Pretty self-explanatory.
http://www.sendspace.com/file/omzr46
Friday, October 31, 2008
[100 word horror fiction] All black.
I feel the grain of wood on all sides of me; am I in a box?
How long have I been here?
What did that bitch do to me?
Pound the top … where am I?
HELP. HELP ME.
Air’s thin; can’t breathe well.
Hard to think.
HELP.
Push. Push HARD.
Can’t breathe.
It’s like I can hear my mom yell at me, as I came home from school … what was I, nine?
So hard to think.
Can’t breathe.
“Mr. Grove, it’s a boy.” I cried that day.
HELP.
Oh God.
What the hell have I.
Can’t.
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
I'm getting off the sauce
It is about that time again.
In the last several hours, it has become apparent to me that I need to cut out caffeine. I did this for the first time back in 2002 when I was working for Office Ghetto and about to go to grad school. It was purely for health reasons (namely because girls don't want to date fat guys) and I licked it pretty good.
That was, of course, before we had a Starbucks in JC. Life in grad school isn't conducive to life off of caffeine. I think I had it kicked until about April 2003 and then I started back with it.
Now, I am starting the process of phasing it out, but this time due to economic reasons.
You see, I was just at the Target to buy some food. There are some things that Target sells for about $1.00 a box cheaper than Publix, so it is worth the gas to drive a mile out of the way for granola bars and cereal. Well, I was walking through the soft drink aisle and they had Pepsis at 4 for $10.00. I had just been complaining that I hadn't seen 4 for $10 on 12 packs since this summer and was thinking about cutting them out because 4 for 12, 3 for 11, and 2 for 8 were all pretty high.
4 for 10 is a fair price, so I went to the front of the store, grabbed a buggy, and returned. Only then did I notice that the 4 for 10 was for the brand new shiny 8-packs.
Screw that.
If Pepsi thinks that is a fair price then I'm off the train. Cokes were $4.89 per 12 pack, so no thank you there either.
It now looks like soft drinks join orange juice on the banned beverage list. I'm not buying it anymore until it drops below 3 a gallon.
Yeah. I guess in my old age I've become cheap. Oh well, at least this way I'll drop a few more pounds.
SGM Month of Halloween called on account of computer blues
Damn it, damn it, son of a bitch!
As I mentioned earlier, I've had some computer problems as of late, and this necessitated the purchase of a brand new rig. The span of time that has passed between the computer bed-shitting, the purchase of the new rig, and the as-of-yet still-ongoing battle to get my internet account switched over to the new computer has made completing this month's Halloween celebration nigh impossible at this juncture.
In the interest of keeping to the schedule of events, I had some periodic access to this forum from work ... that is, until the state IT department began to crack down on all these rogue laptops that are floating around. Seems they had forgotten to remotely equip the laptops with the appropriate lockouts and filters that would promote productivity and limit any internet slacking off. I have been checking Blogger every day since last week or so for access, and honestly, I don't know how I got on today, but while I have the access, I figured I'd post.
That only left the local library for online access to a reliable degree, and I get off work at 5, and they close at 6. Bah!
My computer problems should be worked out by the end of the week, whereupon I'll add the last few vestiges of the Halloween project for this year. I swear, last year it was a family crisis, this year computer problems. There seems to be the workings of a Halloween curse here on Science Gone Mad.
Anyway, while I have the access, I did want to post up the rest of the Horror Movie daily marathon I've been subjecting myself to; not only am I including the films I've watched since the last review was posted, but I'm also going to list the films that I've yet to check out to round out the month.
Oct. 18: Descent (2005)
Oct. 19: Deadly Spawn (1983)
Oct. 20: Planet of the Vampires (1965)
Oct. 21: Shriek of the Mutilated (1974)
Oct. 22: Black Sheep (2006)
Oct. 23: The Orphanage (2007)
Oct. 24: Frightmare (1974)
Oct. 25: Zombies of Mora Tau (1957)
Oct. 26: Host (2006)
Oct. 27: Hatchet (2006)
Oct. 28: Candyman (1992)
Oct. 29: I Bury the Living (1958)
Oct. 30: Creeping Flesh (1972)
Oct. 31: *Double Feature: Suspiria (1977)/ Wizard of Gore (1970)
I have a couple of things to upload and add, and I should be able to do that from the lab this weekend, so be on the lookout for that.
And again, I hate unfinished projects, and being that I love the Halloween thing as much as I do, it pains me greatly to call this one short, and for the second year in a row, too. But all is not lost, as I have taken up some advice and I'm considering & outlining a film review/reference guild. It's a passing interest for right now, but hell, even if I just put it publish it myself and put it up on Amazon as print-on-demand, it might be a fun project to put together. We'll see what happens, and here will be where the news breaks.
Thursday, October 23, 2008
Monday, October 20, 2008
SGM Month of Halloween update
Man, computer blues ain't nothing to F wit'.
So this weekend, in the middle of my usual housework/blogging/mopefest that usually occurs ... well, every weekend mostly, nowadays ... I was jotting down my ideas over Saturday's film when my comp's memory just decided that it had enough.
I'm rocking a 2000 model HP, with the only major additions to the thing being an 80G hard drive, maxed out memory to the tune of a whopping 254RAM, and a CD-RW drive made by Memorex. I'd gradually noticed how things have been slowing to a nigh-crawl in the past several months, and among some of the casualties were:
- my ability to start up Audacity, so that I could continue to keep the mixtape files alive;
- my ability to keep ANY image editing software open for more than a few moments at best;
- my ability to play ANY videogame for longer than a half hour (so bye bye, marathon Diablo sessions);
- my ability to run the internet faster than a constipated snail shits.
However, I'd been fortunate to be able to run the movie reviews. Granted, there'd been a few other things I'd like to have posted up well before now, but unfortunately, some were image driven (but can't make the images I want to); some were audio driven (but can't make the remix I want to); and so on ...
And this weekend, the computer finally decided to loose its bowels on the mattress beneath it.
However, this only puts me a little bit behind, but it doesn't count me out. I can still do much of the text stuff I was hoping to do, so that's not too bad. And once I get some routine access to my computer at work (yep, I'll be finishing some of this project from the office), I'll fill in some of the gaps.
We at Science Gone Mad aren't like those other websites that promise you everything and show you nothing. We make the deadlines we set, and we keep the promises we make.
Science Gone Mad - A brand you can trust.
SGM Month of Halloween Horror Movie for Oct. 17
"House of the Damned" (1963)
Themes: Victims trapped in a house; dirty slimy freaks
Synopsis (from the back of the box): A perfect romantic getaway turns into a hellish nightmare in this suspense-filled thriller! Architect Scott Campbell and his wife Nancy join another couple, Joseph and Loy Schiller, for what promises to be a pleasant stay at an empty castle set on a seculded California hillside. Soon, however, tension mounts as terrifying things begin happening: A group of ghoulish circus performers who once inhabited the castle become increasingly hostile towards their "guests," turning their mini-vacation into a life-and-death challenge of wits!
What the fridge! That's Richard "Jaws" Kiel, looking like The Great Khali as a circus freak giant!
"House of the Damned" is a movie that's little over an hour in length, but in that hour you get a decent film out of a tired premise: People get stranged in a house where Sp-sp-sp-spoo-oo-oo-ooky shitTM happens. The selling point of this film, like the superior "Freaks," by Tod Browning, before it, is that "House of the Damned" included in its cast actual "freaks," mostly in the category of the exploited handicapped.
Political correctness would prohibit a film like this being made today. Despite the overall message that films like "House" and "Freaks" present - that the handicapped overcome their disabilities to overcome their antagonists - Hollywood would balk at employing the actual handicapped in roles that, well, they're born to play. However, you let an actor or actress who is generally able-bodied play the mentally disturbed, crippled, or retarded, and it's OSCAR TIME, BAYBEE!
Pffft! Fuck Hollywood, man, as Ice Cube once said so eloquently.
Rating: 2 count
Saturday, October 18, 2008
Nom nom nom...
I am eating this up like Christmas candy.
To be fair, this is only a handful of the people at that rally. In fact, it was probably the same handful of people that were at the other rallies. A traveling caravan of troglodytes. Travelodytes, if you will.
Haha, no. Go, wingnuts, go! Drive right off that cliff and take your party with you.
I was kind of annoyed earlier this week when I read something on the comedy website 23/6. Jim David, in a column about the outrageous comments heard at recent McCain-Palin rallies, distilled a grand, eloquent argument I spent all goddamn weekend making into this:I've heard plenty of liberals make nasty comments about Bush, but most of those were justified given his disastrous record and the fact that he's such a total doofus. The attacks on Obama are personal, racist, and fear based.
To think that I've spent all week with a sinus headache that I'm beginning to think was God's punishment for calling George Bush a war criminal when I could have just said Bush is a doofus with a disastrous record. Son of a bitch.
But today I'm not looking to debate exactly how much of the Republican party is comprised of Confederate Yokels, Backwoods Mouthbreathers and other assorted Travelodytes. (Forty percent? Sixty percent? All of them except Ron?) At the end of our last debate, Buck asked a question about the economic principles of Republicans and conservatives. By that point my sinus headache was in full swing so I figured I'd let Ron respond and maybe jump in with some counterpoint when I felt better. I feel better now, but the original post is down a bit so I'll do that here.
Buck asked why it is such a sin to pay taxes in America. Ron gave a decent view of Republican economic theory, but glossed over an important point when he said "it isn't that Republicans don't want to pay for things so much as Republicans want tax programs that keep the economy growing and aren't restrictive on private enterprise."
I have no doubt that if you gave the fiscal conservative wing of the Republican Party the opportunity to end Social Security, Medicare, Medicaid, and Federal Welfare without political repercussions, those programs would be gone before you ended the sentence. A result of their inability to significantly cut these programs without severe political consequences, such as probably never winning another election in any area with a sizable population of the not-wealthy and/or elderly i.e. everywhere, is the desire to reduce taxes on the wealthy and either correspondingly increase taxes on the middle classes or run a ridiculously huge deficit.
Ron makes the case for lower taxes on the wealthy leading to job growth with an anecdotal story about adding a position at Marcus G. Finkelstein's Office Emporium and Sundries due to increased purchasing in the wake of Bush's first tax cuts. But was that higher rate of spending was sustained in any meaningful way? After eight years of lower taxes on the wealthiest percentile we have had anemic job growth which has turned the corner into minor employment contraction. (We're also in a recession which may last into 2010, but I hear that has something to do with the lack of rules on how rich people invest their money. Apparently a bunch of people fell for a Nigerian email scam.)
Contrast this with the Clinton administration, where there were higher taxes on the wealthy and corporations than during the last eight years along with, as we all know, unprecedented economic ass-kicking and name-taking. Taking all this into account leads to two conclusions that are neither mutually exclusive nor directly corrrelated: A) marginal tax rates on the wealthy and corporations do not directly influence economic and job growth and B) there are more factors involved in economic and job growth than marginal tax rates on the wealthy and corporations.
In Ron's story, a job was created because businesses were buying furniture, which is pretty straightforward: a job is created when people are buying goods and/or services. But let's extrapolate that story out a bit. Franklin M. Spankington's Monocle and Top Hat Warehouse gets a tax break and uses that extra money to buy a new forklift. Billy Bob's Forklifts 'n' Shit uses the extra revenue to hire a new worker, Tommy B. Fuckedbythewealthy-Justyouwaitandsee. That new worker, due to eight years of wage stagnation and a tax burden shifted to the lower classes, finds that after paying bills and buying food and clothes, he doesn't have the disposable income to buy that new monocle he wanted. Spankington's revenue falls because the middle class no longer has the money to buy his goods and so he has to fire Mike R. Upshitcreekseriouslyfuckthepoor, plus he can't buy new equipment so Billy Bob's revenue falls and Tommy gets fired, too. The point here is that it is arguable that if the lower classes don't have money to spend on disposable goods and services, revenues fall in the private sector and jobs are lost. Actually, it seems pretty clear that this is exactly what happens.
But that's not the end of the story. It turns out that the CEOs of Spankington's and Billy Bob's are making approximately 362 times what their base employees are, which is like 20 times what CEOs were making 15 years ago and is well out of whack with inflation*. Some might consider this, along with wage stagnation and regressive tax rates, a sign of severe wealth inequality suggesting that since the CEOs weren't interested in taking pay cuts or reducing the dividends of shareholders in order to save Tommy and Mike's jobs, it doesn't really matter what the tax rates are for the wealthy and corporations because they're gonna do whatever the fuck they want regardless of what anyone thinks about it. And if it looks like economically liberal politicians might get another foothold in government and try to fix this fucked up situation, the party representing the wealthy and corporations will pander to otherwise abhorrent social conservatives and the terminally ignorant to win elections by a slim margin and then claim a "mandate" to do things that are detrimental to the vast majority of the country. At first we wonder if someone is confused about what "mandate" means until we remember that the wealthy and corporations are gonna do whatever the fuck they want regardless of what anyone thinks about it.
In the interests of full disclosure, I should note that by pointing this out I have exposed myself as a Communist and have all the credibility of a severe schizophrenic on a three-week meth bender. Don't bother evaluating your own financial situation and the financial situations of others like you and compare them to the financial situations of the fabulously wealthy. The fabulously wealthy have worked hard and earned every penny they have while you are a lazy roustabout. And while I'm on the subject, it should be noted that even though using Paris Hilton as an example of why we need a stronger estate tax is like using severe thirst to argue for a glass of water, the fact that I have even considered such a thing makes me very, very anti-American.
So what's the solution? Probably armed revolution, to be honest. Unfortunately the only people with enough guns to facilitate armed revolution think Obama is a secret Arab Muslim terrorist. Son of a bitch.
*I just pulled these numbers out of my ass because I don't feel like searching for the real figures, but if I recall correctly these numbers aren't far off. Either way, the real figures are less funny and just as disgusting.
Friday, October 17, 2008
SGM Month of Halloween Horror Movie for Oct. 16
"Brotherhood of the Wolf" (2001)
Themes: Horror of the unknown
Synopsis (from the back of the box): When a mysterious beast ravages the countryside, two unlikely heroes are called in to fight the evil. The only way they can save the land from this unspeakable terror is to face their greatest fears, unearth a dark power and reveal a deadly secret.
Really, they aren’t that unlikely a set of heroes. And honestly, if you can’t figure out the villain’s identity by the first third of the film – and I’m being generous there – then I fear for you.
The strength of this film is its period setting. Some dude named Fronsac and his hetero life partner Manny (who I kept wanting to call “Manny Fernandez”) are called upon to investigate a series of grisly murders. Now, for being a smart couple of guys in the king’s court, instead of saying “Aw naw, hell naw,” they’re actually fighting to stay a part of the investigation by the middle of the movie. Man, first time I saw someone’s insides on the outsides, I’d be out like a scout on a new route, guillotine or no guillotine.
Granted, if Monica Bellucci showed me her tig ol’ bitties as a means of prophesizing the insane goings-on, I would probably be talked into staying too.
The film has a very acceptable blend of kung-fu, fantasy, horror, and political intrigue to keep it fresh and interesting. The mystery of the Beast of Gevaudan is set up quite nicely, as there are few clues given to suggest the nature of the monster. Either the town is dealing with a wild animal, a maniacal killer, or something otherworldly. Like I said earlier, you can guess one of the villain’s identities almost immediately, but getting to the denouement of the tale is by no means diminished by this.
Rating: 2 3/4 count
SGM Month of Halloween Horror Movie for Oct. 15
"Frankenstein’s Bloody Terror" (1967)
Themes: Werewolves, vampires and ghoulies, oh my!
Synopsis (from the back of the box): Pilfering gypsies take refuge in a crypt, unwisely removing a silver cross from the corpse of Count Imre Wolfstein and unleashing the curse of the werewolf! Modern descendant Waldemar Daninsky realizes he must hunt down the preying beast but, in the midst of his brave efforts, is bitten and infected with lycanthropy. Desperate for a cure, Waldemar calls for the help of a strange doctor and his alluring wife who happen to be bloodthirsty vampires!
Call him Paul Naschy, call him Jacinto Molina, just don’t call him late for dinner. Naschy, Mexico’s answer to Lon Chaney Sr., has ushered in all of the major Classic monsters on film, from the vampires to the mummies, all the way to his most favored role, Waldimar Daninsky, the tortured werewolf.
Waldimar has shown up in no less that ten films, included this first one, “Frankenstein’s Bloody Terror.” This film, like a number of monster mash-ups before and since, throws a lot of stuff at the wall and hopes that something sticks. And stick it does.
An opening monologue establishes some very convoluted history that, ultimately, isn’t terribly essential in the enjoyment of the film, but it telegraphs the movie’s intent to bombard you with a lot of concepts in a short period of time, i.e. 88 minutes. There’s a surprising, and satisfying, amount of gore-themed horror to be viewed, as the initial werewolf attack that unfolds has a healthy amount of blood being shed from shredded blood vessels. The initial werewolf, conveniently surnamed Wolfstein, is in fact a member of the Frankenstein bloodline, but after the family changed their name; yes, the Frankenstein’s adopted Wolfstein as a means to allay the fears of the populace. “Hi, I’m Mr. Murder, but I find my last name puts people a bit off, so I’d like to change my name to Bloodshed.”
The Waldemar Wolfman series is a very interesting one to get into. One main reason is that each film of the canon seems to disagree on the origins of how Daninsky became a werewolf in the first place. In this film, he’s bitten by a patriarch lycanthrope. In “Night of the Werewolf,” his infection is set in a medieval lifeline, eschewing the contemporary setting of “Frankenstein’s Bloody Terror” altogether. And in “Curse of the Devil,” he is cursed to being a werewolf by witches following his killing of a lycanthrope that was associated with them. But at least in “Frankenstein’s Bloody Terror,” Waldemar has a member of the contemporary scientific community to aid him in finding a cure. It’s unfortunate that said couple are vampires.
See? A lot of concepts in a short period of time.
Rating: 2 1/2 count
A second conference announcement
In case anyone is interested or has anything pertinent.
2009 PCA/ACA
Fat Studies
Call for Papers
Fat Studies is becoming an interdisciplinary, cross-disciplinary field of study that confronts and critiques cultural constraints against notions of “fatness” and “the fat body”; explores fat bodies as they live in, are shaped by, and remake the world; and creates paradigms for the development of fat acceptance or celebration within mass culture. Fat Studies uses fat bodies as the starting part for a wide-ranging theorization and explication of how societies and cultures past and present have conceptualized all bodies and the political/cultural meanings ascribed to every body. Fat Studies reminds us that all bodies are inscribed with the fears and hopes of the particular culture they reside in, and these emotions often are mislabeled as objective “facts” of health and biology. More importantly, perhaps, Fat Studies insists on the recognition that fat identity can be as fundamental and world-shaping as other identity constructs analyzed within the academy and represented in media.
Proposals in the area of Fat Studies are being accepted for the 2009 PCA /ACA (Popular Culture Association/American Culture Association) National Conference in New Orleans, LA (April 8-11, 2009; New Orleans Marriott). We welcome papers and performances from academics, researchers, intellectuals, activists, and artists, in any field of study, and at any stage in their career.
Topics may include but are not limited to: representations of fat people in literature, film, music, nonfiction, and the visual arts
cross-cultural or global constructions of fatness and fat bodies
cultural, historical, or philosophical meanings of fat and fat bodies
portrayals of fat individuals and groups in news, media, magazines
fatness as a social or political identity
fat acceptance, activism, and/or pride movements and tactics
approaches to fat and body image in philosophy, psychology, religion, sociology
fat children in literature, media, and/or pedagogy
fat as it intersects with race, ethnicity, class, religion, ability, gender, and/or sexuality
history and/or critique of diet books and scams
functions of fatphobia or fat oppression in economic and political systems
By November 30, 2008, please send an abstract of 100 - 250 words or a completed paper to Fat Studies Area Co-chairs, Julia McCrossin (jmccross@gwu.edu) and Lesleigh Owen (goddess_les@yahoo.com).
Please include your complete contact information and a CV and/or 50 word bio, along with anticipated A/V needs. All submissions are welcome, but please use the information above to ensure your paper fits within the academic and political scopes of Fat Studies. Please also be mindful that Fat Studies is a political project and not merely an umbrella for all discussions of larger bodies. Also, we encourage submitters to rethink using words like “obesity” and “overweight” in their presentations unless they are used ironically, within quotes, or accompanied by a political analysis.
Thursday, October 16, 2008
A conference announcement of interest
In case anyone has any work that fits in with this:
The Tarot in Culture area of the PCA/ACA invites papers on all aspects of Tarot practice and scholarly study, including, but not limited to, Tarot in history, literature, film, and comics, individual decks and artists, and all aspects of Tarot making and use. The only proviso is that all contributors be prepared for a forum composed largely of interested academics. Submissions should include a 150 – 300 word proposal or abstract and a CV. Send these documents to the area chair Emily E. Auger (augere@canada.com) no later than Nov. 30 2008.
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
[100 word horror fiction] I used to be alive.
Then I posed questions to my supervisors about our company’s involvement in cybernetic weaponry development.
Now, I can feel metal grinding on metal inside my body. Steel tension springs coil where my muscles used to be. My sensory perception has been replaced by digital readouts and neuro-chemical input.
I awoke today standing on the war-torn fields of Angola, firing a heavy caliber handgun against my will. When my optical sensors identified no more active lives – man, woman, or child – I “fell asleep” again.
I’m now the ultimate war machine.
Every night, I dream of death.
Horror films hit the theaters, as well as the shelves!
One major big screen scare, and Tuesday sees the release of the Ghost House Underground eight film collection, another damn "Halloween" anniversary set, and the critically lauded Stuart Gordon film, "Stuck."
In theaters:
"Quarantine" - Television reporter Angela Vidal and her cameraman are assigned to spend the night shift with a Los Angeles Fire Station. After a routine 911 call takes them to a small apartment building, they find police officers already on the scene in response to blood curdling screams coming from one of the apartment units. They soon learn that a woman living in the building has been infected by something unknown. After a few of the residents are viciously attacked, they try to escape with the news crew in tow, only to find that the CDC has quarantined the building. Phones, internet, televisions and cell phone access have been cut-off, and officials are not relaying information to those locked inside. When the quarantine is finally lifted, the only evidence of what took place is the news crew's videotape.
Ah, "found footage" horror; where would our new millennium be without you? Dating back as far as Ruggero Deodato's "Cannibal Holocaust" and peaking (or bottoming out, as is my opinion) with "The Blair Witch Project," found footage horror is such a wonderful way of providing a one-two punch of horror sensibilities: First, there's the horror itself (See: "Cloverfield"). Then, there's the suggestion of cover-up, and/or a lingering "the truth is out there" vibe (See: "Diary of the Dead"). Personally, I'm waiting for the release (presumably on DVD) of the Spanish film this was based on, "[.REC]" (shot almost simultaneously with "Quarantine," with the latter being the Americanized version of the former ... how's that for the absurdity of Remakemania going too far?).
On DVD this week:
Alfred Hitchcock Premier Collection
Alien - Predator Total Destruction Collection
Ghost House: Brotherhood of Blood
Camp Horror Double Feature
Ghost House: Dance of the Dead
Ghost House: Dark Floors
Deadly Game
Drive-In Cult Classics 3
Exploitation Cinema: Mausoleum/Blood Song
Halloween: 30th Anniversary Box Set
Icons of Horror: Hammer Films (6 films on 2 DVDs)
Ghost House: Last House in the Woods
A Nightmare on Elm Street 1-4: 4 Film Favorites
A Nightmare on Elm Street 5-8: 4 Film Favorites
Ghost House: No Man's Land: Rise of the Reeker
Rapist Rampage Grindhouse Double Feature
Rocky Horror Tribute Show
Ghost House: Room 205
Salt: A Fatal Attraction
Stuck
Ghost House: Substitute
Ghost House: Trackman
Ultraman Box Set
Zombie Jamboree
SGM Month of Halloween Horror Movie of Oct. 14
"Mad Love" (1935)
Themes: Mad science; body horror; obsessive love
Synopsis (from the back of the box): Play murder for me! Surgeon Peter Lorre replaces a famed pianist's hands with the hands of a killer.
Ah, "The Hands of Orlac!" Based on a French novel, "Mad Love" is in fact the third (at the time) ushering in of the horror subgenre of body transplant horror, that a body part that belongs to an evil person can retain this evil and spread it to an innocent victim if transplanted after death. And, actually, this story bears some merit, preceding as it did more contemporary research into physiological phenomena such as muscle memory.
Peter Lorre plays Dr. Gogol, the quintessential mad scientist; it's this role that established the stereotype that Lorre would become, as portrayed in Warner Brother's cartoons (as Gossamer's handler) and much later in the character of Ren Hoek. This film also adds the unusual sub-plot ripped right from Pygmalion, the myth of a sculptor who falls in love with his statue. It seems a lot for one film to handle, but the film packs in enough Grand Guignol subtexts and bizarre imagery (dig Lorre wearing a body brace that ostensibly is designed to keep a decapitated victim's head connected to his body!) that makes all these bizarre happenings flow together into a cohesive story that is pretty entertaining.
This film moved the mad scientist archetype from second banana supporting villain to major, first-string antagonist that set the stage for the upcoming science fiction horror that all but wiped out the Gothic terror films in the early 1940s.
Rating: 3 count
SGM Month of Halloween Horror Movie for Oct. 13
"13 Ghosts" (1960)
Themes: Phantasmagoria
Synopsis (from the back of the box): When an eccentric uncle wills a huge, ramshackle house to Cyrus and his impoverished family, they get the shock of a lifetime. Their new residence comes complete with a spooky housekeeper, Elaine, plus a fortune in buried treasure and 12 horrifying ghosts. As the terrified family soon discovers, these haunting ectoplasms include a decapitated man, a wailing lady and a flaming skeleton, who are held captive in the eerie house and must find an unlucky 13th to free them! Who'll be the final victim of these ghostly shenanigans?
William Castle ushered in this film with his usual ballyhoo, and, like most of the Castle canon, "13 Ghosts" came with its own gimmick, "Filmed in Illusion-O!" Anyone who's seen any 3-D film which needed the classic red-and-blue glasses to watch it can figure out how this works: In the film, when a character puts on the special "ghost viewer" goggles, the audience dons a pair of red-tinted lenses (blue if they are too scared to see the ghosts). The color filter of the camera in these scenes makes the ghosts obscure to typical viewing, but if you are looking through a red filter, WHOA BUDDY!! It's all "ghosts galore!!"
Except, actually, it's not, really. Some of the ghosts barely show up as blobs on the screen, red filter lenses or not. Of all the Castle gimmicks, this one ranks pretty low on the totem pole. The main appeal of this film is seeing Margaret Hamilton, the Wicked Witch in "The Wizard of Oz," in a sinister red herring role.
The plot is generally threadbare, involving as it does a haunted house, hidden treasure, and ghosts a-plenty. The acting, while ushered in by that timeframe's most accomplished low end A-list actors and actresses of the time, telegraphs that most of the acting troupe understood that their main role collectively was to sell the gimmick of "Illusion-O."
Not a great film by any means, but it's a Castle original, and in that it does have some appeal ... but only if you have red-tinted glasses (or at least half of a pair of 3-D glasses). My copy of "13 Ghosts" on DVD did NOT come with the lenses necessary to enjoy the film on its merits. That's just bad QA.
Rating: 2 count.
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
FIRED!
[TOMMY BOWDEN FIRED]
[I know there has to be opinions on this one. I say good riddance to bad rubbish. To quote Jerry Seinfeld "A little too much chlorine in that gene pool."]
Monday, October 13, 2008
SGM Month of Halloween Horror Movie for Oct. 12
"Teeth" (2007)
Themes: Body horror
Synopsis (from the back of the box): Dawn is a pretty but prim high school virgin who unknowingly has a set of mutant teeth between her legs. When a supposedly likeminded boyfriend forces himself upon her, Dawn's vagina dentata start chomping. Caught between her emerging sexuality and a host of oversexed young men, including her twisted half-brother, Dawn eventually gives in to her freakish powers.
Um, wow. Let’s just get this out of the way: Freud would have had a motherfucking field day with this film.
The reviews of this film were pretty strange at the time, and this is a point when I hadn’t even seen the film, but they lauded the film’s “subtle subtexts of female empowerment” and other shit like that. Excuse me, I’m no uppity film critic by profession, but I do know that there’s nothing subtle in a movie about a girl with teeth in her cooter. The pretensions of film critics never ceases to amaze me.
Here’s the skinny: The chick’s cute. The satire is solid. And the story is pretty well-developed, which is pretty remarkable for an indy film, a horror film, and ESPECIALLY an indy horror film, and to find an indy horror film having nothing at all to do with zombies is pretty much a blessing in its own right.
Rating: 2 1/2 count
SGM Month of Halloween Horror Movie for Oct. 11
"Body Bags" (1993)
Themes: Horror anthology
Synopsis (from the back of the box): Slip into the crypt for a peek at the “necro-files” of director John Carpenter, in three dead-on tales from today’s top terrormeister! Robert Carradine and David Naughton pump-up for high-octane horror when a satanic serial killer stalks “The Gas Station.” Stacy Keach, Deborah Harry and rock superstar Sheena Easton wig-out in the hair-raising tale of tonsorial terror, “Hair.” And special guest director Tobe Hooper takes the reins when Mark Hamill and Twiggy set their sights on the supernatural and stare Evil right in “The Eye.” So zip yourself in tight and chill-out with host John Carpenter in this shock-around-the-clock scarefest that will keep you coming back for morgue!
This “Tales From the Crypt” knock-off TV movie – I think made for Showtime – featured John Carpenter looking pretty fucking ghoulish in makeup, yet looking in 1993 much like he does, sans makeup, in 2008. Never a good thing.
Much love can be given to anthology horror films, and this one is no different. All three stories are pretty serviceable, and the acting is decidedly over-the-top, which for horror films of this nature isn’t always a bad thing. Stacy Keach, in particular, is fun to watch in “Hair,” as he plays up his character’s vanity with some interesting subtleties mixed with his over-the-top performance as an aging man losing his hair. When he uses a hair restoration product that yields spectacular overnight results, women swoon over his newfound confidence. Yet, in his hammy performance of a man who’s regained his confidence as well as his coif, he effects pathos for his character, a man who is so insecure that he can not face each day knowing that his best days may be behind him.
Not all of the acting in the other stories is as laudable; in fact, the quality of each vignette is uneven, with “The Eye” – a possessed body part transplant story – being the least of the bunch.
This has the feel of having been shot for a pending series to capitalize on HBO’s success with “Tales From the Crypt,” and it would have at least been interesting to see where it would have gone had the producers been given more stories to develop. But if this is what we’re left with, I guess it could have been worse.
Rating: 2 count
SGM Month of Halloween Horror Movie for October 10
"Popcorn" (1990)
Themes: Disfigured killer; trapped victims; movie-in-a-movie; secrets that come back to haunt
Synopsis (from the back of the box): Maggie is a film student who’s been dutifully recording her nightmares – hairy hippie with dagger, trussed maiden on altar, terrified child fleeing through flames – only to see them unfold on screen when a ‘60’s cult film, “The Possessor,” is discovered by fellow students preparing for a fund-raising horrorthon at an abandoned art deco theater called Dreamland. It seems that “The Possessor’s” director was a madman who killed his wife onstage and then burned down the theater after locking the audience inside. Maybe he died in the fire … maybe he didn’t. And just maybe … he’s back. That’s the central mystery, one that becomes crucial as Maggie’s fellow film students start fading to black before their time.
Man, I love this film! The threadbare skeleton of a plot being incidental, there’s more going on in this film than just mere stalker fare, namely, the films-within-the-film.
As the synopsis points out, ostensibly the film is about a girl who has dreams about a cult leader who died in the late ‘60s; now, he may or may not be back to terrorize the community out of vengeance. The antagonist of the film takes to stalking our heroine at a midnight movie festival that she and her fellow film classmates are running for a fundraiser. The films are, as described in the film, some of the lamest B-films from the ‘50s, although they were saddled in their day with gimmicks that William Castle would either be proud of or ashamed of. Those films are:
“Mosquito” – A man gets bitten by a radioactive mosquito and subsequently turns into a mosquito and begins sucking his way across the countryside. This mock film was based on those nature-gone-wild films, like “Kingdom of the Spiders” and “The Deadly Mantis,” as well as those transformation monster movies like “The Fly” and “Wasp Woman.”
“Attack of the Amazing Electrified Man” – A death row inmate is subjected to weird experiments that make him a superhuman invulnerable engine of destruction. Based on Lon Chaney Jr. vehicles “Man-Made Monster” and “The Indestructible Man,” and the gimmick used in “Popcorn” is a direct rip from “The Tingler’s” electrified theater seats.
“The Stench” – A radioactive monster terrorizes Japan, and its attacks are preceded by an unholy smell that kills surrounding bystanders. Based largely on most kaiju films of the “Godzilla” variety, although I would place this closer to the “Gamera” family.
The dialogue and mise-en-scene of these films capture the feel and ambiance of the classic film era on which their based. Honestly, without these, “Popcorn” is just a ham-handed slasher flick with no soul. Especially when the killer is revealed in the final reel and it all falls apart in the end.
Rating: 2 3/4 count
San Diego Part 1
I had the opportunity to go to San Diego this past weekend.
I am going to phase each blog entrie from my trip to specific events that may spark discussion. The first issue was the flight trip there. I am not huge on flying. I am not scared or anything but i like to be the one driving, you know. Anyway, this old man sat beside me on the plane. This guy had to be in his late seventies or early eighties. He was also about 6 foot 5 at least. If you have been on a plane then you know it is very close quarters between you and the seat in front of you. To get to my point, this old dude was there sitting enjoying the ride and his book when all of a sudden the chair in front of him goes back on him almost destroying the poor guy's legs. He tells the Flight Attendant (which by the way the movies make them out to be HOT. Not on this flight!). She tells him that she cannot tell the person in front of him to move her seat back up. As she is saying this, I know the person in the seat in front hears all this and does not move her seat back! The attendant tell the guy that he can move to one of the other seats in the back if he wanted to. (I am sure that made Rosa Parks turn over in her grave! The guy was not black but told to move to the back!) He does move back there while the young girl in the seat in front continues to read her Elle magazine or whatever my cunt does not smell mag she was reading.
So why do people mistreat Senior Citizens? Jealous of free or reduced coffee at McDonalds. What do you think?
Friday, October 10, 2008
To phrase this delicately...
"The issue is that she will bring in the middle America vote, the people who Josh refers to as the "Confederate Yokel and Backwoods Mouthbreather" folks. The thing is, these people are the majority. I don't mean the Democratic majority or the Republican majority....I mean the majority of American citizens. Most people aren't die hard home-schoolers (despite Josh's best efforts to fit all conservatives into the worst possible stereotypes)..."
Ron B. - August 29, 2008
Ladies and gentlemen, Middle America!
Aside from the thrashing Obama is giving McCain in the Electoral Vote polling (we're approaching "Nebraska v. Florida in the 1996 Sugar Bowl" territory), nothing is giving me greater joy than watching the Retarded Right come completely unhinged. Since the attacks of September 11th, 2001, and the subsequent decision by Karl Rove and his Mayberry Machiavellis to use fear as a political cudgel, these people have been the core support of a conservative majority bolstered by independents concerned about terrorism and national security. Now that security issues have faded in the face of an economic shock threatening the stability of the global economy, political independents have moved their allegiances and the facade of a Moral Majority has crumbled. These people are no longer having their outrageous social viewpoints unintentionally reinforced and they have no clue how to handle it. Well, they do have an idea: hatred and ignorance.
To put a finer point on it, today's most fascinating and awe-inspiring development wasn't the clip above from today's McCain-Palin rally in Minnesota where McCain gets booed trying to disabuse these people of the idea that Obama is an Arab terrorist. Nor was it the release of the Alaska State Legislature's report finding that Sarah Palin violated state ethics' laws in pressuring state public safety commissioner Walt Monegan to fire her ex-brother-in-law, State Trooper Mike Wooten. Today's most fascinating and awe-inspiring development was the announcement by Christopher Buckley that he is supporting Barack Obama in the Presidential election.
To clear that up for those of you who aren't political junkies, Christopher Buckley is the son of William F. Buckley, Jr. William F. Buckley, Jr., was the founder of the National Review, the arch-conservative political magazine. William F. Buckley, Jr., was the architect of modern American politcal conservatism. And his son, a lifelong conservative Republican supporter and former speechwriter for President George H.W. Bush, is reacting to McCain's campaign by supporting Barack Obama. The Republican candidate for the Presidency of the United States has lost the son of the father of modern American conservatism.
That, my friends, can only be described in two words:
So, to Jake, who here and in a conversation we had afterward expressed concern about the outcome of the election which I dismissed, and any others that may be worried, I say again, fear not. And here's why:
Obama '08: Hope, Change, Progress, and with any luck, a 60-seat Senate majority we can use to crush the Republican Party into a fine powder that we will then bake into a bread which we will wash down with the sweet, sweet tears collected on November 5th.
Your Best Show of the New TV Season
I've actually had some time to watch some shows this week.
Best New Show of the Season
Life on Mars - ABC
This is an American version of a BBC hit that made it two seasons and had one spin-off. The premise seems far-fetched, of course, but that makes it interesting. In our version, an NYPD detective is hunting a serial killer that has kidnapped the cop's co-worker/lover. In the process he gets clocked by a car and somehow is transported back to 1973, where he has a pre-fab life as an.....NYPD detective.
The usual gimmickry (e.g. "Where is my cell phone?" "What phone are you selling?") is kept to a minimum and instead he goes to work solving cases. Police work is different....warrants aren't necessarily required and his co-workers like to beat up on witnesses. His boss is Harvey Keitel, which makes the show that much cooler. He has been getting some communication from 2008, but that has thus far been all one-way....adding an element of suspense beyond the police work aspect.
Honorable Mention: Fringe - caught the first couple of episodes. It is good, but I wish they would have called it the New X-Files and been done with it.
Best Returning Show
Heroes
Season 3 is MUCH better than the strike-shortened season 2. I wish they would hurry up and bring the muscle mimic from New Orleans back, and yeah it is freaky that Sylar and Peter are brothers....but still the plot twists and the time travel element has been outstanding.
SGM Month of Halloween Horror Movie for Oct. 9
"Subspecies II: Bloodstone" (1993)
Themes: Vampires
Synopsis (from the back of the box): Radu’s fledgling Michelle flees from his castle with the holy relic – the Bloodstone – and struggles with her emerging bloodlust while hiding in the basement of a theater in Bucharest, waiting for her sister to arrive from the States to help her.
I used to think that Full Moon Studios desperately wanted to be the next New Line Cinema, a/k/a “The House That Freddy Built.” They threw a lot of concepts against the wall to see what stuck – “Puppet Master,” “Trancers,” and “Demonic Toys,” as well as more recent fare like “Killer Bong” and, dear God, “The Gingerdead Man.” Among all of these magnificent films, though, is one series that seemed to chug along just under the radar: “Subspecies.”
The “Subspecies” series is all about the vampires, and the chief antagonist is Radu, a character who bears more than a passing resemblance to Max Schreck’s Nosferatu. Watching Anders Hove’s performance as Radu, in a more current context, conjures recollections of the late Heath Ledger’s performance as the Joker in “The Dark Knight Returns,” with its reliance on involuntary twitching, raspy dialogue recitations, and vocal inflections that border on otherworldly. “Subspecies” I sets the tone for the films that followed, but it’s in “Subspecies II” where the heart of the story takes place, in Radu’s quest for possession of the titular Bloodstone.
“Subspecies II,” filmed in the year after “Bram Stoker’s Dracula,” exhibits some pretty neat art photography that certainly appears to have been influenced by the latter. Shadows in particular play a very sinister role, especially during the scenes in which Radu pursues Michelle toward and through Budapest. The filming in Romania was an inspired decision, as it lends to a more authentic feel than you may find in more modern films; however, I found myself wishing that the director would have found at least four or five different streets to film on, as much of the film takes place in the same settings.
The acting in this film is most unfortunate. Aside from Radu, which I consider to be pretty amusing in its over-the-top quality, the rest of the characters are played as if they are desperate to stand out against their compatriots. Michelle is really at her best when Denice Duff shuts the fuck up and just runs away from Radu. Michelle’s sister Rebecca, played by Melanie Shatner (yep, William’s daughter), alternates between lovestruck on the cardboard standee that is Kevin Blair and constantly asking Michelle “What’s wrong?” despite not being freaked out by the copious amounts of blood splattered on Michelle’s dress. Radu’s mother is little more than a thankless make-up role that could have been ushered in by anyone. In fact, if there were any other actor worth watching other than Hove, it would have to be Ion Haiduc, ushering in the role of Lt. Marin, the “Subspecies” answer to Abraham Van Helsing.
Expect no faggy “tortured soul” vampire references here; the story is primarily that of a vampire who is more than happy with his station in life, and his main goal in life is to, presumably, live forever, drink blood, and fuck Michelle, and not necessarily in that order. And since the movie makes no illusions about its intentions, it’s way more entertaining than a thousand “Interview With a Vampires,” “True Bloods,” and “Buffy the Vampire Slayers” would ever be.
Rating: 2 1/2 count
Thursday, October 09, 2008
Quick quiz
Click here and see if you can guess which statement was the one that made me laugh so hard I both spit Mountain Dew all over my ghetto computer and scared the shit out of the cat. Go on ... guess.
(The Blemish may contain words or images that are NSFW. Check your community laws and standards.)
Science Gone Mad: Audio eXchange (Month of Halloween edition)
Theme to "Tales From the Darkside"
Unfortunately, this doesn't have the creepy narration that used to introduce each episode. Now, that was the shit that used to scare me the most.
"Man lives in the sunlit world of what he believes to be reality.
But ...
There is, unseen by most, an underworld, a place that is just as real, but not as brightly lit ... a Darkside."
Creepy shit, man. It perfectly illustrates what the late Don LaFontaine used to say, that the most powerful word in narration is "but." I imagine Homer Simpson saying, "Awww, why'd you have to put that 'but' in there?!"
[100 word horror story] "This one’s mine."
The vampire tightened his grip on his victim’s hair.
The werewolf snarled defiance. He had chased his prey through the woods, and the pursuit had ended at the ruins of the forgotten mansion.
This tension was disturbed by the shambling entrance of the mummified remains of Egyptian wizard Heru, who snatched the village girl from the vampire’s clutches, unseen. The vampire lunged for his quarry, only to be unintentionally intercepted by the charging man-wolf. They struggled, each trying to gain ground ahead of the other, while Heru retreated.
“It’ll be a long night,” the village girl reflected.
SGM Month of Halloween Horror Movie from Oct. 8
"Night of the Living Dead" (1990)
Themes: Zombies; trapped victims
Synopsis (from the back of the box): Seven strangers are trapped in an isolated farmhouse while cannibalistic zombies – awakened from death by the return of a radioactive space probe – wage a relentless attack, killing (and eating) everyone in their path.
Tom Savini helmed this remake of the 1968 Romero classic, and it’s not a bad homage to the vastly superior original. Pleasantly, contrary to most people’s expectations when it comes to remakes, this one doesn’t suck that bad.
Filmgoers lately have gotten their undergarments in a bunch about the constant flurry of remakes coming to theaters lately, but really, is this any different than what we’ve witnessed in other areas, in other genres, time and time again? Look at how many cover songs come out from a multitude of artists; aren’t those technically remakes? Plus, it’s not like horror film remakes are even anything new in our fine new millennium; look at “King Kong” (1976), “The Blob” (1989), “The Bride” (1985), “Invasion of the Body Snatchers” (1978), “Cat People” (1982), “The Fly” (1986), “Mark of the Vampire” (1935), and “House of Wax” (1953). And that’s merely a handful of the remakes that came out prior to Savini’s “Dead.”
Savini’s “Dead” marked the first trip to the director’s chair for the special effects artist, and it came out on the heels of “Pumpkinhead,” directed by Stan Winston, also a special effects artist who, like Savini, specialized in horror films. What might have appeared to be a trend, however, stalled out the gate; one wonders what might have become of the genre had this continued and, say, a Rick Baker taken the lens for a film or two. After all, who would you expect to have more insights and respect for horror movies, than the people in charge of bringing those horrors to life?
As far as the film goes, it tweaks the formula of the original “Night” for more conventional, Gen-X movie goers of the time. Romero’s “Night” had a message hidden in its subtext about civil rights, society and its grace under pressure; it seems that all of Romero’s zombie films use their zombies as a cultural yardstick. Savini in turn updated this approach for the new nineties, adjusting characterizations and situations to reflect the Gestalt:
1) Barbara, a character who in the original film is an embodiment of a Jell-o mold, becomes a Ramboesque engine of zombie destruction, in an attempt to move away from the “helpless heroine” motif.
2) The ending from the original was changed for Savini’s take; neither of which I’ll spoil here. Suffice to say, as cynical as Romero’s statement was with his film, Savini ups the ante by a factor of two.
Savini turns in a more than adequate take on a classic, which, even as relatively little as I knew about horror back in 1990, made me want to see what he could do if given free reign on an original film. Unfortunately, the critical and financial response to the new “Night” killed any momentum there might have been; they can’t all be “Pumpkinhead.”
Rating: 2 1/2 count
Wednesday, October 08, 2008
SGM Audio Exchange
Every now and again a song line or a beat or riff pops into my head.
People Are Still Having Sex - LaTour
This is supposed to be an AIDS awareness song, at least I think it is, but it is worth listening to because it is an example of how to not make a dance song. It sounds as if it was created on a Casio keyboard purchased at Big Lots in the late 1980s.
It is also Halloween related because at 3:10 into the track an organ plays a Dracula-esque bit that fits very poorly into the song. It also has the laughing woman from Duran Duran's Girls on Film, who also has nothing to do with the song.
Tuesday, October 07, 2008
Horror DVDs due out October 7, 2008
Wacky Asian horror, an unprecedented re-release of a remake, a few sequels, some anime, Hitchcock, Harryhausen, and the "Faces of Death!"
20 Years After
Beneath the Surface
Corpse Mania
Dead Country
Devil May Cry Vol. 1-3
The Devil's Chair
The Devil's Mercy
Feast 2: Sloppy Seconds
Ghost Hunters: Season 4 - Part 1
Ghost Ship
Halloween (remake re-release)
The Happening
Harakiri: Boobs and Blood box set
Jack Brooks: Monster Slayer
Joy Ride 2: Dead Ahead
Morella’s Witching House Triple Feature
The Munsters Complete Series
The Original Faces of Death
Over Sexed Rugsuckers from Mars
The Picture of Dorian Gray
Prey for the Beast
Prom Queen
Psycho
Rear Window
Return of the Curse
Seventh Voyage of Sinbad
Straight Jacket
Super Hell
Vertigo
Wicked Lake
SGM Month of Halloween Horror Movie of Oct. 7
"Wrestlemaniac" (2006)
Themes: Trapped victims; monstrosity
Synopsis (from the back of the box): For an amateur porn film crew traveling through Mexico, a wrong turn in the middle of nowhere leads to the ghost town called 'La Sangre De Dios,' where locals claim that deranged luchadore 'El Mascardo' still lives to rip the faces off his victims. Now the night is closing in, the clothes are coming off, and the ultimate death match is about to be unleashed.
I want to tell you this now, upfront, so that you can make the decision to keep reading or not: This movie is terrible.
Now, if you decide to stick around after that, I’ll now tell you that there are 10 reasons that I’ve been able to isolate to explain why this movie is terrible. And these occur in the first 30 minutes of the movie. Don’t worry, I watched the whole film; this is just a primer of what you can expect in the first thirty minutes.
1) The opening monologue by the film’s most obnoxious character, in which we are informed about what a “dirty Sanchez” is. (And no, I won’t recount this, but trust me, the internet will be more than happy to guide you.)
...
Okay, I'll tell you this much ... it involves a dick, shit, and that area under a person's nose. Now, have at it.
2) For porn actresses, Dallas, Debbie, and Daisy – Leyla Milani, Margaret Scarborough, and Catherine Wreford, respectively – would hold no interest for any self-respecting heterosexual male planning to rub one out on a lonely Tuesday evening.
3) Daisy, in particular, spends the whole film passed out from intoxication, doing nothing of import not only to the ersatz adult film in “Wrestlemaniac’s” plot, but also managing to make no impact in the main film, aside from being “victim number one.” In fact, later in the film, when the “big porn scene” is being filmed, she throws up in probably her single most important moment of self-awareness, ever.
4) Irwin Keyes.
Okay, this is actually pretty funny. The three actors receiving top billing in this film are Irwin Keyes, Leyla Milani, and Rey Misterio Sr. Milani is the female lead. Misterio is the villain. Irwin Keyes is listed on the back of the DVD case for his role in “House of 1000 Corpses.” Irwin Keyes was in “House of 1000 Corpses” for about five minutes. He was in “Wrestlemaniac” for ten minutes as “the Stranger.” This is Irwin Keyes, your “male lead.” For all of ten minutes. “The Stranger.” Irwin Keyes.
5) The intrepid filmmakers finally make their way to the location that they’re going to shoot their film. It’s an abandoned saloon, covered in dirt and grime. And these people – the director and the three female “porn stars” – are going to get naked and wallow their exposed genitals around in this environment. Well, that is …
6) If any of these “porn stars” actually got naked. Yes, this film that is supposed to be this hardcore, full-on, DP, ATM, balls to the fucking wall … features women who, at most, take their tops off. That’s the scene. The one scene of the adult film in question.
7) Leyla Milani’s hair is messy. But it’s almost like it’s fixed to look messy. Which is very odd.
8) What’s with the ass shots? Every scene that has a female in it begins with said female walking into the shot, followed by the camera in a tight close-up of their asses. Is that where En Mascardo is hiding?
9) Among our intrepid pornsters is a guy of Mexican descent who apparently is writing a doctoral dissertation on lucha libre, because, whether anyone asks him or not, he is ready with the most obscure trivia of lucha. This is probably what a road trip with Harry Knowles would be like, if Harry Knowles ate Bill Apter.
10) El Mascardo is one dirty sumbitch. There’s a good two inches of grime on homeboy through the whole movie. I think his mask was supposed to be white. He kinda looked like Jack Black from “Nacho Libre.” And yet for all of its foibles, I still would watch “Wrestlemaniac” again before watching “Nacho Libre” for the first time.
The one thing to like about this movie? The face removal scene. Yeah, the one face removal scene … in a film about a monster who removes faces from all of his victims as his modus operandi. Make that “one face.” But I guess “faces” makes for a scarier legend. I’d be more intimidated if someone told the story of “the monster luchadore who rips the faces from his victims’ skulls,” as opposed to the story of “the monster luchadore who ripped the face off some dude this one time.”
Rating: One count.
SGM Month of Halloween Horror Movie for Oct. 6
"Captain Kronos, Vampire Hunter" (1974)
Themes: Vampires; avengers against the paranormal
Synopsis (from the back of the box): In a small village in the remote English countryside, several young maidens have been found dead – their beautiful faces horribly aged almost beyond recognition. Suspecting a supernatural evil at work, the local doctor calls on Army friend and famed vampire hunter Captain Kronos, an expert swordsman formerly of the King’s Imperial Guard. Aided by his expert assistant Professor Grost, the two quickly confirm the gruesome murders are the work of a unique type of vampire, one who drains its victims not of their blood, but of their youth! After forging a lethal new sword from an old graveyard cross, the vampire hunters set out to put an end to Evil’s reign of terror in this Hammer Films horror classic.
“Van Helsing” sucked. There, I said it; it sucked. The only thing that was good about “Van Helsing” was that its release heralded the return to print of the Universal Monsters classics on DVD, which at this point had been out of print for approximately a year. I’m still smarting over spending a small fortune chasing copies of those films down.
Yes, “Van Helsing” sucked. I say this emphatically because, had I not seen “Captain Kronos, Vampire Hunter,” I would have thought that “Van Helsing” was going to be the standard bearer for all swashbuckling horror-action films. Van Helsing 2K4, hide your head in shame, for Captain Kronos, Vampire Hunter is 100x, 1000x your better.
There are several action sequences that not only entertain, but drive the plot and characterization. Make no mistakes, there’s quite a bit going on in “Captain Kronos,” but the film never seems too overloaded with exposition or plot conveniences. In fact, everything done on the screen is driven by purpose toward the overall story. One key scene – my favorite, admittedly – has Kronos and his companion Grost attempting to figure out methods in which to kill a certain breed of vampire. Earlier in the film, it is made abundantly clear that there are all manners of vampires, each with their unique vulnerabilities and strengths. Whereupon Kronos and Grost happen upon a specimen on which to experiment – who also happens to be an old Army friend of Kronos’ – they proceed to run the gamut of killing techniques until they happen upon the correct method. To watch the growing frustration of each member of the scene – Kronos, Grost, and the vampiric Army buddy – is not only amusing, but has an overall purpose to communicate to the audience. Again, this film has no time to waste.
The acting is a little uneven; the performances border on subdued and bombastic. Everything has either a desperate urgency or a calm and leisurely approach. One individual that has no problems with her acting, however, is Caroline Munro. I think she acts pretty well; of course, anyone spending that much time naked and trying to get it on with the hero probably acts pretty well. I really didn’t watch her acting … but Wikipedia says she’s a fine actress, so we’ll go with that.
When “Captain Kronos, Vampire Hunter” fades out, it’s a quite bit unfortunate. There was enough shared about Kronos and Grost that seemed to be whetting the viewers’ appetites for more journeys alongside these intrepid explorers. Yes, Hammer had many more vampires in their horizons, as well as a multitude of other monsters yet to come; Kronos could have birthed a whole franchise of his own. Alas, ‘twas not to be, but for what’s left of the Kronos legacy, we can at least revel in what true action-adventure horror can be.
Rating: 2 3/4 count
Monday, October 06, 2008
Nate's Shower Thought, 100608
(Warning: This one goes nowhere fast.)
If the stock market were the neckline of a blouse, it's plunged so far that we should be seeing them big ol' floppy titties by now!
Titty buy! Titty sell! Titty crash! Titty bailout!
SGM Month of Halloween Horror Movie for Oct. 5
"The Ghoul" (1933)
Themes: Curses; revenge from beyond the grave
Synopsis (from the back of the box): On his deathbed, famed Egyptologist Professor Morlant instructs his assistant to bury him with an ancient jewel he believes will grant him eternal life. But soon after he’s entombed, the sacred treasure is ripped form his hand by a mysterious grave robber. Now, filled with fury, Morlant rises from his crypt as a grotesquely decaying mummy determined to avenge the theft … and destroy everything in his path!
Boris Karloff starred in this film well at the height of his “Frankenstein” fame; in fact, this one came right on the heels of the ushering in of his second most popular role, that of Im-Ho-Tep in “The Mummy.” Similar in some themes to the latter film, “The Ghoul” laces a tale more aptly described as a whodunit in horror wrappings. No pun intended, trust me.
Karloff himself is fine, playing Professor Morlant mute once he’s resurrected and portraying a wide range of emotional depth in his actions. But for my money, the star of the film is Ernest Thesiger, who, despite being a poof to the nth degree, plays Karloff’s right hand man Laing with a mixed diabolism and cowardice that elevates him above the rest of the cast.
The story itself is pretty slapdash; there are plot holes galore, the number of which grows exponentially when the true nature of Morlant’s resurrection is revealed. Perhaps “revealed” is to strong a word, as it ends up merely being hinted at in a throwaway discussion between two characters racing toward the scene of these shenanigans. This may be a spoiler, but I don’t disillusion myself that I’ll ruin a fine cinematic experience for the lot of you: If a cataleptic person is entombed, how does the full moon shining on their crypt door revive them? And if a person is on the cusp of death before they sink into catalepsy, how does their revival imbue them with the strength to carry on the tasks that require the endurance that Morlant’s zombific actions do?
If nothing else, the film sets itself up nicely as a kinda-sorta nod to the early Hitchcock films, as well as those featuring Rathbone’s Holmes. Not a perfect film by any means, “The Ghoul” is still an entertaining ninety minutes.
Rating: 2 count.
Saturday, October 04, 2008
Again, proving I am crazy or stupid...
...next week I embark on the "Name Your Own Price Tour 2008."
Yes kids, ol' Mister Palumbo has decided that it's time to embark on another rap tewr. I just haven't quite gotten my fill of investing more of my own, hard-to-come-by $$$$$ into an industry that not only ignores true talent, but is financially in possibly worse shape than Wall Street.
Why bother? Well, because god dammit there's probably only about 3-6 years before the planet explodes and I fucking love performing for my fans, and making new ones. And if you want to be on the campaign trail, you've gotta take your show on the road. My hip-hop career is obviously influenced by wrestling, not only in the showmanship, but also the work ethic and questionable santiy (i.e. blading in a high school gymnasium for $15 - although I am saving my first on-stage blade-job for Austin, TX.) And since I recently got word that my day job may be folding due to cash-flow problems, I figure now is as good a time as any to Dewey Cox-it up.
Currently, you can catch me at:
OCT. 6th - New York, NY (40 C)
OCT. 7th - Brooklyn, NY (Delroy's)
OCT. 9th - Tucson, AZ (Sports On Congress)
OCT. 10th - Tempe, AZ (Dirty Devil)
OCT. 11th - Albequerque, NM (Blake's)
OCT. 12th - Phoenix, AZ (101.5 Jamz - Rhyme and Reason interview)
OCT. 16th - Johnson City, TN (The Hideaway)
and some more last minute dates being added.
Anyway, here's to the best in luck, travel (the way I get butt-violated by airport security, my last name had might as well be Bin Laden), clubs with half-way decent sound guys, pussy and packed houses. I'm sure there will be a full report when it's over.
SGM Month of Halloween Horror Movie for Oct. 4
"The Church" (1989)
Themes: Curses; trapped victims; demonic terror
Synopsis (from the back of the box): In medieval Europe, crusading knights massacre a village full of suspected devil worshippers and build a large gothic church above the cursed remains. It is now present day, and this elaboarate cathedral still stands. But when its sealed crypt is accidentally reopened, a group of people trapped inside the church become possessed by the fury of the damned. Can the blood of the innocent survive this unholy communion, or will the ultimate demonic evil be unleashed upon the world?
Michele Soavi, director of the superb "Cemetery Man," ushers in this film that has close ties with the "Demons" series (the second of which was under discussion last year). Stylistically speaking, you can tell the distinct difference in approaches between Lamberto Bava, who helmed the first two "Demons" films, and Soavi. The imagery that brings this film alive, for example, is stark, and it helps flesh out the settings, and it lends a grand ethereal air to the proceedings of the film.
Also in contrast to the first two "Demons" films, the setting is like a character in and of itself. Where in the preceding "Demons" films, the settings were mostly incidental - which is a disappointment when you consider the first films setting at a horror movie marathon - "The Church" in question almost exudes personality, and we get to know the church by its background and its interactions with the victims trapped within.
Dario Argento produced this film, and a lot of his influences show. Argento, as my own amateur meanderings through Italian horror would have me believe, is akin to our country's Roger Corman, an individual whose eye on the bottom line aided his artistic talent substantially.
Oh yeah, and Asia Argento's in this. But that's something that can certainly be overlooked. This was prior to her looking like a scagged out coke whore, but, as this was three years after her turn in "Demons 2," it's very apparent here that those days were not too far from now. And yet, if we were solely a horror film appreciation collective, I think it would be imperative that we have precious Asia inducted into a horror actor hall of fame, alongside at least Tom Noonan.
While I enjoyed the film as an extension of the "Demons" series, there was some surrealistic bents that did affect my watching of the film. The ending is pretty chaotic, which resulted in a split opinion: The imagery, again, was pretty solid, although the visual cacophony of the procedings left for some difficult to comprehend resolutions. I assure you, though, there's a lot worse out there in the history of Italian horror than this; it's a pretty solid film.
Rating: 2 1/2 count
SGM Month of Halloween Horror Movie for Oct. 3
"Plague of the Zombies" (1966)
Themes: Zombies; British horror
Synopsis (from the back of the box): A strange disease reaching epidemic proportions is invading the English countryside where Peter Thompson practices. In desperation, Thompson seeks the help of his mentor, Sir James Forbes, who comes to his assistance in trying to make sense of the horrible plague. Amidst walking corpses, voodoo dolls and empty graves, the two embark on an investigation that uncovers a ghastly secret and leads them to the shocking truth.
This was one of the first handful of movies that dealt with the living dead, hitting screens a good two years before George Romero made a killing off of walking stiffs in "Night of the Living Dead." This marked a distinct departure for Hammer, who previously had been milking the teat of the classic monsters that had been previously introduced to the public by Universal Pictures (Dracula, Frankenstein, the Wolfman, the Mummy, the Phantom of the Opera). Shame they didn't take a shot at the Gill-man from "The Creature of the Black Lagoon." Ah well, more's the pity.
This bad boy is less Romero, shambling around eating flesh as social commentary, and more Bela Lugosi, "White Zombie" (1932), with its emphasis on hoodoo enslavement. Sure, there's the occasional murderous rampage, but all that does is go to show that you can't find good help these days.
It's a pretty smooth film, trading in on the Hammer Gothic storytelling style in order to weave a tale of zombies vs. the living, and it explores ideas that, while these themes are better fleshed out in later zombie films, are reminiscent of the EC Comics style of the '40s and '50s. All in all, a tidy little chiller.
Rating: 2 1/2 count.
Friday, October 03, 2008
SGM Month of Halloween Horror Movie for October 2
"Fido" (2006)
Themes: Zombies; stranger in a strange land.
Synopsis (from the back of the box): Timmy Robinson's best friend in the whole wide world is a six-foot-tall rotting zombie named Fido. But when Fido eats the next-door neighbor, Mom and Dad hit the roof, and Timmy has to go to the ends of the earth to keep Fido a part of the family. A boy-and-his-dog movie for grown-ups, "Fido" will rip your heart out.
Huh; hard to believe that's Billy Connolly - Billy MacGregor of "Head of the Class" - under the "Fido" makeup. He plays Fido with a very careful sympathy; I'd even wager that this is one of the finest silent portrayals of the new millennium.
The setting is small-town America in the 1950's, with all its cheesy pastel houses and golly-gee-whiz mentality about the world around us. Timmy is actually the only "modern" character, with his mistrust of the government and his incessant questions when an authority figure offers cursory explanations of events and circumstances.
The characters also conspire to bring "Fido" to amazing life, in how they round ofut the background. Dylan Baker - who played Doc Connors in the "Spider-man" films - is choice as Timmy's dad, who also happens to have a "zombie phobia." Carrie Anne Moss is unrecognizable in her collection of floral print dresses and '50s hairdo. But most intriguing is Mr. Theopolis, with his hot (for a zombie) maid; his subtle approach and interactions with his neighbors suggests that he may engage in some pretty impure interactions with his zombie girl.
Certain scenes stand out as snapshots of how life changes after something cataclysmic like a zombie outbreak. One scene showed kids at school going out for "field science," which merely amounted to shooting zombie targets while singing, "In the brain, not the chest/ Headshots are the very best." Can't beat that.
Rating: 2 3/4 count; it almost does the job.
Horror hits the screens!
A summary of the horror film(s) that will be in theaters Oct. 3!
"Blindness"
This fall, our vision of the world will change forever ...
Apparently, a global epidemic of spontaneous blindness strikes random individuals. In Amer'ka, the response is to heard the blind into some sort of detention camp. Julianne Moore, who I used to think was hot until she got old, and women with freckles and pale skin in their 50's are just not hot, can see and hitches a ride on an ambulance to the blind camp. There, a civil war breaks out, and the one person with vision opts to lead the way to salvation.
THe horror here is based on not only the unknown & unexpected blindness that strikes innocent people, but also to fear is the degradation of the human condition. Me, I'd probably freak out if all of a sudden I lost my site, but then I could walk around and cop feels off of women's breasts and just play it off. "Sorry, blind." It's all about making the most of your situation.
On the other end, as far as this movie, I don't know if I can make it for two hours of people walking around looking in the opposite direction of people they're talking to and flailing their arms like Frankenstein, since that's apparently what blind people do to get around.
Oct. 2's horror movie submission postponed
Called on account of illness; I plan to double up on Oct. 3, though.
Thursday, October 02, 2008
The results of the "Folsom Prison Blues" poll
Remember a week ago?
The one by Everlast won, 3-1. My thoughts after the jump.
I probably like both equally. I like Reverend Horton Heat's version, due to its adherence to the minimalist spirit of the original. However, in that intimate a setting - just Jim Heath & his guitar - the right good reverend's voice falls just short of making this one a classic. Had he implemented the vocal skills he displayed on, say, "That's Showbiz," i.e. a deeper octave, that might have put that version over for me.
Everlast's version, on the other hand, takes the opposite path and throws a LOT at the wall, hoping for what sticks. And much of it does, in my book, from the keyboards to Everlast's gruff recitation. The only problem is, too much is going on; when I first heard this in the car stereo, I had a hard time picking up Everlast's vocals because of all the drums, keyboards, guitar chords, and "whee-ee" noise. But I gave this one the nudge because it's an okay update on a classic, and had the track used Generic Bass Hook #477 like most rap does nowadays, I'd have voted this one down, but that classic Cypress Hill "Insane in the Membrane" "whee-ee" makes this 1% greater than Heat's.
Of course, like most cover versions, neither touches the classic.
Wednesday, October 01, 2008
Posted without comment
I love that new tag Josh.
From the new Journal of Popular Culture: "The Performance of Nonconformity on The Muppet Show—or, How Kermit Made Me Queer"
Read this article to find out why Miss PIggy and Janice the guitar player were really drag queens, why Gonzo is queer, and why Elton John's guest appearance "may" have shaped a generation.
SGM Month of Halloween Horror Movie for October 1
"The Undertaker & His Pals" (1966)
Themes: Serial killers; cannibalism
Synopsis (from the back of the box): An undertaker and his two friends, who are restaurant owners, drum up business by going out on the town and killing people. The restaurant owners use parts of the bodies for their menu, and the undertaker gets paid by the families to bury the leftovers. Their racket goes awry when two detectives suspect that something isn’t quite kosher with the cooking.
(Insert pithy comment about this being a DVD collection of tag matches featuring the Undertaker of WWF fame here. There, I saved someone out there the trouble of doing it.)
For a film that probably spent more than its share of time in the theaters of old 42nd Street, this movie isn't too awfully bad. There's some pretty atrocious acting, and characterization is pretty basic, but these are minor complaints when you get to the meat of the film.
Since things are pretty spoiled right off the back of the DVD case, I'll add a few notables. The restaurant owners actually masquerade to their killings as a motorcycle gang. They work close to the aforementioned undertaker, who clearly fires off some pretty serious gay undertones ... in fact, that should probably read overtones. And the lounge-rock tunes sung by a guy who sounds like Joe E. Ross (Gunther Toody from "Car 54, Where Are You?") are actually likable enough that I would not be embarrassed if someone caught me bumping those in my car stereo.
There's definitely a psychedelic vibe that's pervasive throughout the film - the monochromatic kill scenes, there's a scene where a photograph of a victim's boyfriend is reacting to her death & dismemberment - as well as some ham-handed (umm ... yeah ...) puns and stark black humor (Ms. Poultry's remains end up in the chicken dish of the day? Are there really people in the world with the surname Poultry?).
As far as a horror picture goes, it's more police procedural than straight horror, but the gore scenes and shock value add a depth to the film that supercedes the standard cop films of that era. So, who's up for a hearty dish of "Leg of (Susie) Lamb?"
Rating: 2 1/2 count.
New Post Label!
"You Gotta Be Shitting Me"
And we're gonna kick this one off with a video:
Jenny McCarthy vs. Autism
The headline on CNN reads "McCarthy claims autism 'cure'". My first reaction was, "you gotta be shitting me. Jenny McCarthy is claiming to have cured autism?" But when the video page comes up, the summary tells a different story: "Autism activist Jenny McCarthy is on a mission to change vaccines for children she says trigger autism." Ok, fair enough. The headline was misleading; no harm, no foul. So what's this about?
McCarthy blames her son's autism on vaccinations, a position discredited by various medical researchers whose credentials are a bit heftier than Playboy Playmate, Co-Host of MTV's "Singled Out", and Guest-Star on Nate's favorite TV show, "Two and a Half Men." I want to live in a world where minimally-educated celebrities decide they understand science better than scientists. Wait. No, I don't. Science is not the goddamned enemy. It's fine for anyone, including celebrities, to have an opinion; it's not fine for people of an advanced public profile to be openly retarded. McCarthy does say that not all vaccinations cause autism, so fortunately she hasn't driven the crazy train completely into loony canyon yet.
Oh, wait; yes she has. McCarthy did indeed cure her son's autism by changing his diet, giving him vitamins, and detoxifying the body of metals and I don't know what the other word she used was; it sounded like Candido. I can get behind detoxifying the Candido from your body, but the rest of this is fucking hokum. McCarthy says that the "Medical Community" won't admit some vaccinations cause autism because there is too much money to be made from the vaccinations that cause autism and the "Medical Community" won't admit that autism can be cured by hokum because they're not batshit retarded. She didn't say that last part, I did. I said that because I'm fresh out of patience.
That Jenny McCarthy's son picked up autism from vaccinations is a dubious enough claim, but Jenny McCarthy cured her son's autism with the kind of regimen that you'd expect to hear on a 3 AM infomercial for something some sleazebag is touting as an "Ancient Chinese Secret?" You gotta be shitting me.
Subliminal Advertising on SGM?
Here on my work PC I noticed something odd about Will's last post.
Notice those two small lines under the paragraph. The first time I saw them I thought it was just the computer being wonky, but today I realized they must be something a bit more sinister. So I copied the entire post, lines included, and pasted it into Word.
Those last two lines appear to have a Font Size of 1. Suspicious indeed.
It appears Will is secretly doing the dirty work of Vince McMahon, attempting to infiltrate our subconcious psyches with plugs for Hell in the Cell DVDs.
Well, I for one won't stand for it.
VOTE OBAMA ON NOVEMBER 4, 2008!
[100 word horror fiction] The lifeguard
fought against the tide; it was twilight and he almost did not see the bobbing swimmer.
Grasping the swimmer, the lifeguard was puzzled. The flesh of the swimmer was slimy & scaly. The swimmer’s features – the face, hands and feet – were humanoid, yet devoid of significant details.
A gigantic fish, with enormous eyes, black and lifeless, erupted from the water. The last image the lifeguard saw, before being engulfed by rows of needlelike teeth, was a filament extending from the forehead of the fish, ending in the fleshy humanoid thing that had lured him into the open sea.
October 1, 2008 -- You know what that means
Science Gone Mad's annual Month of Halloween celebration is underway!
This morning I flipped the Monster Movie calendar to October and was greeted by the poster for "Wasp Woman." In true Roger Corman hyperbolic fashion, the poster belies the content of the film; you would expect Susan Cabot would turn into a wasp of a size to rival Kong or Gojira, instead of growing a hydrocephalitic bug head and claws(?) which she uses to sever jugular veins.
Life can be like that sometimes, man; you think you're getting one thing, only to end up with something else. It's not a good or a bad scenario to be in, certainly; judgments of "good" and "bad" don't always necessarily apply to chance events. Take the biggies, for example: Marriage, divorce, birth & death. Traditionally, these concepts are considered "good," "bad," "good" and "bad," respectively. Unless you marry an abusive spouse ... divorce someone whose affections have grown distance ... brought into the world a child with a handicap ... or seen a relative give up that last breath to cancer. Then, the question is, what's good and bad, anyway?
That's Halloween, in a nutshell. It's considered many things, some erroneously by extreme religious pundits who are quick to call all things secular "works of the devil." It's a harvest celebration, it's the devil's holiday, it's a herald of a Catholic holiday ... it's all of this stuff and more. The costumes, either scary or religious (for the abundant "Hallelujah Night" celebrations that churches do), are either assumed to be personifications of evil (nope) or are historically used to scare off evil spirits (yep).
Misappropriation, man; it's the downfall of American culture as we know it.
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