The Onion agrees.
http://www.theonion.com/content/node/50902
Read it. It's funny.
Sunday, July 30, 2006
Remember what I thought about Wikipedia?
Only $76000 and that baby's ours!
Figured I'd put up the pics of the new house!
It's a very modest home, I know. But, this isn't bad, at least for what $76000 can get you in Abbeville.
We figured with a little paint, some curtains, and some cleaning here and there, it'll look nice.
The hardwood floors are great!
Saturday, July 29, 2006
A movie not to see -- Primer
NP: Braves vs. Mets
Have you ever been doing the "new release" walk at Blockbuster and find a video that you have never heard of, but looks really cool? Every now and again, that movie turns out to be pretty good. More often than not, there was a reason that you didn't hear of it. Last night, that lesson bit me in the ass again.
The movie is called Primer. It has a little logo saying that it won a prize at Sundance, so I figured it was just a small indy flick that didn't have distribution rights. The premise is that two inventors come up with a way to travel in time and go backwards to start making money off of the stock market. That, in and of itself, would be the foundation of a good movie. What makes it better is that it is such a small production it has to be a sci-fi movie of ideas, not one of special effects.
So I rented it. The acting and the writing is not bad. It is almost reminiscent of Pi, that black and white movie that came out a few years ago that was done by Darren Afnosky (sp). THe problem, is that the plot is just too convoluted to follow. I think they created a paradox, but I also think they created a few overlapping paradoxes, but I'm also not sure. By the time its over, you don't know who the main characters are and there is something there about people's handwriting deteriorating and some dude at a party with a shotgun. I don't want to give anything away, but I'm really not sure if I am spoiling anything or not, because I don't know what the important parts are.
In short, wait for this one on TV (if it ever makes it), because it will leave you confused. A 1 count for low budget writing and acting.
Wednesday, July 26, 2006
It's official ... we own a house.
Closed on it today. Pics to come, as we also got our digital camera working.
And might I say, I don't think I've ever signed my name so many times in my life. After about the 16th page of stuff, my name didn't even look natural to me anymore.
Oh, and I put a variety of linky goodness on here, and I'm looking into new additions coming sooner or later.
Good stuff a-plenty.
Saturday, July 22, 2006
Review -- The Lady in the Water
NP: Doreen - Old 97s
About three years ago, I was a huge M. Night Shamalayan mark. I thought the twist in The Sixth Sense was amazing, as it was one of the few endings that I didn't see coming. Unbreakable was ok, Signs was pretty good. Then came the Village. The Village was one of the worst movies I have seen in my life, mainly because the twist was weaker than pond water. So you set us up this big story about how this monster eats people beyond the treeline and then the people living in the village turn out to be a bunch of liberal intellectuals who gave up on life and retreated from society. Not very interesting.
I had all this in mind when I went to see the Lady in the Water. I actually had high hopes, the Village not withstanding, and I wasn't too disappointed. There is a subtle, very predictable twist at one point, but the storytelling is much better than his last three movies (still have to give props to the Sixth Sense). I think he has finally figured out that you don't have to have some dramatic twist to make a good movie. The acting in the film is fantastic. Paul Giamatti can flat act, and the supporting ensemble is good as well. The girl who plays the Lady in the Water is kinda ho hum, but she wasn't given much to work with. Mr. Farber is by far the best character for reasons that I won't give away now.
The opening credits, which sorta set up the story, are unbearable. When I saw them, I had Village flashbacks, but fortunately the early story saves it.
In all, 2.5 count. For sure worth seeing in the theater, but won't break any box office records.
Tuesday, July 18, 2006
Sunday, July 16, 2006
"Evil Genius" for PC
Dig in the crates at your local Big Lots for this nifty little gem of a game for, oh, $3.99.
It's got a pretty cool premise -- Sims: Super Villain, if you will. Gameplay gets a little wonky in places, but overall it's a nice little foray into simulation for people that can't really devote the time to long term devotion, like other sim games.
Most def' a 2 & 3/4.
Street Fighter vs. Mortal Kombat
I've been scouring for video online for the past few minutes, and among the various videos I've watched (which included -- no point in lying -- some pornography, a Star Trek vs. Star Wars thing ... oh, and the Daniel Pearl beheading), I checked out a few little mock ups for Street Fighter vs. Mortal Kombat. Now, most of what I've seen has been some combination of Ryu and/or Ken fighting Scorpion and/or Sub-Zero, but in all, a legit confrontation between the two franchises ... well, that would give Capcom and Midway a license to just print money.
So, what would it take to get the two franchises to coexist on a combo title, like "Capcom vs. Marvel" and the like? Would it be easier/better marketed in 3D format (marking Street Fighter's first foray into that fighting style), or would a return to the 2D fully-rendered characters of Mortal Kombats 1-3 be a better sell?
Me, I think a Shao Khan vs. M. Bison match would be hardcore, Liu Kang makes a much better foil for Ryu than Scorpion (as some folks seem to think), and Blanka vs. Barraka would end in all kinds of major bloodshed ... as well it should.
Magicians
There's something I have always hated about magicians.
It's the face they make after a trick goes right, like, "Oh shit, did you see what just happened! That fucking bird flew right out of my pants! Isn't that some crazy shit?!"
Isn't that what was, y'know, supposed to happen? So why's he shocked?
That's like, if I'm in the office, doing therapy, and the client comes to some deduction about their behavior ("You know, you're right, I don't think I'll commit suicide today"), and I'm all wide-eyed and shocked, like "Omigod! What a surprise!"
I think magicians should reserve the shocked countenance for if a trick doesn't go right, like they pick the king of clubs instead of the seven of hearts ... but I guess that's a different kind of "oh shit" expression.
Speaking of movies
NP: Twenty-Nine - Ryan Adams
Two nights ago, I rented Green Street Hooligans. I don't know if it made it to the theaters, but it stars Elijah Wood as a Harvard undergrad who gets kicked out and, in his despair, travels to London to visit his sister. There, he gets mixed up in the world of English football hooligans. You know, the gangs, or "firms," that pledge allegiance to a certain team and get into fights with supporters of other teams.
I it becuase the team that Elijah ends up supporting is West Ham United. The movie hooligans were drawn from West Ham's notorious "Inter City Firm" but were renamed the Green Street Elite so they wouldn't get sued I guess (Green Street is the street leading to the Hammers' stadium). There was only about 3 minutes of soccer footage (West Ham wins), and the rest was filled with vicious street fighting and excellent camera work. Its like a mixed martial arts film without the mixed martial arts. People get clocked left and right with weapons used very creatively. A lot of British slang is tossed about, and a lot of people get bloodied. There is also a pretty good back story. They don't overplay any romantic subplots and the tense family drama is handled really well. It never takes away from the fighting.
For me, the movie gets a solid three count.
Movie rundown
Not being able to sleep really well over the course of the past few nights, I've been watching digital video discs like a motherfucker, all in an effort to promote within that which sleep medication has failed at doing, thus far.
It still hasn't worked.
Here's the rundown, then, of what I've been trying to watch to make myself sleepy. I warn you, it's not pretty:
"Cannibal Apocalypse" - A duo of Vietnam vets swap wits, all the while battling some infection that makes them crave human flesh. Not a zombie film per se, but John Saxon can shit in a horror movie and it's gold. I think "Blood Salvage" is 10x more watchable than it would ever be, thanks to Saxon and Evander Holyfield showing up as a journeyman pugilist knocking out motherfucking rednecks who think they can dance with a champion.
"Better Than You: The Best Of CM Punk" - I have to accept the fact that ROH sometimes reminds me of how much better wrestling was back when NWA titles were defended during the credits of Saturday wrestling shows, with Bob Caudle yelling "We're out of time!" CM Punk is a dirty, shitty, grimy looking wrestler, claiming to be "straight edge," which means no drugs/smoking/drinking, but theoretically would also extend to swearing and getting anonymous pussy. However, he quickly establishes that he rules out the last two. His matches are eh, mixed with a little bit of hmm... and a side of a'ight.
"Dracula Has Risen From The Grave" - An atheist takes out the prince of vampires in this Hammer Horror chestnut. Take that, Jesus! It features a last minute conversion, though, which is a total Universal Studios horror movie-style copout, but at least now I know where the opening of "Taste The Blood Of Dracula" comes from.
"Ilsa, She-Wolf Of The SS" - Holy cow. That's all I can say. I feel like I need to wash myself "down there" with Listerine. Ilsa is pretty damn naked a lot, but I can't figure out why she's not a lot hotter than you'd think a Nazi doctor kommandant should be.
"Mr. Sardonicus" - Halfway through this one now. Gimmicky William Castle schlockfest that I find hard to believe was based on a previously filmed story (originally was onscreen as "The Man Who Laughs," the lead character of which was the inspiration for the Joker ... coming out 7/18/06, incidentally). Got this film for $6.50, and it was worth every penny; hate that I read Castle's biography and learned about this film's climax, since now it's just a matter of waiting for the "Punishment Poll."
Holy crap ... I just had this sudden urge to want to see "Munster Go Home." That was weird ... and just like that, it's gone. Damn eerie, like how all prices seem to end in "9".
Friday, July 14, 2006
Rap music that needs your attention, NOW!
1) Strong Arm Steady
Album to dig on: "The Collector's Edition Vol. 1"
2) RA The Rugged Man
Album to dig on: "Die Rugged Man Die"
3) Living Legends
Album to dig on: "Classic"
4) MF Doom
Album to dig on: "Mm ... Food?"
5) Planet Asia
Album to dig on: "Grand Opening"
6) Army Of The Pharaohs
Album to dig on: "Torture Papers"
7) Atmosphere
Album to dig on: "You Can't Imagine How Much Fun We're Having"
8) Freddy Foxxx a/k/a Bumpy Knuckles
Album to dig on: "Konexion"
9) M.O.P.
Album to dig on: "Warriorz"
10) Tha Alkaholiks
Album to dig on: "The X.O. Experience"
Upcoming jams:
Jurassic 5: "Feedback" (July 25)
M.O.P.: "Ghetto Warfare" (July 25)
Living Legends: "Legendary Music" (August 8)
More to come ...
Internet has it in for you
Read this shit. Just read it.
The thing that gets me is how, through all of the bullet points in the article, it keeps referring to "television" and "video." Thank God all of the good television that was worth a damn was on while I was growing up, so now I can buy it on DVD, instead of watching shit that passes for "entertainment" now. Oh good, now I can soon pay for a channel's premiere programming, which is probably just some fucking reality show.
And how starved are we as a people for entertainment, that the federal government deemd it so important that they tax the shit out of our entertainment? Or, maybe a better question is, is entertainment that important to us? Damn, some people that get services at the clinic don't pay their bill, but I'll bet they'll scrape together some change to watch "Nip/Tuck." Alternately, maybe some folks will be so hurt by their inability to access TV that they may consider themselves emotionally crippled and will use it to seek disability? Great, one more stupid little thing for people to bitch about that doesn't amount to shit in the global scheme of things ... that is the yay.
So, this does make me wonder ... will That Other SiteTM cease to be free? Will we finally have to scrape up some funds to buy it off? Will the SFSAST video finally be created? Will the wonder of Conspiracy Month never be realized??/
(Wow, sleep loss makes me pi-ssy.)
Stuff to do to make someone vomit quiz
Which one of these do you think I really did?
1) When I worked at the pizza place, I spooned some (chunky) sauce into a clean sanitary napkin and sneaked it out into the dining area.
2) I balled up some toilet paper (out of the pack, as opposed to the roll next to the toilet) and applied a smidgen of Nutella spread. Walked into the living room from the hall (which leads to the bathroom naturally), and licked the fudge off the paper in front of my wife.
3) When the clinic went to a system of using drug screens to filter out drug abusers from the truly mentally ill, I filled up one of the cups with apple juice, and I held onto it in my office for a while to let it get all good and room temp. Picked it up and took it into my supervisor's office, telling her I thought that it was an invalid test. She read it off and agreed with me, so I said something like, "Well, no point in opening this person's chart," popped the top and drank it.
Vote now!
Wednesday, July 12, 2006
Kung-fu Film Quiz
I went to Dollar General today because I found out the one in Abbeville had 2/$5.00 kung-fu films on DVD. They had some great stuff ... but as with most kung-fu films, you really gotta know what you're looking for in order to tell the good stuff from the crap.
Below are the four films I purchased:
1. Eagle Vs. Silver Fox
2. Shaolin Against Lama
3. Snake Deadly Act
4. World Of Drunken Master
Now, below are the descriptions of the films from the back of the DVD boxes (minus some occasional easily identifiable factors, like names or fighting styles that figure in the title). Can you match title to plot?
A. Young brothers Li I Min and Jack Long get caught stealing grapes one day and are put to work at the owner's winery. He also teaches them [kung fu]. When the lads put their skills to use, trouble follows. The local warlord gathers his boys and goes after the [...] duo. The ensuing mayhem defies description.
B. Kwok Chung is a righteous rich kid whose hobby is to fight and brawl. One encounter nearly gets him killed, but he is saved by Yue Yi. Yue befriends and teaches Kwok the deadly art of [kung fu]. But Kwok soon realizes that [...] he's being set up by his teacher, and his family is also targeted for murder! The treachery runs deep, as Kwok & Yue have a [...] showdown to end them all!
C. The red cloth [villains] are on the attack, so [the heroes] send a young boxer to Tibet to learn [...] kung fu and seek advice[.] Massive battles ensue as martial chaos strikes the region. More manic fighting styles from the Robert Tai asylum of martial arts!
D. After the downfall of the Manchu dynasty, the surviving officials plan to restore order across China. One of these men [...] hires the best fighters in the country to assassinate those who were responsible for the revolution and destroy all martial arts schools. To combat this menace, the various schools band together and nominate Chow Fung, master of [kung fu], to face the might of the [villain] in a one-on-one bone-breaking showdown.
You know, why not?
I was at Dollar General and saw two pretty hot girls, but they were dressed really plain. It took a while for them to get closer to the store for me to notice that they were Mennonites. Then it occurred to me, why's there no Mennonite porn? I mean, apart from the obvious religious thing ... I'm sure there's perfectly fine upstanding Baptist & Catholic girls taking it in the ass for the almighty dollar. Who the fuck are the Mennonites to think they're better than anyone??!
Sunday, July 09, 2006
From the lost files drawer: an X-Men/Wolverine concept
I used to write creatively a long time ago - mostly through high school and college. I got the bright idea that I could make some extra money through college by being a freelance comic book writer. So, I sent a few letters out to Marvel, DC, Dark Horse, etc., asking for submissions information. (Granted, this was well before I had any idea how the "real" world worked.) I had a crapload of concepts written out all over the place, for my own characters and stories, for company owned characters and stories, and for mini-series ideas, to name but a few.
I never throw much away, so while getting things together for moving, I stumbled across a file containing almost every idea I had in those days. I was surprised at how interesting (and in some cases, how naive) some of the ideas were, and I wondered what kind of place they'd have in the comic scene now. I will submit some of these for your review and consideration. Feedback, as always, will be appreciated.
Here's one:
The X-Men are called to Canada, when they receive word that something has laid waste to the Canadian superteam Alpha Flight. Upon further investigation, they find evidence linking this attack to their former teammate Wolverine. (Granted, this would be after an altercation with the Wendigo, the mistaken suspect of the attack.)
Meanwhile, in Madripoor (and well into his own book at the time), Wolverine is being stalked by assailants that have been clearly trained by the Hand, a ninja clan that engages in international criminal affairs. While attempting to take the fight to them, he realizes that by engaging them directly, he plays directly into their hands and risks capture. He contacts his X-Men teammates for assistance in this matter, be it refuge or cooperation. However, when his X-Men teammates arrive, they detain him for the assumed assault against Alpha Flight.
En route to Canada, to make Wolverine answer for his actions, the X-Men are attacked by a paramilitary group called Squad-Chi (pronounced "kye," the Greek letter X ... apparently at this point I hated just slapping an "x" on any damn mutant concept). It's a five-man squad of individuals, using ninjitsu/SAS/Navy SEALS training, with adamantium claws like Wolverine's; they're training puts their fighting skills on par with Wolverine's. They take the X-Men down and liberate Wolverine; the Weapon X program wants Wolverine to lead Squad-Chi.
Beyond that, I don't know what direction I would have wanted the story to go in. Some combination of X-Men attempting to rescue Wolverine by implementing strategies against the Chi that would reveal to Wolverine that Professor X has a failsafe strategy should Wolverine go rogue, and increasing his paranoia against the team, and Alpha Flight seeking justice against the Squad because of their attack. The general idea, I think, was that this would lead to a similar idea to Batman & The Outsiders.
I think there was more to it, 'cause I have a subplot outlined, but I can't make out what direction I was going with that, as it's kinda poorly fleshed out.
Saturday, July 08, 2006
Today
+ Just spent 5 damned hours in the ER for some bullsnitsky. 5 whole hours I ain't getting back anytime soon.
+ On the plus side, the CM Punk best-of vol.1 went back in stock today, so I picked that up. CM Punk is an interesting wrestler to watch; the whole internet wrestling community is on his dick like he's the second coming of Jesus Harold Flair. In truth, he ain't bad. Hope WWECW makes it a whole two more weeks so that he might actually see some national TV ring time.
+ "Cemetery Man" is a horror film par excellente.
+ Couldn't sleep all last night, so I downloaded tons of rap music from official artists' Myspace pages. Myspace makes some fucking ugly ass webpages, but Krondon, La Coka Nostra, Living Legends, MF Doom, the Society of the Invisibles, and Jake Palumbo make some music worth tracking down.
+ I still have a hateful diatribe on this profession of mine that I'm fine tuning ... it might end up being one of those things that, the more I work on it, the less likely I'll let anyone read it.
+ Ken Laye is dead ... bring on the conspiracy theories!
Viva la lucha libre!
Sunday, July 02, 2006
Do the fuck what?
A Republican walks into a bar and says "This is just appalling to me. I have no idea how someone makes it without insurance. Its a wonder more people aren't falling dead in the street." The bartender pulls a shotgun out from under the bar and shoots the Republican dead. A drunk at the bar says "what the fuck'd you do that for?" The bartender says "irony is dead, so he must've been a zombie."
Oh, fuck it.
My new car:
It's 1988 BMW 528e. 261,000 miles. Paid $999 plus tax and title. Being the proud owner of a classic Beamer, I am now officially better than you educated fuckers with your fancy masters and doctorate degrees.
Woo-hoo.
Greatest Iron Sheik interview ever
You may have seen this, you may not. It's NSFW due to language, so watch it at work or school, and unless you're around folks that understand, watch the volume.
Fuck bad waitresses
I don't know of many things that are worse than a bad waitress (or waiter, to be gender-correct). And bad waiting can come in many forms, from annoying interruptions to long periods where the food doesn't come out. Tonight's Red Lobster excursion was the worst, due in no small part to our husky waitress blaming our wait time on "you (meaning me) ordered a steak."
But, I have this knowledge to dispense to my fellow Mad Scientists: "Undertipping" is this year's "no tipping." No tipping just doesn't send the same message as, say, tipping $0.50. Undertipping actually goes out of the diner's way to say, "Hey, you suck at this job." Plus, if a waitress doesn't get a certain percentage of her salary in tips, she gets minimum wage pay. So by continuing to tip, you're double-fucking her ... but not "double-penetrating" her, which I think is a completely different thing.
Saturday, July 01, 2006
Another rant
I have to say, that Marcelo Balboa, the main color commentator on the World Cup coverage, is the absolute worst sportscaster I have ever heard in my life. He is worse than Tim McCarver, Joe Morgan, and Marv Albert. He is worse than Dick Vitale, and that idiot that WJCW has calling local basketball games back home. You know....the guy who has had the same catch phrase since 1991 ("He Roars, Soars, and Scores"). Well, Balboa is worse.
To give you an example, in today's England-Portugal match, prodigal striker Wayne Rooney got tangled up with another player and proceeded to step on his nuts. He then pushed his club teammate Christiano Ronaldo and the ref red carded him. Balboa's comment, when Rooney removed the need for the guy to have a vasectomy, was "That's a no no."
You think? You really think that the average American viewer, watching the quarterfinal of the World Cup between England and Portugal, needs to know that stepping on a guy's old boys is illegal? Granted, if it was legal a lot more Americans would watch, but still I think most people know that.
As a follow-up, at some point in the last ten minutes of regulation when the score was tied, he made a statement to the effect of "England needs to score a goal to win."
Damn! I didn't know you had to score goals to win soccer games. I thought Beckham would just win on style points if there was a draw. Geez o pete.
Seriously. This guy is the best that ABC could find to showcase soccer as US soccer is trying to draw more fans? He absolutely sucks. I don't care how good of a player he was for the US, he has no business behind a microphone in a soccer match unless he is talking on his cell phone.
Reflections on how the other half lives
(With apologies to Jacob Riis)
As mentioned in my three line post below, I am currently without health insurance. Have no fear, my new job starts Monday and I will soon be on the state employee's plan, so I've got no real worries. The problem, however, came when I had excruciating pain in my throat this morning and, since it was unbearable and Halls Sore Throat drops didn't touch it, I went on in the the local Urgent Care clinic.
The point of this post comes when the desk clerk asked me for my insurance card. I didn't have one. From that point on, it became readily apparent that I was not a preferred customer. I had to give them a credit card (which they held in the desk drawer until the doctor saw me), and they took in the three patients who came in after me before me. Instead of weighing me, the nurse asked about how much I weighed. She really did take my temp and BP (thank God for miracles). When the doctor came in, he glanced at my throat with the light, looked in my ears, and listened to my lungs. Then, he told me that I had a peri-tonsular abcess. He prescribed me 10 days of Amoxycilin and 4 days of Prednisone......and I was out the door.
The time of the visit was 1 hour 45 minutes in the waiting room, 10 minutes in the exam room waiting on the doctor, less than 5 minutes with the doctor. Total cost of the visit, $75 bucks. Total cost of the medicine, when Walgreen's checked my insurance on file (from my old job) and found out it was no longer valid, was $36.
This was absolutely the worst medical care I have ever had (even though the drugs he prescribed to me seem to be working). The previous doctors, in Kingsport, JC, Asheville, and Gainesville, all took more time, ran more tests, and called for follow-ups. Part of it could be the location (an urgent care clinic in a college town), but I suspect that most of it is the B-team status I was given because I don't have insurance. It was blatantly obvious that I dropped a few points in the mind of the nurse because I did not have health care. This is just appalling to me. I have no idea how someone makes it without insurance. Its a wonder more people aren't falling dead in the street.
Its also hard to understand why that is the case here. We have a county-wide insurance program for the "employed poor" that provides an adequate level of coverage assuming that you have a job and submit a paystub to the program office every couple of months. We passed a sales tax increase to fund it (and yes, Josh, I voted for it even though raising taxes goes against my Republican fiber) but only about 25% of the eligible people signed up for it. We probably have one of the best localized programs in the country and people don't utilize it. If they saw the difference between covered and uncovered, the numbers would probably be up.
Point of Information
Peri-tonsular abcesses really suck, especially when you are literally on the weekend before you start your new job and don't have health insurance.
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