The Sin Mixtape
It's a little light - 20 min - and it's my contribution to the Fall Classic mixtape challenge on Dumpin.net. I hope you guys like it.
Wednesday, October 31, 2007
New mixtape for the Fall
Tuesday, October 30, 2007
Oh my god...oh yeah...so good...it's coming...I'm gonna squirt....
District Selectman finished.
I have never been so glad to see a set of files leave my computer.
My absence these past few days
I've been extremely sick these past few days.
I haven't slept well, at all, for a variety of reasons. I'm violently, gastrointestinally ill. Plus, I've had a lot of things go on here lately that I'm having a hard time processing in my head.
I'll be back soon. Happy Halloween, in case I miss you all that day.
Sunday, October 28, 2007
Halloween music to chill-chill-chill-chill, hah-hah-hah-hah by
Clicka clickow below; this'll probably be a limited time offer!
Jedi Mind Tricks: The Torture Papers
Famous Monsters Speak
Freddy's Favorites: The Best of A Nightmare on Elm Street
This is a Halloween music mix I made around 2004 ... enjoy!
Saturday, October 27, 2007
An important message from Biff Rosner
Mr. Palumbo would like to announce that as of last week, he now drinks Perrier; because he's grown up and mature now, and Perrier reflects his more "grown and sexy" tastes for this upcoming election season. SpaceLAB associate Buck as already been quoted as saying Mr. Palumbo has gotten "out of control" with his newfound love of mineral water.
Perrier is not to be confused with things like Fiji Water, which are for Hollywood Liberals and wannabe celebrities. Perrier is the beverage for the thinking man, it allows carbonation without the constant bombardment of sugar.
Please update your records as such, the Selectman will issue a statement at a later date.
Biff Rosner
Assistant to the District Selectman
SpaceLAB Recordings
www.myspace.com/spacelabrecordings
Friday, October 26, 2007
Piracy, anyone?
I mean no, uh, that's wrong.
I cleared some stuff of my old roomate's computer last night, and emailed these albums to myself. Since these links are good for seven days, figured I'd post 'em if anybody wants/needs these albums.
J-Dilla - Donuts
Dope instrumental album sadly created in J-Dilla's hospital bed as he died of lupus and kidney failure. For some reason this has been my album of choice when cleaning the apartment. Contains the joint that eventually became Ghostface's "Whip You With A Strap."
http://download.yousendit.com/4B0F55DF6DFFDB4A
Apathy - Eastern Philosophy
Pretty good East Coast rap, some good "concept" songs.
http://download.yousendit.com/1EAA7F45501E4450
Sean Price - Jesus Price Superstar
The former half of Heltah Skeltah and Boot Camp Clik representative, I've worn this shit out. It doesn't re-invent the wheel, but damn if Sean P don't have swagger.
http://download.yousendit.com/E691D1C46E71DB04
A quick look at ... HORROR COMICS!
(Or, Go Ahead & Touch My ...
1) Dr. Strange vs. Dracula (Marvel)
This trade paperback collects "Tomb of Dracula" #44, "Dr. Strange" #s 14 & 58-62. It introduces some pretty crazy shit, like vampires having their lineage traced back to Atlantis. Why not? But it compiles a much greater story, that being the one where the Comics Code Authority had taken over, and pretty much anything related to horror was being eradicated. Thanks, Frederic Wertham!
2) Army of Darkness vs. Marvel Zombies (Marvel/ Dynamite)
Okay, yeah, last year saw the success of the "Marvel Zombies" franchise, and it was a very good concept. Then, the Marvel Zombies started showing up in the regular Marvel Universe ... and they reappeared in the Ultimate Universe ... and then, Ash Williams crossed over. And while that was an ... alright concept, the part where Ash was eaten by a zombie Howard the Duck, but then the next issue reveals that the Ash that was eaten was from an alternate universe, and an Ash from another universe jumps to the Marvel Zombie Universe ... but somehow retains the memories of the preceding Ash, which goes against even non-comic book dork logic ...
Oh, well, at least "Marvel Zombies 2" came out last week.
3) Doktor Sleepless (Avatar Press)
Warren Ellis writes this dark future tale of a society hardwired to technology, and a mad scientist who leads the way to take back the thrill of organic living. It's good so far, but at one issue, it still has some story to tell.
4) Fangoria Comics
What a difference two months and four days make. That's how long Fangoria comics was in business. They had an interesting list of titles (all descriptions stolen from the internet):
- Bump: A twisted tale of a serial killer named Edgar who turns victims into bizarre wooden dolls with drawers that hold their organs; the name is taken from "things that go BUMP in the night." HAW!
- Beneath the Valley of the Rage: A four-issue prequel to upcoming horror film The RAGE which will feature the maniacal Dr. Victor Vasilienko, who is hell-bent on bringing the world to its knees by infecting it with his Rage serum and transforming all of mankind into mutated, murderous monsters.
- Fourth Horseman: A four issue prequel to the upcoming animated horror movie from Fangoria Films, T4H tells the graphic and terrifying tale of how the Riders of the Apocalypse meet, rise to power and bring upon the end of the world. If only there was one who could stop them....
- Strangeland: Seven Sins: A bloodier and even more brutal prequel to the Dee Snider (TWISTED SISTER) cult classic film STRANGELAND, SEVEN SINS is a "Horror Vengeance" title that tells the terrifying tale of how Carleton Hendricks becomes the merciless Captain Howdy, and the sadistic path of revenge he takes against the seven individuals responsible.
- Recluse: Recluse is a story that involves child abuse, and long buried sins against the innocent. The results of this atrocity are horrifying and uncontrollable, even by the once-young hands that unleash it. This is a cautionary tale, showing that hatred and a black desire for vengeance can have long-reaching effects that sometimes spawn an evil even greater than the one that inspired it.
- Shifter: A brand new take on the werewolf mythos, following the brutal life of a mob hitman who is much more than human. He can be or look like almost any beast or man, and can never be stopped! At least, that is, until a rival boss calls in something even worse than he is... Co-created by and starring Michael Madsen (Reservoir Dogs, Kill Bill)!
Wow, Michael Madsen ... no wonder the line got cancelled. Amazing, considering the success that movie tie-ins and comic film prequels usually have; these books didn't even have the strength of an established film to leech off of. But, alas, apparently the money got lost. And Fangoria gets to stick to publishing their magazine. All remains right in the world.
5) Black Gas (Avatar Press)
Warren Ellis ... zombies ... and an upcoming trade that collects two three-issue miniseries. Can't beat it. A zombie "virus" (really, more like the affliction in "28 Days Later" ... which was NOT zombiism) takes over the residents of an island community. Claustrophobic and harrowing ... and with those subtle Ellis touches that make the story pop.
6) Ghost Rider 2007 (Marvel)
I had a lot higher hopes for this series, because it started off written by Garth Ennis. All well and good. The premise has the Devil escaping hell and splitting into 666 soul fragments that then inhabit 666 people; as Ghost Rider kills one possessed person, the remaining possessed victims increase in strength & power. Not bad ... but then Ennis vacated the title. And Ghost Rider entered the World War Hulk territory, but never came to any conclusive blows with Jade Jaws. Now, with sales falling off, 658 souls are now on the line in the recent storyline. Wow. That kind of conclusion really takes some (lack of) talent to pull off. This was purely a cash-in relaunch, as it came out with the Nicolas Cage film. Now that the DVD's hit the shelves and sold probably about as much as it's gonna, time to put the Rider back to bed, with the other 70s comics rejects. Now, I demand my Dazzler film!!
7) Terror Inc. (Marvel)
Terror is a detective that was actually born in the medieval times, but was cursed to live forever. His body, however, doesn't get the same priveleges, so it has a bad habit of decaying pretty quick. So, he has to replace parts that have a habit of just flopping into the floor at inconvenient times. But, he can retain the talents of the body parts that he steals; if he were to steal, say, Superman's eyes, Terror would be granted heat & X-ray visions. This latest mini ... I've certainly read worse. But I've totally read better; the dialogue is particularly shitty, as it apears to be written by someone with only the most rudimentary senses of humor, like dick jokes.
8) Buffy The Vampire Slayer: Season Eight (Dark Horse)
I don't read this. Tha L does, however, so I asked her for her opinions on the series; for a little background, the creator of the Buffy the Vampire Slayer TV series, Joss Whedon, was cut off one season shy of telling his "grand epic." So, he took the last season to Dark Horse Comics. With that in mind, take it away, girl:
"I like it."
It don't get no plainer.
9) Tag (Boom Studios)
Zombies, zombies, zombies ... ubiquitous fuckers. This time, zombiism is transferred from person to person like the game of tag. The story follows one schlub's life when he gets "tagged." Keith Giffen brings the pain on this one.
10) The Goon (Dark Horse)
This comic was created by a dude from Lebanon, TN. I knew a girl who lived there, named Tracy Callis. Wonder whatever happened to her? She was a cute redhead that went to the same summer camp I did every year; she had a thing for me, but it was back before I had class with the ladies. I remember she went one year to an acting school ... she might have even gone on to be an actress. Oh, and the Goon is about a mob enforcer who encounters the supernatural. Eh, it's alright, from the few issues I've read, but I don't have my local shop hang onto it.
11) Nocturnals (Oni Press)
This book actually features a horror-themed supergroup, sort of a "Justice League of the Living Dead." The regular cast of characters features a Dr. Strangesque wizard, a Gillwoman, a female ghost, a few human/beast hybrids, and the popular Gunwitch, a zombie scarecrow who wields two pistols to dispatch evil Wild West style. They face off for the most part against a sha-dow-y organization called Narn K.
While somewhat derivative, it's still worth a look, if for no other reason than Dan Brereton's artwork. Also, a highlight of the Nocturnals canon is the story, "Troll Bridge," which features the Nocturnals on a universe-traipsing odyssey, which also features Usagi Yojimbo, Scary Godmother, and other indy comics stars.
12) Creature Commandos (DC Comics)
DC takes the Universal monster canon and turns them into double-you, double-you, eye, eye Nazi stomping Allied soldiers. Yep, someone sat in a meeting and said, "Hell, that sounds like a good idea!" And really, some of the stories were actually pretty good. The greatest comic character ever was the "Frankenstein monster" analog was a soldier who had accidentally "found" a minefield. Lack of sensitivity often breeds great creativity.
13) Zombie King (Image)
Featuring remarkable art by Frank Cho, this one only made it one issue to date (and that issue was out July 2006). Oh, and it featured a zombie fucking a cow. I'm not even kidding.
SGM Month of Halloween Horror Movie of October 26
"Zombie Honeymoon" (2005)
From the back of the box: “How far would you go for true love?
“After pledging their undying lover for one another, happy newlyweds Danny and Denise head to the Jersey Shore for their honeymoon. The romantic start to their new life is cut short when Danny is attacked on the beach and Denise discovers that her new husband has become a flesh-eating zombie! As he tries to contain his cannibalistic behavior for the sake of their marriage, Denise decides to stand by her man ‘for better or worse.’ But will Danny’s decay eventually cause Denise to forsake her true love?”
The haiku review
A test of true love
But if you go to Jersey
You deserve your fate
Did you know? This just might be the only zombie movie that would ever get a girl moist; straight up, it's a zombie chick flick.
SGM Month of Halloween Horror Movie Double Feature for October 25
"Frankenstein Conquers the World" (1965)/ "Satan's Little Helper" (2004)
Frankenstein Conquers the World
From the back of the box: “The still-beating, disembodied heart of Frankenstein’s monster was transported from Nazi Germany to Japan for experimentation during World War II. But the heart is believed lost when allied Forces drop the bomb on Hiroshima. Several years later, a feral boy is running rampant through Hiroshima, killing and feasting on small animals. This causes alarm and arouses the curiosity of an American scientist, Dr. Bowen and is assistant, who take the boy into their care. Soon, the boy is growing at an alarming rate and exhibiting incomparable strength. The scientists only have one explanation: this is the mutate monster of Frankenstein himself! But this town isn’t big enough for two monsters. The destructive, underground-dwelling Baragon emerges to do battle with Frankenstein to the death!”
The haiku review
Mary Shelley's beast
Fight Godzilla's bastard son
Then get Mecha-Kong!
Star of the film: Nick Adams, somehow & someway lending a boatload of credibility to this film as the American scientist. Amazing how stereotype casts Asians as our intellectual betters, yet 87% of the time that they're under attack by giant monsters, they get our mongoloid asses out of bed to pull their asses out of trouble.
Satan’s Little Helper
From the back of the box: “Halloween will never be the same.
“Upon meeting a strange masked man, nine-year-old Douglas Whooly lives out the fantasy of his favorite video game ‘Satan’s Little Helper.’ The two embark on a hellish rampage through the small suburban community, but when the masked killer targets Dougie’s family, it may be too late to stop him. With the perfect combination of blood, guts and ingenious humor, ‘Satan’s Little Helper’ tells a gruesome tale that will keep you in stitches until the chilling end.”
The haiku review
Shot on video?
Wow! Just like eighties horror!
(Well, the shitty ones)
What rocked: This movie didn't cost more than $6.
What sucked: The child actor; the silent acting of the horror lead; seriously, this movie was boring as necrophilia ... or so I hear.
Speaking of That Other Site
This one is for Nate....
Have you spotted the blatant HIPAA violation on there yet?
Thursday, October 25, 2007
SGM Horror Movie update
I've got another work overload, plus my neck's killing me. So, I'm not writing too much because of the pain that shoots down my spine when I sit with my neck straight.
I'm medicating myself, then probably around Friday/Saturday, I'll be back up to speed. That also puts off the mixtape mp3 until this weekend. I hope it'll get in in time for the contest on Dumpin.net; if not, it'll still be done for us.
New SGM banner-slash-slogan-slash-marketing campaign
It came to me while I was perusing some of our affiliates ...
It's a banner, a negative of kids on a playground. The main text line reads:
"Science Gone Mad: No Pedos Allowed"
At the bottom, in smaller font:
"(You must be looking for someplace else)"
Wednesday, October 24, 2007
Job Search
Christ, I hate looking for jobs. Given my current search, Ron's resume post was timely and entertaining. Yesterday I was interviewing with a temp agency for a job and I was asked why I was interested in the job. I thought about pointing out that, like the interviewer, I gotta eat and live indoors. But I just spouted something about my existing skill set and variety of duties.
If I take the time to send someone a resume it's nice if the recipient sends some sort of response that they received the resume and that 1) they're reviewing candidates, 2) I don't fit the criteria, or 3) the position has been filled. I've sent out 12 resumes so far and gotten two responses and two notifications that my response was received.
The first response led to an interview for a call center position with a cellular company that I won't name, a position I didn't get. It was very disappointing, because of all of the interviews that I have ever done (and I have done many), it was the best I've ever done. I was calm, funny, and had good, clear answers for every question asked. The interview with the temp agency was mind-numbing and frustrating in the lack of preparation on the part of the recruiter. You contacted me about the job, why are you asking why I'm interested in it?
Hopefully, this search picks up soon. I'm not in danger of being homeless and starving, but damn if I don't like having money.
SGM Monster Throwdown - Match 4
Year introduced
The Mummy: 1932
Freddy Kruger: 1984
Definitive actor
The Mummy: Boris Karloff
Freddy Kruger: Robert Englund
Films & sequels
The Mummy: 6 (The Mummy, The Mummy’s Hand, The Mummy’s Tomb, The Mummy’s Curse, The Mummy’s Ghost, Abbott & Costello Meet The Mummy)
Freddy Kruger: 8 (A Nightmare on Elm Street; ANOES 2: Freddy’s Revenge; ANOES 3: The Dream Warriors; ANOES 4: The Dream Master; ANOES: The Dream Child; Freddy’s Dead: The Final Nightmare; Wes Craven’s New Nightmare; Freddy vs. Jason)
Created by
The Mummy: Karl Freund
Freddy Kruger: Wes Craven
FIP
The Mummy: Helen Grosvenor / Princess Anck-es-en-Amon (Zita Johann)
Freddy Kruger: Nancy Thompson (Heather Langenkamp)
Wordz of Wisdom
The Mummy: “My love has lasted longer than the temples of our gods. No man ever suffered as I did for you.”
Freddy Kruger: “How sweet, fresh meat.”
Frankenstein's Monster (4) vs. Pinhead (3)
The Wolf Man (1) vs. Michael Myers (5)
Dracula (2) vs. Leatherface (3)
Remember how we used to make fun of people for being "busy"
Y'all know what I'm talking about.
Well I'm busier than he claimed that he was (when he really didn't have anything to do). I have the book review book and I've "started" reading it three times but work gets in the way. To make matters worse, someone at the library recalled it for 10/29. I'll try to get it up this weekend, or else the project is relegated to the ash bin of history along with SFSAST.
Tuesday, October 23, 2007
SGM Month of Halloween Horror Movie for October 23
"Dead Next Door" (1988)
From the back of the box: "Writer/Producer/Director J.R. Bookwalter spent nearly 4 years - with the help of an uncredited, now-legendary Hollywood Director1 - creating this low-budget yet ultra-violent epic about a nationwide attack by hungry hordes of the living dead. From the the spectacle of zombies on the White House lawn to its relentless scenes of flesh-ripping carnage, this is the splatter sensation that Dark Star calls 'a no-holds-barred, laugh-a-minute gorefest.' True independent filmmaking doesn't come from bloated celebrities in Sundance; it lives - and screams - in the heart, soul and blood-drenched guts of the cult classic 'The Dead Next Door!'"
The haiku review
J.R. Bookwalter
Four years he'll never see back
Romero, he ain't
What rocked: Mercer the zombie supercop; he's half-man, half-zombie, ALL COP!
What sucked: Yet another film that takes the cheeky "homage" route of naming characters after horror film directors.
1Sam Raimi
Monday, October 22, 2007
SGM Month of Halloween Horror Movie Double Feature for October 22, part II
"The Manitou" (1978)/ "National Lampoon's Class Reunion" (1982)
"The Manitou"
From the back of the box: “What surgeons thought to be a tumor growing on the neck of patient Karen Tandy is actually a fetus growing at an abnormally accelerated rate. But when Karen reaches out to former lover and phony psychic Harry Erskine, he discovers that she is possessed by the reincarnation of a 400-year old Native American demon. Now with the help of a modern-day medicine man, Erskine must survive this ancient evil’s rampage of shocking violence, and forever destroy the enraged beast known as the Manitou.”
The haiku review
That tumor you have?
It might be a dwarf fetus.
Get a curettage.
Watch for: Well, it’s hard to know whether the birthing scene or the evil spirit laser battle is the hallmark of this film. It’s all incredibly strange … terribly, terribly low-budgety strange.
"National Lampoon’s Class Reunion"
From the back of the box: “It’s been 10 years since Lizzie Borden High School’s Class of ’72 graduated, and everyone – the preppies, the hippies, and the in-crowd – has returned to reminisce over good times past. But classmate Walter Baylor has returned too … with a vengeance! While the rest of the gang is misbehaving at their alma mater, Walter, who was a misunderstood freak then and a certified psychopath now, is still not over a prank played on him a decade ago and out to wreak havoc of a different sort!"
The haiku review
A great slasher spoof;
Its major drawback is that
It’s badly dated.
Wordz of Wisdom: “My father didn’t keep me out of Vietnam so that I could die in my old high school.”
Star of the film: Michael Lerner, who bears a striking resemblance to John Belushi. He was nominated for an Academy Award, you know. Oh, not for this shitty spoof film; for his role in “Barton Fink.”
SGM Month of Halloween Horror Movie Double Feature for October 22, part I
"Halloween 2" (1981)/ "Witchfinder General" (1968)
"Halloween 2"
From the back of the box: “Picking up precisely where its predecessor left off, Halloween II follows the same ill-fated characters as they encounter the knife-wielding maniac they left for dead in the first Halloween. It seems the inhuman Michael Myers is till very much alive and out for more revenge as he stalks the deserted halls of the hospital where his sister lays waiting. As he gets closer and closer to his terrified target, Dr. Loomis discovers the chilling mystery behind the crazed psychopath’s savage actions. Written by horror masters John Carpenter and Debra Hill, Halloween II is a spine-tingling dark ride into the scariest night of the year.”
The haiku review
One, two, and seven
(Officially “H20”);
Abandon the rest.
What rocked: The scalding death scene is still pretty wicked.
What sucked: The recreation of the classic “Halloween” score that intrudes through almost every scene of this film.
"Witchfinder General"
From the back of the box: “As superstition and fear sweet the Middle Ages, an educated rogue named Hopkins wanders from town to town proclaiming to be an official witch finder. Town leaders pay him to accuse and then execute – usually innocent – suspects. But when a brave soldier returns home to find his sweetheart on the rack, ready to burn, Hopkins realizes he may have whacked his last witch!”
The haiku review
The facts on witches:
They weigh the same as a duck.
Don't tell Mad Vinny!
Did you know? I have this book, an annotated guide to the films of Vincent Price, and according to this reference, Price and the director of "Witchfinder General" (a/k/a "The Conqueror Worm" in the US) hated each other. The director, Michael Reeves, wanted Donald Pleasance for the role of Matthew Hopkins, The Witchfinder, but the studio wanted Price.
The American title - "The Conqueror Worm" - was chosen due to the box office strength that Price's Poe films with Roger Corman had; the film has very little to do with Poe's poem of the same name.
Sunday, October 21, 2007
Back in the house
Went to TN to see my newborn nephew, and all I got was this lousy t-shirt.
Didn't have access to the computer, while I was gone, but I stayed true to the horror movie-a-day game, so I'll have, like, two double feature reviews up tomorrow.
By Wednesday, I'll have a new mixtape file up - tentatively & simply called "The Sin Mixtape" - for your enjoyment. Well, your enjoyment, as well as my contribution to the Dumpin.net Mixtape Challenge! Yeah, I'm repping SGM.
So, 'til the morrow, all y'all. I'm gonna pop my Lunesta and drift out, reading the new Fangoria and the new Mass Appeal issues.
Oh, and I think Wal-Mart's gonna have a DVD set featuring the Undertaker and all his Wrestlemania matches, which'll probably feature some gems (vs. Randy Orton, vs. Diesel, vs. Flair), and definitely some shite (vs. Giant Gonzalez, vs. Big Boss Man in Hell in the Cell). It comes out this next Tuesday ... along with the 3-disc Rey Mysterio career retrospective. Just some friendly heads-up.
Friday, October 19, 2007
The purpose of the resume
In my job, I have to write a lot of recommendation letters.
I'm sitting here trying to draft one for one of my many students who are trying to get into law school and something made me pause.
Why do we need an "objective" statement on a resume?
I mean...people oughta understand why they are getting a resume from a particular individual. If it comes with a job application, you shouldn't have to write "To expand my skill set while contributing to a friendly, competitive work environment" at the top of the piece of paper. The person doing the interview/application collection understands that you want a job. Everyone has to eat and live indoors, so it isn't necessarily a bad thing that you are applying for a job.
I wonder if the world would be a better place if people started putting as their objective statement things like "To make mad cash and buy a plasma TV" or "To retire at age 53 and run away to Barbados with my secretary."
What do employers think when they get these? My current student's here seems pretty good, but what if they are really awful? If I got one that was so filled with jargon I would probably not interview the person. Something like "To work in a fast-paced, diverse company while increasing my knowledge of the information technology industry" would be option-73ed pretty fast, I would think.
Do people really read these?
Thursday, October 18, 2007
SGM Month of Halloween Horror Movie for October 18
"El Vampiro" (1957)
From the back of the box: “Described as ‘Dracula on a hacienda,’ ‘The Vampire’ chronicles the journey of young Marta who learns that her family is under the demonic control of Count Lavud. As he feeds on the blood of the locals and aims to raise his brother from the dead, Marta and the mysterious Dr. Enrique threaten the Count.”
The haiku review
How does a person
Say, “Wolves, children of the night,”
In the Spanish tongue?
Star of the film: While Abel Salazar traditionally gets most of the love from admirers of this film, it’s German Robles in his role as Count Duval that really carries this film.
SGM Month of Halloween Horror Movie for October 17
"From Beyond" (1986)
From the back of the box: “The Resonator, a powerful machine that can control the sixth sense, has killed its creator and sent his associate into an insane asylum. But when a beautiful psychiatrist becomes determined to continue the experiment, she unwittingly opens the door to a hostile parallel universe … and to the deviant behavior within the human psyche. With its victims becoming creatures who feed on – and become aroused by – human brains, the Resonator is the ultimate man-made monster. And now something’s gone horribly wrong and no one can turn it off.”
The haiku review
Mad science at work
Leave my pineal alone
Wild leather goddess
Watch for: The restored footage, where the pineal-possessed Dr. Tillingast (Jeffery Combs) sucks out a nurse’s eyeball, spits it on the ground, and sucks her brain out through the socket.
Quotes to live by: “Humans are such easy prey.”
SGM Monster Throwdown - Match 3
Year introduced
Dracula: 1931
Leatherface: 1974
Definitive actor
Dracula: Bela Lugosi
Leatherface: Gunnar Hansen
Films & sequels
Dracula: 5 (Dracula, Son of Dracula, House of Frankenstein, House of Dracula, Abbott & Costello Meet Frankenstein)
Leatherface: 4 (Texas Chainsaw Massacre, Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2, Leatherface: Texas Chainsaw Massacre III, Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Next Generation)
Created by
Dracula: Bram Stoker
Leatherface: Tobe Hooper
FIP
Dracula: Mina Harker (Helen Chandler)
Leatherface: Sally Hardesty (Marilyn Burns)
Wordz of Wisdom
Dracula: “Wolves. Children of the night. What music they make.”
Leatherface: (mostly random squealing)
Frankenstein's Monster (4) vs. Pinhead (3)
The Wolf Man (1) vs. Michael Myers (5)
Stop me if I've ranted about this before...
I work for an e-business, specifically a website that sells high-end digital cameras. I process 250-300 credit card numbers each day. Many of these credit cards are declined, requiring me to contact the customer's bank or the customer directly, to either get answers or an alternate payment method.
I find it particularly irritating when a customer asks:
(assume what Josh and I call a "hoota nack-mittag" voice)
"Can I puuuuuut this on my Master Charge???"
No ma'am, but we'll accept your Master CARD.
You would think when a card controls thousands of their hard-earned dollars, they could at least correctly identify the fucking card name.
I'm gonna start up my identity-theft business by pressing a few thousand MasterCharge cards and mailing them to consumers, who will in turn apply for said cards with all their personal info, because MasterCharge is a trusted name.
Wednesday, October 17, 2007
The Torture Papers
Nate Dogg -
Do you have the new Army of the Pharaohs The Torture Papers? Is it worth copping?
Speaking of AOTP alumni...
1) I finally got around to getting Jedi Mind Tricks' new one, Servants In Heaven, Kings In Hell. Didn't like it quite as much as JMT's others, but "Uncommon Valor: A Vietnam Story" was poignant, and "Heavy Metal Kings" featuring Ill Bill is one of the hardest jams I've heard out of anybody in a minute. I got the 12" (blue vinyl) and Vinnie Paz signed it for me @ Fat Beats.
2) Not exactly new, but Apathy's Eastern Philosophy is really ill.
3) As is Feast or Famine by Reef the Lost Cauze. WAAAAAY more replay value than I'd anticipated. The joint "How You Lose Your Mind" about having to move back in with Mom when you're in your 20's is really well-written, and more self-deprecatingly honest than most rappers will allow themselves to be.
Tuesday, October 16, 2007
Best Side Effect Ever
While the TV was on in the background with an ad for Mirapex, a restless-leg syndrome medication, I heard the following:
“Tell your doctor if you experience increased gambling, sexual or other intense urges.”
Recent studies have shown that gambling addiction is now a side effect of certain drugs, including Parkinson's medication. I don't really have anything to add to this, but there you go.
Further reading:
Online Casino Press
USA Today
MSNBC
SGM Month of Halloween Horror Movie for October 16
"Behind the Mask: The Rise of Leslie Vernon" (2006)
From the back of the box: "You know legendary maniacs Jason Voorhees, Michael Myers and Freddy Krueger. Now meet Leslie Vernon, the next great psychoslasher. Nathan Baesel stars as Vernon, a good-natured killing machine who invites a documentary film crew to follow him as he reminisces with his murder mentor, evades his psychiatrist/nemesis, deconstructs Freudian symbolism, and meticulously plots his upcoming slaughter spree. But when the actual carnage begins, where do you draw the line between voyeuristic thrills, mythic evil, and good old-fashioned slasher movie mayhem?"
The haiku review
First, learn the basics.
Next, pick out your target group.
Then – Wholesale carnage!
Watch for: The simple yet effective design of Leslie Vernon The Slasher Killer; from the mask to the behavioral nuances.
Did you know? That was Kane Hodder, the actor who has most frequently portrayed Jason Voorhees, going into 1428 Elm Street – the old address of Nancy Thompson (Heather Langenkamp) – in the film’s first scene.
Monday, October 15, 2007
SGM Month of Halloween Horror Movie for October 15
"The Monster Squad" (1987)
From the back of the box: “You know who to call when you have ghosts, but who do you call about monsters? Whether it’s a bat in your belfry or a mummy in your microwave, the Monster Squad ain’t afraid of no ghouls!
“Count Dracula has until midnight to retrieve an ancient amulet that will give him final control over the delicate balance between good and evil in the world. To hel him, the creepy Count calls on some old friends: the weird Wolfman, grotesque Gill-Man, mildewed Mummy and freaky Frankenstein. As the ghoulish group gets closer to the amulet, it’s up to the Monster Squad, headquartered in the local tree house, to pool its questionable resources and stop the monster mayhem!”
The haiku review
Universal fiends
The world is in dire peril
They ALL have nards, guys!
Star of the film: Tom Noonan, recipient of the SGM Carny As Fuck award; dude lives the gimmick.
What rocked: Dracula is a sinister dude, even up to the point that he calls the five year old girl a “bitch;” the dialogue, all the way through (“Rudy, question.” “Shoot.” “Know any virgins?”).
What sucked: The continuity, but in films like this, who the hell watches for continuity; the forced attempts at humanizing the Frankenstein monster (generally stuff you'd find in most kids-themed horror films).
Moving sucks, yo.
I've never had to fend off an anal rape attempt, but I imagine it's similar to boxing up all your worldy goods, putting them in a UHaul, and unloading them in a new destination. Then having to go back and clean up your old place, while simultaneously ducking your old landlord. And never being done when you think you're done.
Although to be honest, the move I participated in this week was much less traumatic than my last two, and my new digs are super dope.
I won't have internet at the crib until next week (because Optimum is lazy), but I'll get caught up on Top 10 Jobbers this week @ work, I've got one ready at the moment I'm just looking for a photo.
Oh yeah my roomate ran into Gene Simmons yesterday in Chelsea. He didn't spit on him. A small part of me wishes I would get sued over "Shoot Interview" (which samples a Melvins cover of "Going Blind" by KISS). I would love to counter his claim of "You infringed on my intellectual property" with "You fucked my Aunt Pam."
I've had a similar daydream about sampling Oasis and being sued, cause I would love for those Cockney faggots (who DO make some great records, I'll give 'em that) to say something about me ripping them off, so I could counter them in "the media" with the list I've compiled over the years of Oasis songs that are note-for-note rip-offs of hits by T.Rex, New York Dolls, The Jam, R.E.M., etc. and of course the Beatles.
Sunday, October 14, 2007
SGM Month of Halloween Horror Movie Double Feature for October 14
"The Devil Commands" (1941) / "Ebola Syndrome" (1996)
"The Devil Commands"
From the back of the box: "A respected scientist experimenting with brain wave impulses loses his beloved wife in an auto accident. Overwhelmed by grief, he attempts to record his deceased wife's brain patterns. When his experiment registers her brain activity, he frantically escalates his research. Enlisting the aide of a scheming clairvoyant, he resorts to desperate measures, even grave robbing and using the corpses as human radio tubes, to facilitate contact with his wife. As the bodies pile up and townsfolk close in, will the mad doctor finally break through to the other side?
The haiku review
Hey, hey there, Karloff!
Where you gonna go with that
Body in your hands?
Did you know? This film was directed by Edward Dmytryk (notice the lack of any proper vowels in that surname), the same guy who directed "The Caine Mutiny," which was nominated for 10 Academy awards, including Best Actor (Humphrey Bogart), Best Picture & Best Director.
"Ebola Syndrome"
From the back of the box: "Kai San is a sleazy and despicable bastard of the most epic proportions! After being caught screwing the wife of his boss, he goes on a killing spree and flees Hong Kong.
"10 years later, Kai finds himself working as a restaurant chef in South Africa. Overworked, underpaid, berated, and extorted by the restaurant owners who know of his fugitive status, Kai is a ticking timebomb ...
"While visiting an ebola infected tribe to purchase some discount meat for the restaurant, Kai takes time out of his busy schedule to rape a sick native woman on his way back to work. Fortunately for our anti-hero, he's a one-in-a-million guy - the kind that recovers from ebola, yet continues to carry and spread the disease. Now he's mad as hell, and he's not gonna take it anymore! Kai embarks on an over the top killing/ raping/ ebola-spreading rampage unlike anything you have ever seen! The ebola burgers are hot on the grill, and the bodily fluids are flowing freely! Directed by Herman Yau, and starring Anthony Wong in a truly brilliant performance, 'Ebola Syndrom' offers up plenty of gore and sex, tempered with a wicked sense of humor."
The haiku review
Kai San - a great cook
Who makes ebola burgers;
People still eat 'em!
Watch for: The deleted scenes. Holy crap, in a film that features a guy raping a chick bleeding from every orifice, who goes on to eventually vomit blood on him, can you even imagine what was cut from the film? There's a scene where Kai San gets pissed on, a scene where he cuts out some chick's tongue, a scene where he gouges out some dude's eyes ... gorehounds, this one just might test your limits.
Star of the film: Lo Meng, the operator of the restaurant, who was also the Toad from "Five Deadly Venoms."
Wordz of Wisdom: "God created Ebola, not me. And His virus will kill all you bastards."
Twenty-five Horror Games for the PS2
I purused through my collection of Playstation 2 games, and came up with this list. (Now, let's just hope that this review archive works the way I want it.)
Saturday, October 13, 2007
The 10 Minute Review -- FIFA 08
The 10 Minute Review is a new concept where I work for 10 minutes, and only 10 minutes on a blogpost.
EA Sports has just released FIFA 08 for all platforms. I picked up the PS2 version (a day after it came out....as no store in National Champhionshipville decided to stock it on the day of its release). The PS3 and X-Box 360 versions are rumored to have a new shooting engine. The PS2 version has the same as FIFA 07, but they have made a number of great improvements.
1) Passing. Aware that the tap-X-to-make-a-ground-pass was repetitive, the designers have updated the "through ball" feature. This allows you to pass the ball "into space" and switch to another player to retrieve it, so the game is not as linear as it was in previous years. They have also added a "make runs" button which, when pressed, sends the nearest player charging forward past the defense. The combination of through ball and runs made, once a player gets their timing down (which I'm still working on) should lead to a great deal more fluidity in the game and cut down on the repetitiveness. Finally, the added a three-button "give-and-go" combo pass that looks early on to be very useful for chopping up defenses.
2) Commentary. The commentary for 07 was pretty generic. It wasn't bad, per se, but it was pretty generic. This year, they have made it more "situational." If you play in one of the 38 real venues, the announcer tells you what stadium and city you are in (i.e. we're here at White Hart Lane, home of Tottenham Hotspur). They have also added more player names including, for the first time, some goalkeepers. It adds to the realism of the game a great deal more than you would think it does.
3) New Stadiums. So far, all I have found are the Home Depot Center in LA and White Hart Lane. Sadly, no Upton Park, home of West Ham United.
4) Manager Mode. The designers evidently read my review of 07. The "board expectation" that are an integral part in manager mode have been updated and should allow you to finish a career with one team. You will recall that in 07 I had West Ham built up so much that the budget didn't match the results and I had to sell a number of players. It looks like (and I'll know more as I play it) that the expanded expectations will take into account current results and allow for potential growth.
5) Training. You can now schedule training sessions in midweek that build up players stats, but also drain their fatigue. Just another way to customize your team.
6) Be A Pro mode. This allows you to play as one player of a team. You are assigned a task, the team has a task, and you get XP based on your performance. It is designed for the multitap, so up to four players can play on the same team. The problem, though, is that is extremely boring in one player mode. I played with Anton Ferdinand (a central defender) and it was only exciting when the opponent had the ball on attack. When West Ham had it, it was pointless and I spent most of the time off the screen.
7) Goalie Control. In 07, you had limited control of the goalie -- you could basically charge the ball by holding triangle. Now, pressing the R3 makes the keeper a live player with full control. I haven't figured out how to use this to my advantage yet, but it adds to the flexibility of the game.
There you go. This post is more a list of improvements rather than a review, but I can safely say that it is better than 07 by a longshot. I know that I am the only soccer fan on the blog, but if you have some downtime in a weekend, go out and give it a rent.
Friday, October 12, 2007
SGM Month of Halloween Horror Movie for October 12
"Tales From the Crypt" (1972)
From the back of the box: “When five unwary travelers with dark hearts stumble into a series of catacombs, they find themselves in a cavern with no way out. But the horror’s only just begun as a mysterious figure appears to reveal to each person the shocking events that will soon lead to their well-deserved, untimely – and unavoidable – deaths.”
The haiku review
Fear anthologies
Based on the comic book line
Five movies in one
Star of the film: Peter Cushing, who was told by the director to “act like himself;” see, his wife had just died, and his character was that of a husband who’s wife died and he (the character) was using a Ouija board to contact her. Cushing actually read for a different part, but after perusing the script, he persuaded the producers to let him play the role he ultimately took.
Holy cow, does money make you stupid?!
"The 2007 version was designed by jeweler Mouawad, who had diamonds, rubies, emeralds and yellow sapphires embroidered into a push-up bra, USA Today reported." [more]
My god ... a little under 5 mil for some jury-rigged over-the-shoulder boulder holder? If I took off some chick's shirt and she had this on, I'd be robbing her instead of fucking her.
SGM Monster Throwdown - Match 2
Year introduced
The Wolf Man: 1941
Michael Myers: 1978
Definitive actor
The Wolf Man: Lon Chaney Jr.
Michael Myers: Nick Castle
Films & sequels
The Wolf Man: 5 (Wolf Man, Frankenstein Meets the Wolf Man, House of Frankenstein, House of Dracula, A & C Meet Frankenstein)
Michael Myers: 7 (Halloween; Halloween II; Halloween 4: The Return of Michael Myers; Halloween 5: The Revenge of Michael Myers; Halloween 6: The Curse of Michael Myers; Halloween H20: 20 Years Later; Halloween: Resurrection)
Created by
The Wolf Man: Curt Siodmak
Michael Myers: John Carpenter
FIP
The Wolf Man: Gwen Conliffe (Evelyn Ankers)
Michael Myers: Laurie Strode (Jamie Lee Curtis)
Wordz of Wisdom
The Wolf Man: (mostly howling)
Michael Myers: (mostly heavy breathing)
Frankenstein's Monster (4) d. Pinhead (3)
On Ann Coulter
"Perfected Jews??" O RLY?
Well, wow. Someone maybe needs to tell her that she ain't got the titties to make her half as interesting as I think she thinks she is. But, shit happens; remember when we all wanted to see Britney Spears naked, and now we've been there, done that, and like B.B. King said, "The thrill is gone."
Packing's Done
And tomorrow morning comes the move. I may be on radio silence for a few days, or I may not. Who knows what the future brings? Nobody, that's who. But this post brings a short tale from the annals of Mary Street.
There was a lot of drinking on Mary Street. It's what happens when you have a bunch of kids that recently graduated high school and moved out on their own with no authority figure around to say "look, you stupid shit, this is wrong and it offends humanity."
One night there were six of us around, shooting the shit and drinking heavily. Boomer, Buck, Jake, Daniel Wank, Brooke, and myself. Brooke was moderately attractive, with huge tits, and dumb as a bag of hammers. Consequently, her gigantic tits were the apple of the eyes of most of the males that frequented Mary St. We were in the "crack room" and eventually the topic turned to sex. Brooke admitted to us that her boyfriend at the time, Matt, liked to snowball. (If you've seen "Clerks" you don't need to click that link. Honestly, you probably don't need to click that link under any circumstances, but if you don't know what I mean and want to know, click that link. Not knowing what snowballing is doesn't have any bearing on the story from here on out.) We were thoroughly disgusted.
Eventually talk turned to Brooke's collection of dildos. Boomer was very interested in that line of the conversation, probably hoping to talk her into a live demonstration, but all he managed was to taunt her into going across the street to Matt's house and bringing back one of her dildos. Given that this occurred eight years ago, I can't be exact in describing it except that it had a flesh-like color that made it look like it had been carved out of a block of Velveeta cheese. It was also rubbery and the reason I know that it felt rubbery is the point of this story, but I'll get to that after this digression.
In the first Tale of Mary Street: New Year's 2K, I pointed out that party goer Thiessen had almost been ran over by a dirty punk and that revenge would take place later. The dirty punk was Brooke's boyfriend Matt and tonight was the night of that revenge, at the hands of Thiessen's best friend Boomer. After we'd finished talking in the "crack room," we adjourned to the living room and put on some loud rock music. Again, after eight years I can't give an accurate play-by-play, but at one point while laying on a cot, I looked over and saw Boomer with Brooke's shirt and bra off in the midst of an intense makeout session. It became known later that Matt didn't like Brooke hanging out with us for obvious reasons. To quote Scott Hall, "that's one more for the good guys."
I don't remember how that night ended, but that's not important. What's important is that the next morning Jake's dad was coming up to help Jake work on his car. I had woken up around eleven that morning and went into the living room, where I noticed the Velveeta dildo laying on the television. I laughed and went back to my room. Around noon, I hear Jake's dad come in. After a minute or so, I remember that there's a Velveeta dildo laying on the television. I sprung to my feet, raced from the back of the house where my room was, into the living room, grabbed the dildo, opened the enclosed underside of the coffee table, threw the dildo in and shut the door. Boomer, who had stayed over, and Jake both said it was the fastest they'd ever seen me move. When I explained why, they completely understood. There's no explaining a Velveeta dildo to anyone.
Thursday, October 11, 2007
SGM Month of Halloween Horror Movie for October 11
"Demons 2" (1986)
From the back of the box: “The story continues as a birthday party in a high-security apartment building (with bullet-proof windows) is interrupted when the birthday girl is transformed into a vicious demon by watching a horror movie on TV. The evil spirits quickly possess many of the building’s tenants who begin to prey on their neighbors. The remaining residents have no way of escaping the hungry demons and are forced to battle them in order to survive.”
The haiku review
Demons spew forth from
A TV horror movie.
Don’t watch this alone!
Watch for: Asia Argento at the age of 10ish, before her horrid skaggishness and, presumably, before she got an angel tattooed on her abs, with its crotch ending at her cooter. Yep, so all those men and women that have touched monkeys with Asia … it’s like they’ve fucked a little angel. Except, a little angel with VD.
I decided to finally use my Blogspot
The first post, "A Digital Dilemma" can be found at:
http://jakepalumbo.blogspot.com/
(Which can be convieniently copied and pasted into your browser. I don't trust yer fancy Big-Government linking codes). Weigh in with an opinion if you've got one.
A Discussion Question
An update of sorts....and a thought-provoking question for us to discuss.
First, the update. FIFA 08 came out yesterday and it is amazing. I'll have a full review up hopefully by Sunday, as I have a large stack of papers to grade on Saturday. I am also 40 pages into "Why White Kids Like Hip-Hop" and, I must say, it was a wise selection for a book review.
Now, for that discussion question:
Nickelback. Why?
Bah, moving.
Packing sucks.
Coming from a line of hoarders, I tend to keep shit I don't need. Things I never really needed and will never have a use for. I've eliminated a lot of unneccessary stuff over the course of the last two relocations, but there's still some junk I'm tossing. As a result, I'm unpacking boxes that I never unpacked over the last two moves and I ran across some old WWF Wrestlemania trading cards from 1987. A friend of mine from high school and I bought an unopened box of wax packs at a card show in 96 or 97 for something like twenty bucks and split the packs. I scanned a few of them for your perusal:
The cards with red backgrounds and the WWF logos are stickers. The Hogan picture is the back of the Savage sticker, which shows that you can arrange the backs of sticker cards for a full portrait of Hogan, complete with the old ass WWF World belt. We threw every single Hulk Hogan card away, which wound up being around a third of the box. A lot of the Hogan cards were doubles (and triples), which was a result of shitty collation and made it impossible to complete a set out of one box. I also found my complete set of the Tick Animated Series trading cards and the Mallrats movie trading cards.
Wednesday, October 10, 2007
SGM Month of Halloween Horror Movie for October 10
"Dracula Vs. Frankenstein" (1971)
From the back of the box: “Count Dracula meets Dr. Frankenstein and the two revive the infamous Monster for a blood bath of thrills and chills. Off-the-wall wild scream classic!”
The haiku review
Who was crazier;
Al Adamson or Ed Wood?
Films reveal the truth.
What rocked: The mondo bizarro opening title sequence; hadn’t seen anything this over-the-top since “Blacula.” Forrest J. Ackerman!
What sucked: Lon Chaney Jr.’s haggard look throughout his contributions to this film in his role as “the Mad Zombie;” this was his (and J. Carroll Naish’s) last film. The lighting in this film will make you think you’re going blind.
Ashamed to be an Academic
I don't know if I have mentioned this before, but scholars have finally ran out of things to study.
Here is a fairly dated article on a new "subdiscipline" in the academy called
fat studies. In our efforts to brand everyone according to their "identity" and give "marginalized people" their voices, a good percentage of scholarship in the humanities and social sciences now deals with particular groups of people. We have African-American Studies, Women's Studies, Masculinity Studies, Native American Studies, etc. All these are well and good (though I think that the walls that scholars build up between these fields tends to obscure their common discourse and ascribe too much to the cultural hegemony of Western culture), but moving beyond race, class, and gender into "body type" is taking it way too far.
Also interesting is this article from the Chronicle of Highere Education where a Fat Studies pioneer lost weight and now feels as if she is somehow not authentic. This sort of "scholarship" is the kind of things state legislators hear about in budget hearings just before they drop the ax on the annual higher education budget.
Nice new backgrounds
I moved the old ones into a folder called old so the Halloween bgs are the only ones in rotation. The movie cover bg looks excellent.
The Man Cave
I'm surpised Ron didn't mention this, considering that he seems to keep up with news of the Tri-Cities more than I do.
The story:A two-week-long investigation by Johnson City police led to the arrest of 40 men for indecent behavior in city parks.
The undercover investigation, conducted primarily in Winged Deer and Buffalo Mountain parks, is just the beginning for authorities, who say homosexual activities there have become a “serious problem.”
“Our parks are for family use. People should not be exposed to this while they are out there with their family or trying to enjoy the walking trails,” said Johnson City Police Chief John Lowry. “They are not built nor maintained for sexual activity, be it homosexual activity or heterosexual activity.”
...
According to investigators, men frequent the Man Cave at all times of day specifically to take part in sexual activities with other men.
During their investigation, undercover officers often would strike up a conversation with a man who was approaching the trail leading to the Man Cave. The conversation quickly would turn sexual and, many times, led to proposals for sex, police said.
Several men exposed their genitals to the officers, while a few even groped the investigators without being provoked.
Authorities said Monday they fear the two parks have become known, “by word of mouth,” as places for such illegal activity. Those arrested in the recent sting live in various areas of Tennessee, Virginia and North Carolina. They range in age from 26 to 85.
At least two of the men hold positions of trust within a community. Brent T. Leach, 52, of Johnson City, reportedly works as a teacher within the Johnson City school system while police said Robert E. Riley, 55, of Rogersville, is a pastor at a Rogersville church.
And of course, the Man Cave All-Stars
Tuesday, October 09, 2007
Royal Rumble Anthology to be released in separate volumes
The two volumes listed for presale at Amazon only cover between 1988 & 1997, but hey ...
I'm already saving my money. I'm also thinking that the upcoming Rey Mysterio DVD release will be pretty cool too; it's got two Ultimo Dragon matches, and a Rey vs. Jushin Thunder Liger match that should be pretty solid.
SGM Month of Halloween Horror Movie for October 9
"Scarecrows" (1988)
From the back of the box: “After a band of ex-military criminals pulls off a multi-million dollar heist, they hop aboard a plane headed for Mexico. But when one of their own betrays them, they give chase and find themselves stranded in a field of scarecrows with only an abandoned farmhouse nearby. And as night sets in, the real nightmare begins when the men discover the reason the farmhouse is empty … and that those who thought they were the hunters are now being hunted by an unimaginable and malevolent force!”
The haiku review
Aside from the acting,
You know what else really sucked?
Too many scarecrows.
Did you know? Norman Cabrera, who provided special effects work for this film, is the drummer for psycho-surf band The Ghastly Ones.
Monday, October 08, 2007
My nominee for worst album of the year
Kid Rock -- Rock N Roll Jesus
I haven't heard it, but it is Kid Rock, so one can infer that it has a lot of swearing, some poorly manufactured beats, and at least two ballads so the Detroit native can get street cred in the dirty South. How people get record deals these days is beyond me. I'd rather listen to an hour loop of Michael Stipe flushing his commode.
On Britney Spears
Honestly, if she blew her fucking head off tomorrow, not only would I not give a shit, I think I would actually smile.
SGM Month of Halloween Horror Movie of October 8
"Dukes of Hazzard: The Ghost of the General Lee" (1979)
From the back of the box: “Bo and Luke scheme to haunt Boss Hogg after they’re blamed for a robbery they didn’t commit.”
The haiku review
Does a stolen watch
Justify a scheme so wild?
Spoiler: the Dukes live.
Did you know? James Best, the actor who portrays Roscoe P. Coltrane, starred in the cult film horror classic, “The Killer Shrews.”
Sunday, October 07, 2007
SGM Month of Halloween Horror Movie of October 7
"Santo y Blue Demon Contra Dracula y el Hombre Lobo" (1973)
From the back of the box: “After facing defeat at the hands of Cristaldi the magician, Dracula is back to seek revenge and rule the world in ‘Santo and Blue Demon Vs. Dracula and the Wolfman.’ With the help of the Wolfman and his legion of followers, victory seems imminent. Professor Cristaldi, a descendant of the magician, is warned about Dracula’s plans and calls upon El Santo and Blue Demon in the hopes that they can put the infamous count and the werewolf down for good.”
The haiku review
Masked heroes unite
When evil forces combine
Justice shall be served
Did you know? The screenwriter for this film, Alfredo Salazar, is the brother of celebrated Mexican actor/ filmmaker Abel Salazar.
Quotes to live by: “The audience roars uncomfortably in their seats!”
Blogging = Procrastination.
How would you like to be Rick Saloman?
Your first question is probably who is Rick Saloman. Rick Saloman is a 38 year old man who, according to this story on CNN.com "is best-known for making a sex videotape with Paris Hilton, his girlfriend at the time, and was previously married to actress Shannen Doherty."
To conclude his trifecta of suck, Mr. Saloman just married Pamela Anderson, STDs and all. Though I guess she is a trade up from Paris Hilton, I imagine their dinner conversations would go something like this:
RS: Hey Baby, let's get it on.
PA: When I was with Kid Rock we used to do it on the dinner table while we had biscuits and gravy.
RS: That sounds hot.
Repeat until thoroughly disgusted.
And no, this does not get the "Hot Girl" tag.
SGM Book Reviews?
As our blog continues to evolve, I'd like to drop an idea that may or may not go anywhere.
We have came a long way since we split off from Shoom and Poop, or Whatever. We all know that and we articulate it from time to time. I think there is room to go farther. Since I do not have anywhere near the hi-tech photoshop and mp3 recording skills or Nate or Josh I am going to try, yet again, to start an SGM Book Review feature. This may or may not happen, as the tenure-track job market, my teaching load, and my administrative duties will always take precedence. But I need to write. I need to keep my skills sharp and stay in touch with cultural changes so I maintain some broad intellectual existence that could help with students and with future publications, etc.
With that being said, I'm going to pick as my first selection "Why White Kids Love Hip-Hop: Wankstas, Wiggers, Wannabes, and the New Reality of Race in America" by Bakari Kitwana. I am making this public pronouncement so as to ask you guys to hold my feet to the fire on this one. If you don't see it by Oct. 25th, post a reminder for me.
Online game of the week
It doesn't fit with the Halloween theme...
but it is awesome nonetheless. Escape from the Phone Booth.
Saturday, October 06, 2007
SGM Halloween Monster Throwdown - Match 1
Frankenstein's Monster vs. Pinhead
Year introduced
Frankenstein's Monster: 1932
Pinhead: 1987
Definitive actor
Frankenstein's Monster: Boris Karloff
Pinhead: Doug Bradley
Films & sequels
Frankenstein's Monster: 8 (Frankenstein; Bride of Frankenstein; Son of Frankenstein; Ghost of Frankenstein; Frankenstein Meets The Wolf Man; House of Frankenstein; House of Dracula; Abbott & Costello Meet Frankenstein)
Pinhead: 8 (Hellraiser; Hellbound: Hellraiser II; Hellraiser III: Hell On Earth; Hellraiser: Bloodline; Hellraiser: Inferno; Hellraiser: Hellseeker; Hellraiser: Deader; Hellraiser: Hellworld)
Created by
Frankenstein's Monster: Mary Wollstonecraft Shelley
Pinhead: Clive Barker
FIP (Female In Peril)
Frankenstein's Monster: Elizabeth (Mae Clarke)
Pinhead: Kirsty Cotton (Ashley Laurence)
Wordz of Wisdom
Frankenstein's Monster: "We belong dead."
Pinhead: "We will tear your soul apart."
Upcoming Poll schedule for October
Introduction
The golden age of horror films, ushered in by Universal Studios, spawned a quintet of horror icons: Dracula, Frankenstein's Monster, the Mummy, the Wolf Man, and the Creature of the Black Lagoon. These representatives of the fears that lurked in the backs of our minds starred in no less than 19 films and subsequent sequels.
Following this period, when Universal turned their backs on the celluloid demons that promoted a substantial amount of growth for not only the studio but for the film industry itself, the horror film genre would go without champions to defend it. Unless you were a fan of giant bugs, that is.
Then, something happened in 1974, in a little film called "Texas Chainsaw Massacre." Then, it happened again four years later in "Halloween." And then the eighties came, bringing with it "Friday the 13th," "A Nightmare on Elm Street," and "Hellraiser." Horror turned to a new crop of ambassadors. Instead of sporting titles like "Dracula," "Monster," "Creature," these bogeymen had mundane names, and could have been your neighbors: "Michael," "Freddy," "Jason" .... uh, "Leather." Where the older guard had spawned a number of sequels, so too did the new blood, to the tune of forty-one films amongst them.
It's time to pit these horror icons against each other, to determine who reigns supreme in the cinematic nightmares of every fan. Every sixth day this month, I'll post up a random match-up, the schedule for which is below.
Oct. 6: Frankenstein's Monster (Boris Karloff, 1932) vs. Pinhead (Doug Bradley, 1987)
Oct. 12: The Wolf Man (Lon Chaney Jr., 1941) vs. Michael Myers (Nick Castle, 1978)
Oct. 18: Dracula (Bela Lugosi, 1932) vs. Leatherface (Gunnar Hansen, 1974)
Oct. 24: The Mummy (Boris Karloff, 1932) vs. Freddy Kruger (Robert Englund, 1984)
Oct. 30: The Creature From The Black Lagoon (Ben Chapman/Ricou Browning, 1954) vs. Jason Voorhees (Kane Hodder1, 1980)
1In most cases, it was easy to go with the first actor to portray the character, and choose that actor as the definitive model on which to base the monster for each match-up. However, even though Kane Hodder didn't usher in the role of Jason until 1988, he maintained the role for four Friday films - "The New Blood," "Jason Takes Manhattan," "The Final Friday," and "Jason X." I'd call that definitive.
SGM Month of Halloween Horror Movie for October 6
"The Call of Cthulhu" (2005)
From the back of the box: “Written in 1926, just before the advent of ‘talking’ pictures, the ‘Call of Cthulhu’ is one of the most famous and influential tales of HP Lovecraft, the father of gothic horror. Now the story is brought richly to life in the style of a classic 1920s silent movie, with a haunting original symphonic score. Using the ‘Mythoscopic’ process – a mix of modern and vintage techniques – the filmmakers have worked to create the most authentic and faithful screen adaptation of a Lovecraft story yet attempted.”
The haiku review
Mythical silence
The beast rises from his sleep
Stop-motion violence
Star of the film: The Cthulhu model that’s used for the stop motion effects. The work done on this film, in the filmmakers’ patented "Mythoscope" process, is really remarkable to watch. While not exactly the best film in the world, the project turned out pretty well, producing a pretty tidy film.
Friday, October 05, 2007
SGM Month of Halloween Horror Movie for October 5
"The Gravedancers" (2006)
From the back of the box: “After a drunken night of dancing on graves, a group of friends are haunted by three havoc-minded ghosts bent on revenge.”
The haiku review
Grinning ghouls stalk them,
Burial desecration
Their only mistake.
What rocked: The set-up of the scares were more than your usual “tense music increases then OH MY SHIT oh thank God it’s just the cat OH SHIT THERE’S THE GHOST!!” This actually had the set-up of a well-crafted Asian ghost story film … without them skinny bitches with the long black hair.
What sucked: I think there needed to be more done with the psychopathic ghost. That and a lesbo scene between the two female leads.
Thursday, October 04, 2007
SGM Month of Halloween Horror Movie for October 4
"The Burning" (1981)
From the back of the box: “A group of summer camp pranksters get the scare of their lives when they target the camp’s creepy caretaker, and he takes bloody revenge!
"After a cruel joke goes awry, severely burning him and subjecting him to five years of intensive, unsuccessful skin graft treatments, Cropsy is back at camp … and ready to wreak havoc on those who scarred him! With his hedge clippers in hand, he terrorizes the camp and systematically mutilates each victim. Can a few courageous campers save themselves and destroy this demented madman before he kills them all?”
The haiku review
The raft murder was
Enough to call this film a
Video nasty.
Watch for: The feature film debuts of Holly Hunter and Jason Alexander.
Star of the film: Tom Savini, whose work has turned a lot of films from “good” to “great.” For proof, see also “Dawn of the Dead,” “Maniac,” and “Friday the 13th.” Savini actually turned down “Friday the 13th Part 2” to due “The Burning,” which a lot of people view as a rip-off of the “Friday” series.
On Danny Bonaduce and Jonny Fairplay
The Tabloid Culture has really gotten out of hand.
Fifty bucks says that there will be some sort of PPV grudge match between these two within the next four months. In the meantime, American culture slides ever further down the spiral.
Wednesday, October 03, 2007
SGM Month of Halloween Horror Movie for October 3
"Phantasm" (1978)
From the back of the box: “Michael Baldwin and Bill Thornbury star in the shocker that started it all, in which two brothers discover that their local mortuary hides a legion of hooded killer dwarf creatures, a flying drill-ball, and the demonic mortician known as The Tall Man, who enslaves the souls of the damned.”
The haiku review
Angus Schrimm steals souls
And rules over some midgets.
That dude’s got balls! HAW!
Did you know? This film was referred to as “The Never Dead” in Australia. There was already a film – a popular sex comedy – called “Fantasm,” and God forbid anyone confuse this film with that one.
Tuesday, October 02, 2007
Britney losing her baby custody exposes more poor journalism
Read this and tell me if this article doesn't end on the strangest, most out-of-context observation you've seen in quite some time.
SGM Month of Halloween Horror Movie for October 2
"Tales From the Darkside: The Movie" (1990)
From the back of the box: “To keep from being eaten by a modern-day witch, a young paperboy weaves three twisted stories to distract her. In ‘Lot 249,’ a vengeful college student resuscitates an evil mummy to teach unsuspecting student bodies a lesson in terror. Then, ‘The Cat From Hell’ is a furry black feline who cannot be killed … he may have nine lives, but those who cross his path are not so lucky. Finally, in ‘Lover’s Vow,’ a stone gargoyle comes to life … to commit murder. In this classic cult favorite, fear comes in threes.”
The haiku review
Mummies, black cats and
Gargoyles reign in this, which is
Almost “Creepshow 3.”
Did you know? William Hickey, the wheelchair bound old man, provided the voice for wheelchair-bound Dr. Finklestein in “The Nightmare Before Christmas.”
The most ironic knock-off item I've seen
Brooklyn, NY could probably be called the bootleg capital of the world. From DVD's and CD's to luxury purses, watches and sunglasses, to electronics, to even AA Batteries (I'm not joking), pretty much anything you can buy in the store - there's a Chinese person on every corner ready to sell you a cheap knock-off version.
This morning while going to work, I was waiting on the subway platform while the F Train took its sweet-ass time. A young man standing in front of me was wearing what appeared to be a standard Jansport backpack. However, in my sleepy state I did a double-take when I saw the label. I thought I'd seen one of these in passing several weeks ago, but I was also stoned at the time and might have read it wrong. Sure enough the label and the logo/font was identical to that of a Jansport book bag, but this guy was carrying a backpack made by...
Wait for it...
KINGSPORT!!!!!
Monday, October 01, 2007
SGM Month of Halloween Horror Movie for October 1
"Munster, Go Home" (1966)
From the back of the box: “The laughs begin when Herman moves the family to an English estate he inherited.”
The haiku review
Herman inherits
Munster castle; Dragula
Digs through the ditches.
Watch for: When Herman and Grandpa find the counterfeit ring in the basement, Herman (played by Fred Gwynne) hollers out, “Car 54, where are you?” “Car 54, Where Are You?” was the first comedy that Fred Gwynne starred in.
Star of the film: Terry-Thomas; if ever there was a right rotter of a film villain, it’s Terry-Thomas, character actor unparalleled. Watch him in “Abominable Dr. Phibes” and “Danger: Diabolik.”
Back on the net
I have the net back at home and home to be back on here with interesting insights and contributions
Philadelphia to Tampa on US Air
Please allow me to rant.
The Philadelphia Airport blows goats. Let me clarify that a bit, though, by saying that the staff of US Air in the Philadelphia Airport blows goats.
Last night, I was due to fly to Tampa on US Air with a scheduled departure time of 8:35. I arrived about an hour and a half early....get through security rather painlessly, get a quick snack and make it to my gate. I get there in the neighborhood of 7:20 - 7:30 and the place is absolutely packed. My gate reads "Los Angeles 7:35." Turns out that the crew on the PHL to LAX flight noticed a mechanical problem with the plane and, as such, the passengers and crew had to deplane. A new plane was going to arrive to take them to LAX with a new departure time of 9:35. It sucks for them, but its always better to be safe than sorry.
Now, you are wondering, what does this have to do with my flight scheduled to depart at 8:35? Its funny you should ask. My plane was coming in from San Francisco with a scheduled arrival time of 7:45 or so. Because the LAX plane was stuck in the gate, they kept the SFO flight up in a holding pattern pending the removal of the LAX plane. Rather than making an on the fly gate change, they kept it circling the runway. It didn't land until 8:21...and when it did land they moved it to a different gate on top of that! Had they done that 35 minutes earlier, the TPA flight would have left at close to 8:35. Instead, we closed the door at 9:35.
The Philly airport evidently also has runway issues, as we stayed on the taxiway/tarmac system for 50 minutes until we went wheels up at 10:25. Bear in mind this was for an 8:35 flight. The Philadelphia Airport infrastructure has more issues than National Geographic and would do well to address some of them.
The SGM Month of Halloween begins today!
Here's a preview of what's going down.
I'll be watching a horror movie a day, posting up some reviews, trivia, write-ups, and such for each. Granted, I'm only going to watch thirty days of movies, because on Halloween itself, I'll probably be detained, watching whatever movie festival might be on TV, giving out candy, etc.
I'll also look at horror comics that have been out recently, as well as some past books that some may remember.
I have a lot of horror-themed video games that I either haven't played at all (to this point, anyway), or have played a little bit. I'll be throwing those in the PS2 and examining those on their merits.
I found a CD that I had made in 2004 for Halloween of that year; I'll re-rip it, bundle it into a .zip or .rar, and put it up for download.
I've got a background & a banner ready to go for the month.
And, as we near All Hallow's Eve, I'll be putting up polls and discussion about older horror icons vs. the newer batch we've had since the late 70s to late 80s.
I hope this'll be as fun for everyone to read, as it will be for me to do. (And vice versa.)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
