Why is religion usually the next big "work" that wrestlers get into when they retire or fade out?
Thursday, July 30, 2009
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
Two minutes on the stock market
I personally think the stock market is the devil.
My folks lost a good portion of their retirement in the crash, thanks in large part to a poor investment manager who had no clue what he was doing. With that being said, I recently put some money in the market for the first time. I find the whole thing fascinating.
Basically, the game is the big money houses trying to manipulate the market to take money from the small guy. You kind of have to watch what they do in order to have your money positioned right to make money as a by-product of their action. The whole thing is a crooked game that takes a good bit of time and energy to do right.
One of the most comedic aspects, though, is the Yahoo message boards for the various stocks. Each stock has one and they are hi-larious. Everyday you see the same three or four screen names come on and talk about how well that stock is going to do that day, regardless of any outside news or influences. You then have four or five others who come on, call them crazy, and declare that said company is going bankrupt. You repeat this everyday over and over again. Occasionally, someone posts something of value that can be helpful (e.g. US Airways load factor information, which gives an insight into the levels of passenger traffic), but aside from that it is just name-calling and people who can't type. It kind of reminds me of That Other Site.
Sunday, July 26, 2009
Torchwood: Children of Earth
DVD release is Tuesday.
They ran this five-part miniseries this past week on BBC America and, I have to say, that this is probably the best piece of science fiction I have seen in the last several years.
This is technically the third season of Torchwood (Even though it only lasted five episodes), the story of a team of paranormal investigators based in Cardiff, Wales who travel around the English and Welsh countryside hunting aliens, ghosts, and other assorted bad guys. The story is set in the Doctor Who universe and the main character, Captain Jack Harkness, is a) from the future and b) can never die. I mean absolutely never. His character is very well-developed and adds some complexity to the cast. The show has always been very well done, and this one takes it up a notch.
If you haven't seen Torchwood you can still get into this pretty easily. The quick set up is that a race of aliens comes to earth and demands that the world turn over a very large amount of the child population or else the planet will be destroyed. There is lots of drama and intrigue surrounding some family issues with the various cast members, but they are easily explainable and found on Wikipedia if you get too lost. The story arc is absolutely tight, the acting is good all around, and the bad guys (both human and alien) are contemptible. Very good storytelling.
It is probably worth buying, but at the very least you should absolutely go rent it. It is a total three count.
A puzzle
Came up with this on the road to Anderson today.
Put the following words in alphabetical order:
Are - Aye - Bee - Cay - Cue - Eye - Gee - In - Jay - Oh - Pea - Sea - Tea - You - Why
Answer posted in two days, if no one gets it.
Friday, July 24, 2009
A movie idea
Starring Matthew Broderick, seeing as how dude ain't doing shit these days, except being up Sarah Jessica Woof-woof.
It's the long awaited sequel to "Ferris Bueller's Day Off." It's called, "Ferris Bueller's Midlife Crisis."
So Ferris graduated, married Sloane, had some kids, and became, much to his chagrin, a corporate suckass. As he approaches his 50s, he has the opportunity to look back on his life and realizes, one day, that he wants to recapture a little bit of who he used to be.
Unfortunately, he lost contact with Cameron, but since Cameron was so much a part of his young life, he and Sloane will have to trek to find him, but they learn that he's hospitalized in a psych unit. This means calling to work and working up a plan to bust Cameron out. Then the party's on!
There's all kinds of angles to take with this story. In fact, one theory I read on the internet is that "Ferris Bueller," the film, is much more intriguing if you look at it like "Fight Club." That is, Ferris Bueller, the person, exists solely in the mind of Cameron, and that it's Cameron who is in love with Sloane, it's Cameron that's doing all the crazy shit because he needs a cipher to represent him in the real world. Ferris "goes home" at the point that Cameron realizes that he must own up and take responsibility for his desire to be more outgoing, when people like his dad are trying to keep him in the unwanted role of a straight arrow.
"Ferris Bueller's Midlife Crisis" would be the film to bring all that home.
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
Breaking the Habit
Years ago, I developed a habit, a ritual to be performed before leaving the house. Before I close the locked door behind me, I pat my right hip pocket, my right back pocket, and my left hip pocket in that order. This serves the function of ensuring that I am in possession of my house keys, my wallet, and my cell phone when I leave. I whisper the words to myself as I touch each pocket: keys, wallet, cell phone. This soothes the irrational fear that I will inevitably lock myself out of my house without any money, means of identification, or convenient way of calling for help.
Several years ago, approximately nine years, I walked out of a journalism class at ETSU angry and irritated and in some bizarre fit of pique decided that I needed a cigarette. I walked to the Citgo on the corner and purchased a pack of non-filtered Pall Malls just like my grandfather smoked. A pack of Pall Mall non-filters, and a lighter because as a non-smoker I had no reason to carry a lighter. This led to the eventual modification of the house-leaving ritual; moving the cell phone to what was often my left cargo pocket, the ritual became right hip pocket, right back pocket, left hip pocket, and left cargo pocket. Keys, wallet, smokes, phone.
Two weeks ago today the ritual was revised back to the original sequence for the first time in nearly a decade: right hip pocket, right back pocket, left hip pocket. Keys, wallet, phone. No smokes. Lord willing and the creek don't rise, it stays that way.
So how and why is a decade-long habit broken? I attended a Fourth of July party and in a drunken stupor managed to smoke an entire pack of cigarettes in six hours. My stomach, notorious for its weakness, was angry about this for days. As I cluctched at my stomach on the train-ride home the following Tuesday, I made the decision to quit smoking. I'm approaching 30 and I just can't take that kind of beating anymore. I had been trying to cut back a few cigarettes here and there since I moved to Brooklyn, but I knew that just wasn't going to work. For every pack of cigarettes that I could make last two days, there was another that was gone between sunrise and sunset. Plus, cigarettes in NYC are eight dollars a pack at a minimum. So I had two smokes left in the cigarette case I carry with me and six in the pack left at home; I made the decision that I would finish the remainder of the pack and the end of the night on Tuesday, July 7th I would quit smoking.
Most smoking cessation guides suggest quitting on a Sunday or Monday, but this seems to me a truly terrible idea. Sunday is a day spent dreading Monday, creating a tension that a nicotine fit would amplify into murderous rage. Monday is fucking Monday and if you want to try to quit smoking on a Monday then you might also like to try base jumping without a parachute. Friday is out for the obvious reasons of partying or how ever you like to blow off steam at the end of the week and I can't imagine anyone short of an intense, self-hating sadist spending a perfectly good Saturday off trying to quit smoking. The only good thing about Tuesday is that it isn't Monday anymore and Thursday is nothing more than hopeful anticipation of Friday, so you can't quit on those days either. That leaves us with Wednesday. I figure if you can quit smoking and make it through "Hump Day" at the same time, you'll be all right.
Both the City and State of New York really want people to quit smoking. On top of the exhorbitant, punitative taxes on tobacco, they run occasional programs where they send you free patches. Not long after I moved to Brooklyn I took advantage of the wild free-money blue state liberalism of New York and requested a box of patches. The patches helped me through the first three days, which involved a lot of retraining. The cessation guide suggests, for example, that you should consider switching to hot tea or cocoa if you have trouble adjusting to having your morning coffee without a cigarette. I'm sure "taming the triggers" as it is called this is a fairly well tested method, but I'm of the opinion that you have to break the habits by forcing yourself to do everything without a cigarette that you previously did with a cigarette. Morning coffee, the walk from the subway to the office, before and after lunch, the walk from the office to the subway, after dinner, when I'm bored, playing guitar, playing video games, reading a book, surfing the web, before bed. The patch gives you the nicotine to allow you to rewire your brain to do all these things without a cigarette in your hand.
That first morning was sheer panic as soon as I woke up, knowing there would be no morning cigarette with my morning coffee or morning cigarette with my morning walk to the F-Train or any cigarette at any point. The first obstacle popped up as I realized that my Metrocard was nearly expired. I would have to walk to the booth at Avenue U to get a new one. The bodega at the corner of Avenue U by the entrance to the booth is where I've been buying my cigarettes and I'd rather not deal with the temptation right off the bat. Fortunately, just before I left the house, I noticed a singule-use card that I had from a drunken late-night incident on the A-Line a week prior, which meant that even if the card was out, I wouldn't have to pass by the bodega.
Taking lunch without a cigarette was the first truly different experience and the second test of willpower. It was nice to eat without having to rush so I could get that last smoke before the second half of the day, but I was five minutes getting back to the office which never happened when I smoked. Then I noticed it happened the next two days; I was five minutes late getting back from lunch. Apparently I tell time by cigarette.
After the first three days I decided to see how far I could make it on Saturday without a patch, leading to a three-day period where sleeping was a goddamned disaster. I went all day Saturday with little trouble, keeping myself busy by helping Jake set up a new addition to the music studio he's managing. I arrived home tired and expecting a good night's sleep, but the Nicotine Demon had other plans kicking withdrawl into high gear. After laying in bed for an hour or so I started to doze off before suddenly snapping awake. This cycle of almost falling asleep repeated for a few hours before I finally fell completely asleep only to wake up a few times throughout the night.
I decided to try another day without the patch on Sunday, which lead to a long day of depression that felt like falling off a cliff. Sunday night's sleep was disturbed by anxiety and panic attacks along with some burning stomach pain for good measure. I fought through it and found myself amused that the best symptoms nicotine withdrawl had to offer were issues I've previously experienced. Insomnia, stomach pain, anxiety and panic attacks, and depression? I've dealt with this shit before and in full Technicolor, not this TBS colorized version shit. What I'm saying is that the withdrawl wasn't easy, but it was surprisingly weak sauce. Both I and the withdrawal continued without the patch on Monday and I went five days without the patch before I finally slept well. It was twelve total days before a cigarette wasn't my first thought as soon as I woke up.
Now I'm at two weeks without a cigarette. My brain has finally readjusted to getting two lungfuls of oxygen all day long, which at the beginning was giving me levels of energy that I haven't experience since childhood. I haven't coughed up nearly as much lung crap as I expected, which is surprising given that I've smoked a pack a day for nearly a decade. Getting my olfactory senses back, I learned that New York City smells like hot garbage; as my taste buds heal, I learned that Red Bull tastes absolutely awful. It turns out that television isn't the only thing that benefits from dulled senses.
Monday, July 20, 2009
Two Minute Post on Writing
So about that book...
I have to do "paper" revisions on three more chapters, type those changes plus edits on one more into the computer, and then give it a quick look over and it should be done. It is mighty, mighty difficult to take an argument and stretch it out over 20 years time and for over 250 pages. I think the thing holds together well. It won't win any literary prizes, but it will be competitive in academic scholarship. The book, an article in the fall, a separate book chapter into an editor, and another book chapter likely for early 2010 means that I've been a busy boy. Now, if I can just get an academic department to notice I'll be golden.
Sunday, July 19, 2009
College Football 2009...
the Rev. Joshua rebuttal.
Florida - when you return all eleven starters from your national championship defense and two of them aren't even going to be starters anymore, that's scary. And they lost Percy Harvin, but Harvin was kind of gimpy last year and never seemed to really tear it up even though Florida put up ridiculous numbers. Tim Tebow has a choice: demand that Urban Meyer let him develop prototypical drop-back NFL/pro-style passing skills, which will be very, very selfish and pretty much shelve any chance of Florida repeating as national champions; or do the totally WWJD selfless thing and risk any chance of an NFL career at QB by letting Urban Meyer use him just like they did in 2007, putting up 4500+ yards of total offense with 50 TDs and win his second Heisman, third National Title, and the right to have sex with every person in Gainesville, Florida.
Texas and Oklahoma - Oklahoma has some holes in the O-Line and some upperclass-yet-inexperienced wide receivers. Texas not having a solid running game may put too much pressure on McCoy to do it himself over the long run. Texas Tech and Missouri will not put up the kind of fights that they have in recent years and Oklahoma State isn't ready yet, so the Big XII South, the Big XII Conference Title, and probably Florida's National Title game opponent, will be decided at the Cotton Bowl in October.
USC - USC reloads as effectively as anyone, but that inexperience on the defense is going to hurt. A sophomore starter at QB will also take its toll in ways that their experienced O-Line can't really mitigate. This could be the year that Cal or Oregon take their shot and make their move. However, if USC can beat Ohio State early and then put themselves in any reasonable position for the National Title game by the end of the season, expect the voters to do everything they can to force a National Championship matchup between the dynasty of the early part of the decade and the reigning Florida powerhouse.
Alabama - Losing way too many key players on offense; they put up a lot of points last year and won a couple of big games (Georgia, Ole Miss, LSU) last year that required more than just stout defense. VA Tech could easily give them a push in the wrong direction to start the season, but they're fortunate to draw South Carolina rather than Georgia from the SEC East. Their schedule won't require as much playing over their heads this season, but it doesn't mean they'll win a lot.
Ohio State - Their few defensive starter losses are being filled exclusively by upperclassmen, but they're going to have a very young, inexperienced offense. They have a very favorable schedule, but they will be the choice of last resort for the BCS National Title game.
Penn State - lost waaay too many players on both sides of the ball, which they are replacing with a not-inconsiderable amount of youth. Look, we'd all love to see JoePa either win a National Title or put together a string of double-digit-win seasons before he finally shuffles off this mortal gridiron, but even this weak schedule of theirs is going to make it hard to put them in the top 10.
Oklahoma State - returns over half their starters and the replacements skew older on the defensive side, plus they'll benefit from the reset at Texas Tech and Missouri.
Georgia - similar starter situation as Oklahoma State: returning half their starters, defensive replacements skew older, but their offensive replacements skew older, too. With an SEC East littered with UT, UK, Vandy, and South Carolina, Georgia will be the team that steps up to Florida in the division. It won't make much difference, but they'll at least try.
Oregon and Cal are in a similar spot: if they can avoid stepping on their own dick, they can wrest the Pac-10 crown from USC and maybe run at the National Championship. Oregon has early games against Boise State and Utah that will provide the kind of quality wins that can propel a dark horse into the National Title game. But, teams like Boise State and Utah know that to keep what respect they've earned in the past, they have to win the big non-conference regular season games. Too many new starters for Oregon to finish in the top ten. Cal has an inexperienced O-Line, but veterans at QB and RB and on defense with a very nice schedule that includes ACC scrub Maryland and Pac-10 scrubs University of Everybody-but-USC-and-Oregon.
Ole Miss - I'm really wavering on the Rebels. I've said that I don't think they'll be a top ten team, but then I look at what they have going for them: a great coach in Houston Nutt, a favorable schedule that won't see them facing Georgia or Florida unless they make the SEC title game, and a lot of returning players, importantly at skill positions on offense. I'm going to flip on them and put them in at the #2 team in the SEC
Virginia Tech - I'd love to homer for the ACC, but I don't have a lot of hope for a strong finish out of this team, even if they do win the ACC title. I'm not sure experience is going to cure what ails Tyrod Taylor. The have plenty of returning starters, but the ACC has been a bizarre black hole of talent and ability that no one can escape. And you never know when Florida State is going to get their shit together and go on a run, so it could just as easily be them in this spot as Va Tech, or even some weird shit where they both finish in the top ten.
The really hard part of doing a top-10 is finding the dark horse. Boise State has a very favorable schedule that includes only Oregon in terms of notable opponents; Utah has Oregon and Louisville, although Louisville is still suffering from the Petrino defection and is more notable than talented, plus Utah will battle TCU for the Mountain West crown. TCU has early games against Virginia and Clemson, which could wind up being Quality Wins, Quality Losses, or meaningless games they played against ACC opponents.
My top ten:
1. Florida
2. Texas
3. USC
4. Oklahoma
5. Ohio State
6. Ole Miss
7. Cal
8. Boise State
9. Georgia
10. Oklahoma State
Predicting the the Heisman coming down to Tebow, McCoy, and Bradford is pretty much a certainty on par with "the sun will rise tomorrow," and I'm sticking by my prediction that it is Tebow's to lose based on his choice of how to play this season, so I'll throw in two dark horse candidates from the backfield: running backs Jahvid Best of Cal and C.J. Spiller of Clemson. If they stay healthy and everything lines up, they could find themselves at the awards ceremony.
Barring an epic disaster, half of the National Title game should be Florida. The other half will either be the team that wins the Red River Shootout or USC. I say USC because I can see the voters jumping an 11-1 (with a quality loss) USC into the National Title game for a matchup of the first two powerhouse programs of the new millennium. Regardless of who it is, Urban Meyer and Tim Tebow get their third crystal football.
Deep Discount 25% sale is ON!!
Codes inside!
Type any of the following in at checkout to receive your 25% discount. Individual odes may only be used once per purchase, per account.
USATODAY
NYTIMES
SUPERSALE
PRICESEARCH
YAHOO
ESPN
XM
DEALNEWS
LATIMES
DVDTALK
WGN
WLS
PRICEGRABBER
Already racked up a sizable purchase, thanks to a heavy duty call bonus this past month:
Blood: The Last Vampire - Cape Fear (DeNiro) - Dagon - I, Monster - J.D's Revenge - Lifeforce - Mercury Rising - Madhouse - Prince of Darkness - Phenomena - Rogue - Stuck - Spellbound (doc) - The Batman/Superman Movie - Absent Minded Professor - The Howling - The Ghost & Mr. Chicken - The Dr. Mabuse Collection - Time After Time - Toolbox Murders (dir: Tobe Hooper) - Time Bandits - The Mad Butcher
They're also running a special on books & CDs. I might pick up a few of those, and might make another run at movies before the sale ends, August 2.
Friday, July 17, 2009
I got a new job ...
"One that won't make me sick/ one that won't make me crash my car/ or make me feel three feet thick."
Today was my last day at the local mental health clinic, an organization that has employed me since 2002. I start Monday (well, actually, Sunday) at the counseling center of one of the local colleges.
I was cleaning out my office today, and I swear I found some of the most interesting stuff, such as notes, newspaper articles, treatment exercises, et cetera. It was hard not to stop and read through these things, just to reminisce on the aspects of the job that I will miss, and of course, the aspects that I won't.
I really liked working for the clinic I left, if not necessarily the clinic where I started, nor the overall clinical system that permeated through the other surrounding counties. In fact, I was never too enamored with this state's mental health department to begin with. To say that the mentally ill have very little representation at our state's capitol level would be an understatement; there's a long history of DMH commissioners, just in my short time working here, coming in just to steal state air, accumulate state dust, and earn fat state money.
Medicaid drives much of what we do, as far as treatment is concerned. It's also been the catalyst for flat-out fraudulent practices, the likes of which I can strongly say that I've avoided engaging in, because I've got fucking integrity. My peers, and the occasional supervisor, on the other hand, they can't say the same. It's been free entertainment to see the big Medicaid syphoning services get approved for clients that don't need them, but then when the audits come, to see those same clients, "sick" enough to need that daygroup program three or four days a week, suddenly be stepped down to a lesser service, simply based on the words "invalid justification of increase in services." All of which was approved in the first place by the Big Giant Head in the managerial meetings ... verbally, of course, not in writing. And surprisingly, the minutes of said meeting fail to mark this information either.
Bah on it all, I say. I did groups, individual therapy, and crisis management, never waivering much beyond my capacities. I saw some of the sickest of the sick, and I was able to help them where I could. I saw the most manipulative assholes on the block, and I screened them right out the front door. And, as of yesterday, I went full circle, when the first client I ever met from the clinic (who was sick at the time) ended up being the last client I saw at the clinic; unfortunately, he was sick then too, and needed inpatient treatment. Godspeed, dude. It wasn't personal, it was just business.
For the life of me, I can't figure out some of my old paperwork, though. I found two pieces that I have been wanting to share with you since I found them earlier this morning. The first is one that I think I can remember the context of, but the second baffles me as to why I thought it was important enough to write down & subsequently try to remember.
The first:
"God is not self-actualized." This is actually a derivative of a comment from one of my regulars, who was pontificating on his belief in God, and how God, being all knowing and all powerful, still requires the most egosyntonic of needs, that of acceptance, love, worship. And when He doesn't acquire these needs, he succumbs to rage & vengeance (in the Old Testament, granted), which are human emotions that, by all fair accounts, God should be far beyond experiencing. Heady thoughts, indeed.
The second note?
"ass /= coitus" Yep, "ass does not equal coitus." I'm scratching my head over that, which is odd, because you'd certainly think that would stand out. What kind of discussion generates that kind of a note, and one that apparently needed to be documented?
Anyway, Monday officially begins the new professional chapter, one which affords a lot of new opportunities. I have a shot at doing some adjunct work & teach a few classes, which was a lot of fun when I did it before. I have the ability now too, to volunteer for the local mental health advocacy association, which is sorely needed. Add this to the time I now gain to not only test for my license, but to also enroll in an accredited, online doctoral program, and the sky's truly the limit.
Today, I got cupcakes & a Wal-Mart gift card for $30. In seven years, despite some hard ass work & time spent giving my blood to mental health, I had never been voted my clinic's employee of the year. Eh, I'll take the $30.
Thursday, July 16, 2009
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
Two Minute Post on Security
This has nothing to do with Dick Cheney.
Growing up, I always felt that my family had a sense of security. I knew that we were squarely at the low end of the middle class and had no illusions of getting a sick Beemer as my first car, but we were ok. I wonder in today's economic climate, as a highly-trained individual with no real long-term career prospects on the horizons, if there was ever a real sense of economic security in this world. Did my father fear for his job but hide it from me? Did my mom, who worked part time, consider going full time to make more cash? Are things really that much worse than they were in the 1970s or the 1990s?
SGM Summer Reading List, 2009
Better late than never, I suppose. I didn’t get a lot of feedback from my request for entries into this year’s list, so I’m going with a list that I’ve had floating around since the beginning of this year. I saved the suggestions made from the two people who responded to my request for this year’s list and I’m adding them to next year’s list.
The Books of Blood
Au: Clive Barker
Appointment With Death
Au: Agatha Christie
Lost Lands, Forgotten Realms: Sunken Continents, Vanished Cities, and the Kingdoms That History Misplaced
Au: Bob Curran
Biology of Spiders, 2nd Ed.
Au: Rainer F. Foelix
Will in the World: How Shakespeare Became Shakespeare
Au: Stephen Greenblatt
World As Laboratory: Experiments With Mice, Mazes and Men
Au: Rebecca Lemov
Why We Hate Us: American Discontent in the New Millennium
Au: Dick Meyer
Schulz and Peanuts: A Biography
Au: David Michaelis
Stiff: The Curious Lives of Human Cadavers
Au: Mary Roach
Hiding the Elephant: How Magicians Invented the Impossible and Learned to Disappear
Au: Jim Steinmeyer
College Football Preview Bonanza!
College Football prognostication is a lot like sex. You don't have to be any damn good at it to enjoy yourself. Not that I would know. Well about the sex I mean. I'm okay at that but my football picks last year sucked. But I had a lot of fun. You get the point.
I'm gonna go ahead and give you a brief rundown of my pre-season top ten as well as my pick for the National Title game in January. Plus my Heisman pick.
1. Florida- This squad returns 11 defensive starters from a national title team that held the mighty Oklahoma Sooners to just 14 points. Plus they got Tebow. That right there makes them number one going into the season in my book. And Athlon Sports' college football preview book as well.
2. Texas- I think they get a slight edge over Oklahoma because I like their toughness on defense. On offense I expect a huge year from Jordan Shipley. Huge. McCoy to Shipley will be the tandem of the year.
3. Oklahoma- I wouldn't expect Sam Bradford to put up the video game numbers he had last year, but I think 13 returning starters from your BCS contenders last year means you have to be in the conversation. Plus a returning Heisman winner.
4. Alabama- Reverend Joshua says that they played over their heads a lot last year but I think they just ran the ball a lot, hit people in the mouth and played tough defense. Really tough defense. They have 9 starters back on a unit that allowed 74.1 yards per game last year.
5. USC- This team was pretty much raped by the NFL Draft. But Southern Cal always has talent to spare. They have to break in a new QB. If he can play decently, they'll cruise.
6. Ohio State- This team is pretty green, especially on offense. With 4 returning starters, you never can be sure. But they have a sophomore Uber-athlete at quarterback. With a season of starts already under his belt. They should take at least a share of the Big Ten.
7. Penn State- This is a pretty good looking team. Tough senior at quarterback and a cupcake schedule means they will spend the season moving up in the polls. At least until November.
8. Oklahoma State- All I'm gonna say here is watch out for this sleeper team. They return 13 players from a year ago. Did they learn how to play defense? Doubtful.
9. Georgia- I've never been a big believer in Georgia but I believe that SOMEBODY has to step up in the SEC east to challenge Florida. And it sure ain't gonna be Tennessee.
10. Oregon- Why not. I like this team because they have cool uniforms and they have a lot of Nike money behind their program. Plus they legitimately believe they're gonna challenge USC for the Pac10 title.
Heisman Winner: I think this is gonna be a tight three way race between Tebow, Bradford, and McCoy. I hate to say this but I'm gonna go with Colt McCoy.
BCS National Championship game: Florida vs. Texas
Texas will win the national championship 24-21
I have looked into the future and this is what I have seen. If you don't like it, feel free to offer an alternative.
Monday, July 13, 2009
Two minute post on the most annoying thing in the world
Where I give myself two minutes from start to finish...
I have a new boss. This person took their position about three weeks ago. Of all the things in the world that I hate, it is someone who takes over a leadership role and decides that, before they study any aspect of the operation, they need to make major changes. You know, if you were cleaning up a failed operation or if you were trying to move to an unachievable benchmark in rapid fashion I could understand it. So when you take over something that has worked well...why do you immediately start by wrecking it? A guy at the old store did that too. I never was able to stand him from that point and soon transferred out. I don't have that option here. It should be a bumpy next couple of months....or maybe I'm mature enough to ride the waves for a while.
Wednesday, July 08, 2009
Song stuck in my head
Peep these 1983 OG lyrics!
"Something's gumming up the plumbing/
Poor Luigi's in a bind/
Giant turtles out to get him/
Creepy crabs are right behind/
Fighter flies! Holy cripes!/
They're all coming out the pipes!
"Mario, where are you?"
And if you didn't know, now ya know.
Not to be Confused With - Day 7
... wherein you WILL! wonder if fighting Joaquin Phoenix is better or worse than fighting Brian Dennehy; you WILL! bear witness to the brutality that earned Chuck Norris his infamy; you WILL! look at a titty threatening the Super Bowl, decades before Janet Jackson did it; and you WILL! marvel at the power of Walken ... “G’dnight, moon. G’NIGHT ... moon.”
Gladiator (1992/2000)
Gladiator (1992)
Dir: Rowdy Harrington
Synopsis: “One fought to win. The other fought to survive. Two friends are pitted against each other by a corrupt boxing promoter in a brutal battle that threatens to destroy their friendship and lives.
“Cuba Gooding, Jr. (As Good As It Gets, Boyz N The Hood, Jerry Maguire) and James Marshall (Twin Peaks) star as the talent amateurs who are exploited by the ruthless promoter Horn (Brian Dennehy, F/X, F/X2) and his scout (Robert Loggia, Jagged Edge) in the fight of their lives.”
Gladiator (2000)
Dir: Ridley Scott
Synopsis: “A man robbed of his name and his dignity strives to win them back, and gain the freedom of his people, in this epic historical drama from director Ridley Scott. In the year 180, the death of emperor Marcus Aurelius (Richard Harris) throws the Roman Empire into chaos. Maximus (Russell Crowe) is one of the Roman army's most capable and trusted generals and a key advisor to the emperor. As Marcus' devious son Commodus (Joaquin Phoenix) ascends to the throne, Maximus is set to be executed. He escapes, but is captured by slave traders. Renamed Spaniard and forced to become a gladiator, Maximus must battle to the death with other men for the amusement of paying audiences. His battle skills serve him well, and he becomes one of the most famous and admired men to fight in the Coliseum. Determined to avenge himself against the man who took away his freedom and laid waste to his family, Maximus believes that he can use his fame and skill in the ring to avenge the loss of his family and former glory. As the gladiator begins to challenge his rule, Commodus decides to put his own fighting mettle to the test by squaring off with Maximus in a battle to the death.” (Courtesy of All Movie.)
Both succeed on their own merits, the former a gritty street drama, the latter a period piece that features enough historical drama mixed in with visceral bloodshed. Both are quite fun for an evening’s viewing. Then there's the bonus of the 3rd Bass title track for the 1992 version, that if remixed into a trailer-like sequence of "greatest hits" from the 2000 film, would make me quite gleeful. Quick! To YouTube!
Eye For An Eye (1981/1996)
Eye For An Eye (1981)
Dir: Steve Carver
Synopsis: "Police detective Sean Kane (Chuck Norris) is any criminal's worst nightmare: a cop who's just as lethal with his lightning-quick martial arts moves as he is a with his service revolver. But when his partner is brutally murdered, Kane quits the force and goes beyond the law to seek vengeance against the ruthless Morgan Canfield (Christopher Lee), a powerful and well-connected drug lord who destroys any man who stands in his way. But Kane has never been more ready for a fight. He's bold, ferocious and has an ace up his sleeve: his mentor, Chan (Mako), a martial arts wizard who will join him in a thrilling no-holds-barred final assault against Canfield and his criminal empire."
Eye For An Eye (1996)
Dir: John Schlesinger
Synopsis: "Karen McCann's (Sally Field) orderly life is shattered when a stranger breaks into her home and murders her 17-year-old daughter. But shock and grief turn into rage and disbelief when the killer (Keifer Sutherland) is released on a legal technicality. When he commits another murder - and is set free once again - Karen is determined to make him pay for his crimes."
The 1996 film is one I would only recommend to people who are seriously masochistic, because I have only been able to make it through the first fifteen minutes, and that was only one time. The movie, in case anyone is curious, begins with Sally Field witnessing (via telephone) the brutal, BRUTAL rape & murder of her teen daughter. The rest of the film, as I understand it, is a constant drain on the audience’s emotions and ability to suspend disbelief. How Sutherland sleeps knowing that there's films like this out there, I can't imagine. On the other hand, the 1981 film has Chuck Norris vs. Christopher Lee ... win.
Black Sunday (1960/1976)
Black Sunday (1960)
Dir: Mario Bava
Synopsis: "Mario Bava's 1960 directorial debut stands alone as one of the most influential and startling chillers of all time. British actress Barbara Steele became an international icon in this uber-gothic fever dream pulsing with stunning cinematography and landmark special effects - both by Bava himself - in which the conventional trappings of the horror genre were indelibly impaled upon perverse sexuality and graphic sadism. It remains a masterpiece of the macabre that changed the face of cinema forever."
Black Sunday (1976)
Dir: John Frankenheimer
Synopsis: "Black Sunday is the powerful story of a Black September terrorist group attempting to blow up a Goodyear blimp hovering over the Super Bowl stadium with 80,000 people and the President of the United States in attendance.
"Robert Shaw plays an Israeli commando who discovers the plot, masterminded by Marthe Keller with the help of deranged Vietnam veteran Bruce Dern. Director John Frankenheimer creates a chilling portrait of people obsessed with a cause for which they will die.
"In an incredible finale, Dern and Keller navigate the lethal airship into the terror-stricken stadium, pursued by Shaw in a helicopter, climaxing one of the most exciting and unusual chases in movie history."
Look at the cover for the 1976 film ... don’t that look like a big ol’ titty looming over the stadium, just ready to start spurting milk all over the crowd? Yeah, now try to get rid of that image, why don’tcha? What I find hard to believe is that Thomas Harris, he of "The Silence of the Lambs" and the shriveled titty that he's milked into a swimming pool of hundred dollar bills, wrote the book that the 1976 film was based on. Brrrr. The 1960 film is on fire with all kinds of witchery and brimstone, and Barbara Steele ushers in the madness with grand aplomb. It’s a must for any horror film fan.
Prophecy (1979/1995)
Prophecy (1979)
Dir: John Frankenheimer
Synopsis: "Robert Foxworth and Talia Shire (Rocky, The Godfather) star as a doctor and his wife, who, at the request of a concerned friend, travel to Maine to research the impact of the lumber industry on the local environment. They begin to investigate a succession of mysterious and terrifying events: ecological freaks of nature (including fish that grow many times their normal size), and a series of bizarre and grisly human deaths. Veteran suspense director John Frankenheimer manages to present Prophecy as a 'monster movie' as well as a suspenseful tale about the deadly forces which result from the pollution of the environment."
Prophecy (1995)
Dir: Greg Widen
Synopsis: "At the scene of a bizarre murder, L.A. homicide detective Thomas Dagget (Elias Koteas - Exotica) discovers a lethal heavenly prophecy now being fulfilled on earth! Yet in his fight to stop the forces of evil - led by the powerful angel Gabriel (Walken) - Dagget finds an unlikely ally in an elementary school teacher (Virginia Madsen - Candyman). Together they race against time and terror to save the world as we know it! Also starring Eric Stoltz (Pulp Fiction) - critics everywhere praised The Prophecy for its high-powered thrills and knockout performances - don't miss it!"
Look no further than Christopher Walken spouting choice lines like “I kill firstborns while their mamas watch. I turn cities into salt. I even, when I feel like it, rip the souls from little girls, and from now till kingdom come, the only thing you can count on in your existence is never understanding why” to understand why I give it the nod. Of course, this film was then subsequently cursed by the DTV sequel plague, and it became the “sinister whispering in the ears” series, but before all that junk, there was this, and it was good.
Saturday, July 04, 2009
"Birthday Sex" by Jeremiah
I honestly think I've stumbled upon the worst fucking song in the known universe.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t7DlH7BEeMI&feature=related
I head this song five or six times on the radio today while I was in Greenville, so I'm assuming this song has some kind of popularity.
I submit that this song also solidifies my theory that most contemporary R&B is based on a dare. A bunch of guys, drinking one night; "Dude, I bet you hunerd fitty you can't write a song about having sex with some girl on her birthday and get that shit on the radio." Says Jeremiah, "I'll take that bet."
Please watch this space for the debut of my new R&B single, "Fucking on a Thursday," available on iTunes or downloadable as a ringtone for your Blackberry.
(Also notice that this is not getting tagged under "Music." Interpret that as you see fit.)
Not to be Confused With, Day 6
... wherein Karloff is king, we serve up something for the hip hop heads (and the Hitchcock heads), maniacs abound, and the two Coreys invade the countdown.
Walking Dead (1936/1995)
Walking Dead (1936)
Dir: Michael Curtiz
Synopsis: “Put simply, this is one of the greatest horror films of all time. Karloff is framed for murder by a crooked DA, played to the hilt by Cortez. After he is sent to the chair, an eccentric scientist brings him back to life in one of the best lab scenes ever filmed, complete with Kenneth Strickfadden electrical effects. Wow! A tremendous music score adds to the electricity-filled atmosphere. The reanimated Karloff then seeks revenge on those who conspired against him. We gotta tell ya, this film gets our absolute pinnacle, highest recommendation. They don’t come much better.” (Courtesy of Sinister Cinema.)
Walking Dead (1995)
Dir: Preston A. Whitmore II
Synopsis: “Using relatively unknown actors, first-time screenwriter-director Preston A. Whitmore II examines the effects of the Vietnam War on four black Marines sent on a doomed prisoner-of-war rescue mission. The four men are what's left of a platoon that's been decimated after landing behind enemy lines. In charge is Sergeant Barkley (Joe Morton), a no-nonsense, Bible-quoting preacher who is leading three privates to find a POW camp in an abandoned temple. Cole Evans (Allen Payne) is an intellectual who is highly political, racially proud, and a devoted family man. Joe Brooks (Vonte Sweet) is a cheerful, naïve, and brave young soldier. Hoover Branche (Eddie Griffin) is a dope-smoking, foul-mouthed rebel who hates the war and fights the sergeant constantly. They eventually are joined by a crazy, bloodthirsty white soldier, Pippins (Roger Floyd). Flashbacks reveal why each character joined the Marines. Pippins entered the recruiting office to escape rival gang members who were trying to kill him. Brooks enlisted to impress his girlfriend. Branche signed up after being fired from a meat-packing plant for stealing a ham that he used as admission to a party where he wanted to woo a girl. Evans enlisted because bigoted real estate agents prevented him from buying a decent home for his family in L.A. -- he intended to become a Marine officer so that he can get free housing.” (Courtesy of All Movie.)
The 1936 film is incredibly awesome; it comes out on DVD in October, and I totally recommend it to anyone. But the 1995 movie is fucking terrible. It came out during a 3-4 year time period when movies were being made in attempts to blackify genre benchmarks – “Tales From the Hood:” the horror anthology; “Posse:” the western – and “Walking Dead” 1995 apparently was supposed to be Preston A. Whitmore’s “Platoon.” But the character development … whoo buddy. “Branche signed up after being fired from a meat-packing plant for stealing a ham that he used as admission to a party,” now stop reading. And that Branche is played by Eddie Griffin ... y’know, I could see Eddie Griffin stealing a ham to get free admission to a block party. "Hey man, remember me? I'm Eddie Griffin, I was in 'Norbit.' Howbout 'The New Guy?' I think I might have been on 'In Living Color' or something? You don't remember me? Well, will you at least take this ham?"
Notorious (1946/2009)
Notorious (1946)
Dir: Alfred Hitchcock
Synopsis: "When troubled beauty Alicia Huberman (Bergman) is recruited by American agent T.R. Devlin (Grant) to infiltrate a German spy ring in postwar Rio, she accepts... but soon finds herself falling in love with Devlin. And when she receives orders to seduce a Nazi kingpin (Rains), Alicia must sacrifice the only happiness she's ever known for a perilous mission that could ultimately cost her and Devlin their lives."
Notorious (2009)
Dir: George Tillman Jr.
Synopsis: "Chronicling the extraordinary life of Christopher 'The Notorious B.I.G.' Wallace, Notorious follows the young rapper from the tough streets of Brooklyn to the heights of superstardom as he juggles the increasing demands of fatherhood, marriage and a music career. Amid chaos and controversy, Biggie's remarkable talent and fierce determination help to solidify his legacy as one of hip-hop's greatest MCs.
The 2009 film leaves out the most important part of the life of Biggie Smalls, and that’s the fact that Puff Daddy, capitalizing on the (faked) death of 2Pac, had someone shoot B.I.G. in an effort to make himself a bigger name in hip hop. Think about it: One dead friend, and all the world loves a public griever (except in the case of Kurt Cobain’s murder), and I can’t name one person who doesn’t like “Every Breath You Take,” and you’ve got a recipe for finally coming out from the booth and joining the ranks of superstardom. And before you call me crazy, consider this: When’s the last time Sean Combs thanked Biggie for shit?
Maniac (1934/1980)
Maniac (1934)
Dir: Dwain Esper
Synopsis: "A milestone in exploitation filmmaking, Maniac is also one of the most shocking and fascinating movies made in the thirties, pushing the boundaries of acceptable film production to its limits. Created by the husband and wife team responsible for films such as Marihuana, Weed With Roots In Hell, and How To Undress In Front of Your Husband, Maniac was originally shown at burlesque theatres and roadhouses rather than at regular movie theaters. A burlesque house was an appropriate venue for Maniac as the movie includes shots of topless women-a true shocker for 1934! Based partly on Edgar Allan Poe's The Black Cat, Maniac also cleverly superimposes clips from a 1922 movie called Haxan to suggest the insanity of characters. The wild plots concerns a mad doctor (Horace B. Carptenter), who blackmails a former vaudeville impersonator (Bill Woods) into helping him obtain the corpses he needs to perform Frankenstein-like experiments. When the doctor is accidentally killed, the impersonator ‘becomes’ the doctor and even attempts to bring him back from the dead. Maniac revels in its gleeful exhibition of 'bad taste'".
Maniac (1980)
Dir: William Lustig
Synopsis: "Frank Zito (a career performance by co-writer/ co-executive producer Joe Spinell of Rocky and The Godfather fame) is a deeply disturbed man, haunted by the traumas of unspeakable childhood abuse. And when these horrific memories begin to scream inside his mind, Frank prowls the seedy streets of New York City to stalk and slaughter innocent young women. Now Frank has begun a relationship with a beautiful photographer (Caroline Munro, of The Spy Who Loved Me), yet his vile compulsions remain. These are the atrocities of a human monster. This is the story of a Maniac."
Vintage anti-marijuana propaganda film vs. Frank Zito as a serial killer who, among other things, blows Tom Savini’s head clean off his shoulders? No contest, brother.
Blown Away (1992/1994)
Blown Away (1992)
Dir: Brenton Spencer
Synopsis: "Corey Haim (The Lost Boys), Corey Feldman (Gremlins) and Nicole Eggert (television's Baywatch) star in this erotic thriller about young love gone dangerously wrong. Rich (Corey Haim) works as an activities director at a fashionable resort in order to earn money for college. He meets the blonde and beautiful Megan (Nicole Eggert) and soon discovers she is not your average seventeen-year-old. Despite the warning from his older brother Wes (Corey Feldman), Rich plunges into a dangerous and obsessive affair with Megan. But Megan has more on her mind than love. She has plans for the future that could include murder. Is Rich the man who can help make her dreams come true, or a pawn in her game of deceit?"
Blown Away (1994)
Dir: Stephen Hopkins
Synopsis: "When an explosion jolts Boston, bomb squad expert Jimmy Dove (Jeff Bridges) is thrust into the most harrowing work of his career. Evidence points to a bomber more dangerous and skilled than any he's ever faced - except one. The possibility that the terrorist is his former mentor (Tommy Lee Jones) increases the stakes - and as his friends and family are unsuspectingly drawn into the action, Jimmy is forced to face not only his bitter enemy...but also his haunting past."
Are there any films that the Corey’s didn’t appear in together*? Are those two douches Siamese twins? They should have been in the film “Stuck on You,” not Kinnear and Damon. It’s a crime that, as of this writing, Blown Away 1994 is out of print, because seeing Jeff Bridges, Lloyd Bridges, Tommy Lee Jones, and Forest Whitaker(!) trade bad Irish & Boston accents is a hoot. Shit blows up real good, and there’s some fine and dandy Rube Goldberg bomb orchestrating going on here. Tommy Lee Jones is a standout, and his scene where he’s turning the hull of a battleship into a bomb, to the tune of “With or Without You” is golden; the only thing keeping disbelief from being suspended is that, for an Irish dude, he’s just so goddamned Texan.
* Hey, here's the movies that they did appear in together:
The Lost Boys (1987)
License to Drive (1988)
Dream a Little Dream (1989)
Blown Away (1992)
National Lampoon's Last Resort (1994)
Dream a Little Dream 2 (1995)
Dickie Roberts: Former Child Star (2003)
Lost Boys: The Tribe (2008)
Of course, Corey Haim was nowhere near "Friday the 13th: The Final Chapter," "Goonies," "Gremlins," or "Stand By Me," some of Feldman's best work. Likewise, Feldman was absent from "Silver Bullet" and ... well, pretty much everything else Haim was in was shit. Looking this info up, I did find out that Corey Haim was in a DTV movie called "Demolition University," playing a dude named Lenny who hooks up with a chick named Jenny. Wow, heroin or valium or whatever it was cannot take your life fast enough for him, I bet.
Thursday, July 02, 2009
Not to be Confused With, Day 5
... wherein Tara Reid is an archaeologist(!), Nick Nolte is a cop(!!), Will Ferrell is a parent(!!!), and you WILL believe a boy can spell!
Alone in the Dark (1982/2004)
Alone in the Dark (1982)
Dir: Jack Sholder
Synopsis: "At a secluded mental institution, Dr. Bain (Halloween's Donald Pleasence) maintains order while electricity fuels the asylum's hi-tech security system that keeps the nearby neighborhoods safe from menaces like Frank Hawkes (Academy Award©-winner Jack Palance, City Slickers) and 'Preacher' (Academy Award winner Martin Landau, Ed Wood). Meanwhile a new doctor, Dan Potter (The A-Team's Dwight Schultz), arrives in town with his family, but the inmates don't take kindly to his presence and believe he has killed off their former therapist. Suddenly a power outage leaves the town in chaos...and now the maniacs are free to roam the streets and hunt down the man they believe has invaded their lives. With the area quickly descending into riots and chaos, the innocent few must fight for their lives when they're left terrified, cornered and Alone in the Dark! One of the most memorable and terrifying cult horror films of the 1980s, this white-knuckle shocker from director Jack Sholder (The Hidden) features shocking special effects from Tom Savini (Dawn of the Dead, Friday the 13th), delivering one seat-jumping scare after another along with a thick vein of sly, pitch-black humor. Turn off the lights and watch...if you dare!"
Alone in the Dark (2004)
Dir: Uwe Boll
Synopsis: "Edward Carnby (Christian Slater) is a private investigator specializing in unexplainable supernatural phenomena. His cases delve into the dark corners of the world, searching for truth in the occult remnants of ancient civilizations. Now, the greatest mystery of his past is about to become the most dangerous case he has ever faced. With the help of his ex-girlfriend, archaeologist Aline Cedrac (Tara Reid), and his bitter rival, government agent Richard Burke (Stephen Dorff), Edward is about to learn that just because you don't believe in something doesn't mean it can't cannot kill you."
I remember trying to get in the panties of this girl in high school, and she absolutely LOVED Christian Slater; I think it had something to do with his role in “Pump Up the Volume.” I tried one time to suggest that she was more enamored with the character he played, rather than the actor. I’d long since left her behind for other conquests of the day, but when the news broke about Slater biting some dude on the titty, I immediately thought back to her, and wondered if she still had an infatuation for him. Are Slater & Tara Reid, as directed by Uwe Boll, a better evening’s viewing than Pleasance, Landau, and Palance, with Savini special effects? I submit that they are not.
Nightwatch (1998/2006)
Nightwatch (1998)
Dir: Ole Bornedal
Synopsis: "This edge-of-your-seat suspense thriller stars Ewan McGregor (Star Wars: Episode I, Little Voice) and Nick Nolte (Simpatico, The Thin Red Line) leading an exciting Hollywood cast! Martin (McGregor) is a cash-strapped law student trying to make easy money as night watchman at the old city morgue. But Martin's peaceful graveyard shift fast becomes a time of terror when a serial killer begins wreaking havoc after hours and leaving behind clues pointing to Martin's guilt! Also starring Patricia Arquette (Bringing Out The Dead, Stigmata) and Josh Brolin (Hollow Man, The Mod Squad), Nightwatch is a stylishly original motion picture that leads you on a shocking series of twists and turns!"
Nightwatch (2006)
Dir: Timur Bekmambetov
Synopsis: "The forces of Light and Darkness have co-existed in a delicate balance for hundreds of years...until now. Even as the Night Watch polices the Dark Others - among them vampires, witches and shape-shifters - a chain of mysterious events triggers a dreaded, age-old prophecy: An immortal with special powers will come to switch sides, shattering the balance and unleashing an apocalyptic war unlike any the world has ever known!"
The 2006 film is remniscent of films like "Underworld" or "Blade," and plays off of themes that have been introduced as far back as "Nightbreed." The 1998 film just misses the mark, being a less-than-impressive remake of "Nattevagten," a 1994 Danish film.
Kicking & Screaming (1995/2005)
Kicking & Screaming (1995)
Dir: Noah Baumbach
Synopsis: "Paralyzed with post-graduation ennui, a group of college friends remain on campus, patching together a community for themselves in order to deny the real-world futures awaiting them. Academy Award-nominated screenwriter Noah Baumbach's hilarious and touching directorial debut was one of the highlights of the American independent film scene of the Nineties, speaking directly to a generation of adults-to-be unable to reconcile their hermetic education experience with workaday responsibility, and posing the eternal question, 'Where do we go from here?' Stingingly funny and incisive, Baumbach's breakthrough features endlessly quotable dialogue delivered by a stellar ensemble cast."
Kicking & Screaming (2005)
Dir: Jesse Dylan
Synopsis: "Will Ferrell's trademark off-the-wall lunacy kicks in for a comedy sure to score big with the whole family! Phil Weston (Ferrell) is a mild-mannered suburban dad - who's suddenly transformed into a caffeine-fueled sports maniac when he becomes the coach of his son's unruly soccer team. But when the championship pits his underdog team against the squad coached by his own domineering dad (Oscar winner Robert Duvall), it's game on for the most uproarious mismatch of the season! Suit up for fun, Ferrell-style, with the comedy Ebert & Roeper give 'Two Thumbs Up!'"
... and not in a good way. I suppose that I left my self-righteous angst & worldly disillusionment behind on my college graduation day back in the late 90s, far too long to be impressed with the 1995 film anymore. And I just can't be impressed with Ferrell's mug-and-holler style of comedic acting. So neither film gets a strong nod here, only a strong "meh," with a side order of "feh."
Spellbound (1945/2002)
Spellbound (1945)
Dir: Alfred Hitchcock
Synopsis: "Dr. Constance Peterson (Ingrid Bergman) is a dedicated psychiatrist who puts all her passion into her work - until she falls in love with Dr. Edwards (Gregory Peck). Unfortunately, it soon becomes clear that Edwards is an impostor - an amnesiac - who may or may not be a cold-blooded murderer. Pursued by the police, Constance must decide whether to turn in her mysterious lover... or risk her life by trying to unlock the dark secrets in his mind."
Spellbound (2002)
Dir: Jeffrey Blitz
Synopsis: "Spellbound follows the lives of eight young Americans who share one goal: to win the National Spelling Bee.
"Think this sounds boring? Prepare to be blown away. The Bee is as intense a competition as any Olympic match, and for the spellers and their families, the stakes are just as high. The unbearable pressure becomes even more extraordinary as it is felt by ordinary teenagers.
"Watch as the Bee becomes a dramatic backdrop for the bigger story about kids and families today as we discover that within the roller coaster ride of the National Spelling Bee can be found the heart of America."
And here's a draw in a good way. Both films are successful on their own merits. Spellbound 1945 is, well, Hitchcock; a lesser known film from the master, but a solid entry into his canon nonetheless. Spellbound 2002 is a solid documentary, shedding light (as most successful documentaries do) on a very interesting, unexplored topic, that being the surprisingly competitive world of the spelling bee. Hell, I remember a late night study session watching one of those on ESPN and seeing a kid pass out from the pressure. Like any good documentary, this one doesn't choose sides, opting instead to let the story speak for itself.
Wednesday, July 01, 2009
Not to be Confused With, Day 4
... wherein Kane appears in a film helmed by a porn director, a Sonny Chiba classic faces a supernatural wu-shu tale, Roddy MacDowall teams up with a stone statue and a decomposing mother to take down Pennywise the clown, and a Chris Farley/ David Spade vehicle can’t hold water against a zombie film recast with … rabid sheep?! Yes, rabid sheep.
See No Evil (1971/2006)
See No Evil (1971)
Dir: Richard Fleischer
Synopsis: “After being blinded, a young woman, Mia Farrow (Hannah and Her Sisters, Widow's Peak) goes to live in the English countryside with relatives. Out on a date with a boyfriend, she escapes the fate of her relatives who are murdered by a crazed killer. She finally makes the gruesome discovery of their bodies and has to flee on horseback. She is rescued but there are still twists and turns until the murderer is identified.”
See No Evil (2006)
Dir: Gregory Dark
Synopsis: "Seven feet tall. Four hundred pounds. A rusty steel plate screwed into his skull and razor-sharp fingernails that pluck out his victims' eyes. Reclusive psychopath Jacob Goodnight is holed up in the long-abandoned and rotting Blackwell Hotel, alone with his nightmares until eight petty criminals show up for community service duty along with the cop who put a bullet in Jacob's head four years ago. When one of their own is kidnapped by the killer and her fate uncertain, the remaining lawbreakers must fight this indestructible force of nature who has a violent score to settle."
I’d actually fork over money to see a remake of the 1971 film under the umbrella of the 2006 film. That being said, I’ve successfully avoided ever having to see Mia Farrow in any film, and I feel safe that I can keep the streak alive. Plus, director Gregory Dark had a nice run as a porn director, culminating in the adult classic “New Wave Hookers.” What’s Richard Fleischer ever done? “Conan the Destroyer?” “Soylent Green?” Pshaw.
Executioner (1974/1994)
Executioner (1974)
Dir: Teruo Ishii
Synopsis: "When regular police procedure fails, an ex-police captain recruits a group of trained killers to take down a deadly group of drug smugglers. Led by ninja trained Ryuichi Koga (Chiba), they quickly shoot their way through the Japanese underworld, ever closer to their main target."
Executioner (1994)
Dir: Ding Sin Saai
Synopsis: "A royal executioner famed for beheading 998 convicts with a solid gold axe is stalked by the lone survivor of the notorious 'Eight Devilish Mortals,' claiming the life of his wife and beginning a perilous game of cat-and-mouse packed with sword-swinging, high-flying action that will dazzle the most hardened martial arts fan!"
It ain’t easy comparing one martial arts film to another. On the one hand, you have Sonny Chiba making his second appearance in this study, punching thugs so hard their eyeballs pop out of their skulls. On the other hand, you have a modest wu shu film featuring some heavy supernatural elements and cheesy animation. Both films are good to pop in on a lazy Saturday afternoon; the 1994 film has a bit more story to it & some impressive feats of martial artistry, but Sonny Chiba is goddamn Sonny Chiba. Can’t lose either way.
It (1966/1990)
It (1966)
Dir: David Greene
Synopsis: "In It!, a London museum's eerie Golem statue is awake and ready to do its master's bidding. Roddy McDowall (Planet of the Apes) portrays a museum assistant - and a mama's boy living with dear ol' mum's corpse! - who wills the monster to destroy his rivals. Can the military's nuclear might stop this madman and his power binge? See It! in full, terrifying action."
It (1990)
Dir: Tommy Lee Wallace
Synopsis: "Based on King's 1986 bestseller, It is a jittery, jolting excursion into personal fear starring Harry Anderson, Annette' O'Toole, John Ritter, and Richard Thomas. A malevolent force in a small New England town takes the shape of a clown (Tim Curry), but he's not clowning around. Instead, he terrifies youngsters and brings some to their untimely doom- until some wily kids fight back. The evil resurfaces 30 years later: meaner, angrier, deadlier. And friends who vividly remember youthful terrors reunite to battle It."
SPOILER WARNING!!
Okay, 1990 loses its steam quite a bit when the final battle takes place not against Pennywise the clown, but Pennywise the giant spider. Such a letdown. The 1966 version wins a few points with its preposterous ending: Apparently a nuclear detonation covers less than a ten mile radius. Perhaps the British army hid in a fridge?
Black Sheep (1996/2006)
Black Sheep (1996)
Dir: Penelope Spheeris
Synopsis: “Meet Mike Donnelly (Chris Farley). He's one lovable, hilarious accident waiting to happen. Dedicated to helping his big brother Al (Tim Matheson) win the race for Washington State Governor, he turns every opportunity for votes into an embarrassing disaster.
”Campaign aide and super slacker Steve Dobbs (David Spade) volunteers to baby-sit Mike. Big mistake! When Mike discovers that the incumbent governor is a crook, he dives headfirst into a whole new level of well-intended destruction.”
Black Sheep (2006)
Dir: Jonathan King
Synopsis: "'Rife with bloody gore and funny gags' (Sam Adams, Los Angeles Times) Black Sheep is a gruesomely twisted horror/comedy about mutant flesh-eating sheep run amok in rural New Zealand. When sheep-aphobic Henry returns to sell his share of the family farm, he finds his brother has been genetically altering animals. The resulting monsters go on a murderous rampage, and it's up to Henry to stop them. With frighteningly grotesque effects courtesy of Peter Jackson's WETA workshop, Black Sheep is a frenzy of severed limbs and manic mutton definitely 'not for the weak of stomach' (Elizabeth Weitzman, New York Daily News)."
Walk, don’t run, to your local Wal-Mart and snap up a copy of this on DVD, and it should be in the $9 movie racks. The movie is really amusing, sort of an homage to the Romero/ Fulci zombie films, except with sheep. And there are tons of sheep in this movie too. This is a film that stands to be recognized as a genre cult classic, the likes of “Dead Alive,” “Return of the Living Dead,” “Night of the Creeps,” “Evil Dead,” et cetera. The cast brings a sense of urgency to the admittedly absurd-appearing events, and from fade in to fade out you’ll definitely find something to enjoy. As for the 1996 film, not so much; Farley plays the same character he played on every episode of Saturday Night Live where he appeared, and Spade shows signs of why he’s not experiencing the same success as Sandler, Farrell, or even Schneider.
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