If the format of the CD is threatened by music downloads as bad as people seem to think, then I guess a casualty of this war would be the "greatest hits" album.
Friday, February 29, 2008
Another dose of late night hate
Every time I run across a review on Amazon that says, "I would rate this zero (or negative stars, or half-) stars, but Amazon's rating system only goes to one star." Then rate it one star, and shut the fuck up.
Thursday, February 28, 2008
NWA!
This was from before Magnum TA had that motorcycle crash or whatever.
Well my original plan was to give you guys frequent play by plays of old WCW Monday Nitros. But as great as WWE 24/7 is, they aren’t always the most timely with their updates. And I’m tired of waiting. So tonight we’re gonna take a look at something different. We’re going back to a much simpler time. March 8, 1986. Our great sport was different back then. Let’s take a look at some NWA!
The show opens up with some state of the art graphics and creepy synthesizer music. We cut to a mustachioed Tony Schiavone and David Crockett who let us know that there has been a major title change in the NWA. They’ll be showing us the footage a little bit later on. But first, we’re gonna have an interview with Ron Garvin, a man who’s “taken Ric Flair to the limit time and time again.”
Garvin opens up by letting us know that he’s not only a wrestler, but a carpenter, a truck driver and a part time electrician. He’s says that he’s been injured a couple of times in the past because he doesn’t really understand how electrical wiring works. But the injuries he’s sustained are nothing comapred to what he’s planning on doing to Ric Flair! Garvin says Flair is a dictator. And dictators get exposed, deposed, and disposed. Wow.
We cut to the ring where Ron Garvin is taking on Tony Zane. “Hands of Stone” can fight or wrestle. He can really dish it out! Hip toss, hip toss, punch, kick, european uppercut! Ron Garvin goes over via a devastating right cross 123.
Cut to Schiavone with Paul Jones and Baron Von Raschke. Paul Jones says Jimmy Valiant is gutless. Von Raschke says he is going to take out the Boogie Woogie man and it’s commercial time.
Next we’re in the ring with The Barbarian taking on Bill Tabb. This match is officiated by Mark Curtis with an afro. Barbarian squashes Bill Tabb. Schiavone lets us know that Barbarian has muscles and he can use ‘em. Diving headbutt ends the match and the crowd boos.
Cut to Schiavone who is interviewing Jimmy Valiant. Valiant screams incoherently. His promo makes no sense. In the ring, Leo Burke is battling George South. Leo Burke executes a swinging neckbreaker and the announcer says that’s “some move!” The Canadian Leo Burke wins with a knee drop to the forehead.
After the break we’re with Schiavone who is ready to talk about a major title change in the NWA. JJ Dillon is there with Tully Blanchard who has apparently captured the National Heavyweight Championship. Blanchard tells us how he beat Dusty Rhodes. He gives him props for kicking out of the slingshot but says that he still came up short. Blanchard says he’s a fighting champion and he’ll take on anybody including Magnum TA.
Back to the ring now as we have Pez Whatley and Art Pritts. This match goes on for entirely too long. Pez Whatley is like a less charismatic Junk Yard Dog. Whatley goes over with a flying head butt. Post-match we’re treated to an extensive Pez Whatley interview! Here it is verbatim: “Yeah! Let me tell ya, everything is rockin’ and rollin’ with the NWA! Includin’ the rock n’ roll! Ya know what I’m sayin? The Pistol Man is right in the middle of it! Dusty Rhodes let me tell ya, I’m behind ya one hundred percent and if that Tully Blanchard and JJ Dillon get ya’ ornery, you know you can call on me! Amen! Let me tell ya another thing! One other thing baby! I just want all of ‘em to know! Tully Blanchard, and the Russians, and the three horsemen with Arn Anderson….we got some horses for you too! And when we finish showin up with all our horses, we gonna look like thoroughbreds goin’ against dead birds amen!”
Next we have Schiavone interviewing the manager of the tag team champs, Jim Cornette. Cornette basically lets everybody know that everybody in the crowd is an underachiever financially, educationally and in life. He tells us that the Midnight Express is God’s gift to wrestling and that the Rock N’ Roll Express are dirty hillbillys basically.
Cut to a match with the Midnight Express taking on Brodie Chase and Mike Simani. Beautiful Bobby and Lover Boy Dennis control this thing from the get go. Jim Cornette gets involved as well. Mike Simani gets the elbow from the top from Bobby Eaton but Eaton isn’t ready to pin him yet. One of the all time great tag teams shows why as Midnight Express sells nothing and wins easily. This match goes on entirely too long as Dennis hits the facebuster for the win. Then Midnight Express punks out the referee to the OUTRAGE of the announcers. Rock n’ Roll Express hits the ring!!! They take out everybody! DOUBLE DROPKICK ON JIM CORNETTE! The crowd is eating this up.
Now we cut to the match between Dusty Rhodes and Tully Blanchard. We already know the outcome because of Blanchard’s promo before. The match is pretty solid. The amazing thing here is how loud the crowd pops for Dusty. Every punch he throws gets the reaction of a Stone Cold Stunner on Vince McMahon. Long story short, Blanchard gets a little outside help from Ric Flair who tosses him some brass knucks and Blanchard gets the win. Baby Doll is furious and attacks Blanchard. The Horsemen hold her down and Flair goes up top to drop an elbow on a woman! Magnum TA makes the save and the crowd goes nuts!
We cut to a Dusty promo and he says he was screwed royally. Bla Bla Blah.
Next it’s a Magnum TA promo! He’s the US Heavyweight Champion don’t ya know. He basically says Russians are pussies.
Back in the ring we have the Road Warriors taking on Carl Styles and Bill Mulkey. I’ll let you guess the outcome.
Schiavone is interviewing Ivan Koloff and Nikita Koloff. They scream at America in general. Nikita tells Magnum TA that he’s afraid to face him.
In the ring Rock & Roll Express face Bob Owens and Larry Clarke. The Superstation WTBS would like to thank our sponsor for this match: powder cocaine. Lots of tags, lots of side headlocks. The announcing is priceless. “Ricky Morton is a very special person. He can handle anything!” Double dropkick ends the affair.
Schiavone is standing by with Ric Flair. Flair rubs it in that Dusty lost the strap to Tully Blanchard. Flair gives the rundown of all the heels with title belts. He says that in this sport if you don’t have a belt, you’re like a man without a country. Flair says he’s gonna beat Ron Garvin down. He says he’s gonna break Dusty’s leg in Cincinnati Ohio and if Baby Doll butts in, he’s gonna break her leg too.
In the ring, Jimmy Garvin is wrestling Rocky King. Jimmy sells nothing and wins! Then him and Precious cut a promo about how gorgeous he is and what a wrestler he is. He says he wants to fight the biggest bravest Indian in the whold wide world. He wants Wahoo McDaniel.
Back in the ring Black Bart vs. Doctor X. This is just getting ridiculous. Black Bart wins via scissor kick.
Road Warriors promo time! It’s great! They tell the Russians that they are gonna ‘slap their heads right off.’ Hawk says that his pussy eating skills trump Ric Flair’s suits and limos. Weird.
Magnum TA cuts another promo on the Russians. I guess the first one didn’t take.
In the ring Baron Von Raschke against Mike Jackson. The Baron gets it done with his patented Claw.
Another interview with Blanchard and JJ Dillon. Dillon says that Blanchard’s win over Dusty Rhodes was the single greatest match of all time! He says Tully will be a fighting champion but Dusty will never get a title shot. Blanchard tells us to get used to seeing him with the title. He says that Tully Blanchard Enterprises is taking over pro wrestling. And with that we’re out of time.
What a blast from the past that was. Seems to me like pretty much every mach was a superstar vs. a jobber. Blanchard and Rhodes was just about the only watchable match on the whole card. Nothing phenomenal here but no Hornswoggle to be found on the whole card, so that’s something I guess.
Tuesday, February 26, 2008
Beelzebufo is YOUR Cryptozoological Anomoly of the day!
"Even though it lived far away, Beelzebufo appears to be closely related to a group of frogs that live today in South America, the scientists said. They are nicknamed 'Pac-Man' frogs due to their huge mouths. Some have little horns on their heads, and the scientists think Beelzebufo also may have had horns -- a fitting touch for the 'devil frog.'" [more]
NP: "U Ain't Me" - Strong Arm Steady, f/ Chamillionaire, Ras Kass, Xzibit
To change the topic but stay on the topic....
I believe that this article is publicly accessible...
http://www.americanpopularculture.com/music.htm
Japanese Hip Hop Culture. I've skimmed the first little bit, but haven't had time to give it a thorough read.
Monday, February 25, 2008
Thank God for warning labels!
I operate on the belief that when warnings are put on merchandise, they’re put there because some high-functioning member of our society has given the company a reason to put a warning on their item. Take, for example, the Scrubbing Bubbles Automatic Shower Cleaner:
"Hang the Scrubbing Bubble Automatic Shower Cleaner on your shower nozzle. Simply touch the button and walk away. The sprayer spins 360 degrees to spray a penetrating cleaner on all four walls and the tub, automatically. Eliminate soap scum and mold & mildew stains and keep your shower cleaner, longer. It's so easy, just like a having a maid.
"Warning: Not a body wash."
Ranks right up there with the jar of store brand peanuts I bought one time that had the following cautionary tale: "Allergy Warning: Item may contain peanuts."
Sunday, February 24, 2008
Ben Chapman slips off the mortal coil at 79
The name may not mean a whole lot by itself, but when paired with his on-screen silver age alter ego, it takes a new meaning.
Ben Chapman was one-half of the acting team that ushered in the role of the creature from the Black Lagoon, a/k/a "Gillman." Chapman handled the on-land scenes, while Ricou Browning handled the underwater work of the creature.
Here's more news about his life & passing.
I'm not usually one for eulogizing celebrities, and I definitely don't assign words like "tragic" to the death of the elderly. But I enjoyed this film a lot when I was younger, and I enjoy it a great deal now, so his passing bears some reason to mention.
The triumphant return of Nate's Shower Thoughts
(And, yes, I have been showering since the last one.)
Here's a videogame idea I want to see: A Lone Wolf & Cub adaptation, that functions like the "Way of the Samurai" games is they were developed on the Grand Theft Auto III+ style engine. Mission-based, with open world capabilities. Ninjutsu weaponry, to a limited degree, but more attention to combat mechanics. Random mini-games that the player could stumble on, like happening upon a peasant in trouble & saving them.
But it would have to be for the PS2, 'cause I don't see me getting into next gen games for quite a while.
Saturday, February 23, 2008
You can help write a lecture!
So I'm writing a lecture tomorrow that I won't have to give until middle of March...
The subject is essentially the impact of hip-hop/gangsta rap on the suburbs in the late 1980s early 1990s. I was going to check out Bomb the Suburbs, but guess whose institution doesn't own in?
My question to you fine fellas, is when did you first become aware of hip hop? What was the song or album that introduced it to you? Finally (and this might be a bit too much), but what does hip-hop/did hip-hop then mean to you?
Thursday, February 21, 2008
This is Inappropriate
I'm sure everyone is familiar with cable systems' ad-channels, where some form of music is played while graphic advertisements pop up for local businesses. Usually it consists of cheap, quick 'n' dirty computerized graphics with a local soft-rock/easy listening channel; this is the case for my cable provider, MUS Fiber.
Whenever an emergency broadcast of any kind comes up, whatever channel you are watching will be briefly interrupted by an squealing noise along with a graphic telling you to tune to Channel 4, the ad-channel, for an emergency notification. It's often a weather warning and it's pretty gray outside today, so I flip over for further information.
The emergency turns out to be an Amber Alert for a child abducted by her non-custodial father. The musical accompaniment? Elvis Presley's "Heartbreak Hotel".
So lonely I could die, indeed.
Monday, February 18, 2008
Seriously?
I just flipped by Raw and there was Vince McMahon whipping a midget with a belt while Finlay is handcuffed to the ring ropes and JBL fallaway slams the midget into the cage and there wasn't a payoff to an extremely boring five-minute segment that was allegedly "disturbing" according to JR. I feel bad for wrestling fans these days. This is what they have to watch?
And this is coming from someone who watched 70-something-year old Mae Young "give birth" to a rubber hand that had been "left in her vagina" during a "sexual relationship" with "the World's Strongest Man" Mark Henry during an era where five hours of live wrestling on Monday might, if you were lucky, net you 30-minutes of satisfying television. Which was usually a 15-minute cruiserweight match on Nitro and 15-minutes of Steve Austin and Rock promos on Raw, so it's not like everything used to be non-stop awesome. I know old people are always saying "it was so much better in my day blah blah blah" and I don't want to sound like an old people, but I can't imagine watching a midget-whipping segment one day and thinking to myself, "goddamn it, I can't wait until next week."
A small dose of late night hate
You know what I hate?
How "funny" it is when people refer to a sequel or second volume/installment of something by adding, "Electric Boogaloo." Fuck you, "Breakin'" franchise!!!
Saturday, February 16, 2008
The Countdown to Against All Odds 2008 – The Conclusion
First of all, for scant under $40, we got some pretty good seats. We did miss a lot of action that would end up going to the floor, but every 3 out of 5 times the cameras would catch this and put it up on the big TNATron for the crowd to see.
There was something that happened in the beginning of the show involving some local radio DJs, Jacqueline Moore, and Curry Man, but one minute it was there, the next minute it wasn’t. The wife likes the entrance music that James Storm and Miss Jacqueline Moore use.
Jeremy Borash loaded into the ring and did his cheap heat thing, saying how he’d heard that Greenville crowds weren’t as loud as Atlanta crowds, or as loud as Orlando crowds, which got about 3/4 of the crowd to try to prove him wrong. Not getting the result he wanted to there, he asked who all the Gamecock fans were (“WHOOOO!”), and those that didn’t cheer must be Clemson Tiger fans (“WHOOOOOO!”). I don’t know if they expected a low end crowd response, because Borash then brought out Hermie Sadler to hype up his appearance on Impact this week, and Hermie went cheap heat on us, hollering out some names of NASCAR drivers who I wouldn’t know if they met me on the sidewalk and kicked me in the balls. (“WHOOOOOO!”)
First match started proper, an opener starring “South Carolina’s own” Consequences Creed. Creed was pairing with Sonjay Dutt, and they faced the Rock & Rave Infection. Okay, Hoyt came out resembling Slash, so there’s the “rock;” his partner’s Jimmy “Rave;” they’re managed by Christy Hemme (conspicuous by her absence), so I guess that makes her the “infection?” Dutt went the bulk of the match, and he pulled off some pretty good moves, including some flippity-flops to the outside. But we apparently weren’t there for R&RI, or Dutt, but for Conquences, and MAN! If I didn’t know better, he just might have been the most over wrestler of the night. And he’s pretty damn good, with some solid light heavyweight power moves, and some nice aerial offence. It’s a damn shame that Ron “The Truth” Killings is gone, ‘cause he and Consequences would have made a fine tag team. And before you say one word, it wasn’t my idea, they teamed up on Bound For Glory 2007, and were supposed to be booked to team again before Killings left. Dutt & Creed d. Hoyt & Rave.
Borash out for the five minutes to the top of the hour all out heat machine! Crowd going nuts …. Kids in the dark floor section holding up signs that will never make it on TV, but blocked our view for a while …. Vince Russo walking around in the shadows of the floor section, just feet away from us (and there were a few times I just wanted to say, “Mr. Russo,” but if I’d gotten his attention, I had no idea what to follow that up with: “You suck?” “Book Mesias vs. Booker?” Good job?” See, nothing …).
Match one: TNA World Tag Team Titles - AJ Styles/ Tomko (c) vs. BG James/ Bob Armstrong
Nate predicted: AJ Styles/ Tomko retain.
What happened was: Styles & Tomko did retain. The Armstrongs marched to the ring ahead of a marching band of Marine representatives. AJ & Tomko played the reluctant tag partners that just can’t stay on the same page. Styles took baby care of Bullet Bob, and he returned the favor by working a punch/chop based offense. Then, Hoss Tomko came in … hoo boy. To be 72 and virtually manhandled by Goat Boy cannot have been the best path to the Shady Pines Retirement Village for Bob. Tomko even got to the point of calling his spots in BG’s face; “I’m gonna plant your old man,” into a powerslam. Bob gets taken out on the floor by Tomko, then a tornadoplex on BG gets the duke. At least they kept the Bullet still looking strong.
My prediction streak: 1/1
Match two: Peyton Banks vs. Traci Brooks
Nate predicted: The one with the tits beats the one with the tits, thanks to Roode’s interference.
What happened was: The one with the tits beat the one with the tits, but without Roode’s interference. Tracy Brooks owned the pair of winning tits – she probably still has the receipt for them.
My prediction streak: I’m calling it 2/2
Match three: Petey Williams vs. Scott Steiner
Nate predicted: Steiner wins, and this ultimately leads to him getting a World title shot. This, I guess, would segue into Williams getting the X Division shot, which would probably be against “Black Machismo” Jay Lethal.
What happened was: Steiner won, but he got to keep both cases, so he’s presumably the number one contender to the World & X-Division titles. Also, some stacked young black woman helped Steiner walk away with the win, by distracting Petey before he could land his Canadian Destroyer on Steiner (which I would have loved to see). And let me say, South Carolina is not exactly the best place to debut your interracial love.
My prediction streak: 3/3
Match four: Drinking Championship - James Storm vs. Eric Young
Nate predicted: I’ll use this opportunity to take a piss.
What happened was: I didn’t take a piss. What I did, was watch the most sterile match of the night. At least the women’s match promised a possible flop-out. Only cool shit that happened here was, 1) Eric Young’s stack Death Valley Driver: He set Storm up on the top buckle; then, he caught Jackie Moore, Storm’s second, in mid-interference, and put her in the fireman’s carry; then, he rolled Storm off the buckle on top of Jackie; and BOOM! F-U, John Cena, top that!! And 2) Rhino returned from injury and GORED Storm inside-the-fuck-out; my wife said, “That shit was crazy!” There ya go.
My prediction streak: 4/3
Match five: TNA Women’s Title - Awesome Kong (c) vs. ODB
Nate predicted: Kong retains, and if ODB wins you’ll probably be able to hear my penis scream.
What happened was: Kong retained. Will asked, “If this match is for the Women’s title, why are there two men wrestling?” And that’s all the people need to know.
My prediction streak: 5/4
Match six: Barbed Wire Massacre 2 – Judas Mesias vs. Abyss
Nate predicted: The crowd will shit on this because it’s not happening on the actual show. Funny part is, it hasn’t even been announced on TNA Impact that this match won’t happen in SC.
What happened was: The crowd did in fact shit on this, but I think it was more of a negative feedback for our beloved state athletic commission. But, we did get conned into believing that this mug was coming “live” from Orlando’s Impact Zone. And there was a really weird vibe, as TNA showed the match on their ersatz Titantron, and the crowd just sat down and watched the match quietly. It was kinda like having the pay-per-view at my house, and about a thousand of my closest friends came by. Abyss won, like I knew he did two weeks prior, fucking spoilers.
My prediction streak: I’ll call this 5/4, since it can’t technically count.
Match seven: Robert Roode vs. Booker T
Nate predicted: Booker T defends the honor of his wife Sharmell, although with Russo at the book, Sharmell will probably accompany Booker to the ring, only to turn on him and cost him the match. Goddamn, now I find myself badly wanting to see Mesias vs. Booker T, which is disappointing because wrestling rarely gives me what I want.
What happened was: “Bullshit! Bullshit!” And so on. That was the chant that went out after Book & Roode wrestled to a double count-out. It wasn’t the best match in the world, wasn’t the worst; here was where most people went to concessions.
My prediction streak: 6/4
Match eight: X Division Title, Hardcore Street Fight - Team 3D/ Johnny Devine (c) vs. Motor City Machine Guns/ “Black Machismo” Jay Lethal
Nate predicted: The MCMGs and Jay Lethal … hey, wait, if this match is for the X Division title, how’s the next champion going to be decided? Maybe this stipulation has changed? I could check, but why bother? I’ll find out tomorrow.
What happened was: Lethal got the pinfall vic and is the new X-Division champion, making this, like, his eighth reign? It might have played out a little better on TV, but it appeared like mostly standard hardcore fare. So Cal Val, some vagina that hangs around ringside, got threatened by Bubba Ray, sparking life into Macho Lethal. For some uncertain reason, the Guns were MIA from the final 1/3 onward to the finale. Dunno if they got injured or what, but Lethal took on Team 3D and Devine singlehandedly, and he reaped the benefits in some love and adoration from So Cal Val. And, again, I don’t know that South Carolina is the best place to debut your interracial love.
My prediction streak: 7/5
Match nine: TNA World Title - Kurt Angle (c) vs. Christian Cage; Special Enforcer – Samoa Joe
Nate predicted: I’m thinking whatever I pick here will in fact be negated by the results of the actual show. I have strong suspicions that Joe will end up involved in the match as a competitor. I’m also hoping against hope that the direction they’re going with the Cage/Tomko storyline does NOT involve the obvious swerve of Tomko turning on Cage ... I think a swerve at this point is for a wrestler to NOT turn on his partner/friend. But, given the stipulations and match as it stands now, I’m going to pick Cage. But like I said, I pick Cage knowing that circumstances will probably conspire to negate my prediction. I think I’m getting put out with TNA.
What happened was: Poet laureate Xzibit said it best when he said, “Any last words? I got two/ Try ‘fuck’ and ‘you.’” Everything in the match was going just fine. There was some tremendous work going on from both guys, and they worked the crowd like true pros; hell, Angle gave the double birdshot to the crowd at one point, sparking me to act like I ain’t been nowhere in public before in my life, ‘cause I started shouting, “You suck!” while my wife tried to calm me down. Cage did some great stuff to counter that evil fucking Angle, and Joe stepped in to call shit straight down the middle, like Bill Alphonso. He even allowed Christian an opportunity to take a swing at Angle’s wife who tried to interfere; this was funny, as we’d been reminded in the Roode/Booker hype-up that TNA has a “no male-on-female violence,” and we’d already seen a woman get DVDed, and now we were about to see Karen Angle get molested. There was some crowd commotion, as a lot of attention was drawn toward the nearby entryway; a quick crane of the neck revealed that AJ Styles was standing in the wings … oh, no. Then there was the ref bump … noooo. Then AJ sprinted through the crowd, only to be taken out by Samoa Joe …. Yay! Then Angle got a chair …. Noooo. Then motherfucking Tomko came out to save the day, and if you thought by “save the day,” I really meant “offer up the swerve that you could see coming a mile away,” then you’d be right. He hit his little finisher, Angle wakes up the ref, covers Cage, uno dos tres, fuck and you.
My prediction streak: 8/5
Overall Score: Out of nine matches, one of which was dropped due to it being pretaped, I accurately predicted five out of eight matches, for an accuracy of 62.5%.
Against All Odds wrestler-by-wrestler won-loss records, revised (ordered by number of shows involved, then percentage):
James Storm – 4:3 (75%)
AJ Styles – 4:3 (75%)
Abyss – 4:2 (50%)
Petey Williams – 4:0 (0%)
Christian Cage – 3:2 (67%)
BG James – 3:2 (67%)
Chris Sabin – 3:2 (67%)
Team 3D – 3:1 (33%)
Eric Young – 3:1 (33%)
Robert Roode – 3:0 (0%)
Jay Lethal – 2:2 (100%)
Alyx Shelley – 2:1 (50%)
Kurt Angle – 2:1 (50%)
Awesome Kong – 1:1 (100%)
Traci Brooks – 1:1 (100%)
Scott Steiner – 1:1 (100%)
Tomko – 1:1 (100%)
Bob Armstrong – 1:0 (0%)
Peyton Banks – 1:0 (0%)
Booker T – 1:0 (0%)
Johnny Devine – 1:0 (0%)
Judas Mesias – 1:0 (0%)
ODB – 1:0 (0%)
The cross-analysis of all Against All Odds matches to date:
1 – X Division Title: Samoa Joe vs. Christopher Daniels vs. AJ Styles
2 – X Division Title, 30 Min Iron Man Match: Christopher Daniels vs. AJ Styles
3 – TNA World Heavyweight Title – Christian Cage (c) vs. Kurt Angle
4 – NWA World Title: Jeff Jarrett (c) vs. Christian Cage
5 – TNA World Title: Kurt Angle (c) vs. Christian Cage
6 – Motor City Chain Match – Rhino vs. AJ Styles
7 – TNA X-Division Title – Chris Sabin (c) vs. Jerry Lynn
8 – Full Metal Mayhem: Abyss vs. Jeff Hardy
9 – Alyx Shelley vs. Jay Lethal vs. Petey Williams vs. Matt Bentley
10 – Senshi vs. Austin Starr
11 – NWA Tag Team Titles: Kid Kash/ Lance Hoyt vs. AMW
12 – TNA X-Division Title, Hardcore Street Fight - Team 3D/ Johnny Devine vs. Motor City Machine Guns/ “Black Machismo” Jay Lethal
13 – Petey Williams vs. Scott Steiner
14 – Petey Williams vs. Elix Skipper
15 – NWA Tag Team Titles: AMW vs. Chris Sabin/ Sonjay Dutt
16 – The Naturals (Chase Stevens/ Andy Douglas) vs. Austin Aries/ Roderick Strong
17 – Falls Count Anywhere: Rhino vs. Abyss
18 – Barbed Wire Massacre 2 – Judas Mesias vs. Abyss
19 – NWA World Title: Jeff Jarrett vs. Kevin Nash
20 – Drinking Championship - James Storm vs. Eric Young
21 – Prison Yard Match – Sting vs. Abyss
22 – TNA Women’s Title - Awesome Kong (c) vs. ODB
23 – Team Canada (Bobby Roode & Eric Young) vs. Monty Brown/ Dallas Page
24 – Little Italy Street Fight - LAX (Homicide y Hernandez) vs. Team 3D
25 – Robert Roode vs. Booker T
26 – Team 3D (Ray/ Devon) vs. Team Canada (Bobby Roode/ Eric Young)
27 – Mixed Tag Team Match – Petey Williams/ Gail Kim vs. James Storm/ Jackie Moore
28 – The James Gang (BG & Kip James) vs. LAX (Homicide y Machete)
29 – TNA World Tag Team Titles - AJ Styles/ Tomko (c) vs. BG James/ Bob Armstrong
30 – Basebrawl Match – Lance Hoyt vs. Dale Torborg
31 – Peyton Banks vs. Traci Brooks
32 – Dustin Rhodes vs. Raven
33 – Frankie Kazarian/ Matt Bentley vs. BG James/ Jeff Hammond
34 – Tuxedo Match – Christy Hemme vs. “Big Fat Oily Guy”
Friday, February 15, 2008
Huddle House of the 21st Century
Here in South Carolina, in good ol' nearby Greenwood, there's a Huddle House with a sign that reads, "Wi Fi Ready."
Which begs the question: Who in their right mind is going to take, say, a laptop to a Huddle House?
Here's some Nitro.
Ready for a review of Nitro? I didn't think so.
Well first of all let me say that it’s great to be here and to be able to contribute to SGM. I’ve been a regular visitor to the site for quite some time now and I’ve finally been able to put myself into a position to add a little something of my own. For those of you who don’t know, I’m originally from the Midwest. Central Ohio to be specific. (Go Buckeyes) When I was fifteen, I moved to East Tennessee, came up with Rev. Josh and Jake Palumbo in Morristown, and paid my dues working the bush league indie circuit at ETSU. Now I live and work in Brooklyn for a well-meaning, but often maligned evil corporation, which shall remain nameless. Actually no it won’t. I’m gonna air out some dirty laundry about The Job at some point as well. My original plan was to do a weekly review of WWE Smackdown, but I work a crazy schedule that usually keeps me from seeing Vince’s programming. However on a brighter note, I do have access to WWE 24/7. This is the greatest channel ever invented. Seeing as how WWE kind of sucks for the most part these days, I’m just gonna review old shit match by match and pretend like it’s not 2008, we are not in the seventh year of W’s administration, and Sting is still out to ‘get’ Ric Flair for what he did. Or whatever the case may be. You get the idea. Thanks for having me.
Yes the Monday Night Wars were great times to be a rasslin’ fan! Let’s take a trip down memory lane to June 2, 1997. Let’s watch some Nitro. The show begins with the nWo porno music as Scott Hall and Syxx make their way to the ring. Hall has both tag titles around his waist. I guess Syxx wasn’t allowed to touch the belts. Hall and Syxx remind everybody that the nWo is the reason TNT is the most watched channel since blab la blah bla. Hall asks Syxx if he remembers punking out Kevin Greene at Slamboree. A hearty laugh is had by all. Then Hall takes a dump on Ric Flair. He calls Flair a has-been, a worn out recording of your favorite song. The crowd isn’t happy. Suddenly JJ Dillon comes sprinting down the aisle toward the ring and Hall starts to take his shirt off, selling it like there’s gonna be a fight! Nope. It’s just time for a patented JJ Dillon announcement! Dillon tells Hall that he should be careful what he says about the Nature Boy. Dillon says he spoke to Flair on the phone just a few minutes ago! Hall laughs and asks how things are going in Charlotte. Dillon shrugs and says he doesn’t know because as we speak Ric Flair is 30,000 feet above the Earth in a Leer Jet rocketing towards Dayton Ohio! This kind of confuses me. What does that have to do with anything? Then I realize that Nitro is coming to us live from Dayton! Something nobody mentioned when the show came on. I love WCW! Then basically Dillon says that Hall must face Flair tonight or forfeit the tag team titles. A match is made.
The Nitro opening credits roll and the announce team of Tony Schiavone and Larry Zbysko welcome us to the show amidst a thunderous volley of pyro and light show, the heat from which is promptly killed by the entrance of Alex Wright. Schiavone sincerely tells us that the temperature in the arena has just plummeted upon the entrance of Wright’s opponent Glacier! The match is mercifully short as Glacier goes over in about two minutes via a superkick. James Vandenberg appears in the entranceway and he apparently has possession of Glacier’s prized Samurai helmet! This infuriates Glacier! But the distraction works as Mortis and Wrath appear from the crowd. Mortis, Wrath, and Alex Wright try the triple team on Glacier. But Glacier is so fired up about that helmet, that he downs all three men and chases Vandenberg out of the arena. Wow!
Joe Gomez makes his way to the ring and his hair looks fantastic. He’ll be taking on Buff Bagwell who is accompanied by Scott Norton. The match is a catch as catch can affair. I won’t even try to convey with words. Norton’s outside interference helps Buff go over whilst keeping Joe Gomez’s amazing heat alive.
We cut to Mike Tenay who lets us know that an ISKA (International Sport Karate Association) phenom, as well as former football standout Ernest “The Cat” Miller has shown interest in coming to the WCW! He’s even invited us to witness a karate sparring session next week on Nitro. I can’t wait!
Hugh Morrus makes his way to the ring but never quite gets there as Konnan brutally attacks him from behind with a BROOM. Oh the brutality. The trainer comes out and tries to convince Morrus to call it a night but Morrus decides that even though he’s not a hunnerd percent he’s gonna give the people what they want and have his scheduled match with Prince Iaukea! Sadly though this thing never really gets off the ground. Iaukea gets the easy win but I think Morrus might have had a chance if not for Konnan!
Mean Gene is standing by with JJ Dillon who lets us know that Ric Flair is in the building. Gene asks Dillon who will be the number one contenders for the tag team titles after the upcoming Great American Bash. Dillon says that the executive committee has researched this extensively and decided that it will probably be the Steiner Brohers if they win tonight against nWo Japan. Harlem Heat comes out and bitches about this development. But Dillon doesn’t want to hear it. He walks away. Just like the fans must be tempted to do.
Cut to an inspirational vignette from DDP in a gym. He says he went 0-79 in his first 79 matches as a wrestler. He appears to be intoxicated. He says he went from losing all those matches to beating Randy Savage last month. I can almost smell him through my TV. He says he can do it again at Great American Bash. He staggers out of the gym into the night.
Masahiro Chono and some other Jap come to the ring. They will be facing the Steiners. Rick and Scott. Not Big Poppa Pump Scott but the “Me and my brother Rick…” Scott. Schiavone tells us no less than three times that this is a BIG TIME match. Oh the other Asian is The Great Muta. He was wearing a mask when he came out so I didn’t recognize him. And there was no graphic with their names. And Schiavone didn’t bother to say their names. Pretty watchable match. Lots of big power moves and suplexes. Then the Harlem Heat runs in and costs the Steiners the match! JJ Dillon comes out and Harlem Heat confront Dillon. Since the Steiners lost, Harlem Heat must be no. 1 contenders. Dillon stutters and stammers about extenuating circumstances. And it’s clear that JJ Dillon hates black people.
It’s time for hour number two! Zbysko has been swapped out for Bobby Heenan and things are looking better already. Then we have a 47 minute recap of hour one. Mean Gene is standing by as Ric Flair comes out dressed to the nines and high on crystal methamphetamine. Flair screams and raves like a lunatic that Hall’s biggest mistake was coming to TV without Kevin Nash. WHOOOOOO!
Dean Malenko and Mr. Wallstreet wrestle each other for five solid minutes. Malenko goes over with his patented Texas Cloverleaf to retain his US Heavyweight Title. Jeff Jarrett is ringside and he’s not happy about this. Jarrett cuts a promo, and demands a match with Malenko next week. Malenko agrees. Mongo McMichael comes out and verbally slaughters both Jarrett, Kevin Greene, and the English language all at once. What a program!
Harlem Heat are in the ring to wrestle Ciclope and Damian. The Steiners come out to return the favor from earlier. They help the two lowly little Mexicans find a win. And that’s not my spin. Brain really plays up the fact that these nobodies came all the way from Mexico to beat Booker and Stevie Ray.
Hall comes out with Syxx. Flair makes his entrance with a Scarlett and Gray robe. It’s gotta be a nod to all the Buckeyes fans in the audience. From jump street, it’s obvious that these two men are a cut above. The crowd is at pay per view level noise as Hall starts with the patented toothpick to the face. Flair lays in with punches and chops that Hall sells for everything he’s got. Nobody sells better than Scott Hall. Nobody. These guys really lay into each other. Hall and Syxx break out Cheating 101 and it’s great. Flair fights back. Hall’s chest is hamburger. Eventually Syxx’s interference is too much and the ref disqualifies Hall. Syxx and Hall destroy Flair despite the bell. Steve McMichael comes in for the save and the crowd boos McMichael. Jarrett is there out of concern for Flair as well.
Cut to the booth where the announcers break down the ramifications of tonight’s show. nWo music hits again and Macho Man comes out with Gene Okerlund under protest. Savage demands a chance to speak. Okerlund threatens to get in contact with his attorney Mark Goldfarb after we get off the air tonight. This is very humiliating for Gene Okerlund I guess. Savage threatens to knock out Mean Gene if he doesn’t hold the mic while Savage cuts his promo. They go to the ring. Miss Elizabeth is there too. She looks great when she’s alive. Savage bullies Mean Gene in the ring. JJ Dillon comes out for the thirty-seventh time tonight. Nobody cares. Dillon says that Savage is never to put his hands on a WCW announcer again and demands that Savage apologize to Mean Gene. Dillon calls MG the Dean of Wrestling Journalists. Dillon uses the word ‘alcove’ in his promo and Macho Man promptly punches him in the face. I’m assuming it’s out of confusion. Several security guards and Eric Bischoff run in to pull Savage off. Bischoff screams at Dillon that he brought this upon himself. He’s unleashed the madness! “Snap into this!” he screams as we’re out of time.
And that’s all we have for this episode. You’ll have to forgive any typos or insensitivities because prior to my review of Nitro, I was drinking Jack Daniels to prepare me for my review of Nitro.
Thursday, February 14, 2008
Please join me in welcoming to Science Gone Mad...
the third member of nWo JCT, Buck. This brings together, here at SGM, both of the nWo rosters to which I belong; the other being nWo Southernfried consisting of myself, Ron B. and Nate. Buck also serves as Jake's roommate and I'll leave revelation of any other details of his existence up to him for reasons which I'm sure we all fully understand. Buck brings a knowledge of professional wrestling and pop culture to SGM commensurate with that of our current contributors. He plans to review WWE 24/7 retro programming with a fresh eye and will also add commentary on, well, anything he sees fit.
Wednesday, February 13, 2008
Against All Odds review coming this week
I had some work to catch up on the last few days, and a camera shoved down my throat today, but I've been writing in bits & pieces so be on the lookout. Also, I'm going to add the Ollie Ox mixdown to the audio page.
Tuesday, February 12, 2008
Monday, February 11, 2008
Data Analysis on Dead Wrestlers
Amazing the things you find when you start auditing your computer files.
Dunno what I was going for with this report. I can't even really remember exactly what time frame I wrote this up, except that it was apparently after John Kronus died, but before they knew what Sherri Martel died from. I remember doing this in response to all the news reports that came out about how many wrestlers die before retirement age. It's in PDF format, and should open in a new window.
http://www.sciencegonemad.com/archive/deadwrestlerstats.pdf
Sunday, February 10, 2008
I don't mean to say I told you so....
...but I told you so.
In a post from June 8, 2007 entitled "Book it Now," I wrote the following:
"The Grammy for Best New Artist and possibly Best Pop Vocals....
Amy Winehouse. Hands down, bar none, period.
Listen to "Rehab," the first track off of her album."
Yeah.
Saturday, February 09, 2008
The Countdown to Against All Odds 2008 - Part Four
It's one day away, so let's take a quick look at the rundown for:
Match one: TNA World Title - Kurt Angle (c) vs. Christian Cage; Special Enforcer – Samoa Joe
Preview: So many stories here, and so little time. Angle is acting the colossal ass, and is now the rightful heir to “Jarrett Heat.” Christian seems more focused on renewing his partnership with Tomko than in gaining the world title. Joe’s pissed about his diminished role in the company, and yet is relegated to “special enforcer,” and if he’s half as effective as he was in the exact same position at 2007’s AAO show, then half of nothing is nothing … or infinity, I forget. Nate predicts: I’m thinking whatever I pick here will in fact be negated by the results of the actual show. I have strong suspicions that Joe will end up involved in the match as a competitor. I’m also hoping against hope that the direction they’re going with the Cage/Tomko storyline does NOT involve the obvious swerve of Tomko turning on Cage ... I think a swerve at this point is for a wrestler to NOT turn on his partner/friend. But, given the stipulations and match as it stands now, I’m going to pick Cage. But like I said, I pick Cage knowing that circumstances will probably conspire to negate my prediction. I think I’m getting put out with TNA.
Match two: Barbed Wire Massacre 2 – Abyss vs. Judas Mesias
This match was pretaped at an Impact a few weeks ago. I already know who won. It sucks that we won’t be able to see this match live, and it sucks that I won’t get to see Mesias live after watching him on AAA every weekend for the past year. Nate predicts: The crowd will shit on this because it’s not happening on the actual show. Funny part is, it hasn’t even been announced on TNA Impact that this match won’t happen in SC.
Match three: TNA Women’s Title - Awesome Kong (c) vs. ODB
Preview: Kong is playing the role of Samoa Josie, so she ain’t taking the loss, especially to the pre-op tranny that is ODB. That ODB chick is tremendously frightening, and I can’t put my finger on what it is, since she’s got the dumpy figure, the man face, the “rusty trombone” taunting stance, soccer ball sized fake tits, and a crotch-based turnbuckle offensive move called the “dirty dozen.” Nate predicts: Kong retains, and if ODB wins you’ll probably be able to hear my penis scream.
Match four: TNA World Tag Team Titles - AJ Styles/ Tomko (c) vs. BG James/ Bob Armstrong
Preview: Look for me in the stands, holding up my sign, “If Bullet Bob wins, I’ll riot.” On the flip side, I’m not interested in seeing some nigh-70 year old dude die in the wrestling ring. Nate predicts: AJ Styles/ Tomko retain.
Match five: TNA X-Division Title, Hardcore Street Fight - Team 3D/ Johnny Devine vs. Motor City Machine Guns/ “Black Machismo” Jay Lethal
Preview: This is the 2008 frontrunner for the “Feud That Never Ends” award (i.e. the Roode/Young Commemorative Cup). Pretty interesting stips here: If the Guns and Lethal lose, the X Division is abolished. If the Dudleys and Devine Dudley lose, Team 3D have to slim down to 245 lbs before they’re allowed to compete in TNA anymore. So apparently, 3D is on their way out. Nate predicts: The MCMGs and Jay Lethal … hey, wait, if this match is for the X Division title, how’s the next champion going to be decided? Maybe this stipulation has changed? I could check, but why bother? I’ll find out tomorrow.
Match six: Booker T vs. Robert Roode
Preview: Robert Roode was berating his ringside snatch Traci Brooks, when Booker’s wife Sharmell went to pull his off of her. Roode clocks Sharmell, breaking her face in two. If Booker doesn’t win, he’s a pussy and Sharmell should get a divorce, and Booker should go back to WWF but they probably won’t have him so he’ll be stuck working the independents for cab fare & Golden Corral coupons, culminating in his debut in Southern States Wrestling where he’ll job out to Beau James in his first match. Nate predicts: Booker T defends the honor of his wife Sharmell, although with Russo at the book, Sharmell will probably accompany Booker to the ring, only to turn on him and cost him the match. Goddamn, now I find myself badly wanting to see Mesias vs. Booker T, which is disappointing because wrestling rarely gives me what I want.
Match seven: Traci Brooks vs. Peyton Banks
Preview: Traci Brooks didn’t want to work for Robert Roode anymore, so he fired her, hiring on Peyton Banks. Now, for some reason, Ms. Brooks has a bone to pick with Ms. Banks, because of Robert Roode, the boss that she couldn’t stand working for. Nate predicts: The one with the tits beats the one with the tits, thanks to Roode’s interference.
Match eight: Petey Williams vs. Scott Steiner
Preview: Petey has a briefcase granting him a shot at the World title, from Turning Point’s “Feast or Fired” match; Steiner has a briefcase with a contract for an X Division title match. Steiner wants the World title shot, and here lately he’s spent a lot of time trying to steal Petey’s case. So I’m guessing this match has something to do with that. What I don’t understand is, if Steiner wins, what was ultimately the point of giving him the X Division contract at “Feast or Fired” in the first place? I personally wouldn’t mind seeing Steiner rippin’ shit up in the “no limits” X Division; that would probably renew interest in the division, as all eyes would be on the wrestler that would ultimately take the title from the juggernaut that Steiner would be in that predominantly lightweight division. But no one asked me. Nate predicts: Steiner wins, and this ultimately leads to him getting a World title shot. This, I guess, would segue into Williams getting the X Division shot, which would probably be against “Black Machismo” Jay Lethal.
Match nine: “Drinking Championship” - James Storm vs. Eric Young
Preview: Yep … a drinking championship. As Will would say, “I like to call this match ‘Intermission.’” Nate predicts: I’ll use this opportunity to take a piss.
Some useless stats:
Against All Odds wrestler-by-wrestler won-loss records (ordered by number of shows involved, then percentage):
Wrestler – Number of Against All Odds competed: Number of wins (Win %)
James Storm – 3:3 (100%)
AJ Styles – 3:2 (67%)
Petey Williams – 3:0 (0%)
Abyss* - 3:1 (33%)
Christian Cage – 2:2 (100%)
BG James – 2:2 (100%)
Chris Sabin – 2:1 (50%)
Team 3D – 2:1 (50%)
Robert Roode – 2:0 (0%)
Eric Young – 2:0 (0%)
Jay Lethal – 1:1 (100%)
Samoa Joe – 1**:1 (100%)
Alyx Shelley – 1:0 (0%)
Kurt Angle – 1:0 (0%)
*Abyss will technically not be competing in a match at Against All Odds 2008, as the Barbed Wire Match has been pre-taped.
** Joe was not involved in a match at Against All Odds 2007 as a competitor, but as a “special enforcer.”
Wrestlers on the AAO 2008 card that haven’t competed on an Against All Odds show to date:
Scott Steiner (ran in on the main event in 2007) – Traci Brooks (involved in a vignette in 2007, and at ringside 2006) –– Johnny Devine (accompanied Team Canada in 2006) – Tomko (ran in on the main event in 2007) – Bob Armstrong, Peyton Banks, Booker T, Awesome Kong, ODB, and Judas Mesias will have their AAO cherry busted Feb 10, 2008 ... however, like Abyss, Mesias will not actually be competing at Against All Odds 2008, since the Barbed Wire Massacre match has been pretaped.
Wrestlers who have won matches at prior Against All Odds that are not competing on 2008’s main card:
(Names in bold are no longer with the company.)
Elix Skipper – Jeff Hammond – Raven – Chris Harris – Monty Brown – Diamond Dallas Page – Christopher Daniels – Jeff Jarrett – Andy Douglas & Chase Stevens – Rhino – Homicide y Hernandez – Senshi – Christy Hemme – Lance Hoyt – Sting
The Countdown to Against All Odds 2008 - Part Three
(... is SGM's 1000th post! Huzzah!)
The pre-show match was Serotonin (Kaz[arian]/ Johnny “Havoc” Devine) d. Jay Lethal/ Sonjay Dutt.
Match one: Little Italy Street Fight - Latin American Xchange (Homicide y Hernandez) vs. Team 3D
I remember the buildup to this match on Impact, and it reminded me of times that I can appreciate how solid Konnan can be, especially when he’s shitting on gimmicks and matches in his undercover way. When Team 3D dropped the “Little Italy Street Fight” gimmick of this match, they brought out Steve Schirripa, of “Sopranos” and Spike’s “Casino Cinema” fame, to build up the Dudley’s Italian/Mafia roots, as a supposed counter to the Latino Nation. And Konnan breaks in this promo with, “Fine, and you can bring James Gandolfini, Deniro, Abe Vigoda, whoever …” and in one swoop shits all over this glorified lumberjack match. Learn your history, bitches, and your history is this: LAX owns the Dudleys, with receipt, proof of purchase and certificate of authentication. LAX d. Team 3D
Match two: Senshi vs. Austin Starr
Eh, pretty standard X Division fare here, which surprised me because these guys are two capable athletes. The ending was one of those “both competitors had their shoulders on the mat” endings, which was more eh. And the final eh to complete the hat trick was Bob Backlund chicken winging a protesting Austin Starr nee Aries. Is this lucha libre, ‘cause this shit was Triple Eh. HAW!! Senshi d. Austin Starr
Match three: Tuxedo Match - Christy Hemme vs. “Big Fat Oily Guy”
No titties = the less said about this match, the better. At least the crowd chants of “Fuck you Russo” made this a little more worthwhile. Christy Hemme d. Big Fat Oily Guy
Match four: Basebrawl Match – Lance Hoyt vs. Dale Torborg
Man, these guys need to thank Christy Hemme and the Oily Guy, because if not for them, this would have been the shittiest match on the show. Lance Hoyt d. the former WCW Demon
Match five: Motor City Chain Match – Rhino vs. AJ Styles
The chemistry between AJ and Rhino is pretty amazing, as they’ve managed to have some great showings against each other, even in the wake of some pretty unfortunate gimmickry (Elevation X, anyone?) Now, part of the appeal of this match for me is that it’s one of my favorite gimmicks, and yet what holds this match back from being better than it ended up was that AJ gets out of the chain in the middle of the match. It ranks up there with two wrestlers to are in a “no escape” cage match, who spend a large part of the match fighting on the outside. Pffft. AJ Styles d. Rhino
Match six: TNA X-Division Title – Chris Sabin (c) vs. Jerry Lynn
This match was built around the old school concept of respect: Jerry Lynn, the forefather of the X Division, takes on Chris Sabin, brash upstart champion who’s arrogance has brought Lynn out of semi-retirement. Sabin gots no love for the honor of the X Division bitches; this actually served to further Sabin’s streak of solid PPV showings. Sabin d. Lynn
Match seven: Mixed Tag Team Match – Petey Williams/ Gail Kim vs. James Storm/ Jackie Moore
This match was primarily a stepping stone closer to the pending James Storm/ Chris Harris match, built from the feuding tag team partners mold, with Harris as the face and Storm as the heel. This built to the outstanding Storm/Harris Texas Death match at Sacrifice 2007 a few shows later. Petey & Gail (the latter a holdover from the AMW faction) are pretty much just there … although I’ll take Gail Kim’s “being there” over Petey’s any day. Hell, I’d probably take Jackie’s “being there” over Petey’s. Spaeking of Jackie, ever since the good ol’ days of WWF Attitude, I’ve been anxiously awaiting her return to frequent titty popouts, but alas, it would not come to pass this day. Storm/Moore d. Williams/Kim
Match eight: Prison Yard Match – Sting vs. Abyss
Sting has spent much of his recent showings trying to convert the soul of Abyss Chris (as they keep alternately referring to him). The shitty part of the way they started using Abyss at this point was to really expose just how much of a Kane ripoff he is … of all the booking directions that are out there, did they really have to take the guy in the Kane mask and make him an orphan by proxy (his mother shot his father, and Abyss took the fall for momma); down the road, we would further learn that Abyss’ manager, Paul Bearer … cough, I mean James Mitchell is Abyss’s dad. Oh, and Mitchell has a son – Judas Mesias – that looks like the Undertaker. Jeez. Anyway, Sting and Abyss leave it all in the ring again, and Sting keeps up the pattern he established at Genesis 2006 of doing crazy shit, which helps this match considerably even though the gimmick of the match is pretty butt. Sting d. Abyss
Match nine: TNA World Heavyweight Title – Christian Cage (c) vs. Kurt Angle
So far, this was the best Heavyweight title match in the history of Against All Odds. Of course, this was back when Cage was one of the best heels in the business at the time, and Angle hadn’t been Jarretted down our collective throats. Angle looked pretty strong, but just couldn’t overcome the diabolical interventions of the Christian Coalition. Cage d. Angle
The comparative analysis for Against All Odds 2007:
1 – TNA World Heavyweight Title – Christian Cage (c) vs. Kurt Angle
2 – Motor City Chain Match – Rhino vs. AJ Styles
3 – TNA X-Division Title – Chris Sabin (c) vs. Jerry Lynn
4 – Senshi vs. Austin Starr
5 – Prison Yard Match – Sting vs. Abyss
6 – Little Italy Street Fight - LAX (Homicide y Hernandez) vs. Team 3D
7 – Mixed Tag Team Match – Petey Williams/ Gail Kim vs. James Storm/ Jackie Moore
8 – Basebrawl Match – Lance Hoyt vs. Dale Torborg
9 – Tuxedo Match - Christy Hemme vs. “Big Fat Oily Guy”
The cross-analysis of all Against All Odds matches to date:
1 – X Division Title: Samoa Joe vs. Christopher Daniels vs. AJ Styles
2 – X Division Title, 30 Min Iron Man Match: Christopher Daniels vs. AJ Styles
3 – TNA World Heavyweight Title – Christian Cage (c) vs. Kurt Angle
4 – NWA World Title: Jeff Jarrett (c) vs. Christian Cage
5 – Motor City Chain Match – Rhino vs. AJ Styles
6 – TNA X-Division Title – Chris Sabin (c) vs. Jerry Lynn
7 – Full Metal Mayhem: Abyss vs. Jeff Hardy
8 – Alyx Shelley vs. Jay Lethal vs. Petey Williams vs. Matt Bentley
9 – Senshi vs. Austin Starr
10 – NWA Tag Team Titles: Kid Kash/ Lance Hoyt vs. AMW
11 – Petey Williams vs. Elix Skipper
12 – NWA Tag Team Titles: AMW vs. Chris Sabin/ Sonjay Dutt
13 – The Naturals (Chase Stevens/ Andy Douglas) vs. Austin Aries/ Roderick Strong
14 – Falls Count Anywhere: Rhino vs. Abyss
15 – NWA World Title: Jeff Jarrett vs. Kevin Nash
16 – Prison Yard Match – Sting vs. Abyss
17 – Team Canada (Bobby Roode & Eric Young) vs. Monty Brown/ Dallas Page
18 – Little Italy Street Fight - LAX (Homicide y Hernandez) vs. Team 3D
19 – Team 3D (Ray/ Devon) vs. Team Canada (Bobby Roode/ Eric Young)
20 – Mixed Tag Team Match – Petey Williams/ Gail Kim vs. James Storm/ Jackie Moore
21 – The James Gang (BG & Kip James) vs. LAX (Homicide y Machete)
22 – Basebrawl Match – Lance Hoyt vs. Dale Torborg
23 – Dustin Rhodes vs. Raven
24 – Frankie Kazarian/ Matt Bentley vs. BG James/ Jeff Hammond
25 – Tuxedo Match – Christy Hemme vs. “Big Fat Oily Guy”
Alright, now lemme dork out a little bit:
Who’s competed in the most Against All Odds, to this point (excluding pre-show matches)?
3: AJ Styles; Abyss; James Storm; Petey Williams
2: Jeff Jarrett; Christian Cage; Homicide; Lance Hoyt; Rhino; BG James; Austin Aries/Starr; Chris Harris; Bobby Roode; Eric Young; Team 3D; Matt Bentley; Chris Sabin
1: Kurt Angle; Christy Hemme; Machete; Hernandez; Kid Kash; Kevin Nash; Raven; Dustin Rhodes; Kip James; Roderick Strong; Jeff Hammond; Christy Hemme; “Big Fat Oily Guy;” Elix Skipper; Sting; Gail Kim; Jackie Moore; Jerry Lynn; Dale Torberg; Senshi/Low Ki; Samoa Joe; Sonjay Dutt; The Naturals; Alyx Shelley; Jay Lethal
Friday, February 08, 2008
The Countdown to Against All Odds 2008 - Part Two
Pre-show matches included Ron Killings d. A-1, and Lance Hoyt/ Cassidey Riley/ Shark Boy d. Shannon Moore/ Elix Skipper/ David Young.
Match one: The Naturals (Chase Stevens/ Andy Douglas) vs. Austin Aries/ Roderick Strong
Aries and Strong just barely made it to this show, because at the time they were also working a Ring of Honor show further north. With inclement weather starting to set in, TNA advised all their booked talent to hop a jet plane and get to Orlando post-haste. Everyone but Aries and Strong hopped a plane; Aries and Strong stayed to work the ROH show, then left for Orlando, just barely making it in time before weather grounded outgoing flights. TNA was none too pleased with Aries and Strong for their decision to collect an extra payday, so the two were booked into punishment, starting with this defeat at the hands of the underover Naturals. I firmly believe that, at the time, the push was behind Aries and Strong, and they were probably penciled in to go over Stevens and Douglas to further this, but TNA pulled another dick move in a long standing series of dick moves, and here we are. A pretty damn good match between the two teams; if memory serves me well, I think this was Strong’s last match with TNA. Aries would disappear, only to return rechristened as Austin Starr, under which he would languish in a pseudofeud with Bob Backlund, before departing for the greener pastures of ROH. The Naturals d. Aries/Strong.
Match two: Alex Shelley vs. Jay Lethal vs. Petey Williams vs. Matt Bentley
Matt Bentley’s sole claim to fame is that he’s somehow related to Shawn Michaels, like a nephew or cousin or some shit; as such, Bentley made his start under the name Michael Shane (flip it … Shane Michael … Shawn Michaels), using the superkick as a finisher. He’s a lamewad. We got Petey Williams, riding high on the fame that TNA’s national exposure had given not only the impressive Team Canada, but also the business-exposing Canadian Destroyer flipping piledriver. Alx Shelley is boss on his own. The rules of this little four-way is like tag-in rules, and the shitty part is that Shelley and Williams confine their tags to each other, as to Lethal and Bentley, and if that’s what we were waiting for, why didn’t they just make this a random tag match. Ah, whatever, Jay Lethal d. them other schmucks.
Match three: The James Gang (BG & Kip James) vs. the Latin American Xchange (Homicide y Machete)
This whole grudge started with (deep breath now): Kip James – nee Billy Gunn – comes into TNA and tries to buddy up with his old New Age Outlaw running buddy BG James, a/k/a Road Dogg, now 1/3 of the 3 Live Kru. Perhaps due to his debut at the side of Jeff Jarrett, Konnan is skeptical of Kip’s motives. Ron “The Truth” Killings is stuck in the middle. Kip keeps knocking at the door, until he officially joins the newly crowned “4 Live Kru.” Me, Joe Average Fan, I’m waiting for Kip to turn … until Konnan cold-clocks Kip in the middle of a match. Bullet Bob Armstrong, of all freaking people, emerges as the voice of reason, and it appears that he talks some sense into Konnan. But once they get behind the scenes, arriba la raza!!! Konnan and LAX dogstomp Bullet Bob. So the James Gang is born, Kip and BG against the Latino Nation; during the James’ impassioned promo, BG drops the immortal line, “Dammit, Konnan, that was my daddy,” which continues the trend of wonderful pre-AAO soundbytes. And in the end? The James Gang d. LAX v1.5 ... pretty anticlimactic.
Match four: NWA World Tag Team Titles – America’s Most Wanted (Storm & Harris) (c) vs. Chris Sabin/ Sonjay Dutt
The story going into this was that Sabin & Sonjay won a tournament to face off against AMW for the World Tag Titles. During the final match (against the maligned Aries/ Strong team), Sabin totally obliterates his ankle on a baseball slide. Nevertheless, homeboy makes the big show and puts on a great tribute to Ricky Morton. Alas, Sonjay Dutt ain’t no Robert Gibson. Not a bad match, just more routine than anything. It wouldn’t be until AJ Styles and Christopher Daniels would team up that AMW would face some formidable competition. AMW d. Sabin/Dutt
Match five: Falls Count Anywhere – Rhino vs. Abyss
Abyss ... Man, for the most part, I love that Kane-ripoff fucker. And Rhino ain’t too shabby either. This is a really nice brawl, punctuated by some blood and in-crowd chaos. Of course, by this point, “extreme” and “hardcore” styles are passé, and most weaponry in matches devolves into trashcan shots, fire extinguisher sprays, and, in this match, the almighty golf club shot to the nuts. But, as is the law with most Abyss matches, there is a solid ending sequence to this match, which culminates into a gore on Abyss that sends him flying from the second level stands through four stacked tables. Rhino d. Abyss, the latter of which is carried out by stretcher (hard to tell if this is kayfabe or hardway).
Match six: TNA X-Division Title - Samoa Joe (c) vs. Christopher Daniels vs. AJ Styles II
This was Samoa Joe’s ninth pay-per-view match with TNA. And there are times that he looks uncomfortably similar to Fat Elvis. This was also the sequel to the trio’s five star match from Unbreakable 2005. While not exactly up to their previous match, this one still has some solid sequences (like a hiptoss from Daniels to Styles, who then tags Joe with a huracanrana); most of the match is hard to describe, due to the segue of moves from one opponent to another opponent, who then counters into a move on the third opponent. But, when it’s all said and done, Joe kills bitches, dead.
Match seven: Team 3D (Brothers Ray & Devon) vs. Team Canada (Bobby Roode & Eric Young)
This is pretty much the Dudleys phoning in a match against Team Canada phoning in a match. Team 3D d. Team Canada
Match eight: NWA World Heavyweight Title – Jeff Jarrett (c) vs. Christian Cage
Through the whole show, this rivalry had been hyped, and Larry Zybysco – acting as head of authority – was running throughout the whole card informing people that if there was any interference or underhandedness, there would be repercussions. This, of course, telegraphs that there will be interference and/or underhandedness. And then we get the TNA debut of referee Earl Hebner, fresh from a stint of embezzling money off of WWF’s merchandise sales, as well as holding the dubious honor of being the ref of the “Montreal screwjob” … I’ll bet you that someone’s going to pull out a sharpshooter, and I’LL BE DAMNED I just finished typing that and Jarrett’s going for it. And no main event match in the mid-00s is complete without the wrestlers trying on their opponent’s finisher for size, which of course stuck Christian with that shitty Stroke finisher of Jarrett’s. But, one ref bump later, Cage drops Jarrett with the Unprettier. And at the end, fans who are clearly satisfied with the end of Jarrett’s reign swarm the ring and hoist Christian on their shoulders … how the ring stood up under all that weight, I have no idea.
The comparative analysis for Against All Odds 2006:
1 – Joe vs. Daniels vs. Styles
2 – Jarrett vs. Cage
3 – Shelley vs. Lethal vs. Williams vs. Bentley
4 – America’s Most Wanted vs. Sabin/Dutt
5 – Naturals vs. Aries/Strong
6 – Rhino vs. Abyss
7 – Team 3D vs. Team Canada
8 – James Gang vs. LAX
Now, the cross-analysis of all Against All Odds matches to this point:
1 – X Division Title: Samoa Joe vs. Christopher Daniels vs. AJ Styles
2 – X Division Title, 30 Min Iron Man Match: Christopher Daniels vs. AJ Styles
3 – NWA World Title: Jeff Jarrett vs. Christian Cage
4 – Full Metal Mayhem: Abyss vs. Jeff Hardy
5 – Alyx Shelley vs. Jay Lethal vs. Petey Williams vs. Matt Bentley
6 – NWA Tag Team Titles: Kid Kash/ Lance Hoyt vs. AMW
7 – Petey Williams vs. Elix Skipper
8 – NWA Tag Team Titles: AMW vs. Chris Sabin/ Sonjay Dutt
9 – The Naturals (Chase Stevens/ Andy Douglas) vs. Austin Aries/ Roderick Strong
10 – Falls Count Anywhere: Rhino vs. Abyss
11 – NWA World Title: Jeff Jarrett vs. Kevin Nash
12 – Team Canada (Bobby Roode & Eric Young) vs. Monty Brown/ Dallas Page
13 – Team 3D (Ray/ Devon) vs. Team Canada (Bobby Roode/ Eric Young)
14 – The James Gang (BG & Kip James) vs. LAX (Homicide y Machete)
15 – Dustin Rhodes vs. Raven
16 – Frankie Kazarian/ Matt Bentley vs. BG James/ Jeff Hammond
Thursday, February 07, 2008
Watching "The Colbert Report" from last, I realized something
Richard Brookhiser is one goddamn WEIRD looking dude. Is that what's passing for a senior editor for the National Review these days? Dude looks like one of those "If They Mated" after pics.
Wednesday, February 06, 2008
Just some unsolicited advice
When you're having an emotional crisis of sorts...
...try not to be stuck for 4 more hours in a small office where they incessantly scream at each other in Yiddish. I'm going to go ahead and tell you that it will not help matters. In fact, your brains will turn to Cool Whip and you'll begin scratching at yourself like a meth-head. What otherwise would be a troublesome but manageable female situation now finds you going toe-to-toe with Howard Hughes in a Mental Illness Freestyle Battle when combined with grown men (who are paid far better than me) arguing like children day in and day out in one of the ugliest languages in the universe.
"Das Geld!!! Das Geld!!!"
Tuesday, February 05, 2008
Suze Orman is my light, my inspiration
Especially this one thing she does, "Can I Afford It?"
Pretty much, what the links says is that you call in with a plan to buy something, but you just ain't sure. So you call Suze, give her your financial profile and she'll tell you if you can afford this thing you want ... or not. And she seems to get some special feelings for shouting "Denied!" at hapless callers.
Now, I mention this because of two reasons:
1) If I hear one more person saying that they're younger than me, with savings in the area of $100,000, I'm gonna pull a home invasion in Gatewood out of general principle.
2) I desperately want to call in and ask Suze if I can buy a quartersack of cheebaweed. Just to see if I'll be "Approved!"
Monday, February 04, 2008
Some things are great for all the wrong reasons...
Props to my brother for finding this and putting me up on this. It's almost 30 minutes but I swear it's time well-spent. If only EVERY band was more like this. These guys have literally sent me back to the drawing board.
Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you...
"Complete" - Monsters of Rock
A little zen for the drive home
Every movement, regardless of context, regardless of result, has meaning.
New e-mail
rather than publicizing it...
take my old att.net address - put a "d" between my first initial and last name, and make it @bellsouth.net and you have it.
Sunday, February 03, 2008
Friday, February 01, 2008
I am now repudiating my undergrad alma mater
I hope no one there ever asks me for money.
My "big time political connection" at my old school is a former member of the state board of regents, and is also the current president of my old school's foundation. My BTPC called the Pres of my old school, who called the provost, who called the chair of the department to tell me that they have nothing for me.
Bear in mind they hired an individual with no credentials and who has no dissertation. Whenever someone says they have no money, that just means that they have no money for you.
I hope the school goes under and that the sell off the land to build Dollywood East. You could probably learn more at Dollywood East than you could at the current institution.
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