[Lucha] Ten reasons why I love AAA lucha libre on Galavision, pt. 2

... and why you should too!

6. The fans can interact with the wrestlers and not get shit-stomped by security: In WWF, someone jumps the rail, security stomps them out; should the fan make it to their favorite wrestler, the wrestler will more than likely punch the fan in the face, and the fan will be taken out and arrested (or killed, since you never see ‘em again).

Compare that to AAA – A fan jumps the rail, security walks up to them. When the fan gets to the wrestler, they either get a big hug before being whisked back to their seat by security, or, on those rare occasions, the wrestler (e.g. La Parka) will pick the fan up, carry them to the ring, and might even dance with them ... before the fan is gently whisked back to their seat. AAA wrestlers LOVE their fans, see? Dead or incarcerated fans can’t come back and pay for the next show.

Maybe this can be better explained by an issue of fan commitment. At Wrestlemania 24, a firecracker fell into a group of fans, and everyone ran away like baby lambs, bleating and catching on fire. In AAA, a fan ran out during Cibernetico’s entrance and walked RIGHT THROUGH Ciber’s pyro to get a hug from the harbinger of the “Apocalypsis!” That’s commitment! Again, AAA loves their fans ... they don’t try to set them on fire; the fans will gladly walk through fire for AAA. AAA: The Marshall Applewhite of pro wrestling.

7. The random appearances of non-Mexican wrestlers: Non-Mexican wrestlers appear on every show, thanks mostly to Konnan’s Foreign Legion stable, comprised of Kenzo, X-Pac, and Headhunter A or B or 1 or 2 or whatever he goes by now. But then, out of the blue, there’ll be a show – usually a supercard, but not always – where they’ll bring out Sabu, for no damn good reason other than letting him blow spots and damn near cripple Joe Lider, lucha’s answer to Ahmed Johnson. Rhino showed up on a show at one point, and was exceptionally “impactful” (TM, ECW) in his role. Ron Killings, Konnan’s former 3 Live Krumate in TNA, will show up ... well, not as much now, since he’s joined WWF.

Former ROH World champion Takeshi Morishima was also on a recent show, and he rocked the block. Teddy Hart & Jack Evans, who I think are going by some Spanish lingo version of Hart Foundation, are on a collision course with Chessman and Charly Manson. And, in a plum cherry spot, Scott Steiner showed up in the main event of 2008’s Rey de Reyes show, kicking much ass, while probably referring to his opponents in derogatory terms; in some of the more enjoyable spots that you won’t get in TNA, he chased around a mini-second named Cuije, dressed as a lady bug … I fell asleep before the end of the match, so I assume Steiner ate Cuije in the end.

8. The Psycho Circus: “Entrance of the Gladiators” plays over the PA. Fresh from an outtake of “Killer Klowns From Outer Space” comes three of the vilest, skankiest, scariest clowns on this side of “Stephen King’s IT.” Killer Clown, Psycho Clown, and Zombie Clown come out, and on their way to the ring, they snatch an unsuspecting child from the crowd. Before they can stuff the child in a sack, security comes out and stops them. I can’t imagine what three grown adult male clowns would want with an abducted small boy, but I can assure you that it terrifies me. Their wrestling? Eh.

9. The number of stripper/ dancing cowboy gimmicks (no homo): Okay, let’s see: El Elegido; Decnniss; Latin Lover; Intocable; Alan Stone; and Chris Stone. Six wrestlers with stripper gimmicks, and of them there’s three who go the extra mile and flaunt their gimmick dressed as cowboys (Latin Lover, Intocable, and Alan Stone). Now, the stripper gimmick does nothing for me, rest assured, and it’s certainly more for the ladies in the lucha crowd, but it gets me to thinking. Imagine if you had, uh, let’s say, six Undertakers. And yet, each one that comes out, the crowd reacts as if it was the first one. Yeah, it’s kinda like that.

10. Super Porky’s dogpile bronco buster: Oh, Super Porky! You are magnificent! Whether you’re rocking the simple silver sleeve on the left arm (Brazo de Plata, for life!), or if you’re going full-on superhero style, with cape, boots, and rocking chest emblem, you are forever my hero. While I’d love to see what a rudo Super Porky could do to tear up the circuit, I don’t think the fans would ever let you betray our love. And the dance you do, taking your little cape and doing the dental floss thing with it between your legs, forever guaranteeing that if I ever come to your house, I’ll never use the towels … magnifico!

But, for all that you do, when you somehow manage, in the bizarre physics that govern the human chess of professional wrestling, to get three or more opponents in a compact line, seated against the turnbuckle, you do that charging earthquake splash that looks like it could stop a bull rhino, and suddenly there’s peace on earth and goodwill towards men; wars stop and the glacial icecaps can sustain polar bear life for one more day.

Super Porky: Ambassador of Mexico, spreading the message of peace and better living through lucha libre.