"Like comedy, terror depends on surprise." - Owen Gleiberman
Thursday, February 26, 2009
Knowing How to Fall - Good for Wrestling, Bad for Fraud
By my count, there are a number of lessons from this story
From our good friends in Philly, the story of one Michael Tarris, aged 34. Tarris is an indy wrestler who thought he would use his ring skills to bilk his local 7-11 out of some cash. The problem is, while he was supposedly suffering from neck and back injuries he continued to wrestle.
Note also his alternate occupation in the last paragraph. The connection between pro wrestling and homosexuality continues to be a tricky thing to deal with, apparently.
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
"Here's a letter to the New York Post/ Worst piece of paper on the East Coast" - Chuck D
Actually, I sorta find the response to this one kinda funny. Check it:
"The cartoon in Wednesday's Post by Sean Delonas shows two police officers standing over the body of a bullet-riddled chimp. One of the officers says the other, 'They'll have to find someone else to write the next stimulus bill.'" [more]
Of course, the ever-opportunistic Rev. Sharpton was on hand to quickly brand the paper "racist" and to call for a boycott and protest. Perhaps, had he ever heard the "thousand monkey/ works of Shakespeare" analogy, he'd have understood. Or perhaps he forgot his civics classes, since President Obama didn't "write" the bill (as the chimp in the cartoon did), he merely signed the bill; the chimp reference was aimed at ... don't let me down Google! ... Ah! Pelosi! Pelosi, you goddamn stupid monkey, confusing Rev. Sharpton like that!
END RACISM NOW!
Found object: Michael Jackson "Thriller" Zombie vinyl figure
Despite the $50+ price tag, I feel strangely compelled to purchase this ...
SGM Review: The Wrestler
(Nate's post reminded me that I hadn't watched "The Wrestler" yet, so I took care of that oversight.)
The Ram: "Doc, I'm a professional wrestler."
Doctor: "That's not a good idea."
"The Wrestler" is pretty much every horror story of a broken-down former wrestling superstar of the 1980s rolled into one. Randy "the Ram" Robinson reached the top of the business in the mid-eighties, headlining sold-out arenas and gracing the cover of every magazine; twenty years later he's living day-to-day in a trailer park and working part-time in a grocery store. We never see exactly where the money went, but it isn't hard to figure out that it probably involved drugs and strippers. Tales of Ricky Morton making a hundred-thousand dollars a year and putting it all up his nose come to mind. "If I'm gonna buy an eight-ball of coke, I'm gonna snort the motherfucker." Fortunately "the Ram" doesn't find himself wanting to be assaulted by Kevin Nash for the basis of a lawsuit and free money like Ricky Morton did. Nor does he wolf down a pizza like he hasn't eaten in days. (If you haven't seen the Rock 'N' Roll Express shoot interview, find it.)
For hardcore wrestling fans, this isn't a new story and it isn't a shocking or even surprising look behind the curtain. For anyone else, this is probably mortifying. It's one thing to know that there are a lot of people who found fame and fortune in sports or entertainment at one time only to blow it all and land in the gutter. Countless movie stars, musicians, athletes burned brightly and flamed out hard. But only professional wrestlers find themselves doing what they once did for millions of people in stadiums doing the same thing in front of tens of people in high school gyms twenty years later. Just imagine Jose Canseco busing his ass in a Class-A Minor League for $50 bucks a night in 2008. Fortunately for guys like Canseco, our culture gives such reverence to baseball that he can write a borderline-slanderous tell-all about the seedy side of baseball and be touched with enough credibility to make it work. Professional wrestling is the retarded cousing of both sports and entertainment. You fuck up in this business and no one is going to help you up.
So for Randy "the Ram" it's an appalling, broke-ass life in a trailer, humping from show to show in a raggedy old van that he sleeps in when he gets locked out of his trailer for being late on the rent. It's a lonely life, too, with no real friends except for a stripper at the dirty, dirty strip club he frequents. And there's an estranged daughter who Robinson tries to patch things up with after his heart attack. Getting back in the ring could kill "the Ram," but in the end, the only place Randy finds solace and comfort is in the squared-circle. The fans still love him and the boys still revere him. Outside, in the real world, is only pain and hurt and being a failure.
This is not a happy, upbeat movie and there is no fairy tale ending. Just a flame out. But "The Wrestler" is a damn good movie, held back only by the cliched feeling of some of the human elements of the story. The strained relationship with the daughter, the stripper with a young son constantly on the verge of quitting stripping and making something better of her life, and the requisite steroid use and abuse.
The nuts and bolts of the movie are what make it well worth watching. The movie is gritty and grimy and almost a period piece with the 80s hair metal and dilapidated Northern New Jersey setting. There's no pretense of wrestling being anything other than what it is, no wink and nod. Scenes backstage are of guys working out what they're going to do in their matches. The wrestling scenes are really well-done and Mickey Rourke probably should have won the Oscar just for being able to pull off the spots. The scene with Necro Butcher explaining the use of a staple gun to Randy, who is about to work his first hardcore match, is hilarious for some reason and the match itself is vicious. The post-match scenes of the Ram having staples and glass removed from his skin and barbed-wire inflicted gashes glued shut is like something out of "Beyond the Mat". In fact, this movie could well be a documentary of every miserable, washed-up wrestler who held on just a little too long, right down to the sad scene of an autograph signing where a few fans show up and the old legends who appear at the show spend most of their time wondering where it all went.
And of course Marisa Tomei's titties. But the trade-off for her tits is Mickey Rourke's lumpy old man-cheeks. Just a friendly warning.
Rating: 3 count, natch.
Monday, February 23, 2009
Attn: Will; feedback requested with great interest
Heath Ledger wins Best Supporting Actor Oscar
Of course, I'm interested in all opinions on this discussion, but Will and I (along with our other brother Joey) have had some interesting discussions about this film, and Ledger's part in particular.
Bit disappointed that Rourke didn't get the Best Actor nod, but I think that's less that I'm impressed with his work in "The Wrestler" - I couldn't even see the fucking thing, since it wasn't playing anywhere near me - but I thought it would be cool to have a movie about professional wrestling and a movie about superheroes strongly represented in the Academy Awards. Hell, I'd have even settled for Best Supporting Actress going to Marisa Tomei for her role; I hear she gets pretty damn naked in that film, and as we all know (say it with me one time, class):
TITTIES UBER ALLES!!
Friday, February 20, 2009
The Hip Toss As A Finisher? Hmmm....
[The Authorities might be looking to pin a murder beef on an invalid Verne Gagne]
[http://www.twincities.com/ci_11738615?source=most_emailed]
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
On the literary front
Has anyone read any Douglas Coupland?
I'm reading jPod at the moment and, I have to say, I don't get the appeal. Sure, I understand that you are hearing the story of six cubicle dwellers in a portrayal that is supposed to highlight the time-wasting work culture of modern times.....but I still don't get it.
Zappa would have a quote for this...
Definition of rock "journalism": People who can't write, doing interviews with people who can't think, to prepare articles for people who can't read. - FZ
I just realized I forgot to complain/moan about this to my SGM brethren.
My feedback on the issue can be found here.
That is all gentlemen. Have a great day. Sorry I've been absent lately, but I've been re-organizing the troops and will be issuing a statement soon :D
Friday, February 13, 2009
Nate's Shower Thoughts for VD Eve
You know how porn movies historically have parodied the titles of real films, only with some perverted twist? I thought of one ...
"The Curious Case of Benjamin Butthole"
Thursday, February 12, 2009
Scientist Roll Call
It’s been a long time. I shouldn’t have left you.
Where ya’ll been at?
Me, I have very limited internet access, thanks to severing my ties with my local phone/ cable/ internet provider. Most of my online stuff, I have to do at work, which hinders my abilities by what I’m usually able to have access to.
But I have some stuff in the works. A few new banners, a few new backgrounds, and some ideas to tweak this place up nice. I also have some bits and pieces of different audio files ready to be put into remix form; I’d honestly say that I have enough material to upload at least three new mp3s, including a redux of one of those mixes I did for the contest on the Dumpin blog that never saw completion.
So, fellow colleagues of the mad scientific community, holla back in the Comments section, let me know ya’ll still breathing.
Fuck you, Guitar Hero!
"I'm honored to be featured on the 'Scratch: The Ultimate DJ' setlist, alongside some of the most talented artists in hip-hop," said Mix Master Mike of the Beastie Boys. "It's exciting to work on a project that gives fans the opportunity to create their own music using the turntable and sampler." [more]
Friday, February 06, 2009
Girls Gone Wild in Greenwood, SC!
Can't believe I let this slip my mind ...
Wednesday, I was driving through nearby Greenwood, SC, pop. 22000+ (Saaa-lute!), on my way to an appointment when I look down into the parking lot of one of the many abandoned shopping centers in town that currently hosts a Dollar General, a few credit scam places, and a bar or two. And I saw what appeared to be a Girls Gone Wild megabus.
Now, I had just read earlier that day about GGW poppa Joe Francis being incarcerated for tax evasion, and I swear incarceration is too good a consequence for a guy whose smirking face just screams "kick me in my ballbag." With that in mind, I thought it very peculiar that here, in little town South Carolina, was a Girls Gone Wild bus.
I pulled into the parking lot to investigate further. I wasn't the only one, as there were several people in the parking lot ahead of me, only they were going the extra mile and taking pictures on their cell phones. No doubt the presence of the dreaded titty-flopping herald of the apocalypse in little town South Carolina was making news in the underground word-of-mouth system. And as this may not surprise you, most of these amateur photogs were men.
I parked and got out of the car to marvel at this site - lines of guys shielding their eyes and their phones from the setting sun, trying to get a picture of the GGW bus to send to their buddies, despite the fact that they could just save time & effort and just round up a posse of pals to head to the bar where the 'Wild crew was going to be. But there they were, 5-7 guys standing in a parking lot, taking pictures of a bus; laughing, joking, fellowshipping over the presence of a bawdy organization that promotes debauchery.
Curious, I walked around the other side of the bus. I've seen the commercials, so I was curious to see if the cache of women that tag along on the Girls Gone Wild projects were anywhere to be seen.
Standing in the parking lot, shielding their cell phones and eyes from the setting sun's reflection off the bus' windows, were 5-7 middle aged women, taking phone pics of the bus. These women were decidedly less chipper than the men I had just witnessed. No, these gals - church elders all, I'm sure - were solemn, grimacing, shaking their heads disapprovingly & certainly planning to call their pastor the very second they walked into the house.
Inside the bus, I imagined a ratio of 3:1, females to males, and nudity being rampant, booze being swilled, and coke being snorted off of dirty bits, and things being thrust into openings in the body that said things do not belong. Oh, and the guys wearing paper plate masks of Joe Francis' mug, in honor of their fallen comrade who couldn't be there that night, so that when the girls looked behind themselves, they would see Joe Francis, in all his sweaty corpulent glory, thrusting himself around their holiest of holies.
That's when I left. No moral, no lesson learned. Just a big pink bus advertising bare titties on the menu for that night's entertainment, while little town South America looked on.
Thursday, February 05, 2009
Cramps frontman Lux Interior, dead at 62
Dude was 62??
"With his wife, guitarist "Poison" Ivy Rorschach, Interior formed the Cramps in 1976, pairing lyrics that expressed their love of B-movie camp with ferocious rockabilly and surf-inspired instrumentation." [more]
Monday, February 02, 2009
CBR's Test Your Comic Knowledge for 2/1/09.
Right here.
Answers (spoilers) under the "read more" click; I answered all of 5 correct, FYI.
1. Thanos’ most recent death (during Annihilation) - Drax
2. Major Victory - Eclipso
3. Amazing Man II – Mist
4. The Melter - Scourge
5. Swordsman I - Kang
6. Judomaster I - Bane
7. Goliath (Bill Foster) – Thor clone
8. Blockbuster I - Brimstone
9. Black Widow (Ultimates) – Ultimate Hawkeye
10. The Comedian - Rorschach
11. Katma Tui – Star Sapphire
12. Golden Glider - Chillblaine
13. Nova (Frankie Raye) - Morg
14. Atom I - Extant
15. Cypher (Doug Ramsey) – Ani-Mator
16. Martian Manhunter – Human Flame
17. Pantha – Superboy Prime
18. Mr. Terrific I – Spirit King
19. Anima - Prometheus
20. Captain Boomerang I – Jack Drake (Robin’s dad)
Sunday, February 01, 2009
Super Duper Bowl thoughts as they happen
It's not even about the game anymore, it's about the spectacle!
First vote for shittiest waste of $2 million dollars in our weakened economy: The "bridging the generation gap" themed Bob Dylan commercial ... just drove home how much greater things used to be. Comparing John Belushi to Jack Black? Riiight ... only shame is that Jack Black isn't dead. But that might mean that his brand of "comedy" looks better in the rearview mirror.
Does NBC have to fork over the $2 million to hype their shows during the Super Bowl? I would think not, but then considering how many NBC shows are hyped during the commercials, that's ad revenue lost, so I'd imagine there's someone forking over funds.
I've now realized that the commercials I look forward to the most are the previews of films about to hit theaters. So far: "Angels & Demons" (the sequel to "Da Vinci Code" and it appears that Tom Hanks' shitty wig from the latter was not cast for a return to its role); "GI Joe: The Rise of Cobra" (GI Joe, who is not an "American" hero, no matter what you might have heard); another "The Fast & The Furious" (making this "4 Fast, 4 Furious"); "Land of the Lost" (starring Will Farrell); "Star Trek" (looks pretty impressive, and certainly ambitious); "Up" (looks OK for Pixar standards); "Aliens vs. Monsters" (Dreamworks' ersatz Pixar stuff); and "Race to Witch Mountain" (Isn't that where you want to escape from?). Oh yeah, and there's "Transformers 2," starring Indiana Jones Jr. and that chick who's fucking Brian Austin Green from the old "90210;" isn't he like 50 or something by now??
All in all, though, not a bad Super Bowl at all. Shame we couldn't have seen it live, since it was "taped six months ago in the same Nevada bunker where they filmed the moon landing" (Dale Gribble represent). Harrison's amazing play to end the first half was worth watching the whole thing.
It certainly beat watching the Adult Video Awards show on G4, to see a pack of fucking whores try to act like they aren't whores & are in fact legitimate actresses. Bet every girl that stepped up to a microphone opened her mouth and shut her eyes for the first few seconds before they realized they were being interviewed and not goo-faced.
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