Sunday, September 19, 2010

The Office Space Bible

It got slow at work one day, so I traded a few emails with my old supervisor, and I wrote a few pseudo-biblical passages using the films and scenarios from "Office Space" and "Idiocracy."

Now, a reading from the Book of Judge:

"Yea, and Peter didst ask unto his disciple Lawrence, 'What wouldst thou do with a million shekels?' Lawrence answered unto he, 'I will tell you that I would do one maiden along another. I believe that if I were to happen upon a million shekels, I could arrange that for myself.’

"This did amuse Peter greatly, but Lawrence’s stern countenance affirmed his belief in his words. Peter did muse, ‘Not all maidens are so enamored with coin.’ Lawrence, resigned to his choice, responded, ‘Maidens that would go along with other maidens in the company of a man of my caliber may be just so.’ And Peter, upon hearing this, did concede.

"Then it was that Lawrence asked the same of Peter. After dismissing the choice of maidens alongside each other, Peter replied, 'Naught would be my goal.' Lawrence was taken aback by Peter's swift affirmation of sloth. Peter spoke further: 'I would contemplate. I would sit astride my donkey as the day is long. I would accomplish not a thing.' Said Lawrence, 'One does not need a million shekels to accomplish naught. The son of my brother has not a million shekels, yet does he too accomplish not a thing

Thus ends the lesson.

1 comment:

Rev. Joshua said...

Fucking brilliant.

Somewhat on-topic, I've been reading The Federalist Papers recently, which is written in then-contemporary style and I wonder if anyone in history every actually spoke in the way that they wrote.