... and why you should too!
6. The fans can interact with the wrestlers and not get shit-stomped by security: In WWF, someone jumps the rail, security stomps them out; should the fan make it to their favorite wrestler, the wrestler will more than likely punch the fan in the face, and the fan will be taken out and arrested (or killed, since you never see ‘em again).
Compare that to AAA – A fan jumps the rail, security walks up to them. When the fan gets to the wrestler, they either get a big hug before being whisked back to their seat by security, or, on those rare occasions, the wrestler (e.g. La Parka) will pick the fan up, carry them to the ring, and might even dance with them ... before the fan is gently whisked back to their seat. AAA wrestlers LOVE their fans, see? Dead or incarcerated fans can’t come back and pay for the next show.
Maybe this can be better explained by an issue of fan commitment. At Wrestlemania 24, a firecracker fell into a group of fans, and everyone ran away like baby lambs, bleating and catching on fire. In AAA, a fan ran out during Cibernetico’s entrance and walked RIGHT THROUGH Ciber’s pyro to get a hug from the harbinger of the “Apocalypsis!” That’s commitment! Again, AAA loves their fans ... they don’t try to set them on fire; the fans will gladly walk through fire for AAA. AAA: The Marshall Applewhite of pro wrestling.
7. The random appearances of non-Mexican wrestlers: Non-Mexican wrestlers appear on every show, thanks mostly to Konnan’s Foreign Legion stable, comprised of Kenzo, X-Pac, and Headhunter A or B or 1 or 2 or whatever he goes by now. But then, out of the blue, there’ll be a show – usually a supercard, but not always – where they’ll bring out Sabu, for no damn good reason other than letting him blow spots and damn near cripple Joe Lider, lucha’s answer to Ahmed Johnson. Rhino showed up on a show at one point, and was exceptionally “impactful” (TM, ECW) in his role. Ron Killings, Konnan’s former 3 Live Krumate in TNA, will show up ... well, not as much now, since he’s joined WWF.
Former ROH World champion Takeshi Morishima was also on a recent show, and he rocked the block. Teddy Hart & Jack Evans, who I think are going by some Spanish lingo version of Hart Foundation, are on a collision course with Chessman and Charly Manson. And, in a plum cherry spot, Scott Steiner showed up in the main event of 2008’s Rey de Reyes show, kicking much ass, while probably referring to his opponents in derogatory terms; in some of the more enjoyable spots that you won’t get in TNA, he chased around a mini-second named Cuije, dressed as a lady bug … I fell asleep before the end of the match, so I assume Steiner ate Cuije in the end.
8. The Psycho Circus: “Entrance of the Gladiators” plays over the PA. Fresh from an outtake of “Killer Klowns From Outer Space” comes three of the vilest, skankiest, scariest clowns on this side of “Stephen King’s IT.” Killer Clown, Psycho Clown, and Zombie Clown come out, and on their way to the ring, they snatch an unsuspecting child from the crowd. Before they can stuff the child in a sack, security comes out and stops them. I can’t imagine what three grown adult male clowns would want with an abducted small boy, but I can assure you that it terrifies me. Their wrestling? Eh.
9. The number of stripper/ dancing cowboy gimmicks (no homo): Okay, let’s see: El Elegido; Decnniss; Latin Lover; Intocable; Alan Stone; and Chris Stone. Six wrestlers with stripper gimmicks, and of them there’s three who go the extra mile and flaunt their gimmick dressed as cowboys (Latin Lover, Intocable, and Alan Stone). Now, the stripper gimmick does nothing for me, rest assured, and it’s certainly more for the ladies in the lucha crowd, but it gets me to thinking. Imagine if you had, uh, let’s say, six Undertakers. And yet, each one that comes out, the crowd reacts as if it was the first one. Yeah, it’s kinda like that.
10. Super Porky’s dogpile bronco buster: Oh, Super Porky! You are magnificent! Whether you’re rocking the simple silver sleeve on the left arm (Brazo de Plata, for life!), or if you’re going full-on superhero style, with cape, boots, and rocking chest emblem, you are forever my hero. While I’d love to see what a rudo Super Porky could do to tear up the circuit, I don’t think the fans would ever let you betray our love. And the dance you do, taking your little cape and doing the dental floss thing with it between your legs, forever guaranteeing that if I ever come to your house, I’ll never use the towels … magnifico!
But, for all that you do, when you somehow manage, in the bizarre physics that govern the human chess of professional wrestling, to get three or more opponents in a compact line, seated against the turnbuckle, you do that charging earthquake splash that looks like it could stop a bull rhino, and suddenly there’s peace on earth and goodwill towards men; wars stop and the glacial icecaps can sustain polar bear life for one more day.
Super Porky: Ambassador of Mexico, spreading the message of peace and better living through lucha libre.
Saturday, May 31, 2008
[Lucha] Ten reasons why I love AAA lucha libre on Galavision, pt. 2
[Lucha] Ten reasons why I love AAA lucha libre on Galavision, pt. 1
... besides the hoochie ring girls.
1. Aero Star’s three insane dives: The luchadore named Aero Star is, in a word, incredible. In fourteen more words, he’s the most fantastic high flier I’ve seen since the glory days of WCW’s cruiserweight division. He has three main dives that, even though I’ve seen them over and over again, I don’t get sick of them, and yet I pray ever time he takes flight that he doesn’t fuck himself up, because it would be extremely easy:
- “The torpedo:” A plancha, where Aero dives through the ropes onto his opponent on the floor, flying head first, his body almost perfectly straight, with his arms firmly held at his sides;
- “The Nestea plunge:” A leap from the apron, where Aero bounces off the middle rope, his back to his opponent(s), and he bounds backwards, his arms out in T-formation, toppling his opponents (and even teammates); and,
- “The cannonball:” A splash of sorts, where he jumps backwards toward his opponents, who are again on the floor, and Aero curls his body into a tight roll, as if he’s were flying off the diving board into a pool, and he doesn’t unfold his body until he lands.
Any three of these dives are incredible to watch, although all three could, if not performed perfectly by Aero and his opponent, would lead to a broken neck, broken spine, or any variety of destroyed limbs or internal squishy shit. And perhaps that’s why I watch Aero Star matches with the same interest that I watch “World’s Wildest Police Chases.”
2. The ongoing saga of Billy Boy/ Fabi Apache/ Gran Apache: Here’s the scorecard, before we get started: Billy Boy is romantically linked on and off with Fabi Apache, in both shoot and kayfabe terms. Gran Apache is Fabi’s father. I’ve been watching lucha regularly for the past two years, and I have seen Billy Boy sent packing because he lost a loser-leaves-town match against Gran Apache; the subsequent appearance of a masked luchadore named Alfa (who happened to have the same build as Billy Boy); a burgeoning mentor/student relationship build between Gran Apache and Alfa, as well as a teased romance angle between Alfa & Fabi; Alfa unmasked to be *gasp* Billy Boy; an injury angle from Gran Apache to attempt to get Fabi back to the rudo side; the in-ring debut of Fabi’s sister Mary; the strain in the relationship between Billy and Fabi due to some in-ring miscommunication that has led to some key defeats; and, very recently, a tag match between Gran Apache (who hates Billy Boy and mistrusts Fabi) and Fabi (who is angry at Gran and mistrusts Billy), against Billy Boy (who hates Gran and loves Fabi) and Mary (who hates Billy, is jealous of Fabi, and loves Gran). I'm waiting for the certainly impending kidnap of Baby Apache (Fabi and Billy Boy's kid) by Gran Apache.
Exploding limos and leprechaun sons, my fucking ass.
3. Billy Mays commercials: Oh, thank you, Spanish language, for being elusive to the tongue of Billy Mays. English Billy Mays commercials have him screaming at me like a crazy douche. Spanish Billy Mays, however, is reserved, calm, confident in his product … he sells the Simonize system like an old hand, charming and beguiling as he scratches the hood of his car with a scouring pad, and, not missing a beat, he covers the scratch boldly, wildly, with a sweep of his hand that suggests a crazy cool with the ladies. Oh, Spanish Billy Mays, somewhere tonight, you’re fucking a woman you don’t even love.
A caveat: This reason I love lucha appears to have a limited shelf life. I watched the most recent show, and as Galavision tilted lazily into commercial, my weekend afternoon stupor was interrupted by, “YO SOY BILLY MAYS!!” Fuck! Who the hell taught that fucker Spanish, even if it was just to say “my fucking name is?” The only follow-up to “YO SOY ...” I will accept will be from a pint-sized hermaphrodite, humping the air with reckless abandon to the tune of some ear-splitting dance-house jungle rave beat, screaming, “YO SOY LA PEQUINA BILLY MAYS!!” Actually, now that I think about it, Galavision, make that shit happen!
4. Career redemption: Yes, Mexico is where you can go to forget your troubles. And if you were a hotshot pro wrestling wunderkind from the mid-90s to early-double 00s, Triple A can make you strong again. I never thought that I’d see the day that I’d cheer for the exploits of Sean Waltman/ X-Pac, but sure enough, when he comes out with Konnan’s Foreign Legion faction, accompanied by the former Ryan Shamrock, looking like someone folded an innertube in half and stapled it to her mouth, I’m marking out more than I ever did when he was stateside. See, X-Pac in America takes your fan appreciation for granted; he comes out, sticks out his tongue, crotch chops and yells “suck it,” and he thinks that it’s 1998 all over again and that will guarantee him a cheer. But nope, in Mexico, he has to work for his fan love, and work he does, the likes of which he hasn’t reached since the glory days of the 1-2-3 Kid.
Likewise, Juventud Guerrera shows more motivation in front of his home country crowd than he used to in WCW, and at least he doesn’t have to speak any English to try to get over. And Super Calo, Juve’s former WCW brethren, has proven to be infinitely more entertaining in AAA, even since losing his mask at Triplemania 2007.
But the real breakout star, following a lackadaisical stateside performance in WWF, has been Kenzo Suzuki. Kenzo in WWF was held back by the “WWF formula,” which apparently consisted of tight time constraints, safe power moves, and very little playing up to the fans. In AAA, Kenzo’s broken out with a personality that could have carried him straight to a WWF world title. He mimics his opponents (sometimes even his teammates), he exaggerates the setups of his moves to maximize their apparent impact and the crowd reactions, and he works well as a foil for the efforts of his technico opponents. Granted, he also randomly breaks out a disturbing testicle-based offense, but thankfully, not in every match.
5. El Guapos VIP, ESPECIALLY El Guapito: El Guapos VIP is comprised of Scorpio Jr., who at this point in his career does NOT, I tell you, look like a “junior” anything; Zzz ... zzz ... zzz-zz ... zzz-zz-Zumbido!; and El Guapito, who is a little person but has more pimp in his little-little finger than most heavy duty, economy-sized playas. And trust me, El Guapito > Hornswoggle x18, and has probably turned away more pussy than any three of us combined have ever seen or read about in men’s magazines or high school health class textbooks. The crew also includes Decnniss, which we’ll forgive them for, since they had to up their dancer/stripper cowboy quotient when Alan Stone was thrown out of the group as a result of his loser ways.
But the Guapos need to be watched by any fan of tag team chemistry. In fact, in a perfect world, I’d book a Jim Crockett Sr. style tag tournament, and book the Guapos all the way into the finals to face off against ... hmm, I’ll say LAX, who won a hard fought victory over the Havana Pitbulls to make it into the finals; the Guapos got a bye because they were supposed to face the Briscoe brothers, but either Jay or Mark (whichever one’s the one made of fragile porcelain) got injured and they had to forfeit.
[NBA] Celtics over Pistons, 89-81
And while I now officially renounce my allegiance to the Pistons, I can't hate on the outcome.
First, if you're an NBA fan from the waybacks, you can't help but get mooshy in the britches about the first Finals meeting between the Lakers & Celtics since 1987.
Second, it's often good to see solid players get their chance to shine, and I've always thought that Kevin Garnett was one of those guys that deserved a ring at some point in his career.
Third, maybe this will inspire some sweeping changes of the guard in the Pistons camp, namely the trade of Rasheed "Snaggletooth" Wallace, the Technical King. Get Ben Wallace back if you need a big man in the post (and maybe that will get him back on the track that he's diverged from since his first year with the Bulls). If it's a power forward you need ... seriously, you can't scan this list of power forwards and pick a better choice than 'Sheed? Shit, McDyess seems to be doing just fine. I'd settle for a trade of Wallace for two underutilized players to just decorate the bench and a bag of basketballs to use in practice. (Shame that Chris Webber ended up not working out in the longer run, but hey, what'cha gonna do?!)
Fourth, as of the press conference last night, it would seem that Flip Saunders is sweating out the franchise's post-season brainstorming sessions. One of the first questions asked after the game was, "What's your future with the Pistons?" That's gotta be like asking that girl that you took home from the club, "So, when you leaving?" after you've busted nut on her lower back tattoo. Saunders deflected that one, but he looked fazed by the question.
So, yeah, I hope the Pistons appreciated that cup of coffee that they had with the Big Gold Ball back in 2003-2004.
Oh, and on a side note ... let me be the first Mad Scientist to extend a hearty "thank you" to the NBA for their anti-flopping crusade ... it would seem that this year also marks the end of the "championship" Spurs, too. Maybe this will cut down on my irrational screaming of the phrase, "Get off your fucking ass and play some damn basketball!" at the television.
Game 1 of the NBA Finals - Boston Celtics vs. Los Angeles Lakers is Thursday, 9pm on ABC.
Science Gone Mad: Audio eXchange
Funny ... I had all the plans to do this on Thursday, and I've managed to miss the mark two weeks in a row. Hopefully, this project is worth the minor wait, though.
"The Streetbeater" - Quincy Jones
Of course, you might know it better by its other name ...
Sunday, May 25, 2008
"Friday the 13th - The Series: Season 1" coming SOON!
If you're like me and have fond memories of watching shitty late night television on the USA Network, then you certainly have come across this fantastic original program, which had very little to do with hockey masks and summer camp.
So between this and the previous "Swamp Thing" season release, all I need now is some archival footage of "USA's Up All Night," and I'll be happy.
Saturday, May 24, 2008
Site update (sort of)
Kinda figured you guys might be getting tired of the same images rotating around, so I added back some old and new banners and backgrounds. And funny thing, some of this stuff I'd forgotten about, like the Black Belt Jones banner and a supervillain background that I'd done a long time ago (maybe a few years ago ... I think it was originally planned for some other site).
Science Gone Mad: Audio eXchange
Man, work really puts you behind the 8-ball somedays. Anyway ...
"Love Rears Its Ugly Head" (rmx) - Living Colour
First, Faith No More, now Living Colour? The 90s never died, yo.
This song is a good counterargument to all of those heartbreak, wish-my-woman-didn't-leave-me songs that you plug nickels into jukeboxes to hear, thinking that they might drown out your sorrows. Hell, not to spoil nothing, but by the end of this song, the guy's begging the girl to leave him. Ugly head, indeed.
Plus, this song is a double-edged sword. One, it's a really tight song on its own merits. Two, this is a remix that I think surpasses the original version. Plus, you get the added enjoyment of Corey Glover's incredible command of vocal range, as he ends the song by turning the simple word "no" into a stunning indictment of how love can go wrong, even when the shit goes right. "Check this out ..."
Friday, May 23, 2008
A question about zombies
Ok, so we have all seen either the 1978 or the 2004 versions of Dawn of the Dead.
For those of you who haven't, these are the zombie movies that follow a group of survivors who hole up in a shopping mall while the world is consumed by the living dead. I have always heard that the original was created to be a condemnation of consumerism. There were certain scenes in the 1978 one where zombies, after making it into the mall, walk around while muzak plays and look just like shoppers do normally. The 2004 one has a montage of the survivors using all of the products in the mall in rapid-fire succession, fully enjoying the fruits of other people's labors.
My question is this: If consumerism is supposed to be so bad, how come the folks in the mall are the ones with the better chance of survival? Being in the mall gives them access to weapons (the gun store is in the mall in the 1978 one, and across the parking lot in the 2004 one), enough food to survive for extended periods of time, and some degree of safety against the emerging horde. If these people didn't have the mall, they would be zombies by five minutes into the movie...so doesn't that mean consumerism is a good thing?
Wednesday, May 21, 2008
File this under "Speculative Fiction is Fun!"
"What if gas cost $10 a gallon?
"Thousands of truckers would go bankrupt. Airplanes would sit idle in hangars. Restaurants and stores would shut down. Car-pooling, hybrid vehicles, scooters and inline skates would swing into vogue. And telecommuting, rooftop vegetable gardens, home cooking and recycling would proliferate." [more]
And of course, true to the merits of shitty reporting nowadays, the article then procedes to expound on the above points to an exhaustive degree.
What appears to be missing - in fact, "conspicuous by its absence" is more to the truth - is the effect of gas price increases on the federal mail system. Last time I checked, my Amazon packages weren't fired into my mailbox by a cannon.
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
Scarlett Johansson's new CD sucks?
Did you know she had put out a new CD?
Did you know that critics are stopping just shy of blaming her version of Tom Waits' "Falling Down" for Ted Kennedy's brain tumor? I'm not even kidding; when I play a sample of it, the cat bounds around the corner on his tiptoes, back arched and tail bushed out like those Halloween decorations that your teacher stapled to the wall in 6th grade.
Poor thing shouldn't quit her day job ...
... sucking my dick.
Saturday, May 17, 2008
Career Update
Things are looking up.
Was just offered, and subsequently I rejected, an offer for a one-year faculty position at a good school in the northeast. Had I been offered it last year I would have jumped at it, but I think it is better for me to stay put here one more year and test the waters again.
Maybe lightning will strike again next year. One can only hope and pray.
Did you know ...?
Yes, this is a TOS post, but it has merit on its own.
Andy Kaid, scourge of the Confederate Mack's message board and, to a lesser extent, That Other Site, wrestles as Hydra in CHIKARA Pro.
Thursday, May 15, 2008
Science Gone Mad: Audio eXchange
See, that's the thing about randomization, sometimes you unintentionally end up with a whole lot of instrumentals.
"Fanfare For The Common Man" - Aaron Copland
I've always been a sucker for those grand, sweeping themes, like the "Superman" movie theme, or the "Raiders of the Lost Ark." And this one is no exception. Some may remember this as the intro to ABC's "Wide World of Sports" show. Hard not to hear this and feel like you're ready to tackle running a marathon or lifting a burning car off of a baby.
Disclaimer: The facilitators of Science Gone Mad would like to express that we are not recommending that you intentionally seek a burning car on top of a baby, nor are we suggesting that you create said scenario in effort to expend you energy. Always drink in moderation.
Incidentally, "Copland" is a great film.
Tuesday, May 13, 2008
Ric Flair DVD set on horizon
Matches and extras (finally) confirmed!
"Nature Boy Ric Flair: The Definitive Collection" comes out July 8, 2008!
Complete Matches
*Jack Brisco vs. Ric Flair - Mid-Atlantic (8/18/82)
*2 out of 3 Falls Match: Kerry Von Erich vs. Ric Flair - World Class (8/24/82)
*Ric Flair vs. Harley Race - Mid-Atlantic (8/31/83)
*Ric Flair & The Andersons vs. Dusty Rhodes & Magnum TA & Manny Fernandez (12/15/82)
*Sting vs. Ric Flair - NWA Clash of the Champions I
*Ric Flair vs. Terry Funk - NWA Great American Bash '89 PPV
*Ric Flair vs. Roddy Piper - 10/28/91 WWF at Madison Square Garden
*Ric Flair vs. Ricky Steamboat - WCW Spring Stampede 1994 PPV
*Steel Cage: Triple H vs. Ric Flair - WWE Taboo Tuesday 2005 PPV
*Ric Flair vs. Shawn Michaels - WWE Wrestlemania XXIV
"Ric Flair Stories"
*Too Many Distractions
*Buying Boots
*Bleaching His Hair
*Hanging with the Outlaws
*Ric's Relationship with the Members of Evolution
Extras
*A DVD documentary on Flair covering his career beginning through Wrestlemania 24.
*Ric Flair receiving the Key to the City March 24, 2008
*Ric Flair Tribute Video
*Ric Flair's Raw Farewell Address
Promos
*Limousine Drivin' Jet Flyin'
*Stylin & Profilin' – NWA World Championship Wrestling May 25, 1985
*Take a Ride on Space Mountain – NWA World Championship Wrestling June 22, 1985
*The Boss – NWA World Championship Wrestling August 17, 1985
*Slick Ric – NWA World Championship Wrestling September 7, 1985
*Real Men Stay Up – NWA World Championship Wrestling September 21, 1985
*What's Causing All This – NWA World Championship Wrestling December 20, 1985
*Space Mountainettes – NWA World Championship Wrestling April 7, 1987
*Golden Spoon – NWA World Championship Wrestling November 13, 1987
(On 411 Wrestling, where I pretty much stole all the information above wholesale, there's a fair bit of complaint that Flair vs. Vader from Starrcade 1993 wasn't included. But, I'm thinking that they're saving that for the Best of Starrcade DVD collection, due out on the same day as the Flair set.)
Monday, May 12, 2008
New Business Idea
If I ever open a restaurant...
I am going to open a heavy metal bake shop and call it "The Pantera Bread Company."
Typical Alabama
There are few places in life I hold with more contempt than East Tennessee State University.
One of those is Samford University in Birmingham, Alabama. The school is abjectly horrible and the people who go there who think they are at an institution equivalent to Stanford. Low quality education with low quality people. Typical Alabama.
Apparently they also employ Barney Fife as a security guard.
http://www.al.com/news/birminghamnews/index.ssf?/base/news/1210407354197220.xml&coll=2
Sunday, May 11, 2008
Number TV shows
("Numb3ers" not included.)
Much like the number movies musings from an earlier post, I was wondering how many TV shows have had numbers in the title, and I was wondering how far you could go in a consecutive numerical sequence. And, similar to last time, I'm going to go until I find two misses.
One Life To Live
My Two Dads
My Three Sons
Four Kings
Hawaii Five-O
Six Million Dollar Man
7th Heaven
Eight Is Enough
Deep Space Nine
Just The 10 Of Us
... and there is no 11!
Adam-12
13 Demon Street
... and there is no 14!
Stay tuned, there'll probably be a number song title post any time now ...
Saturday, May 10, 2008
TNA: Sacrifice, this Sunday on PPV!!
And this card is stipulation-tastic and gimmick matcherrific!
TNA SACRIFICE
May 11, 2008
Bell time: 8:00p
Samoa Joe(c) vs. Kurt Angle vs. Scott Steiner
I predict: Samoa Joe, because TNA hasn't proven that they are the absolute stupidest company yet. However, Sunday is still two days away.
(for the TNA Tag Team Titles)
Team 3D; AJ Styles & Super Eric; Latin American Xchange; Christian Cage & Rhino; Sting & James Storm; Matt Morgan & Kip James; and Booker T, Awesome Kong, Robert Roode, & BG James
I predict: LAX. This match looks like such a gigantic squat-hump, that it's not even funny, even if they're trying to make it funny. Seriously, isn't the "tag partners who hate each other" angle tired enough yet? But, not to be undone, upon their win, Hernandez will then turn on Homicide, to breed TENSION~! between them!
(to determine the #1 contender to the X Division Title)
Jay Lethal vs. Curry Man vs. Kaz vs. Alex Shelley vs. Jimmy Rave vs. Chris Sabin vs. Johnny Devine vs. Shark Boy vs. Sonjay Dutt vs. Consequences Creed
I predict: Shit, I'll go with Kaz. He's due something good, for going from challenging Angle for the World title, to feuding with Blackdust and Rellik.
(one wins a Women's title shot, one gets her head shaved)
Gail Kim vs. ODB vs. Angelina Love vs. Velvet Sky vs. Rhaka Khan vs. Roxxi vs. Salinas vs. Christy Hemme vs. Traci Brooks vs. Jacqueline
I predict: Fuck predict, I hope that Roxxi Leveaux wins, with ODB getting her neck broken ... I mean, head shaved. Although, a Rhaka Khan loss could probably happen instead, as she fucked up some trading card deal that TNA had a few weeks back.
Whew ... all of a sudden, I was hit with a nauseating wave of apathy.
Thursday, May 08, 2008
Science Gone Mad: Audio eXchange
"A cracking portrait; the fondling of trophies/
The null of losing; can you afford that luxury?"
"A Small Victory" - Faith No More
Such a classic song. I found myself often chanting the "chorus" of the song to motivate myself, be it sports or whatever challenge I was facing. Still do to this day, in a way. "It shouldn't bother me, but it does." I even use this with my clients in therapy, in motivation enhancement therapy (it doesn't really work as a tool for developing coping mechanisms, though).
Edit (5/16/08): I forgot how bomb-ass this video was.
Monday, May 05, 2008
Someone help me understand why contemporary reporting sucks ass
From the eloquently titled, yet horribly untimely news article published today, "Saddam feared AIDS, venereal disease:"
"U.S. military spokesman in Iraq, Maj. Matthew Morgan declined to describe the writings as a 'diary,' saying that thousands of pages having been produced by the former leader while he was in custody." [more]
Okay ... diagram that sentence for me. Even if there's a typo or a syntax error in here, I can't even begin to get what the point of this comment was/is. Bitch that wrote that sentence ... nay, the whole article ... needs to be retired.
(The "current" in the label "Current Events and Politics" should be in quotations, for this one.)
Colleague has copper stolen from her air conditioner system
Hey, it just goes to prove my own personal theory about the world ...
Just when you think you've seen it all happen and you think nothing can surprise you, something else will take its place. From school shootings to reality TV, to banning stem cell research, to gas at $4 a gallon, to teachers sleeping with their students because that 5th grader is the love of their life, to stealing copper out the air conditioner ... nothing gets better, it just gets more notice.
I remember that I used to sit squarely on the side of personal responsibility, whenever the argument would come up about whether or not media/video games promote violence among people. Then "American Pie" came out ... then a few weeks later, there was an AP article about a young fellow who burned his genitals from simulating the pie-fucking scene. And that right there made me realize that entertainment is the SOLE cause of all that's wrong in the world. And now we have reality TV, so now when we argue that someone's behavior is being promoted by entertainment, we can only point the finger back at reality. I have seen the enemy and they is us. That's why I don't watch TV anymore.
I'm rambling. I'm tired. I'd wish for death, if I wasn't so sure I'd burn in hell.
Sunday, May 04, 2008
GTA IV: The SGM Half-Assed Review
Being a broke-ass motherfucker I don't have a current generation console (I'm stuck with the regular XBox). Fortunately my brother-in-law has a 360, so I spent most of the last three days playing Grand Theft Auto IV. Here are some general thoughts, maybe some exposition on those thoughts, and some bitching.
With two years since announcement that the next full GTA would be released on the 360 and PS3, this game has gotten more hype than anything ever. The release of GTA IV was so big it was considered a possible cause of lower opening revenue for the movie "Iron Man" and the game's initial release and preorder was so large that the game essentially shipped having sold 500,000 copies. The hype was so intense that this would have been a bad time for even Jesus to make his return. Early previews indicated that this game would live up to the hype.
Let's get this out of the way first: the map itself is awesome. It is very much New York City (with out Staten Island) and the top part of New Jersey. They're reconfigured and shoehorned a bit, but it is, from what I recall, a very accurate recreation. The streets are dirty and littered, bums are ranting at the air, assholes with cellphones are bumping into you. Times Square is fucking luminous at night and the night skyline of Manhattan is beautiful. All the major landmarks are where they should be. Liberty City in the game is just as overwhelmingly fantastic as NYC is in real life.
The downside is that the streets are often narrow and most corners are ninety-degree angles, which makes for some very precarious and almost impossible driving when you're in a hurry. And true to life, other drivers are retarded, so you aren't getting across a bridge without being cutoff at least twice unless it's 3AM and the streets are barren. Another annoyance: as in GTA San Andreas, you will spend a lot of time driving from mission point to mission point as a result of the sheer size of the map. It is a smaller map, so it isn't as bad as San Andreas. Fortunately you can hail and call for cabs to drastically shorten travel time.
The problems I have with the game stem from three things: sloppy, imprecise controls on foot; sloppy, almost uncontrollable driving mechanics and physics; and very poorly thought-out missions. And the problems are exacerbated by the fact that they're the same problems I had with GTA III, Vice City, and San Andreas. Rockstar Games has had three years to work on this game, so these should not be issues. Rockstar says that over 1000 people worked on this game; the effort they put into recreating NYC went so far as to use time-lapse cameras to show what the lighting looked like in certain areas at different times of the day and looking at automobile sales figures to determine what types of vehicles would be found in each neighborhood. Yet no one said "hey, let's fix these movement issues from the original games" or "hey, we created Midnight Club, which is a pretty awesome racing game, driving in GTA shouldn't feel like herding spastic children across an iced-over lake" or "hey, trying to gun someone down from a motorcycle that you're navigating through narrow alleys filled with trashcans and dumpsters is fucking asinine."
Maintaining relationships with allies and girlfriends is hassle because of the ground you have to cover to go out to a bar, a show, or dinner. Sure, it's fun to go play darts or pool when you first start up, but after a few hours of gameplay it's a distraction and a waste of time. And the "drunk driving" aspect that has MADD in a furor is just dumb: you're drunk, not having a seizure. I've ridden with many a drunk driver and it was never an epic trek of violent, uncontrolled and irrational swerving. It's mainly an issue of passing out and veering into oncoming traffic or mistiming a turn and plowing through someone's living room. Or you keep your head straight and drive like normal.
Don't get me wrong, GTA IV isn't all bad by any means. It's still GTA; shooting and driving and killing and insanity and when it's fun, and it often is, it's a lot of fun. The cover system is a great improvement and makes gun battles considerably more manageable and less of a struggle than earlier games. Evading police pursuit is more structured and less random, although cops are more aggressive and it's not as easy to initiate chaos and mayhem just to let some steam off after a failed mission. And GTA IV shines in the life-within-the-game department: the television programs you can watch in your safehouses are a hilarious satire of American culture, politics, celebrity worship, sickeningly unbridled wealth, ignorance of history, and advertising.
But when GTA IV is frustrating or even bad, it is really bad. Some of the missions are absolutely maddening; a bank robbery turns the streets into a warzone pitting you and two accomplices against what seems like the entire LCPD. More terrible motorcycle-chase shoot-em-ups where you can't control your motorcycle and aim at the same time. Having your target escape a foot chase because you keep hanging on doorways and staircases because of terrible camera angles.
If you can play long enough without being overwhelmed by the negative aspects, GTA IV is well worth your time, but sometimes it doesn't take long for the annoyances to outweigh the enjoyment. This game has gotten the big blowjob from a lot of fans and critics and a lot of that seems to be loyalty to the franchise or deferring to style over substance. As a fan of the GTA series from way back in the 2D overhead days, it pains me to say that GTA IV is kind of a disappointment. Too many negatives in a game that really shouldn't have any. If you're a fan of the franchise, it's worth a purchase. If you're on the fence, give it a rental.
Saturday, May 03, 2008
Congratulations to the Class of 2008
This one is a bit personal.
Today was graduation day for my college. This is the first class that I have been with in the classroom since they started here. There were about 35-40 students who I had taught, about 3-5 more I worked with in my previous administration job, and a few more I know through other students.
A long time ago, a jackass who we all know said to me that he "hoped I found what I was looking for" in my life. He did it derisively, trying to act like I was some sort of shallow person or what not for whatever reason. Like most of his arguments, they didn't make sense and were far removed from reality. But that point always stuck with me....that I would find what I was looking for. Today isn't about that person, not in the slightest, but what it is about is confirmation that I am doing what I need to do. I figured that out a long time ago, but today proved it.
I care about these kids. I wrote letters of recommendation for a significant number of them. I nominated them for awards, and a good percentage of them, but not all, won the awards I put them up for. I helped get two of them into law school. They will go on to hopefully help others through their law practices (or, quite frankly, they might screw people over using law...tough to say in some of these cases).I helped four of them into social studies education masters programs and two of them into Teach for America. These people will go on to teach hundreds if not thousands of children over their careers. I also have one student who has already done two tours in Iraq and will likely redeploy in December. He came up to me after the ceremony and thanked me for all I had done for him. I should have thanked him.
I have had an impact, albeit a slight one, on these kids' lives. Hopefully I have made them better people, made them think about the world in which they live, or at the very least be more cognizant of their role in society. That is what I want to do.
Another person, who no one else on here knows, had a conversation with me over Christmas break. It was an awkward conversation because of things that he had done in the past...he was a valued teacher in our city and squandered his reputation and all that he worked for over his career in what I hope was an isolated moment of weakness. Regardless, you could tell that he missed the good parts of his former existence. As our conversation ended and I walked down the aisle a bit in Books a Million, he poked his head back around the corner and he said to me "Do me a favor. Don't be a teacher. Be an educator." I understood what he meant then, and I greatly understand it today. Get involved in the students' lives. Try to show them the broader picture, but whatever else you do, make sure you are there to help them. For all his problems, he was dead on.
Shower thought, exclusive for Free Comic Book Day
Since there's been a huge move toward Omnibus/ Essential/ Showcase editions of classic comics titles in the past few years, Marvel needs to collect not only titles, but also major crossovers that involve multiple titles.
On that note: Essential Acts of Vengeance.
Friday, May 02, 2008
Iron Man
Go see it!
This is one of the good Marvel movies. Downey is great. Paltrow and Howard are vastly underutilized, meaning that we will get at least one sequel. I could have done without "The Dude" as the main bad guy, but it was very, very good for a franchise starter.
Stay through the ending credits. If, and this is probably a big IF, but if the thing they tease comes true it will be amazing.
Free Comic Book Day – May 3, 2008
I just wanted to get the word out to my comic book loving brethren that Free Comic Book Day is going on tomorrow.
The offerings are alright, this year; the ones I’d recommend most are probably All Star Superman #1 (Top choice!), Project Superpowers (Eh, it’s alright, but you can’t beat Alex Ross art for free!), and a few assorted small press books (YMMV).
Most comic shops also run some special deals and get-togethers to take advantage of the holiday that is FCBD, so be forewarned that you might have to wade through some unwashed Heroclix or Magic players, or whatever the new roleplaying card game may be. I plan to go tomorrow, so I’ll post up my stories, as well as review some swag, when I can. (I finally got my home computer running okay, so I should be able to drop science on a certain CD that I’ve worn out in my car’s deck.)
Also, “Iron Man” hit screens this weekend. I’m thinking Will mentioned going, last time we talked, so hopefully when he checks that out, he’ll let us know what to expect from it.
Thursday, May 01, 2008
Science Gone Mad: Audio eXchange
Epsilon (final) phase
"Murder In The Red Barn" - Tom Waits
I had the idea, when I first entered a mix into the now-defunct Dumpin Mixtape Challenge, that I'd contribute a mixtape full of murder ballads; the only two songs that made the cut by the entry date were "God's Gonna Cut You Down" by Johnny Cash and "Exploitations of a Mistake" by GZA f/ Muggs. This would have been song #3, if I'd have more of the week to play with (before family emergency stalled my progress and cut the entry short by 5 min).
Tom Waits smokes a carton a day. He has to, 'cause not only does his voice betray this fact, but he's also a sick fucker, sick is to incredibly gifted as bad is to good.
So I was hungover at work today...
...and was afraid that either we'd been hacked or Nate had decided to, uh, "change the direction" of the board.
Until Rev. Jo$hua pointed out that I can't spell today. Good laughs await you at:
http://sciencegonemad.blogpsot.com/
