Monday, April 19, 2010

Haphazard deliberations

Yep, another jobless day to start another jobless week ... so, with some crazy, various shit on my brain, figured I'd empty it out before I vacate this library computer lab seat for some of the resident homeless.

If Everlast had recorded "Anyone" when I was in college/high school, I'd probably have been able to get soooo much more pussy than I did under the illusion of liking that song and being sensitive and shit. It makes a nice lullaby though, when you replace the cursing.

I logged in to my Dashboard and saw where I'm following a blog called "The basement of the Southernfried Crib." I think I can delete that, since it's got zero postings on it.

I've actually grown to love being in insurmountable debt, thanks to my job loss. I love having creditors & collection agencies call me about "a personal business matter." I love when an actual person calls me, instead of those automated things, and they pretend to be good ol' buddies with me, especially when they refere to me by my first name (which isn't Nate, by the way ... the true tell of a real friend). Of course, not having a phone 75% of the time makes everything that much sweeter.

"Death at a Funeral," the recent film starring Martin Lawrence, Tracy Morgan, and Chris Rock, is based on a film from Britain by the same name. In their Wikipedia entry, both are listed as "black" comedies. Since 2010's version stars an all-black cast, does that make it a "black black comedy?"

Oh my. I was reading the results of TNA Lockdown from last night, and tonight's Impact teaser is that a "former World champion" will be challenging AJ Styles for the TNA World title. Let's see ... who could that be? They have on their roster the following "former World champions:"

- Abyss (TNA): Nope, couldn't (or rather, shouldn't) be. Their last confrontation has become a laughing point for why TNA in the Hogan Era sucks. (Warning: Site may not necessarily be SFW; the video is, however.)

- Jeff Jarrett (TNA/WCW): Again, shouldn't be. I think this was an Impact main just a few weeks ago.

- Kevin Nash (WCW): Currently embroiled in a high profile (HAW!) feud with Hall & Waltman against Team Dudleyz. Probably not.

- Sting (TNA/WCW): Currently heel and aligned with Styles and Flair. Doubtful, but TNA has a history of doing stupid, mind-boggling shit, so don't rule this out.

- Kurt Angle (WWF/TNA): Yes, when they enter the ring against each other, the result is usually a match of the year candidate. But it's also been done to death.

- Raven (ECW/TNA): Highly doubtful; I'd think Raven's hepatitis of the leukemia of the diabetes would prevent this from being remotely watchable.

- Rhino (ECW/TNA): They've had a nice little feud between each other, which resulted in some watchable matches (including a chain match and a scaffold match ... what the fuck, is this 1987??). But Rhino ain't been on TV on this side of the decade, so I don't expect that it'll happen now.

- Ric Flair (WWF/NWA/WCW): AJ's current manager, plus I have no interest in seeing Nature Boy's saggy titties flopping around.

- Samoa Joe (TNA/ROH): Has done nothing of note this year in TNA except get abducted. Pass.

- Taz (ECW): Hahahahahahaha ... no. Taz in 1998, sure. Taz of now ... ain't gonna happen.

- Desmond Wolfe (ROH, as Nigel McGuiness): Again, aligned as heels. Buuuut ...

- Hulk Hogan (WWF/WCW): Shit, I hope not, but I wouldn't be a bit surprised.

- Vince Russo (WCW): Shit, I hope not, but I wouldn't be a bit surprised.

- Jeff Hardy (WWF): The booking logic - which has never been a TNA detriment - doesn't dictate that Hardy take on Styles, but it would at least lend for a tidy little flippity-floppity match. I would much rather see ...

- Rob Van Dam (WWF): ... this motherfucker right here. If RVD would go all "1997, versus Bam Bam Bigelow for the ECW TV title" style and we saw bitches flying out of the ring in a less spot-monkey, more spot-psychology kind of match ... hell yeah. But I'm afraid all that time in New York1 has brainwashed RVD's muscle memory to the point of "kick, kick, Rolling Thunder, reverse enziguri, double thumbs, Five Star Frog Splash," ad infinitum. But still ... AJ vs. RVD on non-PPV? Sterling.

OF COURSE ... aside from any booking logic with the usual suspects, and if you forego the TNA roster, there are a handful of "former World champion" free agents out there that could step up tonight. The UNusual suspects (non- & semi-retired) are: Larry Zybysco (AWA); Stan Hansen (AWA); Jimmy Snuka (ECW); Tommy Dreamer (ECW); Shane Douglas (ECW); SABU (ECW) ... holy shit moment there; The Sandman (ECW); Terry Funk (ECW); Masato Tanaka (ECW) ... another holy shit moment; Justin Credible (ECW); Jerry Lynn (ECW/ROH); Steve Corino (ECW); Ken Shamrock (TNA); DDP (WCW); Van Vader (WCW); Scott Steiner (WCW); Booker T (WCW/WWF); Goldberg (WCW/WWF); Lesnar (WWF); Mick Foley (TNA/WWF); and, any Ring of Honor champion that isn't Joe, Ki, Punk, Danielson, Jamie Noble, McGuinness/Wolfe, Austin Aries or Tyler Black. (Morishima??)

AND ANOTHER THING ... TNA has shown an unfortunate tendency to consider former tag champs in the "former World champion" category. And if that happens, only one answer will fit: Zombie Road Warrior Hawk.

Ultimately, it doesn't matter as I won't be able to watch it; no cable, see? Someone email me and let me know that it wasn't Hogan, for God's sakes.

1Wait, isn't WWF The Company based in Connecticut? So why do people refer to WWF as "New York?" LD2?

2"LD" stands for "learning disabled," in case you're looking for a little useless knowledge.

WWF Raw will be featuring the Smackdown roster, since the Raw roster is stranded in Europe due to some volcano or something.

Alright, the librarian has given me final notice, so I'll see ya'll when I see ya's.


Ron said...

Nate, you are famous!

Nate said...

I checked that out ... what is that?

Now, if only I can parlay my newfound fame into a job.

Rev. Joshua said...

What the fudge, children? This appears to be a severe violation of copyright protection.

DAmnNearFonzie said...

TNA, I'm digging recent events.
I need to write ol' Jerry Jarrett and ask him if Brent Alles ever got a job as an understudy.

The marks are sayin' Russo is taking a vacation, thus opening the booking seat for Paul Heyman.
Afterall, he can only do "The Heyman Hustle" for so long.

An ECW faction has been mentioned but I think that'd be an awfu idea. Heyman doesn't need to be on camera unless he's giving a speech to the locker room.
The little company that could...again.

I don't know if Beauregaurd is a big fan of Orlando Jordan but I find him very Russo-ish, so he might be canned when Heyman comes in.

And who kidnapped Joe?
Monte Brown?
Maybe he learned "The Pounce".

...and is it true that Chris Hamrick was/is Suicide?

Ron said...

QED: life can always be worse.