timberlake. I swore off caring about MTV at that exact moment and I have remained true to my word. It is somewhat ironic, then, that when Timberlake accepted his award he started with "This is a travesty." He was pretty much right.
The hype around this year's VMAs outdid those of year's past. Not only was there a VMA commercial inbetween every inning of the Atlanta Braves and during most prime time commercial blocks, but I could also register at Steak and Shake for a trip to go see them live (what kind of audience are they going for there?). Then Britney became the headliner. Its the Return of Britney they said.
My how far the mighty have fallen.
They said that Criss Angel had served as consultant on the performance, so I was expecting her to magically appear after being chopped up by a woodchipper or to levitate in from the ceiling, but there was no magic to be had anywhere. Trust me.
If Britney was not stoned or drunk she missed a good chance. She looked literally like she had just woken up and couldn't find the nearest Starbucks. She was out of step with the dancers. Hey lip-synching (which is apparently one of her top 3 talents....you can decide what the other two are) was off. She had no energy in her face. If she had been in a wrestling ring she would have gotten a legit beat down for not selling anything.
As this was an MTV event, they regularly cut to the audience to show what kind of stars were in attendance. Puff Daddy looked confused....until he noticed the camera and he perked right up. 50 Cent had this stunned look on his face like "what is this girl doing?" All the PR machines in the world couldn't spin that performance.
So, on this the 10th day of September 2007, we can likely put in the final line to Britney's career. She is no longer a pop sensation with any selling power. She will, however, live on in American culture through the celebloid shows and newspaper. We won't be rid of her quite yet (and in a month's time expect to see her do something totally outrageous to get back in the spotlight), but she is no longer relavent in the music business.
Sunday, September 09, 2007
The Evolution of the Music Video
Serpentor vs. Busta Rhymes
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9YYMw1_FZL8
Saturday, September 08, 2007
TNA in negotiations w/ "former World champion"
Let the speculations begin ...
First, the former World champions that are in TNA right now:
Abyss (TNA). Kurt Angle (WWF/TNA). Bob Backlund (WWF). Christian (TNA). Homicide (ROH). Jeff Jarrett (WCW/TNA). Lo Ki (ROH). Ron Killings (TNA). Kevin Nash (WWF/WCW). Raven (ECW/TNA). Rhino (ECW/TNA). Samoa Joe (ROH). Scott Steiner (WCW). Sting (WCW/TNA).
Next, we rule out those former World champions that have had extended cups of coffee with TNA:
Austin Aries (ROH). Shane Douglas (ECW). Great Muta (NWA). Jerry Lynn (ECW). Diamond Dallas Paige (WCW). Dusty Rhodes (NWA). Ricky Steamboat (NWA). Sabu (ECW/NWA). Sandman (ECW). Randy Savage (WCW/WWF). Ken Shamrock (TNA). Larry Zybysco (AWA).
So, we can assume that if the negotiations are with any of the above, it probably wouldn't be treated as that big of a deal. Certainly not enough to set aside time on a pay-per-view to announce the negotiations.
The following "former world champions" are relatively available, and would probably be a big enough deal for TNA to consider them a pretty big deal.
- Big Show (WCW/WWF/ECW): I'd actually love to see Paul Wight rocking the spot in TNA. He's always been fun to watch in the ring, even when WWF had nothing for him to do. I'd love to see him vs. Samoa Joe, vs. Rhino, vs. Abyss (which would be a given), vs. Judas Mesias (if he ever debuts), vs. an inspired Angle ... hell, Big Show would bring quite a bit of awesome to TNA. He'd be a helluva X Division champ, for sure.
- Bryan Danielson (ROH): Holy motherfunk, Danielson would be an incredible asset to TNA, and there'd be a lot of reason to sign a guy who could promote growth in the company. I think, from what I've read online (which is 100% the troothrzz), he's devoted himself to the indies.
- Ric Flair (NWA/WCW/WWF): Flair turned in his notice to WWF about a month or so ago, so I'd imagine he's a free agent. Although, I see him getting re-signed soon, and I can't imagine the McMahon family letting him go without some kinda fight. I'd love to catch a good Flair/Angle match, and one more go-around vs. Sting. Even more than seeing Flair in TNA, though, I'd actually rather him go back to his NWA roots and go after the world title. Flair/Danielson? That's a formula for an IWC nutbusting festival, right there.
- Goldberg: (WCW/WWF): At this point, Goldberg brings nothing to the table. Nothing. A one-off match with Rhino might be fun ("The Spear vs. The Gore"), but Goldturd would demand the win, which would be worth absolutely nothing. Of course, a win for Rhino in that scenario would be worth just slightly more than nothing, so it's lose-lose.
- Bret Hart (WCW/WWF): I've read rumors that he might be committing himself to WWF for something, to help promote his forthcoming autobiography. I've read rumors that there's a Hart Foundation 2.0 on the horizon, so let's not rely on Bret Hart to carry TNA into tomorrow. Plus, he can't wrestle anymore, and I'm thinking TNA would want to promote the signing of an active talent.
- Hulk Hogan (WWF/WCW): Please god, no. Hogan sucks air out of arenas, and I as a faithful wrestling fan haven't been interested in him since his stint as Mr. America on Smackdown (and it was years since I gave a shit about him prior to that). He's not one to elevate talent, he'd demand too much money, and we've already seen TNA cut too many folks loose to keep Pacman Jones on the fucking roster, so I'd rather them not cut any more folks who are more talented than Hogan's ever been. Unless, they can put Hogan/ Pacman together, and somehow they both die in the ring in a botched double-clothesline spot. That would be worth it.
- Chris Jericho (WWF): Pffft. Retired, more or less, and apparently focusing on his band and family.
- Brock Lesnar (WWF): Likely, as his name's been bounced around a lot on TNA TV lately. He gave up the IWGP title to Angle, he's on the MMA track that Angle is allegedly into, and supposedly Angle's been pushing for him to get on the Impact train. It would depend on how much money would get thrown his way to distract him from his MMA goal. Plus, there's no reason to see that hideous tattoo of a pecker he has on his chest.
- The Rock (WWF): Bwa. Ha. Ha. Um, no.
- Rob Van Dam (WWF/ECW): A potential X Division champ, a possible en route to getting Sabu back (which would be a perfect addition to the tag ranks for a while), and of course he's fair World champ material. RVD/ AJ Styles would rock incredibly. RVD/Sting wouldn't hurt either.
The final SGM odds out of Vegas are:
RVD/ Big Show: 2:1
Brock Lesnar: 5:1
Bryan Danielson: 10:1
Ric Flair: 20:1
Hulk Hogan: 25:1
Chris Jericho: 30:1
Goldberg: 40:1
Bret Hart: 50:1
Rock: 100:1
We'll find out this Sunday at No Surrender!
Me podcast pretty one day ...
I haven't done a new podcast, but I'm working on one, and I wanted to at least mention something about it.
A few somethings, at any rate.
1. It has gone from the concept stage to the "work in progress" stage. But not the "work in progress" a/k/a "never going to be accomplished" stage, but the "work in progress" a/k/a "going to be worked on a little bit here and there & might be done by the holiday season" stage.
2. I've outlined all the stuff that is going to go into it, and I still need to order/ purchase items that will be added as audio bits. This includes CDs & DVDs.
3. I have big plans for this one, so expect an auditory epic.
I'm hoping to have it up sooner rather than later, but I'm still working on keeping my work priorities straight. I just wanted ya'll to know that something wicked this way comes.
An Update
You will remember that I wrote a column for a major publication in an effort to be picked up as one of their columnists?
They didn't offer me the position, but they do want to run the piece I wrote as a one-shot with the option to write a follow-up in the spring. It will be under a false name, so I will e-mail you when it hits. They pay really, really well also.
Thursday, September 06, 2007
When Live TV Goes Horribly Wrong
http://www.cracked.com/index.php?name=News&sid=1649&pageid=4
Comedy gold.
Wednesday, September 05, 2007
A dirge
I'm in a foul mood today; be advised
I wish there was a way that you could learn to NOT be a hard working, sympathetic motherfucker, and instead just be a motherfucker, doing the bare minimum while not giving a shit about quality of work.
For the past 3-4 weeks, I've been working 8:30a to 5:00p, Monday through Friday, with my first appointment scheduled for 9:00a, and my last appointment scheduled for 4:00-5:00p. Out of three weeks, I've missed lunch about four times.
Most troubling of all, though, has so far been working with doctors in the local hospital. We had a client who had a stroke, but the ICU MD kept telling us (i.e. me) that the guy needed psychiatric services. Even called me immature & unprofessional for trying to tell him that to send the guy to a psych unit was an inappropriate referral. The doctor said no medical evidence suggested that this man's condition was anything but psychiatric. However, I flipped through the chart and found that they did a CAT scan on the guy and found a burst blood vessel in his brain; this would have signaled the use of an MRI for an accurate diagnosis. Buuut ... they didn't get an MRI done on the guy until three days later, when, as you might expect, nothing showed up. They won't say the client had a stroke, because the MRI didn't show anything. However, here's a guy who can't walk without falling, garbles and growls his words, and has trouble with his memory; he was oriented, grounded in reality, and wasn't psychotic. Unfortunately, this doesn't matter, because falling and poor memory are strictly psychiatric.
We had a guy today who was starting shit at the jail here, because he was detoxed off his narcotic medications (four of 'em, to be exact). He proceeded to cut himself, break sprinklers and toilets in the jail, and refuse his food and insulin. Well, I've worked in prison for at least 2.5 years, so I smell "bullshit jailhouse manipulation" all over this. Buuut ... the MD at the ER says that because the guy is refusing his insulin, he's "mentally ill" and "a danger to himself," despite his inalienable right to refuse medical treatment if he chooses. The doctor doesn't want the liability of this guy dying in the jail from diabetic shock, so now we have to refer this shitass to a forensic unit, who will probably diagnose a mental illness (because he can't get treatment without a diagnosis, natch), and will then give him medication, and this jackhole will be referred for follow-up with our clinic, I guess so that we can treat his shitassedness.
There are somedays I love my job, and somedays I hate my job. Today I hate my fucking job.
Tuesday, September 04, 2007
Monday, September 03, 2007
We need to stop the charity
Our "hacking" of That Other Site drove their page views up.
We gotta stop that nonsense.
Happy Laborious Day!
Hope everyone was able to get as much of nothing done as possible, to bring in the celebration right!
Sunday, September 02, 2007
The 2007 Honda Accord XL commercials
Particularly the one's with "Mister Opportunity" ...
Are they trying to make it sound like "missed your opportunity?" Because something about that sounds like the opposite message that they'd want to send.
[Lucha] A day late ...
100 pennies short.
Cinthia Moreno, Octagoncito, Oriental, Pimpinela Escarlata b Alfa, Fabi Apache, Gran Apache, Mini Histeria
Easily the best mini/woman/mascaras/hermie match I've seen since being into lucha. Cynthia Morena managed to look a little less scaggy than I've ever seen her. I wasn't even as skeeved out by Pimpinela Escarlata as I usually am ... well, until his/er pirouette selling of a kick to the arena floor. Faby "Sweet Cheeks" Apache (as she lets me call her, y'know, when we doin' it) nails an Asai moonsault to her opponents. Everyone brought their A-game, 'cause apparently no one told them this wasn't a Triplemania main event. But, the quicker they quit that rocking wide angle shot that's inspiring naught but motion-sickness in me.
Extreme Tiger b a shitload of other dudes in masks, elimination style
The lucha ring girl that the cameraman keeps focusing on, she really needs to do something more than just wink and blow kisses to the camera, seeing as how she does this every time the camera's on her. There's like 12 guys in this match, and about all but two of 'em are wearing blue masks. And the guy that wins is the guy that was in the ring the least. BOOOOOOO! And for this shit, he gets a trophy? And no one attacks him with the trophy, destroying it in the process?? And I thought it was just the Spanish commentary that confused me. For everything the first match was, this match wasn't ... shit was full of the most horribly contrived spots (yes, even for lucha libre), and they all sucked bull balls, except for the "everybody dives to the floor" sequence," especially the dude (Aero Star?) who does a Nestea plunge from the ropes to the floor. The fans try to coerce the ref into jumping out the ring during this point, but he declines; if this was ROH, late '90s ECW, or PWG, he wouldn't have. Rey Cometa missing a flipping plancha and eating floor was kinda sick to watch
Crazy Boy, Joe Lider, Juventud Guerrera b Head Hunter I, Scoria, Shiryu Dragon, X-Pac
Man, I do love me some of the Mexican Powers entrance music. This match needed more X-Pac vs. Juventud Guerrera. That Alicia Webb (who's not only X-Pac's second, but also allegedly his fiancee) sure is a step up from Chyna and her mangina; bet dude's dreading that sex tape now, 'cause there ain't no lying your way outta that ("Naw, I never fucked that post-op tranny ... what, you have videotaped proof? Damn ..."). Love her double-bird salute to the crowd, much in the same way I like to hear cute chicks say "fuck." Most of the match is just there, but then Extreme Tiger (coming out of nowhere) hits a balcony dive on Headhunter I (also coming out of nowhere), and Joe Lider hits a heavy duty DVD from the top rope to a table on the arena floor (notice a theme with this show?).
Alan Stone, Scorpio Jr., Super Calo, Zumbido & the mighty Guapito b Alberije, Cuije, Brazo de Plata, El Elegido, Zorro
Super Calo makes what I believe is his first TV appearance sans mask, which makes him the fourth fake blonde haired dude on his team. Guapito & Cuije manage to squeeze in some midget hate during the match. It's really interesting how everyone almost cancels each other out ... Alan Stone's sexy is countered by Elegido, Super Porky is soundly equalled out by Scorpio Jr., Alberije by Zumbido, and Zorro by Super Calo. This was truly a match of equals, meeting each other in the squared circle, the colisseum of costumed grapplers. And that hanging dropkick by the Guapos is muy macho. The reason that the rudos took the victory here, I believe, is due to the general overly scummy quality of the technicos. And that's saying a lot when your opponents include the Guapos VIP crew.
Kenzo Suzuki, Mesias, Ozz b Charly Manson, Chessman, Cibernetico in the cage
Damn, escape rules apply ... can't win 'em all. Hold up, Ozz lost the tag straps, so what belt's he wearing? (Update: It's a four man tag belt.) Charly Manson should truly be considered equal to Grady as a SGM figurehead. Mesias, why the fuck have you not shown up in TNA yet? Maybe you truly are "Judas Mesias?" There's a chick with firebush tats and a snake around her neck that she keeps kissing. Of all the folks with freaky-eye contacts, I like the downplayed quality of Chessman's, which just make his eyes look all white, and HOLY SHIT Mesias just killed Chessman with ... (deep breath) ... a crossbody from the top of the cage to Chessman on the ladder, and both went through a table. Mesias, Kenzo, and Ozz walk out the winners (due in no small part to a LOT of interference), and although I don't necessarily agree with the outcome, the visual of their opponents sprawled out all over the mat inside the cage speaks volume.
A pretty good show, all told, but I'm getting that nWo vibe again, for the 2nd week in a row. That's'a no good'a. But you know (in lieu of Fantasy Book Fandango), I wouldn't mind Secta El Cibernetico showing up in ROH for a little run. That might have me buying more recent ROH again.
(Alternately, Rob Van Dam could show up in AAA and I'd be just as happy.)
One reason that lucha libre is better than American wrestling: No "holy shit" chants after big spots.
Saturday, September 01, 2007
Anyone seen the "Halloween" remake yet?
So far, the most frequent phrase I've been reading in reviews is that this is pretty much a "Cliff's Notes version of the original." Kinda defeats the purpose of a remake, actually.
Lyrics ain't what they used to be
An update of sorts
Peggy Lee's "The Old Master Painter" sounds like something else if you don't know the lyrics.
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